Tough on love
- Thread starter MrMoo
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I am going to be totally honest now, hopefully this will help MrMoo.
I had 6 sexual encounters before I got married and I am ashamed to say 4 of them were when I was backslidden.
I didn't go looking for them in a sense but they happened. Now after each occasion something happened to me. Mainly guilt, and the ladies concerned who pretty and fun all of a sudden were not and I had to break the relationship off.
not being corse but it reall was 'leg over now use the legs to run away' and I wasn't proud of myself.
I just couldn't understand it. When I came back to church I avoided any kind of romantic relationship. Any time a friendship looked like it was going beyond to a relationship severe anxiety hit me and I ran away. In fact I did this with my now wife.
As I thought about this analogy came to me.
One man, one woman - one flesh. It's one and it's complete. Like this ruler
When either party then leaves that ruler is no longer complete it is now
BROKEN.
Look at the jagged edges. Splintered and jagged and parts missing. The jagged edges are the hurt. pain, emotions, guilt and everything that results as a result of what is basically fornication. You see when I used my legs to run not only did I damage myself I also damaged the other person. I left them splintered, hurt and in pain, feeling used and useless and not lovable. I realised also I did the same to me.
Every time we move on to the next partner that ruler gets more broken, more jagged and another missing part of us.
When I realised that I broke down before God in tears.
Fistly I had to ask God for forgivness, my focus was forgivness of what I did the those ladies. What I left them with, I asked that they would find in thier heart to forgive me and that he would heal them and set them free.
Then I asked God to forgive me and set me free and heal me.
As my wife and I got back together I actually explained the above and that's why I broke up with her, I was starting to deal with all the above and if she found out she would want nothing to do with me(just to clarify we did not have sex before we were married) As you can see it didn't, she saw what I was and it's not what I now was.
I have heard people say who are Christians and had sex outside of marriage and those who were not but now are say "I am a born again virgin"
Thats rubbish we are born again beleivers. Once you have given your virginity to someone it is lost.
When it comes to sex God gave us purity, that's our virginity, and he gave us the ideal of when we should give it away. That's when one man - one woman come together and become one flesh.
In the context of marriage, a life covenant with your partner.
There is hope when we get it wrong, there is healing, forgivness. God dealing with the jagged edges so that when we make that life long covenant with our partner then as I and my wife are
I had 6 sexual encounters before I got married and I am ashamed to say 4 of them were when I was backslidden.
I didn't go looking for them in a sense but they happened. Now after each occasion something happened to me. Mainly guilt, and the ladies concerned who pretty and fun all of a sudden were not and I had to break the relationship off.
not being corse but it reall was 'leg over now use the legs to run away' and I wasn't proud of myself.
I just couldn't understand it. When I came back to church I avoided any kind of romantic relationship. Any time a friendship looked like it was going beyond to a relationship severe anxiety hit me and I ran away. In fact I did this with my now wife.
As I thought about this analogy came to me.
One man, one woman - one flesh. It's one and it's complete. Like this ruler
When either party then leaves that ruler is no longer complete it is now
BROKEN.
Look at the jagged edges. Splintered and jagged and parts missing. The jagged edges are the hurt. pain, emotions, guilt and everything that results as a result of what is basically fornication. You see when I used my legs to run not only did I damage myself I also damaged the other person. I left them splintered, hurt and in pain, feeling used and useless and not lovable. I realised also I did the same to me.
Every time we move on to the next partner that ruler gets more broken, more jagged and another missing part of us.
When I realised that I broke down before God in tears.
Fistly I had to ask God for forgivness, my focus was forgivness of what I did the those ladies. What I left them with, I asked that they would find in thier heart to forgive me and that he would heal them and set them free.
Then I asked God to forgive me and set me free and heal me.
As my wife and I got back together I actually explained the above and that's why I broke up with her, I was starting to deal with all the above and if she found out she would want nothing to do with me(just to clarify we did not have sex before we were married) As you can see it didn't, she saw what I was and it's not what I now was.
I have heard people say who are Christians and had sex outside of marriage and those who were not but now are say "I am a born again virgin"
Thats rubbish we are born again beleivers. Once you have given your virginity to someone it is lost.
When it comes to sex God gave us purity, that's our virginity, and he gave us the ideal of when we should give it away. That's when one man - one woman come together and become one flesh.
In the context of marriage, a life covenant with your partner.
There is hope when we get it wrong, there is healing, forgivness. God dealing with the jagged edges so that when we make that life long covenant with our partner then as I and my wife are
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I was thinking about this thread a little more and it's funny... We humans rant against God's rules and restrictions and claim to want freedom, but in truth, we actually do WANT rules--ESPECIALLY when it comes to sex. We just want to be able to bend and rewrite them to fit our own wants.
For example, the original poster is making an argument that unmarried people should be allowed to have sex and not have to follow what he sees as a futile rule, and there are many people who would agree with this argument.
However, I'm guessing these same people wouldn't be very happy at the thought of someone ELSE sleeping with THEIR girlfriend or boyfriend. This means that while they claim to want the "freedom" to pursue unmarried sex, they STILL want a rule about it that says, "STRICTLY OFF LIMITS to anyone else except me with this person!"
Let's go to an even darker place: what if someone wants to have sex with your daughter? And your daughter is 8 years old. Hopefully, most people would want to have a solid rule in place that would strictly guard against this type of behavior. Some people advocate sex with children as much as unmarried people advocate fornication, which proves a point that people will follow and justify their own highly individual desires, making rules necessary.
We humans constantly rail against God over HIS rules, but at the same time, we all WANT rules to be established and to be strictly adhered to. It all boils down to a matter of whose rules we want to follow... and following our own not only takes away a universal standard, but it also gets us into a whole heap of trouble.
It's ironic to me that people actually DO want, and even need, a set of rules to be obeyed --it's just that when we leave God out, we're left to the mess of trying to decide WHICH rules to follow... and how to handle it when people break "our" rules--because, ironically, no matter what rules are set, there will always be groups who see them as invalid, and not something they personally have to follow--just as many of us try to do with God's rules as well.
I'll be the first to admit that "The Rules" can be a total drag, and even make life feel impossible at times.
But I guess for myself, I already know that no matter what I choose in life, I'm GOING to have to adhere to SOME set of rules, so even though I know I can't follow them perfectly... it just seems like an easier decision for me to follow God's rather than to try to pick and choose which human rules to obey.
At the end of the day, it all boils down to choosing what, or Whom, to follow.
For example, the original poster is making an argument that unmarried people should be allowed to have sex and not have to follow what he sees as a futile rule, and there are many people who would agree with this argument.
However, I'm guessing these same people wouldn't be very happy at the thought of someone ELSE sleeping with THEIR girlfriend or boyfriend. This means that while they claim to want the "freedom" to pursue unmarried sex, they STILL want a rule about it that says, "STRICTLY OFF LIMITS to anyone else except me with this person!"
Let's go to an even darker place: what if someone wants to have sex with your daughter? And your daughter is 8 years old. Hopefully, most people would want to have a solid rule in place that would strictly guard against this type of behavior. Some people advocate sex with children as much as unmarried people advocate fornication, which proves a point that people will follow and justify their own highly individual desires, making rules necessary.
We humans constantly rail against God over HIS rules, but at the same time, we all WANT rules to be established and to be strictly adhered to. It all boils down to a matter of whose rules we want to follow... and following our own not only takes away a universal standard, but it also gets us into a whole heap of trouble.
It's ironic to me that people actually DO want, and even need, a set of rules to be obeyed --it's just that when we leave God out, we're left to the mess of trying to decide WHICH rules to follow... and how to handle it when people break "our" rules--because, ironically, no matter what rules are set, there will always be groups who see them as invalid, and not something they personally have to follow--just as many of us try to do with God's rules as well.
I'll be the first to admit that "The Rules" can be a total drag, and even make life feel impossible at times.
But I guess for myself, I already know that no matter what I choose in life, I'm GOING to have to adhere to SOME set of rules, so even though I know I can't follow them perfectly... it just seems like an easier decision for me to follow God's rather than to try to pick and choose which human rules to obey.
At the end of the day, it all boils down to choosing what, or Whom, to follow.
