honestly i was just like you, until well i got changed, i use to wonder " what if im just wasting my life, i don't know what is real" ( before God saved me of course) i mean how can anyone know and really FEEEL what is the truth? they are more than 1000 religions how can anyone know what is real, i was never like this, living a christian life was just another guy " enjoying " his life a lot of parties smoking not really caring about anything, until something happen to me, i had a near death experience then reality hit me like a ton of bricks " I COULD'VE DIED! where would i had gone? " so after that i was determined to find out what the truth is ( i grew up in a christian home but i wasn't really into it) so i went and confess all my wrong doings to my mom, and went to church, then something miraculous happen, i was determined to change and find an anwser i literally surrendered my life to God at church and when i did something supernatural happen that i never experienced in my life..in this event that was taking place it like hit me off of my feet and i started weeping on the floor ( im not someone who would cry just like that) and was crying out thank you jesus, i didn't know why but i was and couldn't help myself, then after church was over this hunger came over me like never before i just had to knew Jesus and know about him never felt nothing like that in my life was like i hadn't eaten in weeks, so i went home and start reading the bible, then i notice something different, it was like it was completely magnified i understood exactly what everything was saying then i came across this verse 2 Corinthians 5:17
King James Version (KJV)
17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
i understood that this had happen to me, but honestly the only way we can truely understand what is real is from a spiritual birth, this is my prayer for you but you gotta want it first, it's a free gift and to me the biggest evidence to tell what is real is, we are all gentiles and the bible says we do the things contained in the law( commandments) so after looking at this the commandment have 7 Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain
take a good look at it, it may seem like a small deal but really take a look at it, and look at the world every single person even atheist, muslims everyone cannot help themselves but say J**** Ch*** i didn't want to say it but you get what i am saying, why do they say that name? why not John brown or something? do you see what i am getting at? just remember this and when you go to work or something or even watch a movie i'm sure you will find this God bless
t t t
AMEN! My Christian brother from Barbados.
BlackShuck please read this too. I too personally know that broken, crushed by guilt, feeling in my heart, and weeping like a baby, and crying out to GOD.
I used to think that just going to Church once in awhile made me a Christian, even though I day dreamed through every sermon. Someone should have told me back then, that sitting in a Church did not make me a Christian any more than sitting in a Garage would make me a car. Back in the early 70s, I got caught up in the Party-Hardy lifestyle, drifting further and further into that sinful lifestyle, and stopped going to Church all together. At one all night party, I met young woman my age and in a whirlwind romance we were talking marriage in a few weeks, for all the wrong reasons. We got married after knowing each other for only 6 months, AND 6 months after that, on Christmas Eve no less, she demanded a divorce because she said I could not earn enough money to buy her the things she wanted in life. Honest that is the reason she gave me; and I worked full time for the Post Office.
I knew it was a serious thing to break a vow to GOD, even a marriage vow. The bottom dropped out of my entire life, and emotionally I hit bottom hard, drowning in depression.
{Before I tell you what happened next; PLEASE, NO ONE attempt to do what I DID. GOD SHOULD HAVE LET ME DIE THAT WEEK after Christmas, because I did know the Bible said: "Thou shalt not tempt the Lord your GOD".} In that deep depression, I felt like a TOTAL failure, because I could do NOTHING to save my marriage, because of money. The immense hurt inside me, drove me to NOT want to see another day. I loaded a pistol, and I did not care if I hurt my parents, or my brothers and sister, nor anyone else. All I cared about was making sure the shot was FATAL. I put that pistol to my temple, and then . . . hatred for the hurt she was causing me, added another sick twist to my plan. I called her up, because I wanted her to hear the shot, to just get even with her. I put that pistol back against my temple, and started to pull that trigger. THEN to my SHOCK, with the trigger half pulled, SHEAR TERROR overwhelmed me. I was not afraid to die, in fact ceasing to exist was a pleasing thought to me at that time. BUT THIS TERROR, was way beyond what a man with a knife to my throat could cause. I knew it was because I was standing in the doorway to Hades and HELL, about to walk in; AND I KNEW HELL WAS FOREVER. In a panic I put the pistol down and hung up the phone. Two nights later, I tried it again without the phone call, and the exact same TERROR overwhelmed me.
The next night I tried a third attempt. That afternoon, I saw a road crew pouring a thick layer of fresh gravel on a dirt road. I had that night off at work, the 29th of December, 1978. So I went to a bar and started drinking early. I kept thinking about that dirt road as I got drunker and drunker. I knew the most dangerous surface to ride a motorcycle on was loose gravel, so by closing time I had me a sure fire plan to arrange a fatal accident for myself. I drove my car home, THANK GOD I did not run over somebody. I fired up my dirt bike and deliberately left my helmet home.
As I approached the beginning of that loose gravel mile, riding drunker than I had ever been; I cranked the throttle wide open. I shamefully looked up at the sky and taunted God, "If you want me, you can take me anywhere you want on this mile, because I do not want to live to see another day!" I hit the start of that mile with no helmet, leaning over the handle bars to make sure I hit head first, at wide open 65 mph. The dirt bike did not even wobble, and it felt like I was riding on smooth pavement. At the half mile mark, I even shook my head and thought what's going on here; while checking to make sure the throttle was still wide open. Finally I hit the end of that mile and was back on the pavement. I backed off on the throttle and slowly rode the two miles back to home.
That was about 1:30 AM when I got home, and I sat up the rest of the night, sobering up and thinking about what had happened. About 5:00 AM as I was walking into my bed room, it happened. SUDDENLY I realized that I cannot ride a dirt bike like that, even sober; and I KNEW GOD HAD REACHED DOWN AND GRABBED THAT BIKE AS IF TO SAY, "NO YOU DON'T, I HAVE A PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE." In a flash, something in me BROKE, and I think it was the pride in running my own life, my own way. Then a
rush of guilt over my utter sinfulness came in and washed over me. I found myself on my knees weeping like a baby, crying out to GOD, "Lord forgive me! If you have a purpose for my life, You will have to come into my heart and You will have to run my life, because I can't do it. I am making a total mess of it."
That is the night I was born again. DID HE COME INTO MY HEART? OH MY YES! He changed me from the inside out. He made me sick of my Country Music one night at work, and I changed the radio channel, and discovered we had a Christian Radio Station. Dr. John MacArthur was just starting a series on Revelations, on his "Grace To You" radio program. I genuinely was hearing the WORD taught for the first time in my life, and it was exciting, and I hungered for more, and more. He brought a godly woman into my life and a year later we married; now 34 years and counting. He put it on my heart to move us west and I did not know why?
To make a long story short, I found He wanted me to start a Prison Ministry at Pelican Bay State Prison near Crescent City, CA. I was a Volunteer Chaplain there for 9 years, and then later for 6 more years, at another Prison near Susanville, CA. Though I am retired now, and moved to be near grandchildren, as they grew up; I still enjoy discussing the Bible and encouraging others with my testimony.
Like I said before; PLEASE do not test the LORD as I did, because I believe with my whole heart, He had the right to just let me kill myself. ONLY because of HIS MERCY and GRACE am I here to tell my story.
What I know for sure that I did that night, was one, repent and MOURN over my total sinfulness, not just for attempting suicide. And then the most important part, I totally surrendered control of my life to Jesus Christ as my LORD, willingly accepting HIM as my MASTER and KING.
Psalm 51:17 (NIV)
[SUP]
17 [/SUP] The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Psalm 34:18 (NKJV)
[SUP]
18 [/SUP] The LORD
is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
John 1:12-13 (NKJV)
[SUP]
12 [/SUP] But
as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those
who believe in His name:
[SUP]
13 [/SUP]
who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but
of God.
Colossians 2:6 (NIV)
[SUP]
6 [/SUP] So then, just as
you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him,
read acts chap 2 
