I have come to realization that in my entire faith walk, save a few periods that seem drops in an ocean now, I have not experienced "The peace that surpasses all understand." In contrast, I feel prayer, trying to seek God, trying to be regenerate / holy, and etc triggers anxiety, OCD behaviors, and makes my soul feel like its going to tear through my heart. As a result the thing that should sooth is now a sharp instrument that is making me back away. I still believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior and believe the Bible is true, but I find that religion and churchy stuff triggering major scrupleocity and anxiety in me.
I have found myself asking, can I take a break? Even from God? Not faith in Him, but the obligations of being Bible Answer Man, prayer, and etc. Can I just have Richard Wurmbrandt Heartbeat of God for now?
@SirSolaScriptura, I most definitely feel your pain.
I grew up in church -- though I am adopted, my Mom always said they had me in the pews the first Sunday they brought me home -- and I mention this NOT as clout, but to demonstrate that there's never been a time in my life where I HAVEN'T been surrounded by church, church culture, and church people.
And the church seems to have only one prescription for the burnout you are describing: "MORE."
Any time a believer in Christ expresses burnout (at least from what I've seen,) the recommendations, criticism, and character dismantling you will inevitably get from others always funnels down into MORE -- "You need to pray more," "You need to read your Bible more," "You need to serve more," "You need to join more Bible studies and small groups," "You need to volunteer more."
MORE, MORE, MORE is ALWAYS the answer. And this is already at a time when you're feeling spiritually burned out and ready to scream at the very mention of trying to do any more.
I have waves of feeling the exact same things as you describe and have even told God, "I need to get away from You!!!"
And He answered me back with, "You don't need to get away from me, Seoul. You need to find me in other ways."
Here are a few times when God helped me find Him "in other ways":
* On a family vacation to the Grand Canyon, everyone else was praying for sunshine and good weather amidst all the clouds. But for some reason, I kept praying for rain. Rain, rain, rain. "God, I really hope it rains," but I didn't know why I was feeling this way. I should have wanted a clear view of the canyon like anyone else.
But when the rain finally started and began to hit my face, I suddenly knew why God had put it on my heart to pray for rain. As the rain was splashing onto me, I looked over the canyon and realized that every single thing in that canyon, from the highest peak to the very floor, from the birds in the air to the squirrels in the trees, and the mice scurrying on the ground, was somehow going to be affected by the rain, whether it wanted to be or not.
And suddenly, all the childhood lessons about God being everywhere all at once and affecting every single thing in this life hit me like never before. I was in awe of God's omnipresence from an entirely new perspective, and it's something I'll never forget.
* One day, God told me I was going to witness a miracle. And being my daydreaming self, I wondered at what it could be. Was I going to see a miraculous healing? Was someone going to be raised from the dead? After all, it seemed like it was going to be just another day with family. How could God possibly work a miracle on just an ordinary day?
And then, as my family was sitting around, sharing language and culture and experiences, God told me, "Seoul, this is a miracle. I have taken people from opposite sides of the globe and turned them into a family."
And I was in wonder of how God doesn't care about language barriers, distance, stereotypes, or cultural beliefs -- He can overcome anything to call people from any distance and any challenge into being family with one another.
* At an art gallery, my parents and I were looking at what seemed to be a rather plain drawing of a man, but it was done with many fine lines, like a fingerprint. Then when I read the plaque description about how it wasn't a drawing, but an ink print -- which meant that the artist had painstakingly carved each line of this image into a wooden block (I think sometime in the 1800's,) and THEN stamped it onto paper. Each line had to fine enough so that when stamped, the ink lines wouldn't run into each other and could maintain their individual definition.
This gave me a MUCH better appreciation of the infinite amount of skill God had given to this artist, and had me marveling at the amount of knowledge God is willing to share with us mere human beings (I think about this a lot anytime I'm around arts, crafts, architecture, etc.)
Things like this, though perhaps not a cure (I think our sense of burnout might always linger in this life, as it keeps us focused on what's waiting in the next,) definitely help push me forward in my walk, rather than spinning and staying stagnant.
@SirSolaScriptura, what are the hobbies, interests, and other things you enjoy that might allow you to experience God in a different way?
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