Your Friends & Dating

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
A friend called me up Thursday night and said, "Hey haven't seen you in awhile, lets go do something after work." It sounded like fun, but I also knew what this meant. He was no longer with his girlfriend. I had learned early on when he gets into a relationship, he shuts everyone else out. Once the relationship ends, then he starts to contact everyone again. I accept a lesser degree of freedom with my married guy friends, even more so with the ones with kids, but I find this dynamic somewhat frustrating at times.

I think we all will give our primary attention to our romantic relationships in our efforts to deepen them, but to what extent do you let them change your friendship dynamics? Are you like my friend who begins to shut out all of your friends to focus on the relationship? Can you find balance between the two? How to you maintain both?

Also, do you have a friend who shuts you out once s/he gets into a relationship? How do you feel or adjust to the back and forth when they are in and out of relationships and then are also in and out of your active friendship?
 
Only thing that comes to mind is I Corinthians 7:32-34

32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

Yeah I know it is not germane to this specific matter. But the principle can be analogous.
 
hoss2576 said:
I think we all will give our primary attention to our romantic relationships in our efforts to deepen them, but to what extent do you let them change your friendship dynamics? Are you like my friend who begins to shut out all of your friends to focus on the relationship? Can you find balance between the two? How to you maintain both?
Click to expand...

I once did that. I shut out all my friends because I was with a girl who demanded all my time and energy. Eventually she left me shattered. The ones who took me back were my friends. So I learnt a good lesson that no matter what, always know who are the friends who must matter to you. And keep them close to your heart whether you are in a relationship or not. I would go to the extent and say that whoever I date must be able to get along with them. I have matured to a point where I think no matter how much you love your partner, you both need some "time-out". And that "time-out" is best spent with friends.

hoss2576 said:
Also, do you have a friend who shuts you out once s/he gets into a relationship? How do you feel or adjust to the back and forth when they are in and out of relationships and then are also in and out of your active friendship?
Click to expand...

After I did that mistake once, I have realised that friends are too precious to let go for any reason (unless they are a bad influence on you). Though if someone were to do that, I would accept it and move on. But they can't come back and expect the same level of friendship if they have shut me out once.
 
Seems most people close up when they get into a relationship. How many people here on CC disappear when they enter a relationship and pop back up when that relationship ends? Most that i know of.
 
All of my friends are married, so I can't really say. We all hang out as a group together on a regular basis. If I were to start dating I would hope that my date would spend some time with my group, and I with his group, on occasion.
 
I've never been able to ignore anyone when in a relationship because I've had it done to me many times and it hurt more than I'd care to admit. So when I am in a relationship I go the extra mile and try to spend time with both my friends and the person involved. In the past I've even introduced them to each other so we could do stuff together. I disagree with ignoring everyone else because you are in a relationship.
 
I'm not the type of girl who stops hanging out with her friends because she's dating someone. And I want the guy I'm dating to spend time with his friends too. If we can merge the groups sometimes, then that's great.



It is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves when one of my female friends gets a boyfriend and drops me. When that has happened, I've been known to confront them about it. Sometimes people genuinely don't realize how their actions effect other people. However, if the person abandons me every time some guy smiles at her, I'm out. She and I will no longer be friends.



giphy.gif
 
I have a friend and also a relative who does the whole shut everyone off thing. It can be really frustrating. After a while I just kind of decided to stop giving them much attention. I am there for them if they want to talk, or hang out. I just don't really give them the same attention I would someone who treats me in a better fashion. It certainly changes the way I value the friendship, or relationship and is unfortunate.
 
DuchessAimee said:
I'm not the type of girl who stops hanging out with her friends because she's dating someone. And I want the guy I'm dating to spend time with his friends too. If we can merge the groups sometimes, then that's great.
Click to expand...

If I were you, I wouldn't merge two groups of friends. If there is ever a fight between you and your guy, it would spill out in the group. Or what if both groups don't like each other? They may not tell you that they find the other group awkward, lest it cause you some discomfort. It is best that you have your group of friends and he has his own. After all, isn't that part of one's individual identity?

I would introduce the girl to my group of friends but I wouldn't take her along every time I go out with them. Neither would I expect to be taken along every time she goes to meet her friends. Plus, if she ever suggests we join both the groups, it is a deal-breaker for me.
 
I really value my friendships. Until recently, I've always been single. I'm not going to drop my friends because I'm now in a relationship. I think it's very important to introduce my girlfriend to my friends and for them to get to know each other. Hopefully some of them will really get along, I think they will. It's more understandable, although still difficult, when your friends get married and then you barely see them for a time, but they need serious time to get to know each other early on. Thankfully, I'm still close with that married couple.
 
I've only dated one guy and when that happened I shut everyone out for the most part. We did occasionally hang out with friends and family but it was rare enough that people felt like my world was all about him. He also demanded a lot of my time as well. And at the same time, we started dating the summer my friends got married and had kids... And I wasn't friends with my friends husbands so there was distance there and I wasn't sure how to approach my friends who were busy with their own families. Years later, I found out that my friends felt like I wasn't interested in hanging out with them anymore, but reality was I just didn't know what the boundaries were and they never reached out to me (I honestly was the only one trying) so how was I suppose to know?

Now that I am out of that relationship I understand this balance... Especially knowing that no matter who is in my life, God deserves to be my #1 priority and my time, then everything else will fall into place.
 
When you start a relationship that evolves into a spiritual, intimate, romantic relationship how you view the outside world must change as well. I am not saying that you should shut out your outside friends but the dynamic has indeed changed. The dynamic also changes in your personal relationship with the Lord. As your love increases for the Lord the you love that you have for your mate will also increase. Your desires and the priorities you set with the Lord will determine your desires and priorities for your mate. Friends can be fleeting or elusive but exclusive relationships are enduring. Your love for mate will increase while focus on outside friendships must decrease. I believe that this is how God views relationships.
 
DuchessAimee said:
I'm not the type of girl who stops hanging out with her friends because she's dating someone. And I want the guy I'm dating to spend time with his friends too. If we can merge the groups sometimes, then that's great.



It is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves when one of my female friends gets a boyfriend and drops me. When that has happened, I've been known to confront them about it. Sometimes people genuinely don't realize how their actions effect other people. However, if the person abandons me every time some guy smiles at her, I'm out. She and I will no longer be friends.



giphy.gif
Click to expand...


It happened to me too. Maybe my friend was afraid I was going to steal her new boyfriend that's why she dropped me. Whatever, I dont really care. Those fair weather friends deserve the unfriend treatment. Its their loss because they don't know how to value a real friend.
 
Am I the type of guy who will stop hangin' with friends because I am in a relationship?

I dunno. We have to test this. First, I need a girlfriend. Any takers?

nerd.jpg

ladies???
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back