Monday at 4:45 PM
#1
By "support" I don't mean actually solve a problem they have. I get how unsolicited advice might be taken the wrong way by some people. I mean more like when I meet someone anywhere that gives people the time of day, they're always the type of person that doesn't get along with supportive people. As in, they complain about something and I tell them "sorry about that" they say "no you're not" or "you don't care". Or they complain via public Facebook post, and, because I'm not close to them, I simply reply with a sad or angry emoji, whichever is more appropriate. Their response is to either un-friend me or block me. That, or send me a nasty-gram saying that I'm "stalking" them by clicking an emoji button on one post.
You might say "good riddance" but when I go somewhere, there's usually only like one person in the proverbial "room" that reciprocates or accepts any cordial/friendly behavior. Not that I'm approaching and introducing myself to everyone I see, just those that I see being friendly to others when it isn't their job to do so. Like the guy / lady who holds doors open for people, or maybe lets you know there's a free credit they didn't use on the jukebox or one of the arcade games.
That same person ends up being the one who openly complains about things that they don't want any kind of support for.
Hi Benjamin,
I just went to go re-read the copy of this post that you'd put in another part of the Forum (I usually don't go to that section, but I wanted to make sure I didn't miss anything.)
I can relate to A LOT of what you're saying here and I wanted to ask you one thing:
Do you have a certain population or group that you believe God has put on your heart to serve?
I hope I'm not sounding self-centered here, but I want to tell you a little about what happened to me because I came from a similar mindset. I come from a group of family and friends who have very A-type personalities. They're ambitious go-getters and often climb to the top and/or own their own businesses. Growing up amongst that, I naturally thought that's what I was meant to be to, but over many years, I realized I didn't like the stress it takes to get to the top -- rather, I liked serving other who have those ambitions instead.
Most around me don't understand why I'm not like them. But it took me several decades to realize that God built me differently -- slower, not so endlessly energetic, needing longer periods of rest, but then putting everything I have out in short bursts of energy. From there, I also learned that I wanted to serve those who were serving others. I'm not built to serve ruthless, cutthroat types who see anyone along the way as a commodity to be spent. Rather, I started asking God to send me to compassionate, moral, Godly people who are so humble, they don't even realize how much they're serving. Yes, they get tired, frustrated, and sometimes want to give up because they're human, but they count their work of servitude as joy -- and, unlike so many, they truly appreciate anyone who does anything to help THEM -- because they don't expect it.
I told God, "I want to serve the people whom others forget need help." As a church and society, we're all trained to think with a triage-like mindset -- the ones with the biggest emergencies need the most help, and must be served before anyone else.
But over many years, I burned myself out trying to help people in the worst of situations because so many are caught in a vicious cycle. Many are too bitter to appreciate anyone or anything, and many, especially in our world of social media, are more interested in attention than in putting in the work it takes to heal and change one's circumstance. I was done serving the person who, after crying about money problems continuously, used anything given to them to buy a new phone instead of paying of bills.
I was exhausted, spiritually and emotionally, and I told God, "Please, send me to a different kind of people." I know that sometimes we are to help without question and simply give out of obedience. But I told God how much of a toll it was taking on me and that I needed something to change or I was going to give up completely.
For the past several years, I no longer readily donate to people who ask. Yes, God tells us to ask, but He taught me that in some cases (not all, but some,) some people have learned to ask others INSTEAD OF asking Him, or using donations as a way to avoid necessary changes He wants them to make. I do still give to some causes that ask, but now instead, I listen much more for needs. Like the tired single mom who's donated an afternoon to packing gift boxes for kids at Christmas. Maybe God will open up a minute to talk to her and say, "Hey, I hope I'm not offending you, but could I please give you $10 for gas money? I just really appreciate all the work you've put in today."
Online, I'm looking for others who are constantly trying to uplift, pray for, and greet others. Maybe I have a minute in my day in which I can ask God to bless them, or leave a message on their profile telling them how much they are appreciated.
And I feel so. much. better. than I ever did trying to people-please or chase after those who might look or say they want to be blessed, but are too hurt, bitter, or self-centered to be in a place to really receive them. This also includes the spiritual leaders I choose to serve (unless God says otherwise.) Some aren't really interested in making others like God -- they're interested in making people like THEM, and if God gives me the ok, I am done serving or listening to those kinds of people.
I'm certainly not saying I'm better in any way -- I just think God has place me in a different direction from what I was. For a long time, I was immensely bitter about things in my life, and trying to "help" people only made me all the more so!! But once God got me straightened out a bit (and is still working doing!) I started to see with clearer eyes the people I really wanted to devote my energy to.
They're hard to find. Often in the shadows, because most people like that don't like the spotlight. In fact, they're so humble, they don't see their work as being much of anything or making much of a difference at all. BUT IT IS!!! And I feel very strongly that they need to be told and blessed for that. But it will be more work to find them, because they usually don't complain except for what's normal of any human being. In fact, you'll often have to gently press them before they might confess any kind of need at all. And even if they say they don't have a need, most will spill over with gratitude after a simple compliment, because they realize God is telling them (through you,) "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
You're doing a great job, Benjamin! Kudos to you for not giving up! I know it's discouraging. Like you said, people such as the ones you described (who open a door for someone or make an effort) are rare.
But when you find them, ask God if those are the ones you are to bless, because maybe you're meant to be putting your efforts towards them, and not the bitter or ungrateful.
I will say a prayer for you, that you would find "your" people, and that God will fill you with joy and peace. It may take some time -- I know for me, it was a long process. But I feel so much better in my walk with God now.
Please keep us posted on you're doing along the way. 🙏❤️🌹
1
