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Believe me hon, marriage isn't always all it's made out to be--I know I always say this--the grass always looks greener on the other side, but it doesn't matter which side you're on because the grass still needs to be watered, fertilized, raked, and mowed!!
I was married from the time I was 23-25... I was crazy in love but it was one of those situations that just didn't work out as well as you hope and pray for, and eventually he left for someone else.
Being single is tough, yes. But... being married isn't some brass ring of utopia either!
Things for singles to consider when really, desperately, painfully wanting to be married... are you prepared for situations such as:
1. Not getting along with your in-laws and receiving constant criticism (or maybe your parents don't like your choice of a spouse)?
2. What if the person you're with can't hold a job or has addictions you didn't know about until after you were married?
3. Are you ready to fight about how the money is or isn't spent and what bills are and aren't paid and what you can or can't buy?
4. Are you ready to fight about sex? How often or not often enough and in what way and how?
5. Social demands brought on by your new family--more birthday parties to attend, more gifts to buy, more functions where you have to put on a big smile even if the tension so thick it feels like it's stabbing you in the back... are you ready to give up all your free time to family obligations and not be bitter about it?
6. What if you and your spouse never spend much time together because of work, family, or maybe he wants to hang out with his friends several nights a week... from my own experience, the worst thing was feeling completely alone, practically living alone, and... being married.
NOW I'm NOT saying marriage HAS to be like this... and I'm certainly not trying to talk people out of marriage.. but I suppose everyone thinks, "Oh, my life will never be like that!! MY marriage is going to be completely different!" And God bless you, I hope it is.
BUT, I think too many single people look at through rose colored glasses of imagination as well...
Yeah, it hurts to be single.
But, it can really, really hurt to be married as well.
Pray, pray, pray... and ask God to make you strong enough to go through whatever you need to do and whatever amount of time you need to wait so that you can have a happy, God-filled marriage.
And that might require more work and waiting, unfortunately.
I was married from the time I was 23-25... I was crazy in love but it was one of those situations that just didn't work out as well as you hope and pray for, and eventually he left for someone else.
Being single is tough, yes. But... being married isn't some brass ring of utopia either!
Things for singles to consider when really, desperately, painfully wanting to be married... are you prepared for situations such as:
1. Not getting along with your in-laws and receiving constant criticism (or maybe your parents don't like your choice of a spouse)?
2. What if the person you're with can't hold a job or has addictions you didn't know about until after you were married?
3. Are you ready to fight about how the money is or isn't spent and what bills are and aren't paid and what you can or can't buy?
4. Are you ready to fight about sex? How often or not often enough and in what way and how?
5. Social demands brought on by your new family--more birthday parties to attend, more gifts to buy, more functions where you have to put on a big smile even if the tension so thick it feels like it's stabbing you in the back... are you ready to give up all your free time to family obligations and not be bitter about it?
6. What if you and your spouse never spend much time together because of work, family, or maybe he wants to hang out with his friends several nights a week... from my own experience, the worst thing was feeling completely alone, practically living alone, and... being married.
NOW I'm NOT saying marriage HAS to be like this... and I'm certainly not trying to talk people out of marriage.. but I suppose everyone thinks, "Oh, my life will never be like that!! MY marriage is going to be completely different!" And God bless you, I hope it is.
BUT, I think too many single people look at through rose colored glasses of imagination as well...
Yeah, it hurts to be single.
But, it can really, really hurt to be married as well.
Pray, pray, pray... and ask God to make you strong enough to go through whatever you need to do and whatever amount of time you need to wait so that you can have a happy, God-filled marriage.
And that might require more work and waiting, unfortunately.
Please, please, please, DO NOT get involved with someone who has a serious addiction (especially to something illegal!) just because you want to get married!!!
A few years after my husband left and the divorce was final, I got into a relationship with an alcoholic because I was tired of being alone. He had two little boys... so somewhere in the back of my desperate mind, I suppose I was thinking, "Instant family!" and my friends at the time all told me to give him a chance.
But, it was a terrible mistake... and I hope you don't ever have to go through the same.
My prayers are with you to stay strong and hold out for the RIGHT person.
A few years after my husband left and the divorce was final, I got into a relationship with an alcoholic because I was tired of being alone. He had two little boys... so somewhere in the back of my desperate mind, I suppose I was thinking, "Instant family!" and my friends at the time all told me to give him a chance.
But, it was a terrible mistake... and I hope you don't ever have to go through the same.
My prayers are with you to stay strong and hold out for the RIGHT person.
I believe in christian relationships; { ONLY } and I say that with much conviction. I had my share of ungodly men- Two husbands. and when I let go the thought of being with any man, and to tell God I will wait till I am ready and he is willing to give me a GODLY man. for anytime a woman or a man will be willing to settle for less than they deserve just so they wont be alone; they are not ready for a husband let alone for a godly one.
for you will think you can do all the good things you are capible of doing and it will cause him to change. WRONG!!, he will never change for the good, but the oppisite. for if you will accept a little they will think you will accept alot.
marriage or children do not change a person, for some they run a person away. what ever they did from the begining of that relationship they will continue to do and almost dare you to try to make them stop. if you accept it now you better be able to do it till they get tired and half the time it wont be for you.
God said for us to be not unequally yoked with an unbeliver; it is not just a command but it is the best advice God has giving us for marriage. for he did not say it because it will be sin; but because it will be devastating to the christian person who will. and when it go bad and it will. we run to him for healing and to keep us from killing ourselves over something you knew you should not have put yourselves through in the first place. asking what is wrong with you or why they do you like that----they didn't do nothing you did it to youself. you knew what they were like and you went on with it anyway and now you get what was and the onlything that is and was going to come out of it anyway. that is what God told me about me marring my second husband.
he was not on drugs or acohol, nor did he party; but pride... that is another story.
now I am married to a man of God and anytime we have a dispute he go to God about for it is God who he want to please the more; and in that he will not sin against God; therefore, he will do nothing but good toward me.... if he or I walk away from God I know it will be a disaester. because if you don't love God you can't love me. he show us how to have true love which is an action that comes with emotions. but not one without the other.
so to all who think that they are that good or very strong that they can go outside of God's will for them a husband/wife... go ahead because pride is not a source of strength
for you will think you can do all the good things you are capible of doing and it will cause him to change. WRONG!!, he will never change for the good, but the oppisite. for if you will accept a little they will think you will accept alot.
marriage or children do not change a person, for some they run a person away. what ever they did from the begining of that relationship they will continue to do and almost dare you to try to make them stop. if you accept it now you better be able to do it till they get tired and half the time it wont be for you.
God said for us to be not unequally yoked with an unbeliver; it is not just a command but it is the best advice God has giving us for marriage. for he did not say it because it will be sin; but because it will be devastating to the christian person who will. and when it go bad and it will. we run to him for healing and to keep us from killing ourselves over something you knew you should not have put yourselves through in the first place. asking what is wrong with you or why they do you like that----they didn't do nothing you did it to youself. you knew what they were like and you went on with it anyway and now you get what was and the onlything that is and was going to come out of it anyway. that is what God told me about me marring my second husband.
he was not on drugs or acohol, nor did he party; but pride... that is another story.
now I am married to a man of God and anytime we have a dispute he go to God about for it is God who he want to please the more; and in that he will not sin against God; therefore, he will do nothing but good toward me.... if he or I walk away from God I know it will be a disaester. because if you don't love God you can't love me. he show us how to have true love which is an action that comes with emotions. but not one without the other.
so to all who think that they are that good or very strong that they can go outside of God's will for them a husband/wife... go ahead because pride is not a source of strength
H
As a fellow single Christian girl I know how you feel, I know it can be difficult and lonely at times. I just have to remind myself that I am never alone, God is always with me and he will love me and protect me, if that protection means being single then so be it. Our world, specifically this generation more than any other, has been plagued by a sexual intimacy demon that is robbing us of the perfect plan God has for us. We are His daughters He doesn't want us to "date" casually and give up the most intimate parts of ourselves to someone that He never intended for us, it is damaging to your heart in ways you don't even know. There is such an expectation from a very young age to gain male attention and boyfriends etc and when you don't have that you feel isolated and lonely, this is exactly what the devil wants, a lonely helpless girl that he can entrap with a terrible man. We can't let anything besides God and our relationship with him determine our worth.
I know being patient is hard I am 24 years old and most of my friends are all married, have children, or are in relationships, it's hard to look at them and from the outside all you see is the family you want. In all honesty is that what you really want though, do you want a non-believing husband? do you want someone to go to church with you and read the bible with you? when your kids get sick or you are having financial problems or anything else bad happens in your life do you want someone who will pray with you about it? I know I do, I just have to remind myself that when God finally puts that person in my life it will be 100% worth the wait.
Hope this helped some, you are definitely not alone though
I know being patient is hard I am 24 years old and most of my friends are all married, have children, or are in relationships, it's hard to look at them and from the outside all you see is the family you want. In all honesty is that what you really want though, do you want a non-believing husband? do you want someone to go to church with you and read the bible with you? when your kids get sick or you are having financial problems or anything else bad happens in your life do you want someone who will pray with you about it? I know I do, I just have to remind myself that when God finally puts that person in my life it will be 100% worth the wait.
Hope this helped some, you are definitely not alone though
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Excellent point, Greatkraw... When I was last in a relationship, I wasn't in love with him. I wasn't even in love with the idea of being in love.
I was just despearate not to be alone.
How many more of this guy's little flaws (hooked on illegal drugs) are you overlooking? Yes, I understand we ALL have issues... but some are not to be swept under the rug in hopes of working out a relationship, let alone a marriage, you know?
I think A LOT of people mistake fear of being alone for "love"--fear of never getting married, never finding anyone, thinking this is your last chance... causes you to greatly rationalize the irrational.
K
yes i guess i am not really in love with him... i think his fave is black or blue (not sure)..so, yeah i am in the stage of forgetting him lil by lil...
and bcoz of our fellow christians here on CC it made me realize that i shud not really be worried on having to find a husband or that i myt be single forever.. God has a great plan for me & for us all. GBU
and bcoz of our fellow christians here on CC it made me realize that i shud not really be worried on having to find a husband or that i myt be single forever.. God has a great plan for me & for us all. GBU
I don't know if I can enjoy my singleness, but I'd rather be alone than in a relationship that makes me miserable.
In the past I've considered getting involved with a woman at work. Again the whole instant family and all that sort of thing. Fortunately the more I thought about it the more I realized it couldn't work.
Never mind the arguements about the kids. The real problem is she isn't saved. The common response is maybe you could save her. Lets forget that Christ saves not us for the moment. The problem comes from the fact that what if she doesn't find salvation. I'd have been stuck in a marriage with a woman that abhors everything I believed in.
Just food for thought.
In the past I've considered getting involved with a woman at work. Again the whole instant family and all that sort of thing. Fortunately the more I thought about it the more I realized it couldn't work.
Never mind the arguements about the kids. The real problem is she isn't saved. The common response is maybe you could save her. Lets forget that Christ saves not us for the moment. The problem comes from the fact that what if she doesn't find salvation. I'd have been stuck in a marriage with a woman that abhors everything I believed in.
Just food for thought.