I don't believe you are here to cause trouble.
I had to cut your post for the room to post mine. Thank you for understanding.
I read your post above very carefully. I also read your post history, the few lines that appear in your posts as there are some ten pages for review. In the consideration of time I did not read all of your posts in full. I did find a few topics you replied to that I found of interest and am looking into what those are about on my own.
One thing I noticed you observed and as your personal perspective I'd say, is you believe someone can believe in God but not the Bible.
That's a profound sentence. At least I believe that. I would say in reading that in your posting here that you are not an unbeliever at all. You believe in God from what I read in that sentence, and in what I've read you say in other threads. Particularly as pertains to women being called to ministry. I did read that one because I am female and it was of interest. I do like your perspective in that thread.
I believe God calls people to preach. Humans are only responsible for opining about whom He chose for His service.
I don't want to get sidetracked on that topic here.
I believe you believe in God and you have every right to say you don't believe in the Bible. However, it isn't to say and it should not be something you insist upon, that others do not believe in the Bible. And I did not read you say that I just wanted to state that for the record.
We know, at least any who seek to find out more about the faith and the the history of how the Bible came to us, that indeed more than 40 men were authors of it. And it took over 1500 years to compile.
Then it was called the word of God and titled, Holy Bible. And people believed. And one church killed them if they dared question what was ministered to them from it, and in Latin. When the peasant population in the pews were illiterate, and were seated with their back to the priest because they were unworthy of gazing upon the messenger of God. That certainly doesn't communicate we are all one in Christ Jesus and there is no longer any such thing as slave, free, male, female, Gentile, or Jew in the eyes of God.
So I will tell you this. I believe you are able and have fully demonstrated a capacity to question what was compiled over 1,500 years and was written by more than 40 different men who told us their penning was inspired by God.
I've never thought of those verses you refer to us about God not listening to Sinners. I did do my share of searching those out and they are there. I admit it is a curious thing to find.
29."The LORD [is] far from the wicked: but he heareth the prayer of the righteous."
The Book of Proverbs chapter 15
9. "If a person will not listen to
Torah, even his prayer is an abomination."
The Book of Proverbs chapter 28
The Book of John chapter 9:31 We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him. 32 Never since the world began has it been heard that anyone opened the eyes of a man born blind. 33 If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.” 34 They answered him, “You were born in utter sin, and would you teach us?” And they cast him out.
35 Jesus heard that they had cast him out, and having found him he said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”[
c] 36 He answered, “And who is he, sir, that I may believe in him?” 37 Jesus said to him, “You have seen him, and it is he who is speaking to you.” 38 He said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshiped him. 39 Jesus said, “For judgment I came into this world, that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind.” 40 Some of the Pharisees near him heard these things, and said to him, “Are we also blind?” 41 Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no guilt;[
d] but now that you say, ‘We see,’ your guilt remains.
Sinners = ἁμαρτωλός (hamartōlos)
Strong: G268
GK: G283
one who deviates from the path of virtue, a sinner,
Mk. 2:17; depraved,
Mk. 8:38; sinful, detestable,
Rom. 7:13
See
everywhere hamartōlos appears in the New Testament via teknia.com.
My suggestion to you is, perhaps God is leading you to find Him in His own way. The Bible tells us, God is not found in buildings made by mortal hands. Would it then be impossible to say God is not found in scrolls written by human hands? Perhaps God, who is all things because all is of and from God, is seeking to have a deeply personal and intimate relationship with you in a way that brings you to him in a way that is not in the scriptures. And because you have studied and found so many questions and what you've said are contradictions, so as to believe in them.
You're not suppose to believe in the Bible. You're suppose to believe in the sacred and Holy Spirit that inspired the Bible. Perhaps He did that so that people that need to read to believe it had that opportunity. Perhaps with you, and being He is in all things and because all things are of and from Him, as He tells us in the Bible, He wants you to know Him in a way you're open to.
You said you were a Christian for many years. And I would presume you arrived at that faith by going to church and reading the Bible. Now you're at this crossroads where it seems you're not so sure about the latter bringing you to the truth of God in Christ. Maybe you can see that as what God intends. Since he would of course know where you are now in life and why. Maybe he's reaching you by leading you to questions. So that you , having arrived at the belief you can believe in God without believing in the Bible, are on your way to reuniting with God again.
When the Bible doesn't speak to you perhaps God is leading you to speak to Him and so He can speak to you in a different way, through a different path of union.
Forget that God doesn't hear the prayer of the sinner. You've said as much as, that's what you've been told and you reject that. OK. Now, consider praying to God as one who is and forever has been one with Him. When all things are created of and from The Creator, there is no thing that is not of and from God. Yes, that is in the Bible and yet it makes sense when God is the source of all there is. Or shall ever be.
I saw your post about the mirror exercise or meditation that helped you and your daughter. Maybe pray that way first. Look into that mirror and into your own God given eyes and pray silently or aloud. You are separated I read so no one will hear you. You have total privacy. Just you and God.
See what happens. Be open though. Don't have expectation.
Because you not only believe in God as far as I can read, you are also seemingly desperate to arrive at that faith that makes you feel secure. Something you came to know you didn't have before or you'd not have had a crisis of faith as you called it. I think you want to be secure in Christ and the knowledge He loves you. (He does. Always has.
)
Try that. Pray looking into your own eyes in the mirror. If you want to see proof of God there it is. Made in the image and likeness thereof.
God be with you.