Never mind that you didn't believe Calvinism the first time you heard it. And you still must maintain it through self-deprecation. Author and Finisher doesn't mean he "made you believe" in fact what you will find is that God never saved anyone who didn't ask him to. Stop making implications because you're afraid that your faith will disintegrate if your doctrinal system is exposed. You are using your free-will right now to hold to Calvinism instead of the Bible. You use your free-will to hold to Calvinism every time someone exposes it and stirs up doubt and fear in your mind. Why won't you let go of it and be set free by the truth?
When I went to Seminary, we studied all the different soteriological viewpoints. I did not read Calvin at all, just had to learn TULIP and hyperlaparianism, etc. for the exam. I decided to read my Bible instead. I could not find any reference in the Bible to God choosing people to be damned. So I do not believe in Calvinism, although I did find so many verses relating to eternal security. I gave up the Arminian heresy, and I have been closer to God than in all those early years of hearing how I could lose my salvation in a moment of weakness.
So I did let go of the lie of free will, and I become more and more convinced that God holds me in the palm of his hand and will never leave or forsake me every day I walk with Christ.
"Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
I go to a non-reformed Baptist, where our excellent pastor with a Ph.D preaches that we cannot lose our salvation. I can only feel sorry for someone who thinks he chose God, instead of realizing that the sovereign Lord of the universe, the author of ALL things, and the finisher of everything, loves us and knows our frame (Psalm 139) and has chosen us before the foundation of the world. (Eph. 1:4)
It just doesn't get any clearer than this. Read your Bible and see that God has called and saved you. You do not save yourself by choosing God.
"For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable." Romans 11:29
By the way, because I am a pastor and chaplain, brow-beating me is not going to get me to change my theology. Especially because I have yet to see one verse posted in this thread which supports the premise that we choose God. Give me the Bible verses, and lots of them, and I will be open to listen and consider. I do not listen to ignorant people who know a church doctrine, but not their Bible!
I am just so glad that God chose to a wretch like me! Hallelujah!