Why do I do this to myself?

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Amjet10

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Why is it that whenever any of my friends does something bad or sinful (sex, drugs, betrayal to another friend, drinking) I feel like complete crap? Like my stomach gets all tied up in knots and sometimes it moves me to tears and I just don't know what it is.

I realize that nothing I can every say or do as they turn their backs on God will matter, and that they're completely free to live their own lives, but still some part of me is always devastated when anyone I really care about is bad or anything and it's really hard because it's happening ALL THE TIME. I just can't stop. I know also that their actions have no effect on me, like I'm not tempted to do what they're doing, but still it hurts. Why?:confused::mad::(
 
Are you asking why you care about people, and then suffer because you feel like there is nothing you can do to change their direction? You spoke of 'bad' people. Maybe it would help you to understand that unless we (which includes you) repented of our sinful lives, we would be judged the same as those whom you have called 'bad'. If you repented of your own sinful life, because you saw that you were not perfect, than you should also know the work of salvation which takes place within a person who is forgiven and following in the teaching of Jesus. If you 'heard' Jesus say,

"Repent, pick up your cross and follow Me"

You would also know that your friends have this same opportunity.....,if you loved them enough to say the words that would save their lives. Not in the time that we think is right, but in the time our Lords chooses. Did you pray for them, like Martha and Mary did when they sent for Jesus at a time when Lazarus was sick and near death? If you 'heard' Jesus say, "Follow Me and I will make you fishers of men" then you would know how to help those who you care for; because Jesus would be teaching you...

It is written that God's people perish for lack of knowledge. If you give a witness and people mock you for it, don't be troubled by it. This is normal for those who choose to defend their sin in The Face of His Truth. But what Jesus does after your witness and prayers; is out of your hands. You will need to trust Him in answering your prayer. I will pray for you....
 
Amjet, do you have any trusted (older) Christian adults that you can talk to about this? This may be happening because God is calling you to pray for your friends.

I'm not sure if you are familiar with intercessory prayer, but what you describe happens frequently within this type of calling and ministry. I pray that God will put a circle of support within your life that you can talk to openly about your experiences. I have someone in my church whom I know I can call anytime--she has a lot of experience with this type of work and is an invaluable source of knowledge and help to me.

While there may be times God wants you to say something to someone, there may also be times when He doesn't want you to say anything, but to pray. This has happened to me many times before I ever realized God wanted me to pray for people--as a teen, I found out a friend of mine was in a bad situation by their choice and like you, I felt sick for days and cried the whole time. However, I just prayed and my friend and I never talked about it until years later.

Just recently, I read an article in the paper in which a young girl was abused by a group of boys at her school--I've had many similar experiences in which I might not even know the person but become sick, have physical and emotional symptoms, and am in complete distress. At this point, I call my mentor and together we pray for these people, whether we know them or not, and she helps me discern whether it's meant for me to say something to someone or to keep quiet.

Truthfully, most times God seems to want me to stay quiet and just pray, because it feels like even if I did say something, they wouldn't listen and it might make it worse. Or course, sometimes God does want us to say something, but again, this is a decision a mentor can help you with. I truly believe that God loves people so much, He calls people like us to pray for them, even when they're making bad decisions, and even when they won't listen to what anyone else might have have to say to them. But, it doesn't stop God from loving them and even sending others into their lives to quietly pray on their behalf.

God bless and feel free to message me if you have questions.
 
Amjet10 said:
Why is it that whenever any of my friends does something bad or sinful (sex, drugs, betrayal to another friend, drinking) I feel like complete crap? Like my stomach gets all tied up in knots and sometimes it moves me to tears and I just don't know what it is.

I realize that nothing I can every say or do as they turn their backs on God will matter, and that they're completely free to live their own lives, but still some part of me is always devastated when anyone I really care about is bad or anything and it's really hard because it's happening ALL THE TIME. I just can't stop. I know also that their actions have no effect on me, like I'm not tempted to do what they're doing, but still it hurts. Why?:confused::mad::(
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You say you don't know what it is. It could be sadness maybe guilt or helplessness. Certainly there's helplessness in there. You say "I just can't stop" yet I know that people can control their emotions instead of their emotions controlling them. You put an angry face on there. I would like to know what or who your anger is directed toward. Find a way to explain yourself better so we can help more specifically.

What I can say is that it is not your responsibility for you to take on the pressure of each of their holiness. My sister tried to do that and it can wear you out. It's up to God to give them holiness. All we can do is show ours and give opportunity for them to learn by our words and actions in love and truth. Along with prayer of course... If what you were talking about were simply compassion for them I don't believe you would be confused or mad. Let me ask you a question honestly. Are you at all mad at God for allowing your dear friends to subject themselves to such evil? Because I find that even the smallest amount of blame in God's direction ends up bad for us one way or another.

yaright said:
Are you asking why you care about people, and then suffer because you feel like there is nothing you can do to change their direction? I will pray for you....
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I'm with you all the way.
 
Its because you care for some and you feel like they are hurting themselves. The love you have from them makes you feel a pain from the potential that they are wasting away when they do these activities. I feel the same way when I see my friends doing things I don't like. I try to discuss it with them but often our different views make it impossible for me to change their minds.

If the pain gets to be too much you might want to consider getting new friends. However, I know doing that is also quite painful.
 
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