1 Timothy 3:12 - “ Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.”
The underlying Greek word in question is διακονον - diakonos. But it has several meanings. In the KJV it is translated as DEACON only twice and these are in 1 Timothy 3:8 and 12
where it refers to one of the offices in the local church. We have elders and deacons.
But both were men who were to be married to godly wives.
The main meaning of the word is minister, meaning a servant, and the word SERVANT itself. It is used in such places as John 2:5 and 2:9 where Jesus turned the water into wine.
“His mother saith unto the SERVANTS, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.” John 2:5
“When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the SERVANTS which drew the water knew
the governor of the feast called the bridegroom” John 2:9
The verb form of this word is diakoneo and it also means TO SERVE or to MINISTER - as in Hebrews 6:10 - “ For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shewed toward his name, in that YE HAVE MINISTERED to the saints, and DO MINISTER.”
The new versions translate the word diakonos as servant or servants some 20 times, minister 4 times, attendants once, and deacon 3 times.
Most Bibles throughout history have translated Romans 16:1 as “Phebe our sister, which is a SERVANT of the church which is at Cenchrea”. - or “minister” meaning a servant.
The NASB, ESV, NKJV, Holman Standard and NET versions all have “our sister Phoebe, A SERVANT of the church”
But there is a growing movement in these modern times to promote women to the place of leadership in the church by making them either Pastors or Deacons, especially in the more liberal churches - contrary to what the Bible teaches.