Would you contact a friend after 10 years?

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MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#1
Mar 8, 2022
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#1
Would you contact a friend after 10 years?

In my case, I was getting annoyed at a friend because I felt a bit excluded and she was giving more weight to others in our circle (from my perspective, at that time). One day I decided not to respond to her text to meet up (I don't remember the specific reason why now). We were also very close for a few years and were in the same circle of friends. I think she texted me once more. A few months later, she didn't invite me for her birthday. Anyway, at that point, I thought it was all over since it is pretty major not to be invited to a birthday dinner. I was actually hoping that her birthday dinner would be a chance for us to reconnect. The reason why I want to reconnect now (or when I visit town) is for closure and explain why I behaved that way; our friendship was kind of left hanging. I feel a bit bad because prior to ghosting her, she gave me a gift of a framed photo of both of us. I now live many states away, and she could be married/with kids for all I know as I deleted FB a few years ago. So, my goal is not to go back to old times/become best friends. Thoughts?
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#2
Jul 3, 2015
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#2
Hello MsMediator. If you have her contact info, you could apologize to her for "ghosting" her as you say.
That should help you put closure on the issue for you, as it sounds like she has moved on, also...
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#3
Mar 8, 2022
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#3
Magenta said:
Hello MsMediator. If you have her contact info, you could apologize to her for "ghosting" her as you say.
That should help you put closure on the issue for you, as it sounds like she has moved on, also...
Click to expand...
I am still thinking about it, but probably will write a short note. I agree she has moved on but may like to know why. I have had a few others ghost me and I sometimes wonder why.
 
resto

resto

Active member
#4
Feb 25, 2019
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#4
A guy once told me when I was Young, that "We Grow Into And Out of Relationships all Throughout our Lives". I have found that to be true in my life. I cant remember the reasons and the circumstances that cause some of us to drift apart. If this bothers you, I would pray about it. My choice was to let it go and keep moving forward.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#5
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#5
Is this the same friend as you other post?
Has God been nudging you to contact her?

closure after ten years seems a bit delayed...
with birthday dinners or parties Im not actually too fussed if Im not invited if I think somone is special I give them a card or gift to say am thinking of them since theres only so many ppl you can invite esp if its family or do something else with them anyway... but that is just me, I try not to make a big deal over it (many of my friends dont really like a big birthday fuss themselves)
Although I in my case I try not to be too disappointed when I invite ppl and they cant come. They dont always need to give a reason

Did something go wrong with this friendship? Ghosting may not be personal for that person sometimes we dont want to be contacted because of our own issues or we cant handle them at the time and sometimes its even for our safety (or theirs) so I try not to take it too personally

Rejection probably hurts a lot more than ghosting although it is frustrating not really knowing.

Pray about it and maybe if you do write your note just be happy for her and wish her well and that you cherish the good memories. Many a time we dont actually get to say goodbye to our friends if shes a saved christian then you know you'll meet her again anyway in eternity.

it is not just our blood families or spouses that we think we'll spend eternity with in Heaven
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#6
Aug 13, 2014
27,429
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#6
I've been ghosted before. It doesn't really weigh very heavily on my mind.

I vote for just letting it go.

If someone who ghosted me years ago suddenly showed up with an explanation, I would wonder if they wanted money. :p
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#7
Mar 8, 2022
1,101
740
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#7
Lanolin said:
Is this the same friend as you other post?
Has God been nudging you to contact her?

closure after ten years seems a bit delayed...
with birthday dinners or parties Im not actually too fussed if Im not invited if I think somone is special I give them a card or gift to say am thinking of them since theres only so many ppl you can invite esp if its family or do something else with them anyway... but that is just me, I try not to make a big deal over it (many of my friends dont really like a big birthday fuss themselves)
Although I in my case I try not to be too disappointed when I invite ppl and they cant come. They dont always need to give a reason

Did something go wrong with this friendship? Ghosting may not be personal for that person sometimes we dont want to be contacted because of our own issues or we cant handle them at the time and sometimes its even for our safety (or theirs) so I try not to take it too personally

Rejection probably hurts a lot more than ghosting although it is frustrating not really knowing.

Pray about it and maybe if you do write your note just be happy for her and wish her well and that you cherish the good memories. Many a time we dont actually get to say goodbye to our friends if shes a saved christian then you know you'll meet her again anyway in eternity.

it is not just our blood families or spouses that we think we'll spend eternity with in Heaven
Click to expand...
This is a different friend. This is a another case where I would say the friendship dynamics changed within the group, and I was annoyed.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#8
Mar 8, 2022
1,101
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#8
Lynx said:
I've been ghosted before. It doesn't really weigh very heavily on my mind.

I vote for just letting it go.

If someone who ghosted me years ago suddenly showed up with an explanation, I would wonder if they wanted money. :p
Click to expand...
Yeah it is a bit delayed. If I did contact her, I would say that reading some books prompted me to contact her, which is actually true. I would also note that I moved, which should imply I am not expecting anything.
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#9
Jul 24, 2016
7,585
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#9
MsMediator said:
Would you contact a friend after 10 years?

In my case, I was getting annoyed at a friend because I felt a bit excluded and she was giving more weight to others in our circle (from my perspective, at that time). One day I decided not to respond to her text to meet up (I don't remember the specific reason why now). We were also very close for a few years and were in the same circle of friends. I think she texted me once more. A few months later, she didn't invite me for her birthday. Anyway, at that point, I thought it was all over since it is pretty major not to be invited to a birthday dinner. I was actually hoping that her birthday dinner would be a chance for us to reconnect. The reason why I want to reconnect now (or when I visit town) is for closure and explain why I behaved that way; our friendship was kind of left hanging. I feel a bit bad because prior to ghosting her, she gave me a gift of a framed photo of both of us. I now live many states away, and she could be married/with kids for all I know as I deleted FB a few years ago. So, my goal is not to go back to old times/become best friends. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
If your conscience is telling you that what you did was not justified.. Then yes make that approach in any way you feel comfortable ( yes a letter will suffice ) and explain to her what happened and give your apology..

It may not lead to anything else but it is important to clear ones conscience towards God.. If the Holy Spirit is working on you then it is best to act on His moving as quickly and in a genuine way..
 
Sculpt

Sculpt

Well-known member
#10
Apr 18, 2021
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#10
MsMediator said:
Yeah it is a bit delayed. If I did contact her, I would say that reading some books prompted me to contact her, which is actually true. I would also note that I moved, which should imply I am not expecting anything.
Click to expand...
That sounds like a good reason. "I was reading this book and I thought of you, because..." I've contacted old friends for those reasons, and vice versa before. Sometimes it's a good occasion to reconnect.
 
Cameron143

Cameron143

Well-known member
#11
Mar 1, 2022
19,337
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#11
MsMediator said:
Would you contact a friend after 10 years?

In my case, I was getting annoyed at a friend because I felt a bit excluded and she was giving more weight to others in our circle (from my perspective, at that time). One day I decided not to respond to her text to meet up (I don't remember the specific reason why now). We were also very close for a few years and were in the same circle of friends. I think she texted me once more. A few months later, she didn't invite me for her birthday. Anyway, at that point, I thought it was all over since it is pretty major not to be invited to a birthday dinner. I was actually hoping that her birthday dinner would be a chance for us to reconnect. The reason why I want to reconnect now (or when I visit town) is for closure and explain why I behaved that way; our friendship was kind of left hanging. I feel a bit bad because prior to ghosting her, she gave me a gift of a framed photo of both of us. I now live many states away, and she could be married/with kids for all I know as I deleted FB a few years ago. So, my goal is not to go back to old times/become best friends. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
If you believe God orders your steps then there is no reason to believe that this coming up in your life now is mere happenstance. Pray about it and see if God opens doors or makes an impression upon your heart. Just follow God.

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness. All I have to do is follow.
 
K

Karlon

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#12
Mar 8, 2023
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#12
no. well, not anymore. what i mean is, in the past, i was always the 1 to contact people when a considerable amount of time passed by, no one contacted me. & what do you think happened? things remained! but you all should know this; this area is predominant with an unfriendly stronghold. even preacher john bunyan skipped over this are because he detected an unfriendly spirit. travelers during summer spoke about it. always had to travel for fun.
 
O

OLDMANBORNAGAIN

Guest
#13
#13
I would contact a friend after 50 years!
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#14
#14
Feelings are not always from God. But, the Bible does tell us that if you have an issue with your brother or sister to go to them and try to make peace. There are several people in my life whom I've been praying about for some time now, as I will have to eventually confront them. I don't want to, don't really care about those "relationships"... but I believe God does. If nothing else, perhaps for this reason you ought to?
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#15
#15
OLDMANBORNAGAIN said:
I would contact a friend after 50 years!
Click to expand...
I've actually been reaching out to people I went to elementary school with. I occasionally e-mail my music teacher from 8th grade and a few times a year text a school mate from the 4th & 5th grades. (On an interesting side note... This latter guy sent me a current photo of a crush I had way back then. He bumped into her recently and claimed to recognize her after 50 years. I have not contacted her nor do I desire to, but this is the kind of thing that can happen when you reach out.)
 
Sculpt

Sculpt

Well-known member
#16
Apr 18, 2021
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#16
Gojira said:
I've actually been reaching out to people I went to elementary school with. I occasionally e-mail my music teacher from 8th grade and a few times a year text a school mate from the 4th & 5th grades. (On an interesting side note... This latter guy sent me a current photo of a crush I had way back then. He bumped into her recently and claimed to recognize her after 50 years. I have not contacted her nor do I desire to, but this is the kind of thing that can happen when you reach out.)
Click to expand...
Is she single, on FB? If she's single, you should contact her and tell her you used to have a crush on her. She'd probably love that.
 
Sculpt

Sculpt

Well-known member
#17
Apr 18, 2021
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362
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#17
Karlon said:
no. well, not anymore. what i mean is, in the past, i was always the 1 to contact people when a considerable amount of time passed by, no one contacted me. & what do you think happened? things remained! but you all should know this; this area is predominant with an unfriendly stronghold. even preacher john bunyan skipped over this are because he detected an unfriendly spirit. travelers during summer spoke about it. always had to travel for fun.
Click to expand...
Curious.... so what is your understanding of an "unfriendly spirit"? Is that a literal demon on the job? Or instead, is that a spiritual metaphor?
 
O

OLDMANBORNAGAIN

Guest
#18
#18
Gojira said:
I've actually been reaching out to people I went to elementary school with. I occasionally e-mail my music teacher from 8th grade and a few times a year text a school mate from the 4th & 5th grades. (On an interesting side note... This latter guy sent me a current photo of a crush I had way back then. He bumped into her recently and claimed to recognize her after 50 years. I have not contacted her nor do I desire to, but this is the kind of thing that can happen when you reach out.)
Click to expand...
@Gojira : Excellent, brother! Excellent! Good on you, I say!
 
seekingthemindofChrist

seekingthemindofChrist

Casting down imaginations
#19
Jul 10, 2023
1,178
573
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#19
MsMediator said:
Would you contact a friend after 10 years?

In my case, I was getting annoyed at a friend because I felt a bit excluded and she was giving more weight to others in our circle (from my perspective, at that time). One day I decided not to respond to her text to meet up (I don't remember the specific reason why now). We were also very close for a few years and were in the same circle of friends. I think she texted me once more. A few months later, she didn't invite me for her birthday. Anyway, at that point, I thought it was all over since it is pretty major not to be invited to a birthday dinner. I was actually hoping that her birthday dinner would be a chance for us to reconnect. The reason why I want to reconnect now (or when I visit town) is for closure and explain why I behaved that way; our friendship was kind of left hanging. I feel a bit bad because prior to ghosting her, she gave me a gift of a framed photo of both of us. I now live many states away, and she could be married/with kids for all I know as I deleted FB a few years ago. So, my goal is not to go back to old times/become best friends. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
I would definitely contact her if I were you. For one thing, Jesus taught us in many places to seek reconciliation with others, and especially if they have something against us (Matthew 5:21-26). Also, I hate when relationships end without any stated reason why, so I imagine that others might hate it as well.
 
K

Karlon

Well-known member
#20
Mar 8, 2023
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#20
Sculpt said:
Curious.... so what is your understanding of an "unfriendly spirit"? Is that a literal demon on the job? Or instead, is that a spiritual metaphor?
Click to expand...
it's this: at the same establishment on 2 totally different occasions, travelers made a comment: "what's the matter with everyone around here, they look like they want to kill you"! in reference to unfriendly appearances in places, lack of introductions, dull conversation, sad dour faced looks, etc. also, a church i attended for only 7 months was talked about by 7 peop-le i know of as being unfriendly. i know that to be true because i detected an unfriendly spirit there like i never detected before! a couple of women i know said that when they leave this area & come back, they can see the unfriendly dark spirit cloud in the sky.
 
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