What would u do in this situation??

[Magenta]

She doesn't want to stay away from him though. If she wanted to do that she would have just left and this topic would have never existed. Plus it never leads anywhere good if a woman is friends with a guy or a guy with a girl, let's just be frank, one of the two is going to want something more. Also, ending the relationship should really be the last course of action if it cannot be salvaged in any way whatsoever. I mean try to empathize with them both; how would you feel if you were the guy and just like him? Or how would you feel if you were the girl and just like her based on all the information provided? If I were the guy and I been in prison, and I been an alcoholic, and this girl is the only one whoever cared for me, I'd probably be a little possessive too. If I were the girl and I invested so much time and effort into this guy, and I been with him through thick and thin, I'd probably not want to walk away from it so quickly too.

A little possessive? Choking, spying cameras, police calls following serious abuse; this is not minor offenses and a little bit of jealousy, obsession, and possession going on here. Caring about another person should never look like this, and your willingness to make excuses for it and act like it is in any way acceptable is disturbing.

 

[Demi777]

I dont care. I love the people in this thread but still. We have to focus on what is going on and what can be done against it and not going all bazookah kazoo about ''sin'' as WE ALL SIN and this lady is in danger and needs help.
Only when someone is OUT of the vicious cycle she can get help and turn away. I just got out of a dang abusive relationship and just yesterday called the dang police because of problems
I know how hard it can be to get out, just God gave me the strength to leave and cut all cords I can
Seeing how sometimes people react makes me SICK!! absolutely sick!
This woman needs someone to pull her out! She doesnt have God to give her strength the way I did. Our sister here may be sent from God to help that lady but we need to pull up our big boy pants and do this the right way and not be judgemental.
Sin is her business, not ours. God will handle that when the time comes.
What will judging her sin do? That makes us live n sin for judgeing for there is only ONE judge and that is Jesus.
We have to put this crazy situation first and see how to bring her into safety. Prayer, police and maybe get a way to put her into a mental clinic or whatever and get her to wake up and break the vicious cycle.

Ill better stop with my rant before i get in trouble

Yup know exactly who your talking about to

 

[PrynceNY]

She doesn't want to stay away from him though. If she wanted to do that she would have just left and this topic would have never existed. Plus it never leads anywhere good if a woman is friends with a guy or a guy with a girl, let's just be frank, one of the two is going to want something more. Also, ending the relationship should really be the last course of action if it cannot be salvaged in any way whatsoever. I mean try to empathize with them both; how would you feel if you were the guy and just like him? Or how would you feel if you were the girl and just like her based on all the information provided? If I were the guy and I been in prison, and I been an alcoholic, and this girl is the only one whoever cared for me, I'd probably be a little possessive too..

You really want to salvage that relationship? The dude obviously doesn't appreciate it by his actions. Dealing with People like that you have to take away whats good for them to realise "Damn i really missed up i should have appreciated her when she was there for me, i need to get my life on track" If the person reaches that conclusion, has a repented heart and improves their life then it's a possibility for them. You'd be surprised how many peoples lives changed once they lost everything

 

[tourist]

Whatever she does it is imperative that she end this abusive relationship. Calling the cops is futile and a waste of time. Hopefully, there is a shelter for battered women that will be able and willing to take her in and help her get a new start away from this psycho.

 

[Chokmahiel]

A little possessive? Choking, spying cameras, police calls following serious abuse; this is not minor offenses and a little bit of jealousy, obsession, and possession going on here. Caring about another person should never look like this, and your willingness to make excuses for it and act like it is in any way acceptable is disturbing.

I'm not making any excuses for him, but rather to try to understand them both no matter how perfect or imperfect they are. The best solution is both of them will be straightened out, their relationship salvaged, their hurts healed, they move forward together. The next best solution if that is impossible is one of them leaves and is made whole again. Then if that also is impossible, then I guess I would concede that they are insane sinners and to hell with them, avoid them at all costs lest you be also swept away in the storm.

 

[renewed_hope]

Ladies, for a future reference there are ALWAYS signs of abusive behavior IF you are willing to see it. If a man you are dating gets upset because you don't respond right away to him, makes you feel guilty for choosing something else instead of him, and your friends and family notice how he forces you to change and you aren't as happy or bubbly as you were before. Folks, let's be honest, people change when starting a new relationship, but that doesn't mean he owns you and your time. My bf had his car break down last week and he texted asking me where I was where I responded I am about 45 minutes away shutting things down at work so I can pick up an order about an hour and a half away. I was also grocery shopping and he sent me a text to stop by his place at 9:00 at night because he needed a back rub because he was in pain. I turned him down because I knew it wasn't the best decision with how exhausted I was so we did a rain check. If he would have gotten angry at me then the relationship would be over as that would be a huge sign of a bigger problem. Men should never be your main priority, if you have kids or family then those are the ones that should be the most important.

 

[Demi777]

They both need therapy.. He needs to get off of the alcohol and healing. She needs to get loose from him and heal and both have to get a true identity. She is addicted to him and his abuse most likely... (most likely ''stockholm syndrome'' in psychology)
Every syndrome has symptoms or behaviors, and Stockholm Syndrome is no exception. While a clear-cut list has not been established due to varying opinions by researchers and experts, several of these features will be present:

• Positive feelings by the victim toward the abuser/controller
• Negative feelings by the victim toward family, friends, or authorities trying to rescue/support them or win their release
• Support of the abuser’s reasons and behaviors
• Positive feelings by the abuser toward the victim
• Supportive behaviors by the victim, at times helping the abuser
• Inability to engage in behaviors that may assist in their release or detachment

which brings me back to the point to somehow get her into a clinic

I'm not making any excuses for him, but rather to try to understand them both no matter how perfect or imperfect they are. The best solution is both of them will be straightened out, their relationship salvaged, their hurts healed, they move forward together. The next best solution if that is impossible is one of them leaves and is made whole again. Then if that also is impossible, then I guess I would concede that they are insane sinners and to hell with them, avoid them at all costs lest you be also swept away in the storm.

 

[Magenta]

I'm not making any excuses for him, but rather to try to understand them both no matter how perfect or imperfect they are. The best solution is both of them will be straightened out, their relationship salvaged, their hurts healed, they move forward together. The next best solution if that is impossible is one of them leaves and is made whole again. Then if that also is impossible, then I guess I would concede that they are insane sinners and to hell with them, avoid them at all costs lest you be also swept away in the storm.

You have been making excuses for him all along and casting doubt on the woman's story as well, as if she could be lying about the guy's behavior, when the fact of the matter is, according to what we have been told, that she has been covering for him for a long time while he is getting worse, not better. Their relationship is based in idolatry, and pretending sin has nothing to do with it is counter productive to the whole scenario from a Christian point of view. I am sorry some of you are too namby-pamby to accept that.

 

[Chokmahiel]

You really want to salvage that relationship? The dude obviously doesn't appreciate it by his actions. Dealing with People like that you have to take away whats good for them to realise "Damn i really missed up i should have appreciated her when she was there for me, i need to get my life on track" If the person reaches that conclusion, has a repented heart and improves their life then it's a possibility for them. You'd be surprised how many peoples lives changed once they lost everything

There's been worse relationships that have been salvaged, it's not impossible. I admit it could be improbable if all this is true, but it's not impossible. Your logic is good though, it is a hard situation. I would hope they could repent as it were without having to lose any thing more than is lost all ready, but you could be right and that could be what it takes. Or it could worse, one would turn and the other would not so they must separate. Or it could be worse still, a man must go to prison. Or it could worse still, a woman will die. Or it could be even worse, they're nutty and insane sinners and they're both going to hell. But let us hope for the best and try and sift the possibilities and reasonings in hopes that we can find a solution that is better for both if it is possible, because in truth if they are around Maria's age, the truth is they are your brothers.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I had just heard the testimony of an abused woman who left her abusive husband. She planned it way in advance because she knew he was going on a business trip in like a month so she figured out what to pack and stuff and made arrangements with her family so they knew she'd be coming, etc... Then she did it. She left while he was on his business trip and served him divorce papers.

Maybe that is something she can do to get away from him. It doesn't have to be a business trip, it can be anytime when he's not home.

The problem with trying to leave while he's home is that it might escalate into a violent confrontation.

 

[kaylagrl]

ohhhhh hes grabbing her throat right now?
at this moment?

ya call the cops


i thought she meant past tense


seeing as how we dont know what would come from the phone call and police questioning i figured it would be eaiser to leave undetected without alarming the attacker


but since you know its current or the police will take her side for sure

ya call em

Quote "is she a crazy nagger and liar behind closed doors?"


It doesn't matter what type of person she is behind closed doors,no man has a right to abuse a woman. There is NEVER a reason to put hands on a woman. Just to be clear.

 

[JaimeMartinez26]

Quote "is she a crazy nagger and liar behind closed doors?"


It doesn't matter what type of person she is behind closed doors,no man has a right to abuse a woman. There is NEVER a reason to put hands on a woman. Just to be clear.

only time ive ever seen a man hit a woman

she was hitting him while he asked her to stop for about 90 seconds with her challenging him screaming his secrets and asking him to hit her back


after he snapped and hit her one time

for half a second

he got thrown in jail


when he came out he was filled with rage

and no longer had the restraint he had before he got locked up

and id see her twisted facebook lies about the situation after


sorry my life experience came into play reguarding my opinion

(thats one true story out of many true stories ive experienced that leads me to always question both sides)

not saying he had a right to hit her

just curious of the cause


why cameras if she isnt cheating?

i mean anyone without God is capable of this or much worse man or women

i wouldnt be surprised if this guy is a twisted sicko with no desire for change

which ya

then i can see LONG term imprisonment helping more than hurting

but a week or two will only hurt of shes not willing to leave him completelt

 

[kaylagrl]

Calling the cops sounds reasonable, but it's probably not the best idea. I mean for them to arrest him she has to say that he does whatever to her. If she's not willing to the call the cops herself, how likely is she to tell the cops he does these things if you call them? Then if she doesn't report him but denies it, then he's going to be wondering quite a bit who called the cops, why they called the cops, what she has told others about him, and so forth. That's pretty bad cocktail.

is she a crazy nagger and liar behind closed doors? You don't even know if this guy has ever even actually touched her. Let's assume he is as bad as is said about him. Well you got two paths, you can either get to him and try to get him to change, and best case scenario is he does and they live happily ever after. The other option if it were me, and I saw no hope to try to convert the man, then you have to try to work on the girl and convince her to leave him, in this case, I would think tell her parents, and let them make the judgement.

Quote "At the same time it's a bit of an over-reaction I think to say oh this guy is going to kill her and all that sort of stuff. You don't know that.You don't even know if this guy has ever even actually touched her. "

And you dont know that he wont! He's attacked her before as the OP has stated. He clearly has an issue with control and possessiveness and its very likely he could snap. More likely he will than not. She needs to get out now while she is able.

Quote "Well you got two paths, you can either get to him and try to get him to change, and best case scenario is he does and they live happily ever after. "

He can change on his own,she needs to get out and safe and move on.

Quote " I would think tell her parents, and let them make the judgement."

What have her parents got to do with it? She's of legal age,her relationships are her responsibility. She needs counseling herself to find out why she feels she deserves to be abused.

 

[kaylagrl]

Do you know if he actually did that or not though? Though I think the idea of getting family involved might actually be a pretty good idea, non-violently of course I mean.

​The OP has told us that he has. He has a violent past,he's been in prison. Do you think the OP is lying?

 

[kaylagrl]

Why is she living in sin? You don't know that. She might listen to her parents. Even if she doesn't listen to her parents, the boy might. Even if neither one of them listens, well then the parents can be the ones to call the police.



She isn't married,she's living with him therefore living in sin.

 

[kaylagrl]

That's not a sin. As far as any of us know she is not living in sin, and even if we suppose her to be a hell of a sinner, it doesn't matter. I think if the boy can't be reached and his mind renewed, then going to the girl's parents is the best idea. In the best case scenario she will listen to her parents. In the worst case scenario they call the cops, and it will treated more seriously by the police if the parents are the ones to call them.

Quote "That's not a sin."


Yes,yes it is a sin in fact.


Quote " As far as any of us know she is not living in sin, and even if we suppose her to be a hell of a sinner, it doesn't matter. "

Yes,it does matter. God cant bless a relationship that is in sin.


Quote "I think if the boy can't be reached and his mind renewed, then going to the girl's parents is the best idea."


Did you read the OPs post. This is not a boy/girl situation.He's been to prison.They are grown.She is an adult and they parents have no say in her life.She needs to get counseling and live her own life.Her parents have no say now.

 

[kaylagrl]

Oh yea that's possible, for all I know she totally made up everything and is a drama queen and she is the one actually beating her boyfriend. I've seen that case before believe it or not. I don't think either one is insane, insanity doesn't work like that. This is more like Maury Show insanity than actual insanity.

If we assume the story is as it is written, they both care about each other and don't want to lose each other, but then that fear of losing her is what makes him possessive and insecure and the fear of losing him is what keeps her from leaving. Fear is the root of the problem for them both.

Quote "If we assume the story is as it is written, they both care about each other and don't want to lose each other, but then that fear of losing her is what makes him possessive and insecure and the fear of losing him is what keeps her from leaving. Fear is the root of the problem for them both."

No fear is not the issue,abuse is. Both have issues in their pasts with abuse obviously. Neither have a healthy idea of what a relationship is. You dont choke someone you care about. They have no idea what love is. Most likely its an issue of her being codependent.

 

[Chokmahiel]

Quote "At the same time it's a bit of an over-reaction I think to say oh this guy is going to kill her and all that sort of stuff. You don't know that.You don't even know if this guy has ever even actually touched her. "

And you dont know that he wont! He's attacked her before as the OP has stated. He clearly has an issue with control and possessiveness and its very likely he could snap. More likely he will than not. She needs to get out now while she is able.

Quote "Well you got two paths, you can either get to him and try to get him to change, and best case scenario is he does and they live happily ever after. "

He can change on his own,she needs to get out and safe and move on.

Quote " I would think tell her parents, and let them make the judgement."

What have her parents got to do with it? She's of legal age,her relationships are her responsibility. She needs counseling herself to find out why she feels she deserves to be abused.

She doesn't want to leave, so the OP is wondering if she should call the cops. But if her friend denies to the cops that the boyfriend does anything to her, then what do you think will happen? Better if the parents call the cops because they have more aura of authority than just a friend if they cannot get some sort of breakthrough either by talking to them both, or by simply taking their daughter back.

 

[Chokmahiel]

​The OP has told us that he has. He has a violent past,he's been in prison. Do you think the OP is lying?

The OP says what the friend has said. This is called hearsay. The friend could be telling the truth, the friend could be lying, or there could be a little exaggeration. We don't know exactly why dude was in prison whether it was for violence, for drugs and drinking, for theft, or for whatever.

 

[Chokmahiel]

Why is she living in sin? You don't know that. She might listen to her parents. Even if she doesn't listen to her parents, the boy might. Even if neither one of them listens, well then the parents can be the ones to call the police.



She isn't married,she's living with him therefore living in sin.

That's not a sin, it's a cultural taboo, but it's not a sin.