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Jullianna
Guest
If you loved someone and they loved you, but you truly felt that you might not be the best person for them, would you walk away or would you try to make it work?
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Based on a feeling of my own inadequacy, no. Based on a feeling of admiration or respect for someone else with an active presence in her life... Possibly. But her opinion would definitely play a role in it too. Maybe she see's something I am blind to... If she really loves me, and I her, then leaving seems foolish for any reason other than divine intervention.
Anymore I don't like the idea of "Making it Work"
I used to think it had something to do with closing the Gap geographically between people. Or overcoming job problems. Or any external problem.
But frankly if people are still dating and "making it work" they are setting themselves up for misery.
In the beginning it should be easy and if its not, then something is wrong. It doesn't have to be anyone's fault. Sometimes trying to fit a round peg in a square hole means that there is just too much that has to change on one side or the other to make it work. And unless there is something seriously wrong with one party, there shouldn't need to be major changes.
If you are who you are and you love you thats good. If people love you for being who you are, then why would you change that for one person?
I used to think it had something to do with closing the Gap geographically between people. Or overcoming job problems. Or any external problem.
But frankly if people are still dating and "making it work" they are setting themselves up for misery.
In the beginning it should be easy and if its not, then something is wrong. It doesn't have to be anyone's fault. Sometimes trying to fit a round peg in a square hole means that there is just too much that has to change on one side or the other to make it work. And unless there is something seriously wrong with one party, there shouldn't need to be major changes.
If you are who you are and you love you thats good. If people love you for being who you are, then why would you change that for one person?
Without derailing the thread, I just have to say... It's different when both people are truly seeking God and have centered their life, and their love, on Him.
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Catlynn
Guest
You'd think so but actually, not always. I speak from experience, not just a humble opinion that I've randomly formed.
Not that it isn't possible, it's just not usually the healthiest relationship option I don't think. Ya know?
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Catlynn
Guest
And as to the OP question, I don't know that I'd feel ok about making that decision for someone else. Something I've had to learn about is that you have to trust other people and let them make their own decisions. It's easy to think that because we know so much about ourselves, that we automatically know whether or not we'd be good for someone else. But what if God sees BOTH of us and our hearts and knows far more what we need and what He needs from us, in the future? It's very possible that our own understanding of the situation or our own view of ourselves isn't necessarily the way that God sees us or the way that the other person does.
I guess it would be different if God actually told you to break it off though, despite both of you loving each other. :/
I guess it would be different if God actually told you to break it off though, despite both of you loving each other. :/
If that was in fact the case then whatever their foundation was, should be capable of being effective "glue" in their relationship.
Otherwise two "Godly People" Arbitrarily trying to stick it out, isn't going to replace the necessary function of having a Good Relationship.
People can be good people, that doesn't mean that they are good for each other.
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BarlyGurl
Guest
I find your relationship comments interesting and insightful lately. I would like to add... that people do approach marriage with different agenda's and being that way... does not make those marriages Ungodly or dysfunctional. I am acquainted with some very long, committed and successful marriages that are in no way the sort of marriage I want. I know of couples who have been very successful in "doing life together" but have relationships that entirely lack certain components which are vital to me... like demonstrative affection, playfulness or even joint hobbies. Those marriages seem to be lacking in WARMTH to a degree that would leave me wanting.
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Nike
Guest
yeah I was in a relationship with a guy whom I loved sooo very much, and I believed he did me too, but differences were too many. if we had known better, we'd have tried to conform ourselves not to each other, but to the Bible.
Also need that "click" feeling..
now if I feel that I'm probably not the best person for that person, maybe we just need more communication. but if it's clear that we aren't, and both sides sees it, I think separation would not hurt too much..
Also need that "click" feeling..
now if I feel that I'm probably not the best person for that person, maybe we just need more communication. but if it's clear that we aren't, and both sides sees it, I think separation would not hurt too much..
This is just me, but one of my personal pet peeves is when people say, "Oh, if both people love the Lord and seek Him first above all else in their relationship, (everything is going to work out and they're going to have this wonderful starry-eyed fairytale of a happy ending because God is going to make sure everything is peachy keen!!)"
HA HA HA!!!! If that were true, Christians wouldn't have as high of a divorce rate as non-Christians. I know plenty of committed Christians who married OTHER committed Christians and still wound up divorced for various reasons.
My little brother is very much a Christian, spending several years as youth missionary, and he dated a beautiful pastor's daughter who was a wonderful Christian girl. They were always together and were crazy about each other, with every intention of marrying. Their families also adored each of them and it seemed like the perfect fit.
However, one of the things that ultimately broke them up is that she felt called to her local home church and he felt called to world missions. He felt bored and restless with the idea of staying in the same small town for the rest of his life; she was terrified of leaving everything she'd ever known. It took them a few years to figure this all out and eventually decided their callings were more important than the relationship. What would have happened if they had decided this AFTER marrying, as I think many people do? (P.S. Fast forward about 10 years and each of them are now happily married to others who share their calling, whether local or global.)
God tests our hearts. People talk about "putting God first," but when God REALLY puts us in a situation where we have to choose Him or The Person of Our Dreams, what will we actually choose? I know that in my life, I have surely failed the test.
HA HA HA!!!! If that were true, Christians wouldn't have as high of a divorce rate as non-Christians. I know plenty of committed Christians who married OTHER committed Christians and still wound up divorced for various reasons.
My little brother is very much a Christian, spending several years as youth missionary, and he dated a beautiful pastor's daughter who was a wonderful Christian girl. They were always together and were crazy about each other, with every intention of marrying. Their families also adored each of them and it seemed like the perfect fit.
However, one of the things that ultimately broke them up is that she felt called to her local home church and he felt called to world missions. He felt bored and restless with the idea of staying in the same small town for the rest of his life; she was terrified of leaving everything she'd ever known. It took them a few years to figure this all out and eventually decided their callings were more important than the relationship. What would have happened if they had decided this AFTER marrying, as I think many people do? (P.S. Fast forward about 10 years and each of them are now happily married to others who share their calling, whether local or global.)
God tests our hearts. People talk about "putting God first," but when God REALLY puts us in a situation where we have to choose Him or The Person of Our Dreams, what will we actually choose? I know that in my life, I have surely failed the test.
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Jullianna
Guest
Good post, Kim.
Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants, but what it wants is not always best for all concerned. We can end up hurting people (and ourselves) if we don't heed the warnings. I hate it when that happens.
Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants, but what it wants is not always best for all concerned. We can end up hurting people (and ourselves) if we don't heed the warnings. I hate it when that happens.
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flight316
Guest
Walk away, because eventually one of the two is going to walk away anyway. There is no sense in making a big mess when you know better.
I may just be misunderstanding here, but your last paragraph has me confused. It seems like you're saying that personal failure (choosing our will over God's), even if in general the person is very righteous, is the reason for the failed marriages. How do you think Mark 10:8-11(ish) fits into this?
Tying this directly back in with your OP, what warnings are you thinking need to be heeded? Feelings of inadequacy, or was the OP unrelated to the warnings you were thinking of here?
"...you know better" - Does this line up with Proverbs 3?
Lightning,
My response was aimed more toward what I call "general Christian cookie cutter answers" that I read and hear a lot: "Just trust in the Lord and it will all work out." Of course, I believe in trusting in God. But no matter how much we trust, seek, and pray, there are always going to be personal failures and mistakes.
I'm sorry for derailing the thread a bit--to answer the original post, when I was in a situation of choosing to stay or to walk away, I stayed. Which was probably not the right decision and led to more disaster along the way.
Now, as far as Mark 10:8-11--yes, I know that Jesus talked very much about the sanctity of marriage. But I also know that God says He desires mercy and not sacrifice. I personally believe that if a person is in abusive situation, it is not God's will for them to stay with someone abusive. I could be wrong--I'm sure God will correct me if I am. But I always find it interesting that Jesus' harshest words were not for tax collectors and prostitutes, but the religious leaders who told the people how to obey God. He held nothing back in telling them, "You care more about the law than you care about people"; "the tax collectors and prostitutes are entering heaven before you"; and that ultimately, the day would come when the people who thought they carried out God's law best would be told, "Away from me, I never knew you."
Now, I'm not trying to say that our will and personal mistakes nullify God's Word in any way. But it's also interesting that Jesus was harshly rebuked for healing on the Sabbath--something that was obviously against the law, seeing as it was work, and yet Jesus seemed to do this on purpose at times, just to get their goat. Jesus also pointed out to them an instance in which David and his men broke into the temple and ate the holy bread.
I think above all, we have a God who understands our weaknesses, and while we are commissioned to help each other stay on the right path, I personally feel people need to do a little less judging and a little more encouraging, but that's just me. I see a lot of good Christians slam other people "in the name of the Lord" for things they've never been through (much like the Pharisees.)
I often wonder, if Jesus were here, surely He would correct all of us and put us on the right path. But would He also say to those who preach the loudest, "The divorcees and remarried are entering heaven before you"?
My response was aimed more toward what I call "general Christian cookie cutter answers" that I read and hear a lot: "Just trust in the Lord and it will all work out." Of course, I believe in trusting in God. But no matter how much we trust, seek, and pray, there are always going to be personal failures and mistakes.
I'm sorry for derailing the thread a bit--to answer the original post, when I was in a situation of choosing to stay or to walk away, I stayed. Which was probably not the right decision and led to more disaster along the way.
Now, as far as Mark 10:8-11--yes, I know that Jesus talked very much about the sanctity of marriage. But I also know that God says He desires mercy and not sacrifice. I personally believe that if a person is in abusive situation, it is not God's will for them to stay with someone abusive. I could be wrong--I'm sure God will correct me if I am. But I always find it interesting that Jesus' harshest words were not for tax collectors and prostitutes, but the religious leaders who told the people how to obey God. He held nothing back in telling them, "You care more about the law than you care about people"; "the tax collectors and prostitutes are entering heaven before you"; and that ultimately, the day would come when the people who thought they carried out God's law best would be told, "Away from me, I never knew you."
Now, I'm not trying to say that our will and personal mistakes nullify God's Word in any way. But it's also interesting that Jesus was harshly rebuked for healing on the Sabbath--something that was obviously against the law, seeing as it was work, and yet Jesus seemed to do this on purpose at times, just to get their goat. Jesus also pointed out to them an instance in which David and his men broke into the temple and ate the holy bread.
I think above all, we have a God who understands our weaknesses, and while we are commissioned to help each other stay on the right path, I personally feel people need to do a little less judging and a little more encouraging, but that's just me. I see a lot of good Christians slam other people "in the name of the Lord" for things they've never been through (much like the Pharisees.)
I often wonder, if Jesus were here, surely He would correct all of us and put us on the right path. But would He also say to those who preach the loudest, "The divorcees and remarried are entering heaven before you"?
J
Jullianna
Guest
It is a hypothetical question. But, like one of the other posters, I have been there. God can show us these things very clearly.
C
Catlynn
Guest
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See_KING_Truth
Guest
I've never walked away because I thought I wasn't the best person for "them"
My prideful and arrogant disposition (I need God's help with this) would tell me that I am the best person for everybody!
I have however tried to make it work even while having the feeling that it'd never work out. I have walked away many times because I was shown time and time again that it was not God's will for me to be with those people.
My prideful and arrogant disposition (I need God's help with this) would tell me that I am the best person for everybody!
I have however tried to make it work even while having the feeling that it'd never work out. I have walked away many times because I was shown time and time again that it was not God's will for me to be with those people.