I miss the old-time preaching. Here is an sermon excerpt I only heard orally, but can now recite verbatim:
"I like my religion the way I like my tea--hot! 'Cause I'd rather be a fool on fire than a scholar on ice! 'Cause it's easier to cool a hot coal than to warm up a corpse. As for them pastors who believe in evil-ution, you can believe you're a product of a baboon convention if you want to, but I'd rather know the Rock of Ages than the ages of the rocks. Honestly brethren, when I drive by them liberal churches, I take my hat off out of respect for the dead!"