Good afternoon. I grew up christian, but didn't go to church, didn't live much different. September last year I started going to church.(OPC)
I went for about 2.5-3 months, and started praying, and then the Holy Spirit came into my life. For the first 2 weeks, I was just IN LOVE with God.
I stopped swearing very quickly, the hate in my heart went away, my talk otherwise cleaned up. That went away, (being IN LOVE with God, I think Satan got involved) and I got very anxious and depressed. I cut out everything bad in my life that were obvious, visible sins. Stopped watching ungodly TV, radio, etc. Looked away from any woman when driving down the road. I still struggled, but overall I was really trying, which might have fed my pride, which I prayed about.
There were times of great peace, when I truly felt like everything made sense, Christ died for my sins,etc. I confessed my sins and the guilt started going away, though I don't know if I have saving faith. I was starting to walk in grace a bit, when I realized I made a mistake, I'd confess it. I tended to focus on the worst versus in the Bible, Parable of the Sower, Hebrews 10:26, etc. I also just started reading The Pilgrims Progress, and the man in the cage stood out to me. On Thursday (last week), I was on my phone, and got this conviction that I shouldn't be. I finished the email and repented, but everything felt HORRIBLE. Like the Holy Spirit had left me. I feel hard. For a few days, I felt extremely empty, but now I feel sort of normal. I've struggled I feel very convinced that I'm hell bound. I've talked to 3 pastors and another man I trust, and they think I'll be fine. They mostly think that 10:26 applies to apostacy, but the way it reads, I don't like it. What are your thoughts?. Thank you
You've probably already received some pretty good responses. Many of us can probably relate to you--certainly I can! My conscience was so sensitive as a young disciple of Christ that I got condemned for just about anything. I ended up so bound that I was afraid to do anything with the smallest amount of paganism in it.
Well, I'm not going to tell you to just go ahead and do anything you want. That will put you under condemnation. But I can say that down the road your persistence will pay off, and you will feel less inclined towards condemnation.
We can't completely extract ourselves from this world, and from its corruptions. Jesus washed the feet of his Disciples because he knew they would get dirty in the world. We can't avoid all contamination from sin, nor should we even try. We should just try to walk the narrow path, and let any of these "questionable activities" be decided as they come.
More mature believers should be able to help you with this, but it's really a matter of your own faith. It it crosses your faith you will feel condemned.
Yes, condemnation does last for awhile, but it won't remove God's grace completely. Over time you will find a way past it. If you want to be accepted by God, any effort at all will get you saved.
Cleaning up your act helps you be more effective in your witness. And it removes the barriers between God and ourselves. God isn't all about fastening hundreds of rules onto your agenda!
I abandoned TV for years. I don't feel it made me any more righteous--all it did was make me so ignorant of the world around me that i couldn't communicate with them. So we need to be careful *what* we watch, and how far it goes. But we shouldn't expect our experience in the world to be pure. We live in an impure world.
The verse you mentioned above you are taking completely wrong. Here it is:
If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left.
This is *not* talking about those who *slip and fall,* but rather, about what we *choose* to adopt as our way of life. If we choose to live a pagan life, and simply redefine it as "Christian liberties," then we are not covered by Christ's sacrifice.
Jesus died for those who didn't know better so that when they do come to know better his death for their sins will enable them to obtain his righteousness and forgiveness from sin.
Those who slip and fall always turn back to Christ for forgiveness. Since he died for sin and for those who repent, his sacrifice will *always* be good for them!
It's like saying, "I've decided I don't want to go to the well for water. I'm going to get it from that old dried up cistern." Well, that old dried up cistern isn't good any longer. It's dried up! If you choose to *only* go to that cistern for water, there remains no other source of water to survive. You're going to die!
But if you tried going to that cistern, realized the error of your ways, and return to the well, you're going to be fine!
Don't let condemnation hold you down for very long. Guilt is real, but it should go away after you've shown God and yourself that you're going to re-kindle your relationship with Him. You can't make the Holy Spirit show up. He just shows up when He wants to!
Incidentally, when the Holy Spirit seems to not be there, it doesn't necessarily mean you've sinned, or even that it's guilt of some kind. Sometimes God just isn't there as strongly as we'd like. He has the option of putting us through very short or very long periods of testing. Job's testing was likely terribly long! You need to use your strength at this time of your life to build up spiritual stature, strength, and character. You will get more confident, and more joyful, the longer you endure.
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