I'm Christian...but I am Afraid of God

Soupoftheday26 · Jul 26, 2011

I've been listening, and reading, and pouring over the Word of God and praying and crying and laughing to Him for 15 years of my life now. And I have never been so unsure and scared and doubtful than I am right now, in my early 20s. And I really hate that I feel this way after so long, because He's my Father, you know? He's always been there, I've seen Him work in my life, and yet, so many awful things have happened without reprieve and I beg for him to take away the very notion inside me that I have to complain about that, because I know we all suffer as Christ suffered (less so, though, obviously) and that's just how it is, but where is the joy God promised? I know it is in Him, that I'll find it, and yet I search and I only fear Him. I fear what ways he'll use the ones I love to prove a point, or how he'll use me that will hurt the ones I love. I'm afraid that I won't hear His direction and I'll fail in ever living out a life that is for Christ. And all I hear is read his Word and pray, and I don't think a lot of Christians realize how hard it is to pray sometimes? And everyone always says they feel at peace about things and the Holy Spirit inside them helped them this way, or that...I have never felt that. Is it all in their heads, or is it all in mine? And I know the answer isn't that I'm doing this all wrong, I feel like I'm just words away from overcoming all this, but I never hear the right thing. I'm straining towards Him, but there's one thing holding me back. I just don't know what it is.

I'm not sure if anyone will understand this gibberish, and I hope that you'll only be the kind brothers and sisters in Christ I was hoping to find here. Please, do not judge me. That will only push me farther away from what I am searching for hard for.

Sincerely,
Jessica

foundthetruth · Jul 26, 2011

I read the title, but the text didn't really explain why you are afraid of God. The joy you speak of though is not always joy in this present age, but the joy I have is in hope in the waiting for God's glorious kingdom to come. If you are a true disciple of Jesus Christ, then you will suffer and face many trials and tribulations. Jesus said in Revelation 3:19 "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent."

What though, are you afraid of?

Elizabeth619 · Jul 26, 2011

God did not create this world so it woudl be east breezey. Christians will suffer. IT is almost like a test of our faith.
Everyone has hard knocks and God is not going to answer EVERY single prayer. Sometimes unanswered prayers are the best blessings.

I know what you mean about a peaceful feeling and not feeling it. I never "felt" it til last month when I watched a family member pass away.

A Christian doesn't have to physically feel something to know God is there.
God had a plan for everyone, and he sldo expects us to overcome obsacles in life. Life will NOT be easy, especially for a Christian.....BUT there is a reward, and it is Heaven. If life as a Christian was supposed to be almost perfect then Heavens reward would not be as great.

Jesus suffered on the cross, but he also knew that after his suffering he would be chillin with God and the Angels and his suffereing made everything worth it.

loveschild · Jul 26, 2011

Soupoftheday26 said:

I've been listening, and reading, and pouring over the Word of God and praying and crying and laughing to Him for 15 years of my life now. And I have never been so unsure and scared and doubtful than I am right now, in my early 20s. And I really hate that I feel this way after so long, because He's my Father, you know? He's always been there, I've seen Him work in my life, and yet, so many awful things have happened without reprieve and I beg for him to take away the very notion inside me that I have to complain about that, because I know we all suffer as Christ suffered (less so, though, obviously) and that's just how it is, but where is the joy God promised? I know it is in Him, that I'll find it, and yet I search and I only fear Him. I fear what ways he'll use the ones I love to prove a point, or how he'll use me that will hurt the ones I love. I'm afraid that I won't hear His direction and I'll fail in ever living out a life that is for Christ. And all I hear is read his Word and pray, and I don't think a lot of Christians realize how hard it is to pray sometimes? And everyone always says they feel at peace about things and the Holy Spirit inside them helped them this way, or that...I have never felt that. Is it all in their heads, or is it all in mine? And I know the answer isn't that I'm doing this all wrong, I feel like I'm just words away from overcoming all this, but I never hear the right thing. I'm straining towards Him, but there's one thing holding me back. I just don't know what it is.

I'm not sure if anyone will understand this gibberish, and I hope that you'll only be the kind brothers and sisters in Christ I was hoping to find here. Please, do not judge me. That will only push me farther away from what I am searching for hard for.

Sincerely,
Jessica

You keep reading and loving God. Read of how he loves you. You will study how he loves you forever. It's not about feeeeeling it. It's about knowing it. We can go through times we don't feel all so close. But we must remember he is there. You need to lift your spirit. Ask God to help you. Ask people to pray for you. Tell God you feel weak. When you are weak HE is strong. God bless you!

Abiding · Jul 26, 2011

Soupoftheday26 said:

I've been listening, and reading, and pouring over the Word of God and praying and crying and laughing to Him for 15 years of my life now. And I have never been so unsure and scared and doubtful than I am right now, in my early 20s. And I really hate that I feel this way after so long, because He's my Father, you know? He's always been there, I've seen Him work in my life, and yet, so many awful things have happened without reprieve and I beg for him to take away the very notion inside me that I have to complain about that, because I know we all suffer as Christ suffered (less so, though, obviously) and that's just how it is, but where is the joy God promised? I know it is in Him, that I'll find it, and yet I search and I only fear Him. I fear what ways he'll use the ones I love to prove a point, or how he'll use me that will hurt the ones I love. I'm afraid that I won't hear His direction and I'll fail in ever living out a life that is for Christ. And all I hear is read his Word and pray, and I don't think a lot of Christians realize how hard it is to pray sometimes? And everyone always says they feel at peace about things and the Holy Spirit inside them helped them this way, or that...I have never felt that. Is it all in their heads, or is it all in mine? And I know the answer isn't that I'm doing this all wrong, I feel like I'm just words away from overcoming all this, but I never hear the right thing. I'm straining towards Him, but there's one thing holding me back. I just don't know what it is.

I'm not sure if anyone will understand this gibberish, and I hope that you'll only be the kind brothers and sisters in Christ I was hoping to find here. Please, do not judge me. That will only push me farther away from what I am searching for hard for.

Sincerely,
Jessica

I understand, and its not at all surprising to feel this way. I know it sounds like an easy fix but i recommend
reading "the vine" by andrew murray , prayerfully. It will set you on the right track with the Lord. And teach
you how to trust Him, and Love Him. We have to have that, or we will just freak all the time. Mail me if you
need me to mail you a copy. Or i can find sources online. But we all come to the day when Christianity has to become a little more real. And we need Him to make that happen.

Soupoftheday26 · Jul 26, 2011

I think I'm afraid of just how my suffering will increase, if that's the true life of a follower of Christ. I know everyone has it rough, and it either will always be like that for them or they cause it themselves. But I'm wondering how I see some Christians so happy, with families and a roof over their heads, when I scrape by and I'm constantly in a tempest of suffering caused by my family, or friends. I know it sounds like I'm whining, my words aren't coming out right. I am afraid...that when my destructive relationships in my family don't cause me enough suffering, someone important that I love in my life will die, or I'll contract a disease, that will prove some holy point but will have me leaving this world without feeling like it was even worth it for me to be alive. I don't receive guidance from God anymore--have I done anything worthy in this life for Him? He won't let me know. The only prayer I ever have, is that He just guide me, tell me, show me, make me see something that brings direction for me, that lets me know I'm not just an experiment. That I was put on this earth to do something great for Him, other than suffer and cry about it and beg Him to make the hurt go away. I'm afraid, because He's turned into just God, He's no longer my friend or my loving Father. He's this higher being that I'll never hear, never be able to touch or see or relate to or rely on. He's become vague and terrifying.

Grandpa · Jul 26, 2011

God is scary. He is all powerful and we are not. But the fear of God is the beginning of Wisdom. Also Hebrews 8:28 For we know that all things work for the good for those that love God and are called according to His purpose. So we know that whatever trial we are going through God is using for His Glory and His Purpose. This is not to say that we don't hurt each other because we do. Out of the heart the mouth speaks. And the heart is terribly decietful, who can know it? Keep reading His word, Keep praying for wisdom and understanding, Keep the faith.

God Bless You

FireOnTheAltar · Jul 26, 2011

Soupoftheday26 said:

There's nothing to be afraid of Sis. His love for you (and the rest of mankind) is beyond human comprehension. I doubt that He's going to tell you to do anything to hurt another, much less someone you love. Unless, that is, He places it on your heart to share the gospel with them and they reject it and in turn reject you for it. He said that would happen but it's not your fault or His that they have chosen to live their lives for temporary worldly pleasures rather than everlasting life.

Anyways, you are his daughter and His love for you far surpasses the love of greatest dad in world for his little girl.

If you have the means to buy it, I would like to suggest a book: "Burning Desire" by S.J. Hill. It's all about God's love for us.

FireOnTheAltar · Jul 26, 2011

Abiding said:

Awesome suggestion. I love Andrew Murray. Depending on when it was printed, you might be able to find a digital copy free online.

foundthetruth · Jul 26, 2011

At this point in your life, you really need to rely on the word of God for your source of truth. If there are any unrepentant sins, now is the time to turn from them and begin walking in the Spirit of truth. To answer your question, you will suffer, but great is your reward in heaven. Most of my family rejects me for my beliefs, even though they are professing "Christians." Matthew 16:24-25 "Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." You're going to face many difficulties, but you are being purified, refined in the fire.

I have the perfect song for you right now.
‪BarlowGirl - I Believe In Love [HQ]‬&rlm; - YouTube

If you ever want to chat more, my MSN is [email protected]

Bless you Jessica, may the Lord guide you into all truth and love

Love,
Jeremy

AnandaHya · Jul 26, 2011

I do not really know what to say except that you are not alone and to trust in the promise of the Lord. For He says knock and the door will be open, seek and you will find, pray and He will answer people with humble and contrite hearts seeking His will and reassurance of His love.

Psalm 38

A Psalm of David. To bring to remembrance.

1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your wrath,
Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure!
2 For Your arrows pierce me deeply,
And Your hand presses me down.

3 There is no soundness in my flesh
Because of Your anger,
Nor any health in my bones
Because of my sin.
4 For my iniquities have gone over my head;
Like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me.
5 My wounds are foul and festering
Because of my foolishness.

6 I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly;
I go mourning all the day long.
7 For my loins are full of inflammation,
And there is no soundness in my flesh.
8 I am feeble and severely broken;
I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.

9 Lord, all my desire is before You;
And my sighing is not hidden from You.
10 My heart pants, my strength fails me;
As for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me.

11 My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague,
And my relatives stand afar off.
12 Those also who seek my life lay snares for me;
Those who seek my hurt speak of destruction,
And plan deception all the day long.

13 But I, like a deaf man, do not hear;
And I am like a mute who does not open his mouth.
14 Thus I am like a man who does not hear,
And in whose mouth is no response.

15 For in You, O LORD, I hope;
You will hear, O Lord my God.
16 For I said, “Hear me, lest they rejoice over me,
Lest, when my foot slips, they exalt themselves against me.”

17 For I am ready to fall,
And my sorrow is continually before me.
18 For I will declare my iniquity;
I will be in anguish over my sin.
19 But my enemies are vigorous, and they are strong;
And those who hate me wrongfully have multiplied.
20 Those also who render evil for good,
They are my adversaries, because I follow what is good.

21 Do not forsake me, O LORD;
O my God, be not far from me!
22 Make haste to help me,
O Lord, my salvation!

Soupoftheday26 · Jul 26, 2011

Thank you for that Psalm. Made me weep like a baby. Sometimes I forget how much in common I have with David and how relatable his words are. Thank you.

Tobby17 · Jul 26, 2011

Are you afraid to be used as a *scape goat*?. Coz that is what i understand from this. Are you afraid to end up like Job in the bible?. Is that ur fear?

foundthetruth · Jul 26, 2011

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

Soupoftheday26 · Jul 26, 2011

I appreciate the verses but not all of them I get in one go. With these, you'd have to explain them to me. How do we little, puny humans achieve that perfect love with God? It's a two way street, isn't it?

Soupoftheday26 · Jul 26, 2011

Well Job turned out alright in the end didn't he? And his suffering wasn't long-suffering...though he lost his entire family. It's also a little uncomfortable that his family was taken away, and a new one was put in its place. Isn't it...cruel, to forget all of those unique people you loved and let a new family replace them?

foundthetruth · Jul 26, 2011

It will help to read the latter verse in full context. 1 John 4 - Take a few minutes to read this and you will have more clarity.

Also, Romans 8:1 "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."

If you are walking after the Spirit, you have no condemnation. If you were walking after the flesh, dead in your sins, unrepentant, in lust, lasciviousness, hate, wickedness, then you would not be walking after the Spirit and would be partaker of the condemnation we all deserve. Thanks be to our Lord Jesus Christ, we are made free from the law of sin and death, but if we continue therein and die, we are sealed in destruction. That in itself is a whole other topic for a bible study. Still, read 1 John 4 for a more elaborate look on the previous verse 1 John 4:18

"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2 By this you know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God, 3 and every spirit that does not confess that[a] Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world.
4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 5 They are of the world. Therefore they speak as of the world, and the world hears them. 6 We are of God. He who knows God hears us; he who is not of God does not hear us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error.Knowing God Through Love

7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. 10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.Seeing God Through Love

12 No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. 13 By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16 And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.The Consummation of Love

17 Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 19 We love Him[b] because He first loved us.Obedience by Faith

20 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can[c] he love God whom he has not seen? 21 And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also."

Elizabeth619 · Jul 26, 2011

I know this may not be the BEST poem I could give, but I love this poem. Reading it helps me everytime.

It is my favorite poem of all time.

Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord, "You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

TheTruthWillSetYouFree · Jul 26, 2011

Soupoftheday26 said:

We all hit a point where we feel like we've come full circle to before we were saved - but then God pulls us through it. Sometimes it lasts for months. It can range from being suddenly homeless, to have just been raped, to a serious spiritual attack by Satan to make us doubt in God. But the point is, it happens to all of us, and it happens for a reason. Being suddenly homeless can open someone up and make them rely on God more - being raped, same thing. Serious spiritual attacks and battles, the kind we constantly undergo, will end up making us stronger in the faith.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Soupoftheday26 said:

I'm glad that you realize that you should not be scared of your father, for "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)

Yet none of us have been made perfect (in love) yet. That day is fast approaching though - and on that day there shall be no fear, for we have no punishment awaiting us.

Soupoftheday26 said:

I don't know what "awful things" you are talking about, so I'll go over a few possible options:
a) You've been hurt (physically or mentally) by others
b) There is a thorn God has not taken out of you
c) There is a sin you have committed/are committing that you deplore

A) If you have been hurt, either physically or mentally by others, then:
i) Don't be surprised. Jesus told us this would happen:
-“Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold," (Matthew 24:9-12).
ii) Rejoice! You have actually been counted worthy of suffering for God!
- "The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name." (Acts 5:41)
iii) Rejoice more! This current suffering proves that we will receive future glory!
- "Now if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." (Romans 8:17)
- "But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.” (1 Peter 3:14)
- "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons." (Hebrews 12:4-8)

B) See post below
C) See post below

Soupoftheday26 said:

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God." (Romans 8:18-21)

Soupoftheday26 said:

You need to learn to trust God! Do you not realize that everything He has done from the beginning of time was for you, and me, and all who love Him now? I've posted this before, and I'll post it again:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Soupoftheday26 said:

Sometimes, when we try to look for God, when we need Him, it seems He has turned His back. We yearn for peace and rest, we look for His fellowship, yet for some reason He chooses to withold it from us. I call this a "spiritually dry time", and it's something we all go through. Mine has lasted for a while - it's been around three weeks so far, and I'm still looking for His fellowship, but He has chosen to withold it for a specified time.

Here's a link which helped me: Why are there times when finding God is so difficult? Why are there times in my life when finding God is so difficult?

Soupoftheday26 said:

It sounds like you have some unconfessed sin. Probably that you don't want to trust Him or go according to His will. Talk with Him! He's your father, and He will listen, and He will show you your sin if you let Him.

Here are some other links which I think you would enjoy reading!
What does the Bible say about suffering?
How can I learn to trust God?

Yours lovingly in Christ,
Eric

TheTruthWillSetYouFree · Jul 26, 2011

Sorry, I only replied to "A" in my last post.

a) You've been hurt (physically or mentally) by others
b) There is a thorn God has not taken out of you
c) There is a sin you have committed/are committing that you deplore

B) There is a thorn (something which prohibits you from doing something seemingly-Godly which God has not taken out of you). For example, Paul often talked about having a "thorn". Let's read 2 Corinthians 12:1-9 -

" 1 I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. 2 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. 3 And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— 4 was caught up to paradise. He heard inexpressible things, things that man is not permitted to tell. 5 I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.
7 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:1-9)

Notice verse 8? He pleaded with God not just once, nor twice, but three times! Don't forget, when Paul asked God to do something, He almost always complied. If Paul asked God to heal this man, God would do it. But after three sessions of pleading, God says no. Sometimes, a thorn is temporary (as I will show you in a minute) - and sometimes it is permanent (as Paul's was).

Notice verse 9? We are told to rely on God when we struggle, for His grace (His active, ongoing activities which directly benefit you) is sufficient (enough) for you - for His power is made perfect in weakness.

C) There is a sin you have committed/are committing that you deplore

I will point to an example from my own life which I am disgusted by.

After I accepted Christ on August 2010, God began making drastic changes in my life. He gradually showed me how viewing pornography was terrible, disgusting, and abhorrent in His sight. It took me a couple months, but I finally stopped. And then a month later, it was back with a bang. I was overcome by lustful desires, and my habits started to revolve around this disgusting addiction. But now I was fully aware of how terrible this sin was, and every time I did it (which was basically every night) I called out to God to help me stop. I begged Him, pleaded with Him, I weeped and sobbed and God still did nothing. I tried to "quit" by using my own willpower, and it worked! For a day or two. But one night, as I was once more caught up in this greivous sin, the Holy Spirit led me to actually trust that God would stop it!

The Holy Spirit lead me to place 100% faith in God, and that I would never, ever, ever again commit this sin. And I knew it right away that God had done it, too. And ever since that time, 3 months ago, I have never done it again. I also encountered a verse a couple nights ago, Mark 11:22-25, which blew my mind about having faith and trusting in God. It's really powerful. I also posted about it on my blog.

So, yeah. God was with me the whole time, even though I thought He was ignoring me a bit.

Have faith, and don't fear Him, for He adores you!

I'm Christian...but I am Afraid of God

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