As I pointed out in my previous post, I believe God does offer grace to those who do struggle with sin. But this is not where God wants them to be, though. God does not want them struggling with their sin their entire lives. God wants them to endure until the end with their faith. Their faith has to yield good fruit and they have to abide in God's Word. For example: You cannot willingly .... not forgive somebody, and not repent of it and expect to be saved or forgiven yourself. Jesus made it very clear that you have to forgive in order to be forgiven. This is an action on our part that we have to do in this life. An action that God works thru us if we yield to Him. If a person has the mindset that they do not need to obey His Word and they have no desire to follow Jesus, .... then they are in for a rude awakening because Jesus commissions all believers to preach the gospel. Jesus calls us all to love God and to love other people. It's not an option. For he that does not love, does not know God. Jesus said if you love me, keep my commandments. So if one never even tries to keep his commandments in this life .... then they truly do not even love God. One who truly loves God will strive to do whatever it takes to stop in their sin and obey Jesus. If one holds back because they love their sin, or they love their family more, or they love this world more.... they are not going to make it. Yes, God's grace is there for people who honestly struggle with sin before they overcome it. But nowhere does God ever condone a believer in willfully disobeying Him. We are not our own, we are bought and paid for with a price. God will talk to a believer's heart that they should be following Him. If they keep running from that call and they keep sinning, then they going backwards and not fowards with God. They are running from Him and not to Him.
I'm getting the impression, though, that you're saying it's more about a level of desire, or intensity of sorrow that's important...?