What makes a marriage last?

[notmyown]

A happy marriage is hard work from both parties.

yes, it is!

but if it's any consolation, after about 30 years it's pretty much coasting.

 

[notmyown]

my husband and i had our 36th anniversary last April, and other than God (which sums it up), i've been trying to think...

other than God, i honestly think the blame, er, i mean! reason for success p) is my husband.
he's patient and kind, bearing with me in all my mess. he doesn't keep score and never brings up past sins that he has forgiven. he works hard at loving me, and will do anything in his power to see me smile.
he even remembers carnations are my favorites.

he really is the dearest man. ♥

 

[Tinkerbell725]

my husband and i had our 36th anniversary last April, and other than God (which sums it up), i've been trying to think...

other than God, i honestly think the blame, er, i mean! reason for success p) is my husband.
he's patient and kind, bearing with me in all my mess. he doesn't keep score and never brings up past sins that he has forgiven. he works hard at loving me, and will do anything in his power to see me smile.
he even remembers carnations are my favorites.

he really is the dearest man. ♥

Behind every Godly and worthy husband is also a Godly and worthy wife. Men are simple beings they just want to make their woman to be happy. But a wife who is hard to please and unappreciative will make their life miserable. So I guess the real reason for success is you, because you have understood how simple men really are.

 

[notmyown]

Behind every Godly and worthy husband is also a Godly and worthy wife. Men are simple beings they just want to make their woman to be happy. But a wife who is hard to please and unappreciative will make their life miserable. So I guess the real reason for success is you, because you have understood how simple men really are.

lol! you need to know me better.

wouldn't it be wonderful if all men wanted their wives to be happy? yet i think it's not always so.

But God, being rich in mercy... there's the real thing.

 

[renewed_hope]

lol! you need to know me better.

wouldn't it be wonderful if all men wanted their wives to be happy? yet i think it's not always so.

But God, being rich in mercy... there's the real thing.

Oh sweetness I know your Mark wants you to be happy just as you want him to be happy. Every person that you know and have the privilege to spend time with you is blessed. How do I know this? Well, you've been a blessing in my life. I'm sure those people that spend time with your hubby feels the same way because you wouldn't be the wonderful person you are without having a husband like you do. Now, I'm not talking about when you are having disagreements, but one thing I do know is love and respect is a given

 

[notmyown]

Oh sweetness I know your Mark wants you to be happy just as you want him to be happy. Every person that you know and have the privilege to spend time with you is blessed. How do I know this? Well, you've been a blessing in my life. I'm sure those people that spend time with your hubby feels the same way because you wouldn't be the wonderful person you are without having a husband like you do. Now, I'm not talking about when you are having disagreements, but one thing I do know is love and respect is a given

sweet pea!

um, just so you know, my cell phone is well and truly lost.

if you text me, i'm not ignoring you. i just can't keep track of that silly thing.

 

[renewed_hope]

sweet pea!

um, just so you know, my cell phone is well and truly lost.

if you text me, i'm not ignoring you. i just can't keep track of that silly thing.

Oh believe me, it's purely okay. I understand. I would be totally lost if I misplaced my phone as I have work information on it lol. If you find your phone, maybe look and see if my mind is there with it haha

 

[Desertsrose]

Desretrose-"I have to laugh at myself on this one, but another thing was that I expected him to read my mind and automatically know what it is I wanted or didn't want."

THIS is so important for women to understand! Ladies, men have a tight filter on what your telling them. Most of what you say doesn't make it through to our brains. We are also not very intuitive, so if you don't tell us what you want, we probably aren't gonna figure it out on our own.

Although I've gotten MUCH better on both of those fronts over the years, I still screw up from time to time. Just tonight I bought the ice cream my wife can't stand. The label looked right, and I thought the flavor was kinda close. But salted caramel isn't the same as regular caramel!

You'd think after 25 yrs I'd know that. I offered to go back out, but got the "no if you don't know what I like by now...." routine. Years ago this gaffe would have resulted in a terrible fight. Now it was kinda funny cause she said "you know the kind I like" and I said "oh sure I do". So we laughed together and made mental notes that we're the same people who fell in love all those yrs ago.

LOL. Too funny!

 

[Desertsrose]

Your post reminded me of this pic. You are a righteous wife sister. You are both blessed because God is in the center of your marriage. You are right about lowering expectations and focusing on your own role as a wife than on correcting him on how to play his role as a husband. And the idea of him picking up that wild flower from the side of the road for you is really sweet.


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Aww, so sweet, thanks for that Tinkerbell!

 

[Desertsrose]

you are a wise and Godly woman!

Thanks, Lauren! It's been a rough difficult road. My husband and I were born-again during a time when we were going to divorce. All Glory goes to God for forming and shaping us with His loving hands of grace and mercy! That reminds me, in case anyone else hasn't said this, don't use the dreaded 'D' word.

 

[Depleted]

I got married the first time at the ripe age of 17 three months before I hit 18. From that marriage I learned what not to do...

Don't expect your husband to be a mind reader - He isn't.

Unfortunately for us we grew up and grew apart... We started out on the same page but our ideas changed as we got older and I woke up one day not wanting to be there anymore as we had stopped communicating and that is a BIG killer of marriages. If you don't talk and express your thoughts and feelings to one another it just doesn't work.

I thought our marriage was a perfect one I mean after all he was a preachers kid so God was there right? Wrong, we both made so many mistakes and I don't believe at times God was there in our hearts where He should have been invited to be, but I know He wasn't in mine and now I know that back then I didn't understand salvation and didn't get it until I was 56.... So if God isn't there you are hard pressed to having it work.

I believe we both had high expectations of each other that just didn't pan out because we were interested in what is in it for Me....and not how can I please and be a good mate to my spouse....

Divorced after 6 years of marriage and then I stayed single for 35 years....had a few relationships during that time but nothing stuck and I was terrified of commitment....

Until CC and Tourist... We just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary couple of days ago and now I can tell you my changes and what makes our marriage work.

God is first and foremost and we spend time in church chat daily as we jokingly call it but truth is we want to spend time with God everyday so we read Bible together a devotional page of the day and a lesson study that our church puts out and pray together.

When I met Tourist and knew he was a bit interested in me I did everything you wouldn't normally do in a relationship. I told him everything I had done wrong in my life and the church I was affiliated with because our backgrounds are polar opposites so I knew that in a regular relationship it could cause a problem.

My parents weren't church people, but my Aunt took me to the Seventh-Day-Adventist church on Saturdays with her kids. Tourist was raised a Catholic.... - So I told him and asked if that would be a problem and he said no and it wasn't a problem for me either. Why? Because I knew we both understood the plan of salvation and isn't that the most important thing above any church doctrines? We both felt the same on that and moved to the next thing.

Which was telling him my wrongs I had done in life some of my different sins that had consequences and I felt after he knew what a sinner I had been that would be that and he would turn tail and run down the road in the opposite direction of the Blond...Well he didn't run and agreed that God had forgiven me so I figured Tourist was on that same forgiveness bandwagon. The strange thing that happened is because I was so honest with my past Tourist opened up about his past and we discovered that guess what? We are two flawed people who could live with the flaws we have and move on together...

I got to tell you it was refreshing not to have to play games and pretend to be someone I'm not and it was a feeling of freedom to really just be me and we accepted each other for who we are. I love it. No surprises and truth...I fell in love he did too.

This go round I understand more about unconditional love and am learning or have learned to get rid of high expectations that I had as a younger woman then I am pleasantly surprised at the ways Tourist shows love. He is like the other guy that was mentioned earlier not so much a flower giver although he has done that a few times as I look at 6 beautiful red roses for our anniversary he gave me a few days ago... But without me asking he has always done the dishes, takes out the trash, gets the mail and little things to make my life so much easier.

We have had some financial troubles as it isn't always easy for older folks to find jobs and in today's hiring world of internet applications there is probably a lot more age discrimination than any employer would honestly admit to so when things have gotten tight and worry starts to creep in I pray like crazy and thank God that our bills that are important are paid, that we haven't had late fees and aren't behind. I make sure and have said often whether you have a job or not does not effect if I love you. I love you period job has nothing to do with me loving you. Times can get tough and it isn't always our fault especially when the person is doing everything in their power and going through the internet process trying to get hired.

We have work right now and I also sell things on Ebay and we work together, stay and pray together and communicate most days....lol

My worry and this is only because of getting married at 59 is that we both stay alive to enjoy each other...We are both 61 now staring 62 in the face....He smokes and that is our point of contention. He wants to quit but not willing to go through the motions of doing it truth be told probably doesn't want to stop. I worry it is cutting time off his life.. So I fuss about his health. I have area I need to improve weight...also health related. But we keep going on and in spite of the smokes unconditional love is I love him anyway.

I am as happy today as the day we got married and I love him more as time goes on...this is until death does one of us part. Can we live forever? Cause I never want it to end.....

​Quitting smoking is like planning on fasting and knowing you plan to fast for the rest of your life. The second I started fasting I immediately started thinking about food. It became a will of holding on just a little longer. Now, imagine not eating for four and a half days. That's my record for quit smoking.

Now add onto that eating nothing but addictive foods. Not, "boy, I would like some more potato chips" addictive foods, but foods that cause a change in your emotions and physical body. (The nicotine has changed me at the molecular level. It doesn't get undone.) I have absolutely no idea why we don't have rehab centers for smoking. It's as hard to give up as heroin. Heroin addicts say it's harder, because at least heroin withdraw only last a week or two. And the withdraw symptoms do come crashing down on us. Not like heroin levels, but sleeplessness, wired out, like I'm on a low voltage current 24/7, and my fuse shortens to the point of wondering if there even is a fuse.

We can't go out for dinner and then relax after the meal. We can't go to stay in a hotel. At this point we can't even smoke at work or a sports game -- anywhere. Not even outside. We stink, we annoy others to the point that we're called disgusting. Money is tight, but we need to buy the nicotine. Of course we don't want to be like this anymore.

But we also don't want to kill our spouse in a fit of nicotine withdrawal rage. And it is very much like giving up food. A lot of time is spent with the ritual and we have no idea what to do with ourselves without it. Four and a half days just wondering how to avoid the next minute, and then realizing this feeling last the rest of my life. It sucks! It's not a statement saying, "We love ourselves more than you." It's stuck and it sucks.

 

[Depleted]

What makes a marriage last? I will tell you: putting God first in your marriage. not jumping to conclusions with your spouse but having open communication. making sure your spouse knows daily that you love them and taking special time with them at least once a week...have a date night with them. God showed us how to love let's follow His example: serving the other, telling them and showing them how much you love them by spending time with them and sacrificing certain things for them.

LOL Wait until you find out date-night is a dream.

 

[Depleted]

A happy marriage is hard work from both parties.

We all have our moments but you can't change your better half because they were created to the image of God to fill your void. If the two people come together they become one. Acceptance of each others differences are key.

If it were hard work, I'd be divorce. I hate hard work!

 

[Depleted]

If get married young, you both take good care of your health, avoid dangerous activities, and God grants you both a long life, and if you don't get a divorce, you should have a relatively long-lasting marriage.

If you want the marriage to feel like it lasts a long time, you could engage your partner in conversation and spend hours every night discussing everything about your partner that could be considered a fault. That might actual shorten your partner's life span, and therefore, the duration of the marriage, but it will feel like it lasts a long time.

LOL And amen!

 

[tourist]

My worry and this is only because of getting married at 59 is that we both stay alive to enjoy each other...We are both 61 now staring 62 in the face....He smokes and that is our point of contention. He wants to quit but not willing to go through the motions of doing it truth be told probably doesn't want to stop. I worry it is cutting time off his life.. So I fuss about his health. I have area I need to improve weight...also health related. But we keep going on and in spite of the smokes unconditional love is I love him anyway.

I am as happy today as the day we got married and I love him more as time goes on...this is until death does one of us part. Can we live forever? Cause I never want it to end.....

Smoking is something that needs to be eliminated from my life. I'm not even sure if it lessens my anxiety about finances and other less important things. The sad thing is that I am a drug addict and nicotine is my drug of choice. I thank God for bringing you into my life and now I must do my part and not to shorten it by partaking of this filthy habit. I sincerely appreciate your fussing about my health as I know that the reason that you do that is that you love me and want me around as long as possible until death do we part. I'll make it a point to bring this up in our next church chat tomorrow.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

lol! you need to know me better.

wouldn't it be wonderful if all men wanted their wives to be happy? yet i think it's not always so.

But God, being rich in mercy... there's the real thing.

I believe you are still as awesome as psychomom.

Some men are a little bit complicated and can't fulfill their instinct of wanting their wife to be happy. Sometimes it's personal, but sometimes it's not. Every man loves differently based on the way they have experienced it.

Yes God is merciful. All the glory belongs to Him.

 

[notmyown]

If it were hard work, I'd be divorce. I hate hard work!

i'm shockingly indolent. can't even be bothered to hit the shift key for caps.

 

[notmyown]

I believe you are still as awesome as psychomom.

Some men are a little bit complicated and can't fulfill their instinct of wanting their wife to be happy. Sometimes it's personal, but sometimes it's not. Every man loves differently based on the way they have experienced it.

Yes God is merciful. All the glory belongs to Him.

Tink, you have some fascinating insight into people!

thanks for the compliment, but no one's as awesome as psychomom.

lol

 

[Tommy379]

What makes a marriage last is for a man to be able to read a womans mind.

 

[Tommy379]

What makes a marriage last is for a man to be able to read a womans mind.

This is also the super power I wish I could have.