why is it almost impossible to find good Christian people to date?

[Exoaria]

By the way, do you even know what a sociopath is? I see you have this in your post, and your profile. A sociopath is a person with no conscience. A Christian is a person, not only with a conscience of their own, but also the Holy Spirit prompting us, as a second conscience. This is why so many killers are labeled sociopaths. They can kill without regret or remorse. Is this you? Could you kill someone and go to bed as if nothing had happened?

You're talking about a psychopath.
A psychopath and a sociopath are two different things.

Anyway, you're most probably right that I am very intolerant of a Christian because I'm already expecting them to start being judgmental and critical (because in my experience they have been far more likely to act such a way as opposed to an atheist) so when they are I'm immediately critical back to them for being way in the first place.

You are very right that I should not apply this to everyone, and so thank you for pointing it out. I will talk to Jesus about it and hopefully I can begin to try and not make these assumptions about every Christian. I have found people on this forum to be far more likely to criticize me than on a secular forum. The evidence does speak for itself, but it doesn't give me an excuse to discredit them for it regardless of how it makes me feel.

You, sir, have great taste in clothing.

Thank you! That is so kind of you!
I'm pretty sure that jacket was a My Chemical Romance replica, hehe.

 

[Exoaria]

The more I read Ugly's post, the happier it makes me.
I really like you. You make me feel like I'm just an ordinary person and I think that's the first time someone's done that here lol. Of course you were trying to put me back in my place and get me off my high horse etc. that doesn't bother me, I appreciate it, but I enjoy that you talked to me as if I had nothing to act different about.

I certainly do I hope I meet more people like you. I'd like to talk with you sometime as well.

 

[Tintin]

Ugly,
I didn't find anything particularly off about Exoaria's post.

 

[Shouryu]

You're talking about a psychopath.
A psychopath and a sociopath are two different things.

Wikipedia actually points out that as far as general psychology is concerned, the two are synonymous.

Psychopathy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"The word-forming element socio has been common in compound words since around 1880, as in the term sociopathy, introduced in 1909 as an alternative to the term psychopathy.[SUP][20][/SUP][SUP][19][/SUP] Hare notes that sociopathy and psychopathy are often used interchangeably, but in some cases the term sociopathy is preferred because it is less likely than is psychopathy to be confused with psychosis, whereas in other cases which term is used may "reflect the user's views on the origins and determinates of the disorder," with the term sociopathy preferred by those that see the causes as due to social factors and early environment, and the term psychopathy preferred by those who believe that there are psychological, biological, and genetic factors involved in addition to environmental factors."

Same symptoms, different causes. Ugly's point described the symptoms.

 

[Shouryu]

Hmm... I didn't find anything particularly off about Exoria's post.

Mmmmmmaybe it's because you're a sociopath, eh? ^_^

 

[Exoaria]

I guess I have to take some responsibility for the pretentious ego that I sometimes enjoy radiating. I haven't been diagnosed with anything that would suggest that I am exhibiting psychopathic behavior - I'd rather not go too deep into my old therapy sessions but they were exploring the possibilities of Borderline. If I had to be completely honest with you, I don't think I'm a sociopath. I am very antisocial, but not to that degree. (At all.)
I enjoy using the word to describe myself in that extreme light, anyone that gets to know me will realize that it's more or less how I squeeze these bits of humor out of whatever bits of self-acknowledgement I can find.

That's also why I more or less tend to agree with what Ugly was saying.

I am pretentious at times, but I think he just took me a bit more serious than I take myself lol - nothing to hold against him. It's perfectly normal, and like I said, I appreciate that he could take me for a bar of soap and talk to me plainly. My post was kind of asking for it flaunting the whole "Hey, look at me, I'm an 18 year old that thinks he's different!"

Truth be told, as I said, I do struggle socially and especially in the Christian sense. But like Ugly was pointing out, that's my problem, and I really shouldn't put all Christians in a box because of that.

Shouryu - I absolutely love that there's a brony on here. Hahaha. This is fantastic.
What's your cutie mark? c;

 

[zeroturbulence]

I've given this same thing considerable thought.


And my conclusion is that there are no good examples. Who are people that I'm suppose to be like? Joel Osteen? Ted Haggard? Shane Claiborne? Rick Warren? Ray Comfort? Who? But just because I'm a Christian doesn't mean I'm going to fit in. In fact sometimes, being a Christian means not making a whole lot of friends at church.

I say this not asking for a Role Model but to point out that the expectation for what a Christian Male is suppose to look like is Very different than what he actually is. Most of the Women that I've met in church seem to want this guy...

Biff McHugs-a-lot.

Worship Pastor .

Biff is everywhere. EV RE WHERE. You'll find him sipping Lattes, strumming his acoustic guitar, reading Francis Chan, talking about struggles and lots of sharing.

Biff somehow seems to make more Biffs. Until there are whole churches filled with Biff. But Biff is the standard, the expectation, the example. Biff is what a Male Christian is suppose to look like. And I guess it must work, as long as you are willing to Be Biff.

As for the rest of us who have no desire to be like Biff, we are single.



Am I going to be attracted to a 25 year old woman who is trying to model her life after the most prominent Christian women in America, like Joyce Meyer or Beth Moore?

I can't speak for most men, but I'm not attracted to women like Joyce and Beth. But we do have Churches filled with Courtneys.

Went off to Christian College, was looking for a Young Michael W. Smith Lookalike. That didn't work out. Now just deciding on which of the Biffs to settle down with. *giggle*








So then there is the rest of us, the ones who wanted more depth than Book of the Month, Instagram and Coffee that the Courtneys had to offer.

The girls who wanted to be more like Christ than fit in, simply didn't see the appeal of Biff. So they too stayed Single.

You rocked it, bro!!!

 

[MrHonest]

When I was a teenager I was desperate for a girlfriend but everywhere I looked it was God telling me to look for Him first. I decided I'd pray about it and wait several months or however many years it takes. I kept dating knowing I'd not find her if I didn't look but at the same time I always remembered the prayer: I asked God that no matter who I try to pick that she love God first over me and the priorities of our relationship revolve around our Father.
So I was around 18 when I asked, in prayer, and me knowing God gives patient sons and daughters who seek Him and follow His commandments in heart, mind, and action. I kept going to church and following His commandments and I was not baptized at the time Dbaptized october 2012) and I gave all my tithes and sometimes offerings. I knew that the teachers, parents, and anyone who attended church was going to be an example for who I should be before I get married and how I should treat my wife so I never ignored positive lessons or criticism. God uses everything to guide us.

I'm 26 and I just met her.. I know its very difficult to believe someone found their perfect match but you have to believe not only did I ask for her to love God first but I said in my prayer,"I know You God give good gifts and that You bless us more than we deserve and You know me full well so Father I ask these extra details about the woman I want to be with, not because its what I deserve, but because I ask. I ask Father that you not recognize my words as selfishness or lustful or wanting but only give me what You will, because it is Yours to give."

Its a big list that I asked for and I never said it in prayer because it felt unnecessary since God knew my heart and my dad always told me that even though we ask a little bit we receive whats in our hearts to ask of our Father because we're asking faithfully. My dad gave me great examples of that.

Its a big list of things I asked of her and that is a miracle that I received that big list. Not because I wanted it of her, but because I asked my Father, if it was His will before mine. Because God is awesome and He only directs us toward good but we have to make the choice to give our hearts, our minds, and our actions to Him.

 

[MrHonest]

Oh and by the way when I met her I thought,"She is not for me at all." It was funny because she thought the same thing of me! But we felt that God told us both,"Keep getting to know each other."

 

[seoulsearch]

Exoaria--

I'm sure people have been harsh with you and I'm sorry for that. We're not all like that, though. I really admire personal style that's a bit different than the mainstream, and it's irresistibly attractive when combined with a kind, sensitive heart.

I went to a Lutheran high school and my best friend there was pretty much the total opposite of me. I'm 5'2"... he was 6'2" with hair almost as long as mine. He dressed in all black, almost all the time--not because he was goth, but just because it was his preference. I, on the other hand, was going through a phase of wearing polka dots or loud neon colors all mashed together (a skirt with 3 tiers, one of each color or two different-colored shoes.) Thinking back, it sure must have been something to see us walking the hall together. He looked like the Grim Reaper brought to life and I looked like a collision of neon signs all on one billboard.

I also had a pair of miniature map-of-the-world globe earrings... My friend later told me he HATED those earrings... but LOVED the fact that I was the only one in school who would wear something like that. It was our way of rebelling against the norm and being our own selves.

You are definitely not alone. Give us a chance and I'm sure you'll find friends here.

(Sorry this is a bit off topic but I didn't want Exoaria to feel ostracized or unwelcome here...)

So... to try to make this post legit... You might say my friend and I were DEFINITELY NOT Biff and Courtney. Ironically, he is now married with a family.

 

[AzureAfire]

Hmmm...

For me, the keyword is "expectations."

It's not impossible to find good Christian people to date. It's just that we keep to a certain personal standard, or bear a certain stereotype in our heads when we think of what Christians look or behave like. It's these mindsets that make it hard for us to "see" people beyond external appearances. Personal biases, if you will. If not standards or stereotypes, our experiences in the past also color our perception of others. The more terrible the experience, the worse we see or perceive other people.

As much as it's important to keep an open mind, what has shaped us through years of exposure and conditioning can be quite difficult to break free from. But not impossible. We do have GOD with us, who has conquered, and will conquer every impossible thing we can imagine (Matthew 19:26).

I, for one, have just recently broken from a seemingly titanium-esque mold: my belief that Godly men are BORING. Unexciting. Not stimulating. Uninspiring. Not challenging. Just hippie-like in their zeal for GOD. Not attractive nor cool in any way.

I believe the enemy has succeeded in deceiving me, and countless others for a very long time. He would do everything to keep us from living Godly lives, and that includes desiring relationships with fellow Christians, who we start viewing as undesirable options.

I'm not hyperfaith, and like i said, i really struggled with this for a long time. So, when i finally found my sanity after my last failed relationship (with a Christian turned Muslim, who i held on to anyway for 4 years, and who eventually crushed me to pieces), i've finally surrendered all my hopes of love to Papa GOD. Even though i surrendered my life to HIM and made HIM my Saviour KING, it's this one department in my life that i just couldn't relinquish complete control of for years. I had this foolish notion that GOD can't make me happy, and will only force me to love someone i don't like in the first place XD So i went on my way, choosing my personal picks, asking and begging GOD to bless said relationship requests (which, of course, HE will not do. Why would HE want a wrong man for me? NO means NO). I remained stubborn, until i've finally had enough of having my heart tenderized everytime XD

At last, i asked Papa GOD to take my heart, and keep it firmly and safely in HIS loving hands. To teach me what true love is all about. To love myself and see myself as worthy of such a pure and true love, made specially for me by HIM. To nurture and protect my heart from further abuses, and to only give it to the one who HE deems truly worthy of me and the love HE fills me with. HE knows the kind of man who will love and cherish me, just as HE would in the flesh. HE's not going to give me away to a fool, or an impostor, or a liar, or a user. HE wants only the very best for me, and HE wants me to patiently wait for HIM to show me this amazing wonder HE has in store for me bearing this in mind, i decided to align myself according to HIS will. I asked that i learn to delight in holiness and righteousness. To no longer return to a life of darkness and despair. To let me set my eyes upon HIM, and not lose sight of HIM.

And sure enough, HE has changed my heart and mind completely now, i no longer delight in darkness, no matter what form or packaging it comes in. And i have come to know the beauty of holiness and righteousness it's breathtaking!!! I couldn't understand why it took me so long to discover this truth...how i could've failed to see the awesome beauty of GOD's light of pure truth and holiness that shatters darkness and sinfulness, all these years!!! But i'm just so glad that i finally see now

Holiness is FAR FROM BORING. It's AMAZING with how much joy and wonder it could bring to one's life and it applies to a man of GOD. He is a unique person, specially crafted by GOD with such love and care. He is deep in GOD's Holy Word, and delights in knowing HIM and loving HIM more, and in living a life of HIS worship and praise. He is, by no means, perfect. But he lives by GOD's grace and leading. And trusting Papa GOD, i know that the man HE has in store for me will inspire me, challenge me, stimulate my mind, open up my heart, make me laugh, broaden my world, care for me and love me truly, with a love that comes from GOD Himself HE knows me perfectly, that's why (Psalm 139:1-6)

For now, all i have to do is set my all upon HIM and follow HIM and HIS ways. Delight in HIM. Revel in HIS awesome light and love, and unspeakable joy and peace. Let HIM fix me up for HIS glory and HIS purpose for my life. And trust in HIM and HIS promises. Then everything else, HE is certain to take care of (Matthew 6:33). HE is able to do that which HE has promised (Romans 4:21). Far beyond all that we could ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:20)

GOD be praised for all the wonders HE has in store for those HE loves, and who loves HIM definitely worth waiting for!!!

This is the kind of expectation that every Christian has to have

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

Def. There's single Godly women all over the place here that would love to find themselves a husband.....there's tons of Godly guys here too that complain about not being able to find anybody. Why the people who are looking for a Husband/Wife don't just pair up with each other on here confuses me.

Maybe i can help un confuse you. Trust me, this is gonna be good.

I met a guy on this site and we talked just about everyday for 2 years before i found out he was a older OLDER married man, but his profile said we were the same age and that he was single. He told me much the same. He was single and we were the same age.

I met another guy on here who again said he was single when i found out later he actually was engaged.

Then another who after talking to him for a year told me he used to molest his little sister.

Then another one who always talked about how good god was and spouted off bible verses like he was a pastor. Yeah he was banned for cybersex with another girl on here.

How about the guy on here who found out who my family was and started calling and harassing them.

There is a guy i met on here 4 years ago that i talked to for several months, even after repeated attempts to block him from messaging me he continues to make new email addresses and write me..... this is still going on today from 4 years ago.

This one here is just.....awesome. There was a guy i talked to on here who said he was single and he just about confessed his undying love for me..i was in the chat room about two days after he said this to me and this girl gets on the webcam in there and who should appear beside her... HIM. That's right he was her boyfriend and visiting her.
Funny thing is i tried telling her.....look your boyfriend is a douche and i told her what was up. She refused to believe me and there still together and on this site.

All the guys i have mentioned were all VERY popular on here. You'd never expect it from any of them.

To make it clear when i say talked to these guys, i mean as friends not anything else.

This is the internet, people are not always who they say they are, christian website or not.

 

[kenthomas27]

Maybe i can help un confuse you. Trust me, this is gonna be good.

I met a guy on this site and we talked just about everyday for 2 years before i found out he was a older OLDER married man, but his profile said we were the same age and that he was single. He told me much the same. He was single and we were the same age.

I met another guy on here who again said he was single when i found out later he actually was engaged.

Then another who after talking to him for a year told me he used to molest his little sister.

Then another one who always talked about how good god was and spouted off bible verses like he was a pastor. Yeah he was banned for cybersex with another girl on here.

How about the guy on here who found out who my family was and started calling and harassing them.

There is a guy i met on here 4 years ago that i talked to for several months, even after repeated attempts to block him from messaging me he continues to make new email addresses and write me..... this is still going on today from 4 years ago.

This one here is just.....awesome. There was a guy i talked to on here who said he was single and he just about confessed his undying love for me..i was in the chat room about two days after he said this to me and this girl gets on the webcam in there and who should appear beside her... HIM. That's right he was her boyfriend and visiting her.
Funny thing is i tried telling her.....look your boyfriend is a douche and i told her what was up. She refused to believe me and there still together and on this site.

All the guys i have mentioned were all VERY popular on here. You'd never expect it from any of them.

To make it clear when i say talked to these guys, i mean as friends not anything else.

This is the internet, people are not always who they say they are, christian website or not.

Wow. I always like reading Nod's stuff bc it's usually so funny but this is un-funny and sorry this happened Nodyourheadlikeyeah. I guess this site is just like all the others. oh well - search continues...

 

[Wood-Note]

When I used to moderate games and forums this sort of thing happened very often. I would almost say that 40% of the user base back then lied about who they were in some way and in most cases an extreme way. As Nod said, it's the internet and trying to meet someone through a screen is like trying to see through a brick wall. If you put yourself out there in good faith that they too are being genuine then you are already making a risky move. There are some that I am more apt to believe on here but even then, as Nod said, a notable name doesn't guarantee reality. Just my two cents.

 

[homwardbound]

I've been in 3 relationships where I got cheated on and all I ever asked of them was to wait till we were married came close to getting married too which leaves me wondering if all the good Christian women are taken

in truth there is no one good except God as Christ said this in Matt 19 to the rich man that was asking Christ how to get into Heaven.
Mark 10:18 So Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God.

No marriage is sinless and each grow if God joins you, and I do not see that many that God has joined.
Ask God and trust in God for whatever the answer might be.
Stand firm not in Law in Faith to God, and God will direct your path, and that path might not be what you expect, but if you trust through it, you will grow like a mighty oak tree has and today stands its ground.
This world is not all that glamorous
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Lesson our judgement of others. We never see the whole picture. Never.
there are 1,000 reasons a person can behave a particular way. We don't know what is going on in their movie that motivates them to act in that way. I never know how I'd behave if I were in the other shoes. Today little by little, it would be good to learn to be more forgiving. Learn to where we can come from a place of help, rather than Judgement.

Judgments are only based on what one sees, from their owns thoughts. From their own experiences. There is truly only one that knows all. that one would be and is the creator of all.
If one learns to listen to the creator as Jesus Christ revealed to all mankind. (Christ taught us, to do nothing or say nothing w/o Father's instruction first and foremost), we would make the right judgments, with out condemnation. ( coming from the one listening),much less likely
The ones that argued would reveal their true selves, as was done in the day of visitation from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Steer clear from arguments, seek the truth in all things and one shall be free from the world and it's traps.

 

[Exoaria]

Exoaria--

I'm sure people have been harsh with you and I'm sorry for that. We're not all like that, though. I really admire personal style that's a bit different than the mainstream, and it's irresistibly attractive when combined with a kind, sensitive heart.

I went to a Lutheran high school and my best friend there was pretty much the total opposite of me. I'm 5'2"... he was 6'2" with hair almost as long as mine. He dressed in all black, almost all the time--not because he was goth, but just because it was his preference. I, on the other hand, was going through a phase of wearing polka dots or loud neon colors all mashed together (a skirt with 3 tiers, one of each color or two different-colored shoes.) Thinking back, it sure must have been something to see us walking the hall together. He looked like the Grim Reaper brought to life and I looked like a collision of neon signs all on one billboard.

I also had a pair of miniature map-of-the-world globe earrings... My friend later told me he HATED those earrings... but LOVED the fact that I was the only one in school who would wear something like that. It was our way of rebelling against the norm and being our own selves.

You are definitely not alone. Give us a chance and I'm sure you'll find friends here.

(Sorry this is a bit off topic but I didn't want Exoaria to feel ostracized or unwelcome here...)

So... to try to make this post legit... You might say my friend and I were DEFINITELY NOT Biff and Courtney. Ironically, he is now married with a family.

This is the loveliest story! Thank you for sharing it with me.
It would have been sweet to see two people such good friends, accepting each other of their differences.

It was very kind of you to make me feel welcome. I enjoyed hearing about your friend.

 

[hospitalpharmacist]

I suppose it's difficult because it's too easy to sin and follow the large evil's way than the narrow and full obstacle God's path.

 

[kipusa12]

Maybe i can help un confuse you. Trust me, this is gonna be good.

I met a guy on this site and we talked just about everyday for 2 years before i found out he was a older OLDER married man, but his profile said we were the same age and that he was single. He told me much the same. He was single and we were the same age.

I met another guy on here who again said he was single when i found out later he actually was engaged.

Then another who after talking to him for a year told me he used to molest his little sister.

Then another one who always talked about how good god was and spouted off bible verses like he was a pastor. Yeah he was banned for cybersex with another girl on here.

How about the guy on here who found out who my family was and started calling and harassing them.

There is a guy i met on here 4 years ago that i talked to for several months, even after repeated attempts to block him from messaging me he continues to make new email addresses and write me..... this is still going on today from 4 years ago.

This one here is just.....awesome. There was a guy i talked to on here who said he was single and he just about confessed his undying love for me..i was in the chat room about two days after he said this to me and this girl gets on the webcam in there and who should appear beside her... HIM. That's right he was her boyfriend and visiting her.
Funny thing is i tried telling her.....look your boyfriend is a douche and i told her what was up. She refused to believe me and there still together and on this site.

All the guys i have mentioned were all VERY popular on here. You'd never expect it from any of them.

To make it clear when i say talked to these guys, i mean as friends not anything else.

This is the internet, people are not always who they say they are, christian website or not.

I am so glad you responded to Donkeyfish07. Thank you so much for the heads-up. This could potentially be a great site to meet like-minded believers, but.. womp, womp. Looks like Christians online aren't too different from those we meet offline.

 

[Shouryu]

Shouryu - I absolutely love that there's a brony on here. Hahaha. This is fantastic.
What's your cutie mark? c;

I'm torn. Some days my cutie mark is a stick-shift H-pattern (six gears, naturally), other days it's a whole rest with a fermata over it. Yours?

{SNIP!}

Dude. Whoa.

Well, in the interest of quelling any suspicion and continuing our fellowship, I shall publicly declare that despite my flirtatious banter, I shall never pursue you!

(Actually, that goes for anyone here, unless you move to El Paso. I've done the long-distance internet deal before. As they say in Teen Girl Squad: NoooOOOOO GOOD! But I'm sure most of you girls know that, even when I flirt with all of yas. ^_^ )

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Maybe i can help un confuse you. Trust me, this is gonna be good.

I met a guy on this site and we talked just about everyday for 2 years before i found out he was a older OLDER married man, but his profile said we were the same age and that he was single. He told me much the same. He was single and we were the same age.

I met another guy on here who again said he was single when i found out later he actually was engaged.

Then another who after talking to him for a year told me he used to molest his little sister.

Then another one who always talked about how good god was and spouted off bible verses like he was a pastor. Yeah he was banned for cybersex with another girl on here.

How about the guy on here who found out who my family was and started calling and harassing them.

There is a guy i met on here 4 years ago that i talked to for several months, even after repeated attempts to block him from messaging me he continues to make new email addresses and write me..... this is still going on today from 4 years ago.

This one here is just.....awesome. There was a guy i talked to on here who said he was single and he just about confessed his undying love for me..i was in the chat room about two days after he said this to me and this girl gets on the webcam in there and who should appear beside her... HIM. That's right he was her boyfriend and visiting her.
Funny thing is i tried telling her.....look your boyfriend is a douche and i told her what was up. She refused to believe me and there still together and on this site.

All the guys i have mentioned were all VERY popular on here. You'd never expect it from any of them.

To make it clear when i say talked to these guys, i mean as friends not anything else.

This is the internet, people are not always who they say they are, christian website or not.

Yowzers! That's definitely true but I had no idea it was that bad around here. lol,