I agree with you. It has been like pulling teeth. I also grow and learn as we go.
You just have to be aware of others wounds...have you done any reading on abused children?
In a sense we have all suffered spiritual abuse from Satan. He is a child molester.
Each child has a different trigger that Satan has trained us to associate with pain and abuse. For some its the word convict and condemn and judge.
Triggers work like the bell for food does for a dog...eventually you ring the bell and the dog starts salivating even without food present.
I know someone who was raped in a place filled with birds and when she hears birds in cages, she brings and flashes back to being raped.
Eventually God will heal those triggers and we won't cringe and flashback, but remember that God loves us and that Satan is wrong.
Satan is crafty, he uses triggers to keep the body of Christ divided so that when someone innocently says a word or does something...the other person assumes they are in league with Satan.
But in truth it's from spiritual abuse.
However when the other person yells and gets angry, it causes more pain...like poking at a bandaid to see if that person is really hurt and bleeding.