Funny stories in the Bible

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MattforJesus

Senior Member
Apr 15, 2017
2,672
555
113
#22
Act 19:15 And the evil spirit answered and said, Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are ye?
Act 19:16 And the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, and overcame them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded.

When I first read this it made me laugh at the thought of the men being attacked, and fled out of the house naked, and wounded, although being attacked is not a laughing matter, but this is long ago, and it already happened.

Which the moral of the story is you better make sure you have the power of Jesus on your side before you open your mouth trying to exercise that power.

But the man must of attacked them severely for them to run out of the house naked, and I never seen a fight break out before where one of the them got their butt whipped so bad that all their clothes were ripped off.

Pro 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Pro 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

When I first read these it also made me laugh.
 

memyselfi

Junior Member
Jan 12, 2017
503
260
63
#24
Isaiah 44:13-19 New International Version (NIV)
13 The carpenter measures with a line
and makes an outline with a marker;
he roughs it out with chisels
and marks it with compasses.
He shapes it in human form,
human form in all its glory,
that it may dwell in a shrine.
14 He cut down cedars,
or perhaps took a cypress or oak.
He let it grow among the trees of the forest,
or planted a pine, and the rain made it grow.
15 It is used as fuel for burning;
some of it he takes and warms himself,
he kindles a fire and bakes bread.
But he also fashions a god and worships it;
he makes an idol and bows down to it.
16 Half of the wood he burns in the fire;
over it he prepares his meal,
he roasts his meat and eats his fill.
He also warms himself and says,
“Ah! I am warm; I see the fire.”
17 From the rest he makes a god, his idol;
he bows down to it and worships.
He prays to it and says,
“Save me! You are my god!”
18 They know nothing, they understand nothing;
their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see,
and their minds closed so they cannot understand.
19 No one stops to think,
no one has the knowledge or understanding to say,
“Half of it I used for fuel;
I even baked bread over its coals,
I roasted meat and I ate.
Shall I make a detestable thing from what is left?
Shall I bow down to a block of wood?”


This is one of my favorite Scriptures.... I crack up at laughing at G-d's sarcasm.... I realized how "funny" G-d IS and Hid sense of hummer in this Scripture!!! HE IS SOOOOO FUNNY!!!! You may need to understand sarcasm to apricate it!
 
M

Miri

Guest
#25
The story where Samson killed the philistines with a jawbone of an ass,
makes me chuckle.

The reason being I was once in a prayer meeting and someone was praying for
a missionary that like the mighty Samson, God would give him a jawbone of an
ass.

Everyone fell around laughing because this person, had
a really long face and jutting out jaw.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,036
3,650
113
#26
Sarah being told by the Lord that she will bear children in her old age. She laughs at the thought of it and the Lord asks Abraham why did Sarah laugh (about my miracle?) is anything too hard for me. then Sarah denies she laughs and the Lord (or is it Abraham?) says no you DID laugh.

Later when Sarah gives birth to Isaac she kind of blames God for making her laugh.

GOd hath made me to laugh, so that all who hear will laugh with me, who else would have said to Abraham that Sarah should have given children suck. For I have born him a son in his old age.

Oh but sarah why are you laughing at abrahams old age?? Sarah dies aged 127 but get this abraham marries again after Sarah dies a wife named Keturah. And she doesnt laugh, yet has even more children with Abraham six alrogether. Abraham dies ages 175 years. That is OLD.

Ok now I dont really get ...is .sarah laughing cos abrahams old or rather that shes old (90) but you dont hear a peep out of Keturah.
 

Journeyman

Well-known member
Jan 10, 2019
1,405
597
113
#27
Isaiah 44:13-19 New International Version (NIV)
13 The carpenter measures with a line
and makes an outline with a marker;
he roughs it out with chisels
and marks it with compasses.
He shapes it in human form,
human form in all its glory,
that it may dwell in a shrine.
14 He cut down cedars,
or perhaps took a cypress or oak.
He let it grow among the trees of the forest,
or planted a pine, and the rain made it grow.
15 It is used as fuel for burning;
some of it he takes and warms himself,
he kindles a fire and bakes bread.
But he also fashions a god and worships it;
he makes an idol and bows down to it.
16 Half of the wood he burns in the fire;
over it he prepares his meal,
he roasts his meat and eats his fill.
He also warms himself and says,
“Ah! I am warm; I see the fire.”
17 From the rest he makes a god, his idol;
he bows down to it and worships.
He prays to it and says,
“Save me! You are my god!”
18 They know nothing, they understand nothing;
their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see,
and their minds closed so they cannot understand.
19 No one stops to think,
no one has the knowledge or understanding to say,
“Half of it I used for fuel;
I even baked bread over its coals,
I roasted meat and I ate.
Shall I make a detestable thing from what is left?
Shall I bow down to a block of wood?”

This is one of my favorite Scriptures.... I crack up at laughing at G-d's sarcasm.... I realized how "funny" G-d IS and Hid sense of hummer in this Scripture!!! HE IS SOOOOO FUNNY!!!! You may need to understand sarcasm to apricate it!
Speaking of false gods, there's a story in 1Kings 18:25-38 where idol worshippers are calling on their god, but getting no answer, so Elijah says to them,

And at noon Elijah mocked them, saying, “Cry aloud, for he is a god. Either he is musing, or he is relieving himself, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened. (vs.27)

Maybe the god they prayed to couldn't answer.....because he was in the bathroom?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,036
3,650
113
#28
Speaking of false gods, there's a story in 1Kings 18:25-38 where idol worshippers are calling on their god, but getting no answer, so Elijah says to them,

And at noon Elijah mocked them, saying, “Cry aloud, for he is a god. Either he is musing, or he is relieving himself, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened. (vs.27)

Maybe the god they prayed to couldn't answer.....because he was in the bathroom?
Uh...what translation do you have?
My kjv says either he is talking or he is pursuing...

Its not the Message is it??
 

Deuteronomy

Well-known member
Jun 11, 2018
2,113
2,263
113
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#29
Uh...what translation do you have?
My kjv says either he is talking or he is pursuing...

Its not the Message is it??
I believe he used the ESV (yes Journeyman?).

"Musing" and "talking" are different words that can often mean the same thing.

שִׂיג [siyg] - is translated just this one time by the KJV as "pursuing", but our Hebrew lexicons also define that word as meaning either 1. "moving away from" or 2. "dross" (Strongs), or as 1. "withdrawing" or 2. "defecation or relieving oneself" (Goodrick-Kohlenberger).

Since v27 tells us that Elijah was mocking the prophets of Baal, I suppose I can understand why some of the translation teams decided to go with one of the more vulgar definitions of שִׂיג, as that could certainly be considered an appropriate choice given the context. Of course, since the following phrase speaks of Baal perhaps being on a journey, then the first meaning would also be appropriate. It would be interesting to know why each translation team chose to translate שִׂיג as they did, but that's probably not possible to find out (esp where the AV is concerned, of course ;)).

~Deut
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,036
3,650
113
#31
Yes, the ESV. I laughed out loud when I read it.
Lol maybe I ought to read a funnier translation. I know theres one called lolcat. That one is hilarious. Its for cats though. The KJV/AV is not so good for anyone who has a lisp.
 

Deuteronomy

Well-known member
Jun 11, 2018
2,113
2,263
113
64
#32
Yes, the ESV. I laughed out loud when I read it.
Lol maybe I ought to read a funnier translation. I know theres one called lolcat. That one is hilarious. Its for cats though. The KJV/AV is not so good for anyone who has a lisp.
I wonder if the ESV translators just decided to have some fun with their selection, since in this particular case, they could do more than just get away with their choice of definitions :)
 

Matthew55

Active member
Dec 29, 2018
117
30
28
#33
I believe he used the ESV (yes Journeyman?).

"Musing" and "talking" are different words that can often mean the same thing.

שִׂיג [siyg] - is translated just this one time by the KJV as "pursuing", but our Hebrew lexicons also define that word as meaning either 1. "moving away from" or 2. "dross" (Strongs), or as 1. "withdrawing" or 2. "defecation or relieving oneself" (Goodrick-Kohlenberger).

Since v27 tells us that Elijah was mocking the prophets of Baal, I suppose I can understand why some of the translation teams decided to go with one of the more vulgar definitions of שִׂיג, as that could certainly be considered an appropriate choice given the context. Of course, since the following phrase speaks of Baal perhaps being on a journey, then the first meaning would also be appropriate. It would be interesting to know why each translation team chose to translate שִׂיג as they did, but that's probably not possible to find out (esp where the AV is concerned, of course ;)).

~Deut
This is off topic, but you seem real knowledgeable about the lexicon and finding out what words mean.

Could you help with the word (Word) in John 1:1. In the beginning was the "Word". What does your lexicon say about this word. If you can help, thank you. If you cannot help, thank you anyway. Hope to hear from you.
 

Deuteronomy

Well-known member
Jun 11, 2018
2,113
2,263
113
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#34
Hi @Matthew55, no problem, but I'll send it to you via PM (as it would be extremely off topic to do it here).

~Deut
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,036
3,650
113
#37
JOb when God speaks to him and asks him a few pointed questions such as where were you when the world began? Can you make thunder and lightening? Etc. I havent counted up all the questions God asks Job but Job cant answer any of them he's speechless. Lol
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
33,817
11,540
113
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Tennessee
#38
The contest between Elijah and the prophets of Baal at Mt. Carmel as explained in 1 Kings 18.

Or when the donkey spoke to Baalam in a man's voice (Numbers 22).

Or even when King David danced naked before the Lord and said to his wife Michal "I will be even more undignified than this" when she mocked him.
I like the talking donkey in Numbers as he reminds me of Mr Ed who was a horse, of course
 

Deuteronomy

Well-known member
Jun 11, 2018
2,113
2,263
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64
#39
I must be silly, but what is PM and how do I access it. Sorry.
Hi again Matthew, PM = Private Message or Conversation. You access it at the top right of your screen. Look for the white envelope.

~Deut
 

Deuteronomy

Well-known member
Jun 11, 2018
2,113
2,263
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#40
I've always enjoyed the story of Jacob and Esau and all the family drama (between them and their parents) that begins in Genesis 25, especially where Esau comes in famished after a long day of hunting and sells His birthright (as the older twin) to his younger brother Jacob .. for a bowl of soup and a cracker :oops: