It is indeed a wonder to behold the fullness of grace; and it starts with the free gift of Salvation - not by works - AMEN!. But that is only the start in the process of understanding what has been given you, I sense a finished its over attitude, now just do what I can do piece by piece ebbing in and out, with God gracing you in the gaps...but Jesus is the river of life not the ocean of life. His desires are not for us to ebb at all; to recede back and forth.I read your words that say you are not indifferent to Him. When we sin we are indifferent to Him, despite a process of getting to live as Jesus lived. My point is this: One must go thru many experiences to get again back at appreciating the fullness of God's grace, and one is that He desires for us to sin no more!.
One must experience a contrite spirit: (Psalm 34:18); (Isaiah 57:15); (Isaiah 29:24).
One must experience a Broken spirit: (Psalm 51:17), Some believers, after committing sins, remain unperturbed in their spirit as if nothing happened. A healthy spirit invariably would be broken.
One must experience a poor spirit: (Matthew 5:3).
One must experience a meek spirit: (Galatians 6:1); (1 Peter 2:23).
One must experience a humble spirit: (Proverbs 16:19); (Proverbs 29:23); (Isaiah 57:15).
One must experience a fervent spirit, towards HIs will: (Romans 12:11).
One must experience a cool spirit: (Proverbs 17:27).
One must experience a rejoicing spirit on the grounds of God: (Luke 1:47); (Psalm 51:17).
One must experience a non-cowardice spirit, (or, a confident spirit from being a slave to righteousness.not a quickened haughty spirit): (2 Timothy 1:7).
One must experience a Quiet spirit: (1 Peter 3:4); (1 Thes. 4:11).
One must experience a New spirit: (Romans 7:6); (John 6:57).
One must experience a Holy spirit (given by the Holy Spirit): (1 Corinthians 7:34); (2 Corinthians 7:1).
One must experience a Strong spirit: (Luke 1:80); (Proverbs 18:14).
And then there's the Oneness of spirit we need to experience, (Phil. 1:27); and then as we come full-circle we can appreciate the fullness of Christ in experiencing the spirit in the fullness of grace. (Galatians 6:18).
"Contrite" in the original text has the meaning of "beaten." God is pleased when the spirit of the believer is very careful, as if it is always under rebuke and beating, fearing God and His word. A believer's spirit must reach a stage of constantly fearing God. This is an attitude of respect, not an actual beating down of the Holy Spirit, but a beating down of the flesh and a chain of command in our spirit. The presumptuous and self-willed heart must be completely broken, allowing the word of God to be the guide in all things. A believer must have this holy respect, having absolutely no trust in himself. Since his spirit has already been beaten, he dares not lift up his head; instead, he always obeys the command of God. A hardened spirit is always an obstacle in obeying the will of God.
Only after the cross has accomplished a thorough work in enabling the believer to clearly know the unreliability of his ideas, feelings, and desires does he dare not become presumptuous. He becomes extremely cautious in all things, knowing that they will doubtlessly fail without the intervening and keeping power of God. We must not become independent of God. Whenever our spirit ceases to tremble, it will have an independent (presumptuous) intent. We rely on God only when we realize that we are in a completely helpless situation. A trembling spirit keeps us from failing and causes us to really know God.