Great to see you around,
@stilllearning! Thank you for taking the time to share these fascinating insights.
This reminds me of the old classic 80's comedy romance, "When Harry Met Sally," and how Harry say, "Men and Women Can't Be Friends -- Because the Sex Part Always Gets in the Way." Sally claims she has friends who are men, and Harry says no you don't, because the men you think are your friends all want to or would be willing to have sex with you. The movie goes on to "prove" Harry's point, at least in their particular case.
I can't speak for anyone else, man or woman, but for me, my sexual interest is very closely tied to my heart, and if I don't feel a certain connection, understanding, or level of mutual care, I have no interest that way. Sure, sometimes physical attractiveness dupes us all into thinking we're feeling certain things when it might only be physical, and I wonder if people (men in particular?) built more for the physical attraction (as I hear Christian men state over and over again that God has built them this way) are more prone to not being "able" to be friends with the opposite sex?
I have guy friends I've had for years and the thought of such vulnerability with them would be completely off-putting to me, NOT because they aren't Godly or attractive, but for whatever reason, we don't have the particular connection that I equate romantic interest with, so my heart builds a wall. I see guy friends as a type of family, therefore, my heart sees trying to be with them as a type of incest, which, for me, means they are totally off-limits.
I've heard of some men viewing some women (the ones they're not attracted to) this way as well. For instance, I knew a guy who was white and grew up with Asian sisters. He said that because of this, he saw all Asian women as being sisters, so the thought of dating an Asian woman was repulsive to him, because he too saw this as a form of incest.
Now for me, this would also backfire, as if I were in a marriage that got to a point where there was no emotional connection (arguing all the time, not being able to talk to the other person about feelings, etc.), I would just want to be left alone and wouldn't feel any closeness to my spouse. The thought of trying to be close in that state would be repugnant to me, and I would have absolutely no interest.
So for me, I feel that I can be friends with men and never develop romantic feelings for them -- in fact, it seems one of my purposes over the years has been becoming friends with guys who then later meet a girlfriend or wife (I can think of 4 off the top of my head,) as if talking to me was part of a practice run at talking to a woman. I then of course am usually no longer am able to keep in touch with them, and while it stings to lose a friend, I try to remember to be grateful for the time I did have talking to them.
But that's just me, and I've been known to be a bit of a an anomaly.
I appreciate your fascinating thoughts about hormonal balance. Thank you for taking the time to post!
I listen in on several financial chats on Discords which are 99.9% male and of course not Christian, and a good number, especially the younger crowds, seems to be interested in staying single (with the thought that they can sleep with as many women as they want.)
I understand this is to be expected in secular communities but a good number of younger Christians I talk to seem to be a afraid of marriage, scared of going through what they've seen their own divorced parents, family, and friends endure.
I certainly don't have any answers -- all I find I can do is try to listen, pray, and start discussions like this to hopefully get people talking to each other about what God wants us to do.
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