When the non-con seems like the con.

[1still_waters]

I'm convinced that a majority of people are so used to people putting up a front, using flattery, kissing up, using fake friendliness, that when they're approached by someone who is simply themselves, they view such a person as the abnormal, shady con-man/woman to avoid.

There is something in the human psyche that is drawn to shiny objects. It's so part of who we are, that we don't even realize it. In relationships, the shiny object tends to be the shady, flattering, fake friendly, kiss up types. Those surface level things trigger the part of our thought process that associates them with ''good things''.

Yet when meeting someone who is simply themselves, who doesn't make use of these "shiny social triggers", often such a person is viewed with an air of suspicion, as if something is wrong there.


This is just an observation.

Feel free to comment.

 

[error]

I hate fake friendliness. I just can't stand whn someone asks- > How are you? -> whn they really don't care. Or whn they start conversation with you-just bc it is a 'christian' thng to do.
And i hate whn ppl at church act like these 'nice ppl' that 'welcome' everyone. But in reality-they just don't care about you.

 

[zaoman32]

personally I try to be as much of a jerk and hated person as possible, that way when I do something nice people get so shocked that I'm all they think about, and everyone could use a little more me

 

[_Ryan_]

I am pretty much myself, I played sports in high school because I enjoyed it, not to be a jock or popular. I guess I did not fit in with the stereotype of a jock, I was pretty nice to all people in our school, regardless of who they were. I dated a girl I wanted to date, and I liked, not who people thought I should date. Pretty much I broke the norm, I was well liked, but it was because I was me, not someone who acted above other people, but me, Ryan, as an individual.

 

[error]

personally I try to be as much of a jerk and hated person as possible, that way when I do something nice people get so shocked that I'm all they think about, and everyone could use a little more me

I'm so glad we're not friends.

Jerks -> i can't stand thm-either.

 

[error]

I am pretty much myself, I played sports in high school because I enjoyed it, not to be a jock or popular. I guess I did not fit in with the stereotype of a jock, I was pretty nice to all people in our school, regardless of who they were. I dated a girl I wanted to date, and I liked, not who people thought I should date. Pretty much I broke the norm, I was well liked, but it was because I was me, not someone who acted above other people, but me, Ryan, as an individual.

Actually-i was not so nice at school. I made fun of everyone at school (teachers, classmates).

 

[twofeet]

I love the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth...so if you dont like the truth dont speak to me.........thats usually the warning I give

 

[Relena7]

I'm convinced that a majority of people are so used to people putting up a front, using flattery, kissing up, using fake friendliness, that when they're approached by someone who is simply themselves, they view such a person as the abnormal, shady con-man/woman to avoid.

There is something in the human psyche that is drawn to shiny objects. It's so part of who we are, that we don't even realize it. In relationships, the shiny object tends to be the shady, flattering, fake friendly, kiss up types. Those surface level things trigger the part of our thought process that associates them with ''good things''.

Yet when meeting someone who is simply themselves, who doesn't make use of these "shiny social triggers", often such a person is viewed with an air of suspicion, as if something is wrong there.


This is just an observation.

Feel free to comment.

I love people who be themselves. But I'm odd....so my opinion won't reflect the majority, as usual. I don't like when people seem too "shiny" as you say, or overly polite. I get suspicious around them and wonder what they are hiding.

At least when someone is shy (or blunt), you know they aren't trying to win your favor or impress others for shallow reasons.

When people wear their emotions on their sleeves, it's easier to see where they stand right away. You don't need to waste your time getting to know someone who isn't worth your time...
I know many don't agree, but I feel most comfortable around people who are open books.

And I like the unconventional wisdom hidden in rare personalities.

When people hide the rare sides of themselves to go for the more "mainstream friendly" politeness that waters us all down, I think it's sad. It's like the personality equivalent of the unrealistic photoshopped/airbrushed pictures of models in all the magazines.

Uniqueness should not be discouraged. But when people continue the myth of the shiny spotless personality, it only further perpetuates these false ideals that will one day make fools of us all...

 

[seoulsearch]

This is just my own opinion, but I think these situations illustrate that there are two sides of a healed heart:

1. First, that the heart is healed enough that a person feels comfortable being their own self without fear of condemnation, or, if they are made fun of/condemned/rejected, they don't take it completely to heart and keep going, trusting there are people out there who will like them for themselves.

2. Second, it shows that a heart must also be healed enough to trust other people and give them the benefit of the doubt. After all, God takes us "as is."

I always feel sad on the dating sites when I see so many profiles that say, "Yeah, I've been hurt so many times... I don't trust easily," because they are obviously still in the middle of the hurt. We all have things we've been through... and have to trust God to heal us enough/help us forgive in order to be real with people and trust them as well.

I would rather deal with an ugly truth than be told a pretty lie.

 

[Stuey]

This is very strange but I feel a lot of this is cultural - and I mean differences between American and Australian culture. Aka we have tall poppy syndrome so everyone is awkward about accepting compliments. And there is a lot of sarcasm floating around.

Oh and if someone in Australia asks you 'how are you' typically they just want you to answer 'good'.

 

[anonymous04]

I'm guilty of doing things like this as well but, I think it's just the new culture.

I'm convinced that a majority of people are so used to people putting up a front, using flattery, kissing up, using fake friendliness, that when they're approached by someone who is simply themselves, they view such a person as the abnormal, shady con-man/woman to avoid.

There is something in the human psyche that is drawn to shiny objects. It's so part of who we are, that we don't even realize it. In relationships, the shiny object tends to be the shady, flattering, fake friendly, kiss up types. Those surface level things trigger the part of our thought process that associates them with ''good things''.

Yet when meeting someone who is simply themselves, who doesn't make use of these "shiny social triggers", often such a person is viewed with an air of suspicion, as if something is wrong there.


This is just an observation.

Feel free to comment.

 

[anonymous04]

Your so MEAN Jola hahah

Actually-i was not so nice at school. I made fun of everyone at school (teachers, classmates).

 

[anonymous04]

Twofeet you are a fanatic haha

I love the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth...so if you dont like the truth dont speak to me.........thats usually the warning I give

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

This may have already been said, but i believe Being fake is just another way of masking your insecurity. You don't want people to know the ''real you'' because if they did, they might not like you. It's a way of self preservation.

Being fake can also be ok sometimes.

When i walk into church on Sunday morning i am not myself. I'm very personable, i talk to people i don't know, I'm nice, I always act as though everything is fine, and i always answer with good, when someone asks me how im doing.
Am i being fake... obviously..

I do it because the church i walk into on sunday mornings is the one my dad is the pastor of, it's the same one i've been going to for 18 years, with all the same people. My parents have put everything into that church and the people in it. It's been a hard road for them. I could undo all of that with a real answer about how i am. If someone in the church asks me, So how are things... i can't very well go... You know i'm not doin so great, my brother was just arrested for the 100th time last night and i didn't have enough money to bail him out of jail this time so i had to give the bail bonds man the title to my car.

Do you know what kind of trouble that would cause for my parents, because after all it says in the bible, if a man cant even control his own family blah blah blah. Church people can be down right mean and vindictive, and they'll use anything they can to start a fight, especially the older people. So it's best to just keep your mouth shut and pretend like everything is all good.
And i don't see anything wrong with that.

 

[zaoman32]

This may have already been said, but i believe Being fake is just another way of masking your insecurity. You don't want people to know the ''real you'' because if they did, they might not like you. It's a way of self preservation.

Being fake can also be ok sometimes.

When i walk into church on Sunday morning i am not myself. I'm very personable, i talk to people i don't know, I'm nice, I always act as though everything is fine, and i always answer with good, when someone asks me how im doing.
Am i being fake... obviously..

I do it because the church i walk into on sunday mornings is the one my dad is the pastor of, it's the same one i've been going to for 18 years, with all the same people. My parents have put everything into that church and the people in it. It's been a hard road for them. I could undo all of that with a real answer about how i am. If someone in the church asks me, So how are things... i can't very well go... You know i'm not doin so great, my brother was just arrested for the 100th time last night and i didn't have enough money to bail him out of jail this time so i had to give the bail bonds man the title to my car.

Do you know what kind of trouble that would cause for my parents, because after all it says in the bible, if a man cant even control his own family blah blah blah. Church people can be down right mean and vindictive, and they'll use anything they can to start a fight, especially the older people. So it's best to just keep your mouth shut and pretend like everything is all good.
And i don't see anything wrong with that.

I agree with this. There's a time to hide and a time to be open. Not everyone needs to know you have dirty laundry.

 

[arwen7]

This is very strange but I feel a lot of this is cultural - and I mean differences between American and Australian culture. Aka we have tall poppy syndrome so everyone is awkward about accepting compliments. And there is a lot of sarcasm floating around.

Oh and if someone in Australia asks you 'how are you' typically they just want you to answer 'good'.

Same here, its been my experience if I have been having a bad day or whatever and someone asks me 'how are you' and I reply 'not good..reason', it sets people off track a bit. Its like they get stunned, and don't know how to reply because you aren't following the social norm And depending on the person, they might become all awkward, and try to get out of the convo asap. Doesn't happen all the time, but its just an observation. I think some people like to think of themselves as good listeners, when really they lack any sort of empathy. I can sense inauthenticity from a mile away, half way through the convo, I usually give up because I know they aren't really listening and I'm wasting my breath

 

[Jullianna]

I agree with Nod. There's a time and place for everything. A time to be friendly and a time to keep your mouth shut and observe.


I want honesty from others, but there is such a thing as tact too. A lot of people behave like jerks and then use the excuse that they were just being blunt. You can be honest and still be polite.

I am immediately suspicious of people who exhale compliments with every breath. These folks have usually made it through life on charm and a great smile or want something...and once they have whatever that might be, I'll feel the knife in my back.

Be honest, be complimentary when it's deserved, and be genuine always.

 

[Relena7]

This may have already been said, but i believe Being fake is just another way of masking your insecurity. You don't want people to know the ''real you'' because if they did, they might not like you. It's a way of self preservation.

Being fake can also be ok sometimes.

When i walk into church on Sunday morning i am not myself. I'm very personable, i talk to people i don't know, I'm nice, I always act as though everything is fine, and i always answer with good, when someone asks me how im doing.
Am i being fake... obviously..

I do it because the church i walk into on sunday mornings is the one my dad is the pastor of, it's the same one i've been going to for 18 years, with all the same people. My parents have put everything into that church and the people in it. It's been a hard road for them. I could undo all of that with a real answer about how i am. If someone in the church asks me, So how are things... i can't very well go... You know i'm not doin so great, my brother was just arrested for the 100th time last night and i didn't have enough money to bail him out of jail this time so i had to give the bail bonds man the title to my car.

Do you know what kind of trouble that would cause for my parents, because after all it says in the bible, if a man cant even control his own family blah blah blah. Church people can be down right mean and vindictive, and they'll use anything they can to start a fight, especially the older people. So it's best to just keep your mouth shut and pretend like everything is all good.
And i don't see anything wrong with that.

I can be fake when it's needed. I just find it exhausting in long doses... It's no wonder socializing drains me so much, lol.

 

[twofeet]

Twofeet you are a fanatic haha

Well at least Im honest about it!!! lol

 

[sanglina]

This is very strange but I feel a lot of this is cultural

Exactly my thoughts.

A few years back, there were a group of american believers visiting our church (we have other visitors from other countries as well) and some of them stayed back for few months for ministry related works. They were God-fearing ladies and were very nice people and they would always greet us with a sweet smile, hug and with words like "how are you?, sooo good/glad to see you, how was your week?, thank you, welcome, etc, etc" on Sundays and even on week days when we meet. This mode of 'greeting' although done with good intention in all its sweetness to build friendly relationship was instead slowly making us (people from northeast region) feel weary and drained since we are not used to it. But nobody (in our friends circle) said anything about it until one of our friend burst out about it as her reason for seeking another church. Then, one after the other, the pent up uncomfortable similar feelings we all had (about the 'greeting') started tumbling down from everyone's cupboard 3. Some of us even expressed how our jaws would get stressed after sunday worship service due to constant smiling and greeting (No pun intended).

By the way, we do smile and greet people but there is vast difference in the degree of doing it. We might probably come off as being considered 'rude' by their standard. Which is all the more reason why I think its cultural :/