I saw that this is the second time you asked this question Stephen and I want to try to share my own experience in case it may help.
It has been in two parts for me.
At first, I didn't see that I was nothing like our Lord. I thought I was quite humble, loving, gentle, forgiving, etc. I thought I displayed these fruits of the Spirit. Then a man I'd been talking with for a few years about God died. He never came to know God as far as I know, (but I have hope that on his deathbed God saved him.)
I used to always pray for him that God would open his eyes and humble him because he used to be the one to bring up the subject of God with me, but seemed to only ever want to arrogantly fight and argue about how the bible was written by just men, virgins can't give birth, etc. You know the arguing, I'm sure you've heard it from unbelievers.
After he died, I suddenly saw that I had not showed Him Gods' love but had instead had arrogant arguments, reviled back, acted as badly as him. Apologetics is not love. Apologetics can be discussed in love or they can be discussed in anger and arrogance.
When I realized I had not shown him love, I was destroyed. I was completely undone. It becomes really real after someone dies and you realize you showed absolutely NOTHING that would have wanted them to know God. You just acted like THEY acted. You didn't lay down your life for them at all.
So after He was able to show me that I wasn't showing love but just trying to win an argument, He began to show me my lack in all other virtue too. There was no humility, just arrogant argument. No love, just wanting to win. No gentleness, just reviling back when reviled instead of forgiving, holding awful grudges while at the same time thinking myself to be forgiving. And I saw how selfish I was. Whenever I would complain to Him about someone elses selfishness, He showed me all of the ways I was selfish and that I was hating their selfishness while embracing my own. (He drove it home with a piece of apple crisp believe it or not. There were only two pieces left so I hid one clear in the back of the fridge hoping no one would find it and I could have it later). He hounded me it felt like. Just every day, showing me that I was NOT how I had been perceiving myself to be and was even WORSE than those I complained about.
That's a lot of light to flood someone with at once. It's hard to see so clearly how you really are when you've convinced yourself you're nothing like that but are instead the sweetest little angel. It was painful the way walking out of a dark movie theatre and into daylight is painful. I didn't like it, but I SAW it.
Here's the second part. I began to try very hard to be good. This went on for years. I would try to be nice, kind, gentle, forgiving., because I didn't WANT to be bad and ugly. I wanted to be like my Lord!Then the nastiest and most rude person you could imagine would be thrown into my breathing space and I'd lose it on them really bad. So there went all of my attempts to be good and holy, right down the drain because of one nasty pissant who pushed my buttons. So then I would fall into a brooding depression and after a few days or weeks I'd pick myself up and resolve to try harder to be good. I'd try for some length of time and be sailing along pretty good (in my estimation
) and then dangit, ANOTHER nasty pissant would start pushing my buttons until I exploded on them.
After years of that repeating cycle of trying hard, then failure, then depression, then getting up and resolving to try harder, - one day I think I said something like...what good is it for You to show me how awful I am if I CAN"T ever be good for any length of time?? Will I never be good until I'm dead?? What's the point?? And I just gave up, in one second of time, I just gave up and saw that it was never going to happen. So I said, this is who I am. I am not good, I am not virtuous, I'm bad, and I can't ever be good. So if I am to be with even the smallest speck of virtue rather than just intermittent self-delusion, you will have to see to it because I'm not playing this make believe game any more.
Soon after - VERY soon - I began to see victories. I gained great control over my nasty tongue, I would be treated very mean and nasty by someone and my feelings wouldn't get hurt but instead I would LOVE and feel compassion for them in their pain and hatred. It was amazing and it seemed I wasn't me any more. I honestly felt like this couldn't be me. It was like....where is Jennie and what have you done with her??
Later I understood that I had been trying to be good by my own effort instead of believing Him to make me what He said He would.
So first, He had to show me there was no good thing in me because I was deceived and thought I was pretty good.
But THEN, He had to get me to see that just knowing this and trying to change it wouldn't work, because all my attempts at righteousness were filthy, polluted and useless. I had to wait for and rely on Him to do something about it.
I know we all have our own experience and growth and it's very personal between us and Him, and we all have different ditches we fall into, but in answer to your question of HOW do we do it if it's already all been done?? - the answer is we
don't do it, we can't, no matter how hard we try - He does. It's by trusting Him