I was seriously considering calling off my first wedding too. I believe that God was telling me that I was about to make a huge mistake. Live and learn. Absolutely, the worse mistake I have made in my life.
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J
joecoten
Guest
As I recall, the Lord warned me about my first marriage, and I almost listened. But as they say, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. I believe He arranged my second, though that didn't work out. So I've been single for 18 years and counting.
R
Ruby123
Guest
Hearing these bad marriage experiences really sway me away from getting married. Not only on here but friends, relatives etc.
J
joecoten
Guest
Marriage can definitely be a good thing. In fact, early on, there were a lot of good things in my own marriage. Even to this day, I have three beautiful children who make me feel like the most fortunate man to have ever lived.
Anyhow, God ordained marriage himself, so if nothing else, then there's that.
The problem, of course, is the people themselves.
If both parties in a marriage covenant truly seek God and what he requires of them in relation to the marriage itself and any children which might be born as a result of the same, then a great experience can truly be had by all.
Unfortunately, God himself is oftentimes not even invited to the marriage...if you know what I mean.
R
Ruby123
Guest
I am in no rush. If I do marry there will be three in the marriage. God, hubby and me or nothing at all.
After many observations of those around me, I have come up with one question to ask that will determine if I pursue a relationship with a woman. "If she was dying of cancer, would I still marry her? Is she such a cool person that I just want whatever time we can have together?" If I don't love her enough to say yes, I don't love her enough to marry her.
I mean, who knows? She may get cancer two years after we marry. If I don't love her enough to answer yes to that question before we marry, will I love her enough to stay with her two years into the marriage?
I mean, who knows? She may get cancer two years after we marry. If I don't love her enough to answer yes to that question before we marry, will I love her enough to stay with her two years into the marriage?
I normally don't tell people this, and I really don't want to give any more personal testimony about my own marriage, but this might be a help to somebody, so here goes...
As I've mentioned here before, I got engaged while in Florida, and then I went back to New Jersey for 3 months while my wife-to-be and her female friend remained in Florida. While I was in New Jersey for those 3 months, I spent A LOT of time in prayer. Well, here comes the part that I normally don't mention...
One night, while praying, I had a vision from the Lord in which I was in the garden of Eden and witnessing the Fall of man. In my vision, there was really only one focus, or one thing that the Lord illuminated to me, or one thing that the Lord didn't want me to miss:
That sin, the curse, and death all entered into this world because Adam hearkened unto the voice of his wife who was apparently seeking to coerce him into doing something that the Lord himself had previously plainly told him not to do.
Genesis chapter 3
[17] And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;
[18] Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;
[19] In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.
God STRONGLY WARNED ME at that time to never obey my wife if in doing so I would be disobeying him.
Well, God knew what he was talking about because my marriage was a STEADY BARRAGE of attempted coercions to get me to disobey God and/or his word and to obey my wife's own wicked desires instead. In fact, and I honestly don't know if I've ever mentioned this here before or not, the day that we got engaged, my ex told me, "I just want you to know that I would never want to marry a man like you". I was like, "Okayyyy..." She continued on to explain that she would never want to marry a man like me BECAUSE SHE KNEW THAT I WAS ALWAYS GOING TO DO THAT WHICH IS RIGHT. That's literally what she told me, and then she said "Yes" or accepted my marriage proposal.
What does that tell you about how my marriage went and what the real underlying issue was?
Anyhow, she could never coerce me into doing that which is wrong even one iota on her own, so she regularly employed the use of PEER PRESSURE. In other words, she slandered me to everybody imaginable DAILY, AND FOR YEARS, and they, in turn, sought to coerce me to disobey God as well. I never did, at least not in that specific regard...and here I am.
R
Ruby123
Guest
I find that too many christians are in a rush to marry. They meet someone whom they find attractive and suddenly within the year they are engaged to marry. They have not bothered to see beyond the surface, hormones have taken over and the wedding is on. After a few years, now that they have gotten to know each other beyond the surface level, they find that they aren't such a great match. Then they say they have drifted apart or other common explanations. This is not always the case but I often hear this same story.
J
joecoten
Guest
I agree, but I've known people who took years to get married, only to end up divorced. Then I've known people who got married after only knowing each other a few months and remained together. Of course we want to be wise and careful and try to do things right. In the end, I believe marriage is a crap shoot.
"I've decided I'm not gonna bother getting married any more. I'm just gonna go out every three or four years, find a woman I can't stand and buy her a house. It comes out to about the same thing, without all the drama."
R
Ruby123
Guest
I am friends with an elderly pastors wife. Her husband, a well respected pastor passed away a couple of years ago.
She told me he never had time for her or their two sons. They were going to get a divorce when she turned fifty but their son and his wife were on drugs and unable to look after their two young daughters so her and her husband pastor stayed together to raise their two young grandaughters. One was only two and the other five.
She is now in her late seventies and she seems so regretful that her life was with a man who never was the husband she always wanted to have. I find that very sad.
She told me he never had time for her or their two sons. They were going to get a divorce when she turned fifty but their son and his wife were on drugs and unable to look after their two young daughters so her and her husband pastor stayed together to raise their two young grandaughters. One was only two and the other five.
She is now in her late seventies and she seems so regretful that her life was with a man who never was the husband she always wanted to have. I find that very sad.
TOO MANY expect to the pastor to do what they should be doing, the pastor is to equip the members, not carry them all the time.
Chuck Swindoll once shared, "if you go into the ministry you must be prepared to have your heart broken every day".
Chuck Swindoll once shared, "if you go into the ministry you must be prepared to have your heart broken every day".
T
TheIndianGirl
Guest
I have a hunch she wasn't prepared to be a pastor's wife. A pastor doesn't have a lot of free time, depending on the size of congregation. He also needs to be present at meetings and events. One could say the church is his priority then wife and kids. A lot of church activities take place after traditional work hours. Not saying the husband is faultless, but he likely doesn't have major vices.
This is tooo funny! because this is too accurate a depiction, seeing how that men's thinking is much simpler or more focused which might apparently seem at first glance the better way to think. However, woman has a about the same chance of going right as she does going wrong but, when man goes wrong, there's almost no chance of turning him around!
nyeah
Heh... You must have never met women like the women I know. A lot of women I know decide what they want to believe and that's just all there is to it. Only thing left to do is walk away whistling.This is tooo funny! because this is too accurate a depiction, seeing how that men's thinking is much simpler or more focused which might apparently seem at first glance the better way to think. However, woman has a about the same chance of going right as she does going wrong but, when man goes wrong, there's almost no chance of turning him around!
Heh... You must have never met women like the women I know. A lot of women I know decide what they want to believe and that's just all there is to it. Only thing left to do is walk away whistling.
This is why it is always a good idea to carry a railroad track changer in your emergency travel kit.
I have been mistreated by men but have no hate for them. Many just pity, they sadly seem to be miserable and want people to join in. I actually seem to get along better with men than women my age. I don't really care the gender if you want to talk about God or fishing or cooking. I guess I am gender neutral in conversating with others. Maybe others are too busy finding fault or weaknesses in the opposite sex. Need to see people through God's eyes.