"DATE" Who should pay Men? women? Shared? or???

[seoulsearch]

Do I seem cold or mean? im sure I do, cause i put thing blunt and to the point I don't walk on eggshells I just say what I think. and hopefully someone learns something from it. maybe some young girl will read my rants and say "wow I will make sure I never end up like the women he is talking about" or a young guy will read my rants and say to himself "yeah using women just for bed fun isn't cool I won't be that kind of guy" but IDK time will tell.

In all honesty Wise, since you're all about being blunt, and I understand that... I get that you've been through some tough things and I'm truly sorry about that, but we all have. I understand that you've been rejected, but we all have, and sometimes in terrible ways. I get what you're saying in your posts but you always sound like every person is exactly like every one else, and you never acknowledge that other people have been just as, or even more, hurt and rejected than you.

Mostly when I read your posts, I'm thinking... I hope I don't become that bitter and hateful towards all people, including the ones who never did anything wrong to me. And I hope I never lump everyone into one huge category of being stupid sex-crazed idiots who pop out multiple kids with random people. I do know it's tempting to stereotype sometimes, but I hope I don't get to that point.

I do understand what you're saying though. I'm someone who has little patience with people as well, which is why I've thought about working nights permanently. And I go grocery shopping around 6 or 7, because like you, I hate having to deal with crowds.

I understand bitterness for sure, and I understand anger very well. But you do realize, right, that as much as you think you have control and tell people like it is, you're not the one in control?

It sounds like the bitterness and hate took the driver's seat a long time ago.

Mostly, your posts remind me that I need to keep asking God for more help. And... I also pray for you. I know that probably offends you too, but... I'll take that risk.

 

[jsr1221]

im already at that point with going out for groceries... if I do it in the day hours I won't be hungry for a week... plus standing on line for 30 minutes cause they have 25 registers and only 1 open really gets me mouthing off. so I go out about 330am. nice and quiet outside of the drunks.

as for forgive past hurts, oh I have. I just never forget. if you do me wrong once you are done, ill never have anything to do with you again. that is how I am always have been that way. and needless to say only a handful have made it this long around me. but they say in life you will only have a handful of true friends.

I get inpatient sometimes with things like that too, but I don't plan on going to places where there's virtually no one there. It sounds like you give up on people too quick and easily. I've been in the same boat when it comes to relationships. Yes I may have forgiven them but at the same time haven't completely turned it over to God. I feel that's why I'm in the situation I'm in now. God doesn't want us to hold onto resentment. Or to even be alone. We're called for all different kinds of relationships. He didn't create Eve just because God was bored. And for women that may deal with the same things, God didn't create Adam just because He was bored. We're all flawed, but there is good out there. You just have to look.

 

[wisebeardman]

In all honesty Wise, since you're all about being blunt, and I understand that... I get that you've been through some tough things and I'm truly sorry about that, but we all have. I understand that you've been rejected, but we all have, and sometimes in terrible ways. I get what you're saying in your posts but you always sound like every person is exactly like every one else, and you never acknowledge that other people have been just as, or even more, hurt and rejected than you.

Mostly when I read your posts, I'm thinking... I hope I don't become that bitter and hateful towards all people, including the ones who never did anything wrong to me. And I hope I never lump everyone into one huge category of being stupid sex-crazed idiots who pop out multiple kids with random people. I do know it's tempting to stereotype sometimes, but I hope I don't get to that point.

I do understand what you're saying though. I'm someone who has little patience with people as well, which is why I've thought about working nights permanently. And I go grocery shopping around 6 or 7, because like you, I hate having to deal with crowds.

I understand bitterness for sure, and I understand anger very well. But you do realize, right, that as much as you think you have control and tell people like it is, you're not the one in control?

It sounds like the bitterness and hate took the driver's seat a long time ago.

Mostly, your posts remind me that I need to keep asking God for more help. And... I also pray for you. I know that probably offends you too, but... I'll take that risk.

Don't take what I say to be bitterness or hatefulness cause it is not. As for my postings I post my thoughts on how I feel about things. Do others go though the same things as I or worse? of course. But when a question is asked I will give my thoughts on it as I see things. Just as you or anyone else may do.

Just cause I am not in control of others, don't mean I have to approve and like what others do. And telling people what I think has nothing to do about control anyway, like I said maybe just maybe someone will learn from it and NOT make the mistakes so many others have.

as for someone praying for me offending me, that's not true at all. Actually I pray that these young boys and girls grow up to have some morals and common sense and not just throw themselves away to the world.

 

[Tintin]

This always makes me curious. When a girl has never been on a date, it's usually because no guy has asked her yet. But when a guy has never been on a date, what the what? Are you shy, or have you not met anyone you wanted to go out with?

Well, it's not as simple as all that. For example in my case: I asked a few girls out in high school and was rejected. I asked a couple girls out after that and was rejected. In my early twenties I went on a date with a girl and it didn't last beyond that night. Sometime after she began a relationship with another guy from my church. She eventually got engaged and then married him and now has two children (I don't see them any more, but I get along well with them). The connection wasn't there so it wasn't difficult to leave it at one date. Then I asked out a few girls in my uni days and was rejected. One of them became a really good friend of mine and not soon after started a relationship with a friend of hers, got engaged and then married. I'm great friends with both of them.

The reason I was rejected by so many girls varies. I'm sure some just weren't interested in me, some were already in relationships, engaged or married (all no-go zones). Every time the same thing was said, "Christian, you're a great guy, but...". I wasn't needy or desperate or anything, in fact, I tended to put girls on pedestals. My first relationship began just before I turned 31. It didn't last. I'm still working on my confidence in Christ and I have so much to learn, but I'm getting closer. Maybe in time I'll pursue someone. But not just yet. Not for awhile.

 

[Jeanna]

The idea depends on how one views this situation :


A) From the modern Western world's perspective, they probably would share the cost (even if they have serious intentions
about their relationship);

B) From the biblical perspective, I think, the man should be responsible, if he is serious about the girl. If they are just friends
and no other feelings attached, - then it is different!


Maybe that is why many things are wrong in our society, including relationships, because the priorities aren't set right
and therefore there is no harmony. God appointed men to be the head of the household, - not women!


P.S. By the way, some of these best traditions are preserved in some Eastern cultures to this day.

 

[Tintin]

View attachment 98577

The idea depends on how one views this situation :


A) From the modern Western world's perspective, they probably would share the cost (even if they have serious intentions
about their relationship);

B) From the biblical perspective, I think, the man should be responsible, if he is serious about the girl. If they are just friends
and no other feelings attached, - then it is different!


Maybe that is why many things are wrong in our society, including relationships, because the priorities aren't set right
and therefore there is no harmony. God appointed men to be the head of the household, - not women!


P.S. By the way, some of these best traditions are preserved in some Eastern cultures to this day.

I don't think it's as simple as all that. Not all biblical traditions are valid in this day and age. The truth is absolute and remains the same, but that's different. Back in the Bible times, most women didn't have an income and that's largely been the case up until relatively recently. Women now have wages, therefore they can sometimes share the costs. The man is the provider, but that doesn't always mean in the physical. Many women have jobs and therefore have their own income. Times change.

 

[relientkchick_4]

im already at that point with going out for groceries... if I do it in the day hours I won't be hungry for a week... plus standing on line for 30 minutes cause they have 25 registers and only 1 open really gets me mouthing off. so I go out about 330am. nice and quiet outside of the drunks.

as for forgive past hurts, oh I have. I just never forget. if you do me wrong once you are done, ill never have anything to do with you again. that is how I am always have been that way. and needless to say only a handful have made it this long around me. but they say in life you will only have a handful of true friends.

thats not forgiveness at all thats just pretending to cover it up pretending that it doesn't hurt

Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

 

[MollyConnor]

Well since I will wait for him to ask me out, then I would expect him to pay. But if we have been dating for weeks already and I went ahead and asked him to the movies, for example, then I would pay because I'm the one who invited. That's what my mom says. Whoever invites, pays.

I think it's because, what if I invited him and he doesn't have money? It's best that the person inviting has the funds to pay because then they're putting the other in an uncomfortable position.

I will say this though, I would love to be asked out, picked up, treated like a lady, have doors opened for me and for the date to be paid for by the man. Kinda like a 50s woman....that's what I would want!

 

[Cee]

This is an easy problem to solve, just call her up and offer to let her take you out on a date.

Since she's taking you out, she pays. Simple!

When I'm on a date, I love when a girl reaches for her purse, but then I tell her I got it. I am also impressed when after I buy something she offers to pay for the next thing. Which then I can decide to either let her pay or I will. It's all God's money anyways. He provides for both of us.

On the topic of chivalry, I will open a door for a girl, i.e. in the restaurant, but I've only opened a car door etc maybe once or twice. I guess it seemed a bit disingenuous for me. I wasn't raised that way. I wonder if that will change when I'm married. I think maybe I would flat out ask my wife. "Would you appreciate it if I opened the car door, stand up for you, and gently slide the chair in for you? Or is that not a big deal?" If she felt like it was a big deal and she felt honored by it. I'd probably do it.

Just as Christ loves and cares His church.

C.

 

[christian74]

I like presents as much as the next girl but I also like giving them as well (in a balanced relationship.)

One of my best memories ever is the year I was married and the original Playstation was about to come out. The advertising was everywhere and my husband would drool every time he saw it... but money was tight and I told him, "I'm sorry honey, we can't afford it... Maybe next year."

However, the truth was that I was actually lying to him. I was saving my own money, bit by bit, dollar by dollar, and couldn't wait to go to the store to buy one for him. And when I finally did, I couldn't contain it. I bought one within the first days of its release and hid it in the house for a week... but wound up giving it to him early because I was so excited. The look on his face was just... it had no price.

Best. Christmas. Ever.

It makes me so sad that our marriage disintegrated but there were some moments I still treasure.

Ha.. I can just picture everything in color, and feel what both of you were feeling up to certain extent, as if I'm looking at it from a close hidden window.

I bet the look on his face was priceless indeed since because it was something he REALLY wanted it yet didn't expect to have it in his hands any time soon. Then,.. I am absolutely sure, you were the one who was much more excited and happier than him because of knowing how much he will be excited when he see that grey-console with Sony logo on it. (a mild smile)

 

[Yeraza_Bats]

would you believe me if i told you that all guys are exactly the same?

Ugh, this is something that irks the crap out of me when I hear a women say it.

I could understand why a woman would not want to hear this as well


And I like the idea, whoever asks, pays. Its a good standard to go by. And with me a woman wouldnt even /have/ to pay, just the fact that she offered to pay for me would say alot about her. (if she asked me out I mean)
I would still be more than willing to pay for myself anyways.

And as for the woman spending alot of money on herserlf before a date anyways, what would that entail?

I actually strongly prefer simple, "plain" women. I would actually really like it if she didnt look real fancy when we went out, because thats not really my interest either

 

[Lynx]

You don't have to marry anyone. Just go sit in a library for an hour, look at the people there, and find something good about each one.

Especially in the library in my town. I sometimes borrow their faster internet connection to download a large file and they are always talking about something, usually something amusing.

would you believe me if i told you that all guys are exactly the same?

Oh shoot I sure hope not. There's a few guys I would really not like to be the same as...

Well since I will wait for him to ask me out, then I would expect him to pay. But if we have been dating for weeks already and I went ahead and asked him to the movies, for example, then I would pay because I'm the one who invited. That's what my mom says. Whoever invites, pays.

I think it's because, what if I invited him and he doesn't have money? It's best that the person inviting has the funds to pay because then they're putting the other in an uncomfortable position.

I will say this though, I would love to be asked out, picked up, treated like a lady, have doors opened for me and for the date to be paid for by the man. Kinda like a 50s woman....that's what I would want!

EXACTLY! Asking someone out and not paying for the date would be like asking someone to help you air up your tires and then saying "Oh shoot, I don't have any change... would you mind putting a few quarters in the air machine?"

 

[melita916]

this thread has taught me so much lol

 

[CatHerder]

...would you believe me if i told you that all guys are exactly the same?

umm....did anyone read her entire post? If ya did, ya'd know that she meant the opposite of this.





context. context. context.

 

[Lynx]

I knew what she meant. I was agreeing with her.

 

[GandalfTheWhite]

This always makes me curious. When a girl has never been on a date, it's usually because no guy has asked her yet. But when a guy has never been on a date, what the what? Are you shy, or have you not met anyone you wanted to go out with?

At school I was the shy guy, then came university and I was the party guy didn't want to date and made some lady friends. I actually found out that I had a good sense of humour and girls like that quirky guy (sometimes).

After school it became easier to date and I believe it is all about confidence...

 

[GandalfTheWhite]

Well, it's not as simple as all that. For example in my case: I asked a few girls out in high school and was rejected. I asked a couple girls out after that and was rejected. In my early twenties I went on a date with a girl and it didn't last beyond that night. Sometime after she began a relationship with another guy from my church. She eventually got engaged and then married him and now has two children (I don't see them any more, but I get along well with them). The connection wasn't there so it wasn't difficult to leave it at one date. Then I asked out a few girls in my uni days and was rejected. One of them became a really good friend of mine and not soon after started a relationship with a friend of hers, got engaged and then married. I'm great friends with both of them.

The reason I was rejected by so many girls varies. I'm sure some just weren't interested in me, some were already in relationships, engaged or married (all no-go zones). Every time the same thing was said, "Christian, you're a great guy, but...". I wasn't needy or desperate or anything, in fact, I tended to put girls on pedestals. My first relationship began just before I turned 31. It didn't last. I'm still working on my confidence in Christ and I have so much to learn, but I'm getting closer. Maybe in time I'll pursue someone. But not just yet. Not for awhile.

I am sure you will find the girl of your dreams my friend. You should come to SA, we have the most beautiful girls in the world... ask me I am married to one

 

[phil38111]

The woman should pay......................for everything.

 

[ChandlerFan]

^That post reminded me of misleading compliments.


The woman should pay.........

































































































































































attention as I shower her with my love and affection


More misleading compliments:


[video=youtube;Ix8NdAXcUig]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix8NdAXcUig[/video]

 

[phil38111]

Seriously, though. When you ask someone to go out that you don't know very well, lets say you met them at the grocery store, it is only appropriate that you pay for the date. And not too many women are asking guys out. But if a guy wanted to go out and go dutch, if a woman made a big deal about that (which they do) then I would call that woman PETTY. lol.
Now if a woman asks you out on a date, after you payed for the date before. Make her pay. It's only fair.


This reminds me when I was dating a Jamaican woman. (or at least was about to)
She told me she had free tickets to the movies. I was like cool we'll go later on. Then she called me later on and basically demanded that the first time we go out that I have to pay for everything, because that is what men are supposed to do. I told her she can go by herself. lol.
Poor Jamaican woman. She had acquired an entitlement complex that she probably learned from the American women when she moved to the US. Why did they have to poison her mind like that? lol. But really if a woman asks me out she can either pay or we can go dutch. I'm not paying for everything when SHE asked me out on a date. That's rude on the woman's part.