Why can't I be satisfied with what I have?

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toinena

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I feel guilty. I often feel that. I sin. Everyone does. And that guilt is somehow easy to handle. The recipe is simple. Repenting, confessing, asking for forgiveness and mostly I feel forgiven. And I take the action needed to avoid to get into the same situation where I fell again. But one sin is more difficult to get rid of. I am never content. Well. I can count my blessings. I have a house, a job, a dog, some friends and I have Jesus. But I still have difficulties resting in that. I can cry out to the Lord. WHY? And then the list of complaints and needs and wants just get longer and longer and more depressing. Why can't God heal me? Why doesn't my relation to my son get restored? Why can't He just send me the man of my dreams? Why am I always alone every Christmas, every New Years Eve? Yes. I pray and praise and can feel blessed. But there is always that nagging feeling of WHY? It just don't feel right that I "won" the gene-lottery and ended up with muscular dystrophy, that I ended up with an abusive husband, that my son got Aspergers and has changed his juridical gender to a girl, that I never seem to find a man that can see me, and not the wheel-chair, that my friends leave, I can understand. I am just too much. But still. Can't it just stop? Can't I have some moments of happiness? The misery has lasted so many years it is has become normal to expect the worse.
Yes. I sound bitter. And that is why I feel guilt. Because I am blessed. Why don't I manage to rejoice with a pure and grateful heart?
 
Perhaps you can't manage to rejoice with a pure and grateful heart because of the pain and loneliness that you are suffering from?
 
What works for me is repenting of sin, receiving the forgiveness, then forgiving myself, because often times my guilt will put a wall between the connection to God.
Another thing that worked for me was to focus on what i already have in Christ, and resting in it (putting faith in it while casting down thoughts that are contrary to the truth, as i live it out)..When you seek God and his righteousness things are just added unto you Matthew 6:33... It happens to me all the time, but its very easy to forget/neglect what you have when you focus on circumstance... Can you be satisfied with what you have? yep.. you also can have life abundantly too, and all the promises Jesus came to give us.
 
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