Kodi, I may have you beat as far as self-injury goes. I'm pretty clutz-prone myself... (posted this in Streams but wanted to share here too.)
Ok, here's something crazy stupid and oh so typical of me!!!
I was trying to make a recipe tonight for "zoodles" (zucchini noodles) and so I was peeling away at zucchini with a serrated vegetable peeler... and happened to slice into the side of my finger. The gash is deep enough that you can see about 4 parallel peeled slices into my flesh and it looks like I'm growing gills out of the top of my hand! ARGH!!!! I have to cover it with a band-aid just because the sight of it is making me a little woozy.
The most insane thing is that I use a box cutter EVERY SINGLE DAY at work and haven't cut myself in a few weeks (that might be a record) and yet I come home and maim myself with a vegetable peeler.
Or... it might just mean that vegetables are dangerous.
I think I would have been better off if I had tried to fry myself a burger. I'm thinking one of the requirements I'll need in a significant other is a part-time nurse.