My shield doesn't work

[blue_ladybug]

Don't try and go all Mahatma Gandhi when u went to my profile n found a pic that u could put up here in a public forum, n suggest that the picture is how I dress. You could have made your point about modest dress without using my art I store or without directing it at me - YOU chose to direct it at ME and make it personal and in a way that would embarrass me in a public forum . And now u wanna claim the high moral ground of just educating me - Wow men.grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

zoii, he's trying to make a point and if you would stop being so upset for a minute, you would see what his point is. Many women (and some men) here have put up inappropriate avatars of themselves, not realizing that at the camera angle, it makes them look like their not wearing a shirt. Having angel art is all good and fine, BUT not when the angels are dressed in skimpy outfits and heels. That's NOT realistic of how an angel looks. The angel in your avatar here is showing more skin than clothes.

THAT'S the point PW is trying to make. Stop viewing it as criticism, and accept it for what it is: a fact that immodest dress ( and even modest dress) makes guys eyes wander and their thoughts turn lustful. This isn't about YOU personally, it's about how even if a woman, or man, dresses appropriately, you can still receive unwanted attention.

And if you don't want people here viewing embarassing pictures, then either don't post them or make your photo albums private..

 

[blue_ladybug]

I don't need a lecture from either of u...PW u can admit u were offensive n apologise for what u deliberately aimed at me or say nothing further to me. Lady blue u can defend his actions all u want....I cant tell u how offended n angry I am with u both...say nothing more

I wasn't defending his actions. I was trying to explain better what he was trying to say. There's nothing to be offended or angry about. Stop thinking his comments were for YOU. They were for ALL women in general. He didn't say one word about if YOU dress immodestly or not.

Lihle, I am sorry for the derail of your thread..

 

[zoii]

so u think that gives PW the right to correlate a piece of art I have to how I dress n behave - its you thats missed the point - and WHY target my page n then actually copy n paste it in this room - if he wanted to make a modesty of dress comment - do it - why use art I have n like - n say - oh well yeah u like that art so that's probably how u dress...its like being called a whore n I cant tell u how upset I am that you support him doing it

 

[Galahad]

Is there a way to discuss perception and modesty without offending young women?

Well, my fine feather friend, the answer is NO. Now maybe many, many, many, many, many, many decades ago, YES. But then it wasn't an issue.

 

[PeacefulWarrior]

so u think that gives PW the right to correlate a piece of art I have to how I dress n behave - its you thats missed the point - and WHY target my page n then actually copy n paste it in this room - what the hell was that - if he wanted to make a modesty of dress comment - do it - why use art I have n like - n say - oh well yeah u like that art so that's probably how u dress...its like being called a whore n I cant tell u how upset I am that you support him doing it

I love you like a brother loves his sister -- I would never call you a whore.

 

[Willie-T]

Well, my fine feather friend, the answer is NO. Now maybe many, many, many, many, many, many decades ago, YES. But then it wasn't an issue.

I sure have to agree with this. It is often difficult to simply communicate with young women (or young men), period, for long without offending them. They are just learning that the world is larger than just them, and I think there is an adjustment period most of them have to go through for awhile.

 

[zoii]

oh cmon willieT - your not so niaive to think its honourable to find my profile - select a photoart piece - copy n paste it in the room - make sexual comments then suggest that's how I behave. 'N then suggest hes just making a point... he could have made a point about modesty without doing any of it - but he made it personal - and he targeted me.

 

[blue_ladybug]

so u think that gives PW the right to correlate a piece of art I have to how I dress n behave - its you thats missed the point - and WHY target my page n then actually copy n paste it in this room - what the hell was that - if he wanted to make a modesty of dress comment - do it - why use art I have n like - n say - oh well yeah u like that art so that's probably how u dress...its like being called a whore n I cant tell u how upset I am that you support him doing it

zoii, you're missing the point entirely. He used the picture to illustrate a point. The angel picture makes her look sexy. Women who dress immodestly, AND modestly look attractive. THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU PERSONALLY. He was making a blanket statement to all the women here. He did not "target your page". And not once in any of his replies did he say "that because you like that art, that must be how you dress." Stop putting words into his replies that he didn't say. And he never called you a "whore." YOU'RE ASSUMING that's what he meant.

Once again, I'm not supporting what he said. I'm trying to make YOU see that there's nothing to be offended about. Stop making his comment about YOU. It was directed at ALL WOMEN.. He used a picture of yours to make a point about immodest/ modest dress. It isn't the big deal you're making it into. I could understand your anger if he posted a picture of yourself here.. I'd be mad too. Look beyond your anger to see the point he was trying to make using the picture..

 

[Willie-T]

oh cmon willieT - your not so niaive to think its honourable to find my profile - select a photoart piece - copy n paste it in the room - make sexual comments then suggest that's how I behave. 'N then suggest hes just making a point... he could have made a point about modesty without doing any of it - but he made it personal - and he targeted me.

No.... there, I would agree with you.................... IF that had been what he did.

COULD it be taken that way? "Yes", if you chose to see it in that light. But we ALL (old and young) have a tendency to ASSUME things without doing one very simple thing.... to ASK the other person if they meant something the way we took it.

 

[zoii]

really ladyblue? well what was this
One glance at your avatar looks like a young woman wearing a tanktop (which is defined as a close-fitting, sleeveless top).

n then follows his comments - first the image with opinions...then my avatar...n yes it was aimed at me - but fine...support his comments I dont care anymore - this is typical

 

[kaylagrl]

so u think that gives PW the right to correlate a piece of art I have to how I dress n behave - its you thats missed the point - and WHY target my page n then actually copy n paste it in this room - if he wanted to make a modesty of dress comment - do it - why use art I have n like - n say - oh well yeah u like that art so that's probably how u dress...its like being called a whore n I cant tell u how upset I am that you support him doing it

And this is why young people should have their own forum moderated by a couple adults.Young people take criticism by adults more harshly then another adult would. You have to be careful of language Zoii or you will get banned. But try not too get too upset over one persons opinion. People have had opinions of me and I have proved them wrong,I didnt let it stop me in any way.

Im down the middle on this one. While we should all dress modestly, men too,we are responsible for our own reactions. No one can cause you to lust. The Bible says if your eye offends you pluck it out. Ive heard it said that men are visual, while that may be true that doesn't give a man a right to act like an animal or expect a woman to dress like a Muslim so their lust doesnt drive them crazy. Women should be modest and men too.Ive seen young men wearing skinny jeans to church and havent heard any complaints. So its doesn't just rest on women to be modest.

In my own opinion I dont think you can correlate Zoii's avatar with how she acts and dresses in public.I think that a bit of a stretch. The picture may not be dressed modestly but I looked at other pics and they seem to be modest to me.So Zoii maybe that one is not a great choice. Still I dont think that has anything to do with how Zoii presents herself in public.

When I first started wearing makeup I looked like a women of the night.I look back and laugh.My mother could have been angry and sent me to wash it off and forbade me to wear it.But she grew up in a very strict background.I asked her why she didnt stop me and she said I was young and she knew I would learn how to use the makeup eventually to enhance my face instead of hiding behind it. So young people learn over time to carry themselves differently. Its up to Christian women to model for young women how to dress and carry themselves. Ive seen some pretty immodest dress among older women in the church,how can we expect different from our youth?

Lastly, Zoii if you are going to continue on the forums you're going to have to be calmer and learn to take criticism in stride.People that are older than you deserve respect whether their opinions are right or wrong.You can disagree respectfully.The Bible tells us to respect our elders. People have advice and opinions and you can disagree but you need not take everything to heart and take offense. An opinion is just that and it doesnt define you in any way.JMO

 

[Willie-T]

really ladyblue? well what was this
One glance at your avatar looks like a young woman wearing a tanktop (which is defined as a close-fitting, sleeveless top).

n then follows his comments - first the image with opinions...then my avatar...n yes it was aimed at me - but fine...support his comments I dont care anymore - this is typical

See? This is one place some of us find it difficult to communicate.

You DO care. We know it, and you know it. Heck, WE would care, ourselves. So, why not say you do, and ask the perceived "offender" to spend some time with you, talking this out?

 

[blue_ladybug]

really ladyblue? well what was this
One glance at your avatar looks like a young woman wearing a tanktop (which is defined as a close-fitting, sleeveless top).

n then follows his comments - first the image with opinions...then my avatar...n yes it was aimed at me - but fine...support his comments I dont care anymore - this is typical

He made a statement saying that it's defined as a close-fitting, sleeveless top. Which is a pretty accurate description of a tank top. He did NOT say that YOU looked immodest in it. He meant that a tank top looks better than the skimpy outfit than the angel had on. The ANGEL was dressed immodesly; YOU weren't.. THAT'S the point he was trying to make.. now stop acting like the whole world is out to get you specifically. It's not, but your perception of things makes it seem like it is to you. And what is typical? Giving advice? Receiving criticism? Taking things personally?

 

[VioletReigns]

He made a statement saying that it's defined as a close-fitting, sleeveless top. Which is a pretty accurate description of a tank top. He did NOT say that YOU looked immodest in it. He meant that a tank top looks better than the skimpy outfit than the angel had on. The ANGEL was dressed immodesly; YOU weren't.. THAT'S the point he was trying to make.. now stop acting like the whole world is out to get you specifically. It's not, but your perception of things makes it seem like it is to you. And what is typical? Giving advice? Receiving criticism? Taking things personally?

I have one question: Why didn't he pm her instead of making a public judgment of her specific profile?

 

[kaylagrl]

I have one question: Why didn't he pm her instead of making a public judgment of her specific profile?

Kind of wondered that too....

 

[Willie-T]

...........Ask him.

 

[theGeneral]

This image is a stark resemblance from a television series called Dark Angel and while this might not be an actual image from television, my point remains the same: The World of television (or modern art) knows that sex sells. Here we have a dark image of a young woman with angelic wings. She is also wearing high-heels and is wearing very immodest clothing. This image can be described as dark and sexy.

One glance at your avatar looks like a young woman wearing a tanktop (which is defined as a close-fitting, sleeveless top).

One seemingly obvious and simple suggestion is that if you are receiving too much unwanted attention from the opposite sex -- reconsider how you're presenting yourself in public.

Forgive me if I have communicated this in an offensive manner (and please tell me how I can improve in the future).

PeacefulWarrior originally posted this with a copy of that picture. Zoii, You are accusing him of things he didn't do. He was simply trying to give sound wise advice--because you mentioned that you get unwanted attention from men. He even posted a very important scripture--Did you even consider any of his advice? Did you read the scripture? Did you take it to heart? Or did you just jump to assumptions after getting obviously very angry? I noticed you have, since, hidden your profile picture in the tank top, so it seems you are getting the idea he was trying to get you to understand that the way you present yourself online can be misleading and he gave you advice, saying "reconsider how you are presenting yourself online" he then followed up with this : "Forgive me if I have communicated this in an offensive manner (and please tell me how I can improve in the future). "
Why do you continue to be angry at him without looking at all of this? Even ladyblue has tried to explain and let you know it was not meant to offend or call you out. The people who are three times your age and older are trying to give you advice so you can continue to learn and grow and help you out--please reconsider and take it as loving advice and not an attack on you at all whatsoever. I hope that you re-read his original post, and look at it as something positive not negative. No one is attacking you, please understand.

Proverbs 19:20 "Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future."

 

[VioletReigns]

...........Ask him.

I actually have him on ignore for my own personal reasons so I can't see all of what he said. I only see the result of what he said.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I have one question: Why didn't he pm her instead of making a public judgment of her specific profile?

Because he wasn't judging her profile. He was trying to make a point to Lihle that no matter HOW you dress, you're still going to receive attention from the opposite sex. Zoii chose to think he was targeting herself specifically just because PW used a pic of hers to illustrate his point. This whole thing has gotten out of proportion and I'm going to ask a mod to delete all these posts up to Lilhe's last response, because it's not fair to derail her thread like this. :/ People need to learn how to accept advice (and criticism) on here. If they can't or won't, then they won't do well either on here OR out in the real world..

 

[PeacefulWarrior]

I have one question: Why didn't he pm her instead of making a public judgment of her specific profile?

Twice, in this thread, she said she struggles with unwanted attention from men (as does the OP, as do many women [and men] who may be reading this thread).

Her avatar (at the time) was displaying a young woman wearing a tank top.

To me, the word "modesty" was screaming and obvious. I thought it pertinent to bring this to attention.

----
I could have only commented about the avatar without also bringing her current profile image into the lime-light as well. Honestly, I thought it less offensive to state that the dark angel was immodest rather than to state that her avatar (which very well could have been an actual photo of her) was immodest.