Hi Vicky,
In response to this question and after reading the horrific case of the young Japanese woman that was posted, I couldn't help but think of another terrifying story of rape, torture, and murder -- right in the Bible.
I don't know if you've ever read Judges 19 -- "A Levite and His Concubine."
I apologize if you are familiar with all of this, but the Levites were specially set apart to be the priests and representatives of God Himself to His people. And in this story, a Levite travels to a city where a stranger offers him shelter. In the evening, all the men from the town demand surround his house and demand that this visitor be brought out to them for their own purposes.
Instead, the Levite himself shoved his concubine out the door and said, "Here, take her instead." Judges 19:25-28 says that her abusers tortured her throughout the night, then finally let her go at daybreak. She was somehow able to make her way back to the house, "falling with her hands on the threshold." In the morning, the Levite saw her and coldly said, "Get up and let us be going." And the Bible says, "But. there. was. no. answer."
I was a young teen when I first read this, and it chilled me to the bone. I remember being troubled about it for a very, very long time, and honestly, it still bothers me today. I could not believe that God would allow something like this to happen, especially from one of His own priests.
Now I realize that one night is no comparison to the 40+ that the young Japanese woman in the link you provided suffered, but my point is that God understands, and has seen the depth of human suffering.
In fact, when David had to choose a punishment directly from God, and God sent a destroying angel after David made his choice, it got to a point where even God Himself couldn't take watching this happen any longer and finally told the angel, "It is enough; now restrain your hand." (1 Chronicles 21:7-17.)
I don't know why God allows some to suffer so much. I don't know why He sometimes saves and sometimes remains silent. But for some reason, He allows what He chooses to allow, and He stops what He chooses to stop. I'm not saying that as a human being, I am particularly happy with that, but I know as His follower, I have to accept His sovereign choices.
I grew up in Christian schools and circles all my life, and I have heard both students and adults ask the same question you are asking. I even know one woman who told me she continually brought it before the Lord that she felt Jesus' suffering on the cross was extremely short-lived compared to the many years of her own personal suffering.
One thing that my school teachers and pastors told us that has always stuck with me is that we, as humans, can't fully understand, but must remember that Jesus was not only going through physical torture and death, but also carrying the punishment for the spiritual weight of the world -- the consequence of each and every sin, for every human being, past, present, and future -- and we will never know what that was like for Him.
I'm sure it's a torturous pain that only God knows the measure of, and that, no matter how much we suffer as humans, we have no way of truly understanding, even though what some people bear is unbearable for us to even think about.
Have you ever felt a spiritual burden for a friend, loved one, or even someone you don't even know? I can think of one time in particular when I felt a burden for a friend, and I cried for days (and I'm not normally a crier.) They were in a situation where they were making a terrible choice that was not going to end well. But they had their mind made up, and all I could do was to pray and pour my heart out to God. I was absolutely miserable for at least 3 days. I am not trying to say at all that this can be compared to other's suffering, let alone to Jesus, but I'm just saying, spiritual burdens can be just as, and sometimes even more painful than physical torture.
I think I can empathize with the question you're trying to ask, Vicky. I know I've tried to ask God a similar things many times in the past. But I think back to the terrible pain I felt for that friend, and then try to imagine how Jesus must have felt when carrying that pain for every person and ever sin that was ever committed, along with the physical and emotional torture of being publically declared a criminal and suffering the most brutal form of punishment the world at that time had to offer.
Whatever the amount or degree that He suffered was, it was enough for God to accept it as the sacrifice that would save the entire world.
I don't have the answer to your question though, and I'm sorry.
Do you ever bring it directly to God? And what does He say to you? We have no true way of knowing what it was really like for Jesus, but your heart is seeking a better grasp of both Him and His ways. Iff you bring it to Him, I know He is faithful in walking with us, even though we might not fully understand.
Keep seeking, and don't give up. I have the same questions I've been asking God all my life, and I may never have the answers, but I know to keep on seeking. (Matthew 7:7-12)
Blessings to you, Vicky, and welcome to the forum.