A Heart Divided?

I'm praying for you.

Thank you.

I'm really sorry that I have hurt you, hangs head, slowly walks elephant out of the room, elephant slips and falls on me. I guess I really deserved that. Lesson learned - no more elephants in anybody's rooms. Forgive me Lord for hurting her. Still praying for your situation and you are right it is complicated. Did not mean to start a war in your thread....hangs head and leaves...

Please don't beat yourself up like that. I accept your apology.

You are a decent person based on your response.

It is too complicated, even for me.

All I know is that I will not compromise my values and in the end God's will will prevail. Time will tell and until then I will just have to hold on.

I wouldn't want anyone to have an elephant in their room. Takes up way too much room and I wouldn't want to clean up the mess they leave behind if you know what I mean.

Just keep praying. That is all I really ask. And thank you for your response.

LRG, you're being hostile and defensive to pretty much everyone who's answered you. Honestly, I don't think you're being honest with yourself, and others being honest with you doesn't sit well with that. Take that time out and figure out why you are not being honest with yourself and find other's honesty so offensive. The answer lies IN YOU. Take some time and find it.

Not honest as in what? Defensive as in what?

I don't believe everyone on here is honest. Some have no relationship or a broken one and perhaps they are not in a position to help. I would know if someone understands what I am saying.

Some people on here assume way too much and don't ask any questions so how can they understand and if they do not understand then how can they give an honest opinion?

People assume that a relationship is bad every day and that the spouse does nothing good. That is not the case. If it were so then a person would not stay. Relationships are way more complicated than that and shallow quick fix answers won't cut it. A lot of people also project their own feelings onto other's so if they would do a certain thing or think or feel a certain way then they automatically assume that also applies to the other person. Not every person is the same and every relationship is unique so there is no cookie cutter solution.

I already sent my estranged friend a message so that part is done.

I will now work on trying to forget about him over time because I am not free.

If he is to be in my future then God can easily bring him back into my life in his timing.

And if not then this would be the biggest emotional trial I have ever gone through in my life and it will only make me stronger if I can overcome it.

So either way I win.

Too bad. You made a good post very early in the thread. I thought you understood where I was coming from but I guess not. Just another backstabber on the internet. The internet is full of this. It is pathetic that you can't even ask for prayers on the internet without getting misunderstood and attacked for being honest about how you feel. I feel very disappointed.

Please understand that I am not trying to be harsh or backstabbing, but I truly think it is you who is not understanding. Perhaps it is your background (which you described in your pm to me) that is clouding your vision.

I present this in love. If you see it as an attack, then you are seeing wrong.

Actually, that was in your response to one of my posts. My bad. But it does shed more light on the issue.

Do you think that maybe your experience with your family could have something to do with all this?

I never mentioned my background in the pm I sent you. Nothing is clouding my vision.

I'm not getting divorced.

I'm not committing adultery.

I'm not leaving my husband for another man.

I don't even have a current relationship as in friendship with the man in question.

I sent him a message telling him what I thought of him as a person and thanking him for the emotional support that he gave me.

I am not free so I'm not doing anything.

The Devil can plant thoughts of him in my head all day and night and I still will not have a relationship with him while I am still married.

If I was free then that would be different but even then I would have to get to really know him and confirm whether he is who he says he is. I've never been desperate for a man in my life and I am not going to start now. If I was free I would be in no hurry to jump from the frying pan into the fire.

So if you look at the big picture there is more than one possibility.

1. It is all just some stupid temptation set up by the Devil to try to ruin my marriage and everything we have worked for.

2. God sent him to me to help me get through a tough time.

3. He is meant to be in my life at some future time but not now.

I don't pretend to be God and know everything. All I do know is that you are not supposed to commit adultery or dump one person for another.

So I am not doing either.

WHAT???

What are you talking about?

I responded to you on a post regarding dysfunctional families and the golden child and scapegoat dynamic. My dad was an alcoholic and has been dead for over 20 years and my mom is still alive but a narcissist. So I have had to go no contact after decades of garbage. What does this have to do with my situation with the estranged friend? Absolutely nothing.

I'm the black sheep of my family because I am different. I am the only Christian in my family. I am very moral and I am not an addict or a bar hopper or a carouser or whatever. I'm not a narcissist either but more than likely an empath which has caused me nothing but grief in a world of cold and callous people.

If you are going to say such things then back it up with facts and I will consider it and tell you if you have a point. Otherwise you are off base and I will tell you that also.

Just for your information I was married once before a long time ago to an abusive crazy person and I divorced him. I resolved never to marry an abusive jerk like that again. I had a problem marriage and I fixed it.

The marriage I am in now is nothing like the first one. There is no comparison. Is it absolutely perfect? No! But is it crazy and abusive like the first one? No! If it was then I know what to do and I would do it.

My first marriage was at about 19 and my second at 28 and I am now 49 and if I was to ever be single believe me I am in no hurry to be with any man. Even the estranged friend whom I think very highly of. I've never been desperate for any man and I am not going to start now. A man has to prove to me that he has integrity and character and that he will be committed to me or else I don't want him. I hope that makes everything clear.

I did not read all of the posts here but wanted to share something I experienced for about 3 months. I had a close friendship with a believer who had Aspergers. He was a brilliant man and we had a deep close bond. He never told me he had asperger's but I ran it by several friends and people to confirm this is what was going on. Our relationship began to get serious and romantic, and he and I started asking God about it, and one day I had to confront some things about our relationship, and our relationship suddenly ended.

Moral of the story: Aspergers men can love very deeply but then can cut you off instantly, for months without even realizing they are doing it. EVen confronting in love and gently about this fact does not help. It makes them put you in a compartment in their mind and they come out when they are ready. But the tie you have with them, continues and lingers. It is a quite painful experience, and even though we were about to become serious and we did not go into the romantic phase, I still think about him. But, I realized even a friendship with him was a painful experience. It can become a vicious cycle and something that is quite painful to live with. This man even knew he did this and called it 'going into his turtle shell'. God showed me that this man also had several women friends and because of the loving and caring way he related to them and me, all of these women, fell in love with him. But the pain of his abandoning behavior was so awful that I told him I could not even have a friendship with him. Moral of the story, God may be protecting you. Also, even in friendships with men, soul ties can develop. This was a lesson for me, to not even start friendships with men unless we know where they are in their walk with the Lord. ps. it's almost impossible to be a friend if there has been romantic ties to the relationship. GBU. Hope this helps. I think you are being protected!

Your post has really helped me. I feel somewhat misunderstood on here and I am trying to do the right thing but feel I am being condemned somewhat.

What you are saying regarding the Aspergers rings true. I communicated with him for emotional support and asked him for prayers because of what I was going through at the time and he was very caring and sensitive not to mention his intelligence and integrity. How could you not fall for a guy like that? Seems like the ideal mate but then again you know what they say about too good to be true. But it doesn't matter how wonderful he is or isn't because I am not free to pursue a relationship with anyone.

I don't have any male friends and I don't want any. I made an exception in that instance but it was a mistake. I'm trying to forget about him because it is slightly tormenting and he isn't going to help me in my life anyways. Not any real practical help. He is a stumbling block to me so he has to be removed.

I would agree with you stating I am being protected. God always protects me. Even from myself at times.

This is not related but I can tell you a story that is so unusual yet shows to what degree God protects me. But first maybe I should add how I was even protected in childhood from death many times.

When I was growing up I had grandparents that lived in a coal mining town that was in a valley with slack on the upper outskirts. The coal dust would obviously blow into the valley and you couldn't even hang out laundry because it would end up being covered in coal dust. I have asthma and my parent's would still go there with me for visits that lasted upwards of 3 days or so. I got very sick every time and had to go to the ER in a small town which is not very adequate like a big city would be. I also had such a bad asthma attack one time when I was little that I actually passed out. To have survived many of those incidents in my childhood is a miracle in itself.

Also I had pneumonia when I was about 6 years old and had to be in the hospital in one of those tents. Having asthma and pneumonia is not a very good combination. But I got better so again I was sustained. People die of pneumonia so having asthma and going through that at such a young age is a miracle I survived it.

But now for the story of protection that is seemingly unbelievable but very true at the same time. My first husband was a very evil and abusive individual. Even after I divorced he still would try to come around and stir up trouble. The one time in question that I am referring to happened after I was remarried to my current husband. He was trying to get visitation rights to his daughter even though he never cared about her or voluntarily contributed to her support her whole life. Along with him coming from a very evil family of origin with molestation happening with his father and sister and who knows what else plus the fact that he is very evil and deranged himself I felt it my right to protect my daughter from him so that is exactly what I did. I don't know why he showed up after years but he probably just wanted to exert his pretend power and control and cause trouble and possibly get the court ordered child support payment reduced even though he never paid it voluntarily and it was referred to maintenance enforcement.

Without babbling on forever here is the part where the protection comes in. Unknown to me he had been trying to cause me trouble for a while but every lawyer he retained ended up dying on him, literally. This just didn't happen once but more than once so that is what made it strange and unbelievable. I don't remember who told me this because it was a long time ago, perhaps it was the lawyer I had to get to fight him but when I did finally meet my ex-husband and his lawyer his lawyer confirmed that this was the case. Now this is what I call protection. My ex-husband never got what he wanted and it never went to court and I never saw him again face to face, thank God. I had a lawyer's fee to pay but that was it.

So in this case God probably is protecting me from this friend in question and from myself to some degree. I am a very sensitive person and I don't really need my life to be more complicated than it is. I try to keep things simple and do what I am supposed to do and keep my nose clean. I think this also was a form of a test to see if I would cave in and do the wrong thing.

But for the sake of argument let's just say I was free. I really don't want a man who has all these women friends. That is a red flag for me and I would probably not be able to trust that person and all the jealous bones in my body would be crying out for vengeance. That just wouldn't work for me. Actually, the man in question stated to me that he doesn't have any close women friends but then again I met him online whilst doing theological videos and people, on the internet especially, have been known to lie so you never really know who you are dealing with.

All I know is that I really don't want to be involved in a love triangle which for some reason reminds me of the Bermuda Triangle which is not a very good situation to be in. Being friends with this man in question and getting too close is nothing more than a trap set by the devil it would seem. If I am wrong only time will tell but I will not do anything ultimately in the end of which I know God does not want me to do.

And I'm sure that God will continue to sustain me and protect me like he has always done my entire life even as a small child. I just have to trust that God knows what is best for me and if I get off the path he will correct me and protect me from any outside influences that are not of him.

So I need to behave myself and get my nose to the grindstone. I have lots of work to do. In time I hope the memory of this person fades. Unless I'm meant to be with him at some time in the future I really don't want him in my head. And if it is like anything you are describing then to be honest even if I am available I really don't want a guy like that. It is not worth all the pain and heartache. I prefer committed and stuck like glue. Not wishy washy and hot and cold. I actually consider that a form of abuse and this abandoning and playing games actually reminds me somewhat of something a narcissist would do. Not a good sign at all. Very big red flag means very big trouble.

Thank you for your comment and effort to understand. And you have helped me out tremendously. You have done your good deed for the day.

I did not look at your profile. I only read your post. That is why I did not know that you were married.
The connection that I was making about,... The woman that you say is a psychopath. Before her. never once did I ever have any drama or disrespect in a relationship, ever. So what changed this one time only? That is what I was getting at.

For my time actually spent with this girl was great. Strangers picked up on that also. All i had to do was point out the truth to her enough times and she would get it. Fact is Fact. That seemed simple enough at the time. She would then stop having these untrue misplaced feelings that she would send me via email when I was home alone.

What seems to be bothering you about some of the post that you have received. People are being to the point. You are married. End of discussion. There is no other man while you are married.

The question you are asking people I believe is. Why are you having such strong feelings for this other man. This man that you really do not know. Maybe have never even met in person. And you still have strong feelings for him even after four years of never speaking with him. And what do these strong feelings mean?

You maybe dreamed up a fantasy man? Your prince charming? You plan on waiting for him till your husband dies off? Then this man will come back into your life? Maybe God is giving you this sign of what is going to happen in the future?
Well my dear, That sounds about as bizarre as what I did.

How do I know that these/your feelings are not from God?
From the little that I know of the scriptures. I do not believe that God is going to give you strong feelings for another man while you are married. God is not likely planing out your future with this other man, and then giving it to you in your emotions. You do not seem to be happy and content with these feeling that you are having. maybe even convictions?

What the Hell is this? This is getting really out of hand. Why do you wish to make false accusations and disturb my peace?

I did not dream up some stupid fantasy man.

I know I am married and I do not want to screw some other man.

Get it???

I'm sick of this already.

All you holier than thou need to get a grip and really read what I posted instead of either assuming or projecting your own feelings onto me. I am not you. I am me. My life is not yours. It is mine.

I already know that God does not want a person to commit adultery or to dump one person for another.

What really makes you think I don't know that?

Do you think I am some kind of stupid dumb bimbo with blond hair?

Let me tell you I have intelligence and morals even though you may not think so.

I also stated before that I am not desperate for any man and if I was free then a man who wanted me would have to prove himself first to me in terms of integrity and commitment. I do have standards you know.

You say I'm waiting for my husband to die so this man will come back into my life? That is a most insulting thing to say. What the Hell are you thinking? My husband is 9 years older than me but healthy like an ox and just as stubborn as a bull. Based on genetics he will probably live into his mid-eighties at least and there is also longevity in my genetics even though I have asthma and I bet I will probably live well into my 90's. I have one ancestor on my dad's side. His aunt who lived till almost 100 years old.

So do you think I am going to wait till my husband is deceased in his eighties which would probably put me in my mid-seventies and then I am going to go panting after some guy that lives in another country? Now what you are insinuating here is more than bizarre. It is insane.

Please stop judging and start thinking.

I must say I am getting angry and it is because I don't like being degraded like this. I'm not some dumb blond bimbo like I stated before. And you are stirring up my temper. Maybe you should ask questions instead of assuming things. That is actually what I did not like about a lot of the responses. They were assumptions and not questions.

I apologize if I am being rude but I need to put my foot down. This kind of nonsense is not helping me at all.

And you are not God and neither am I. I don't know what my future holds and I am not assuming anything and neither should you.

Thank you.

To all posters. Please no more assumptions and judgments. They are not really helping me. If you want to know something then just ask. If you think you know it all then go away.

I was feeling much better after a post made regarding a person who had experience with someone with Aspergers.

Then lo and behold I got a post right after that accusing me all over again. Now I feel somewhat disturbed that someone would actually have the gall to say I'm waiting for my husband to die to be with this estranged friend?

That is going way too far and I don't accept such garbage from people that don't even know me and who are saying these sorts of things for who knows what reason.

I guess I have found out the hard way that it really is not safe to post any prayers here on such personal topics because of the false assumptions and false judgments that ensue.

Please, if you don't want to sincerely help and understand then please don't post.

I'm getting behind on my work and all this emotional upset is not helping me. I need to have a clear head and move forward. I'm not staying stuck in a rut just so someone can shoot judgmental arrows at me.

Thank you.

Sorry I angered you. I just noticed in post#52. That you were seeking emotional support. I have not judged you one single bit. If you noticed. I put questions marks. My intentions were for you to think of how long are you going to wait for this other man? Is this good for your well being?

My heart was in the right place and not being judgmental at all. We can not control how others interpret our text.
I can understand how you want to hold on to all of those good thoughts and feelings about your friend. Having good thoughts about another person is a very good thing.

I wish you the very best and happy times.

God Bless,
Jerry

LRG, I sincerely prayed for you when you first came here. But you need to realize that your attitude is not okay.

If someone told you that they wished an elephant would sit on you, would you consider that to be abusive? What if they called you bitter, insensitive, or thoughtless? What if they called you ignorant and said that you had no compassion?

These are the words that you have directed at others. Look in the mirror and realize that while you're trying to play the martyr, you are hurting others. You are being rude and unfair.

I sincerely hope that you get things straightened out, with your original prayer request, and also with your attitude.

PopClick (that sounds like my knees lol) I agree with you that LRG's attitude needs some serious adjustment. From what she has said elsewhere, it sounds like satan has been pushing her buttons for far too long (and I include this particular issue as button pushing) and has made her over sensitive to what may sound (key word being sounds) like criticism. The issue with this guy I believe relates to her other relationships. Given what I understand about these other relationships, it could be she sees this guy as a lifeboat or safe haven. Certainly she sees him as someone who differs from what she is used to. And having been in that boat I can understand the attraction to this 'forbidden fruit'. When you've been pounded at length by sledgehammers, the rubber mallet doesn't look that bad.

Does this excuse her attitude? No, but it does explain it.

She needs deliverance from all her unhealthy relationships. This guy is not the answer to that, but he is a sign of the bigger problems and more so the need for (and her desire for) relief from them. We should all cover her in prayer over ALL her relationships and the damage they have caused. This guy isn't really the issue, even if the focus is on him.

Pray that she be given healthy, supportive relationships to start the healing process, starting with her husband. When she no longer needs a safety net, this guy will fade from her memory and be replaced by those who are more appropriate for her.

Your original response to my prayer was and I quote:

"Father, please give LRG clarity about this situation. Please show her what to do, or what she should learn. Please give her peace, and help her to give You all of her feelings and emotions and confusion. Guide her, please, in Jesus' name. Amen."

There is nothing wrong with that if you would leave it there.

I think your attitude is not okay because now you are judging and not looking at the big picture. You are not telling the whole story and that is dishonest.

As for the elephant. I did not come right out and say that. There was something said before that that led up to that comment regarding an elephant being in the room. But you neglected to state that because it doesn't suit your purpose.

As for calling someone bitter, insensitive and thoughtless. You would have to state exactly which post you are referring to and again what is the whole story behind this? For your information there was a post regarding someone with marriage problems and there was a poster that was quite nasty and I was sticking up for this person because I could relate to some of the things she was going through with her in-laws. I felt she was unfairly treated and I responded accordingly.

There was another post regarding someone who had a girlfriend with cancer and some of the responses by some men were most disrespectful calling this cancer victim high maintenance. So again I called the person out on what they were saying.

I've had people misunderstand me and call me plenty of things in my lifetime but I know who I am and God knows who I am so I always try to consider the source. If someone said I have no compassion then I would have to say that they have a problem and I know that what they are saying is untrue. Someone can say whatever they want about me. It doesn't change who I really am so it doesn't really matter a whole lot.

I am not playing the martyr. You are the one being unfair by telling only half the story. I'm sorry but I don't go around with the victim stamp on my head and I don't want pity from anyone. I just posted a simple prayer request and because of all this false judgments and assumptions I am sorry I even came here for any prayers. I asked for prayers not judgments. I asked for prayers not insults on my personality or character. Do you understand that? You don't like my attitude? Then don't come to my post. I don't like your shallow observations. Are you going to change that for me? Probably not. So the same goes for you.

Thank you and have a nice day!

That's fine. Don't worry about it. I'll be fine. I'm a lot stronger than people think. I just wondered why he was still on my mind for such a long time and what that meant. I like to kind of fix things and get over them. And I am certainly not wasting my entire life waiting for something that may or may not happen. If I want something then I make it happen. If I don't like something then I try to fix it. And everything else I just pray to God and wait for answers and resolutions.

Thank you for your post.