Anger ... how it changes a person

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Ayan0512

Guest
#21
#21
Sirk said:
So you felt abandoned. That's a lonely feeling. Do you think you stuffed directed or escalated the situation?
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I felt like I was the reason why it happened in the first place. I think the anger was directed at myself, but I am blaming him for abandoning me.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#22
#22
Ayan0512 said:
I felt like I was the reason why it happened in the first place. I think the anger was directed at myself, but I am blaming him for abandoning me.
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I don't mean to frustrate you and I am only trying to help you. When you said "I felt like I was the reason", the first thing I thought was that this is not a feeling. It is a perception or view that you have taken toward yourself.

Is it true....that you are the reason that you were abandoned?
 
A

Ayan0512

Guest
#23
#23
Sirk said:
I don't mean to frustrate you and I am only trying to help you. When you said "I felt like I was the reason", the first thing I thought was that this is not a feeling. It is a perception or view that you have taken toward yourself.

Is it true....that you are the reason that you were abandoned?
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According to him, I was so involved with my family, I forgot him. He said that I cannot help helping a family member in need that I forgot that there was an "us". So he says, he just got tired of waiting, packed his bags and left.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#24
#24
Ayan0512 said:
According to him, I was so involved with my family, I forgot him. He said that I cannot help helping a family member in need that I forgot that there was an "us". So he says, he just got tired of waiting, packed his bags and left.
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I want to know what is true tho....is it true that it's your fault?
 
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Ayan0512

Guest
#25
#25
Sirk said:
I want to know what is true tho....is it true that it's your fault?
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I don't know, honestly. Is it so wrong to be family centered? It seemed like he was making me choose between my family and him.
 
mochi

mochi

Senior Member
#26
May 26, 2015
923
38
28
#26
Ayan0512 said:
According to him, I was so involved with my family, I forgot him. He said that I cannot help helping a family member in need that I forgot that there was an "us". So he says, he just got tired of waiting, packed his bags and left.
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Its NOT your fault!! its him who dont have compassion and understanding to you and your family during lossing your family member.. and its NOT your fault too if he left you with another woman... he should have be with you during your darkness time.. so its completely NOT your fault.. but lets not remembering what already happened in the past.. keep praying and try to forgive and forget.. by the time the pain will GONE.. praying for you sista :)
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#27
#27
Ayan0512 said:
I don't know, honestly. Is it so wrong to be family centered? It seemed like he was making me choose between my family and him.
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Sounds like a pain cycle. They are easy to get stuck in. I'm just speculating based on my own experience but he may have been
telling himself that he wasn't important to you and instead of expressing that to you, it became an unprocessed pain that turned to anger... and he acted out of anger instead of truth.

Connection is about processing things: I don't feel important to you when you spend all this time with your family etc...., or I feel neglected and I don't know what to do. I feel disconnected but I want to be connected.

Good relationships aren't free from conflict...they just know how to take responsibility for their own feelings and express them in kind, loving, assertive and honest ways.
 
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Ayan0512

Guest
#28
#28
Sirk said:
I want to know what is true tho....is it true that it's your fault?
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We were together for 9 years. I asked him to wait for me until I got my family all sorted out. I was the breadwinner. The first years, he waited patiently, but he kept warning me that we need to get settled soon. And I asked him to wait some more. He again waited. After 9 years, I was still helping my family out and we never really got around to planning our own future. So he said he is tired of waiting and left. So, yes. I guess it is my fault.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#29
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#29
Ayan0512 said:
For the past three days, I let myself be drowned by my anger. I became a monster, a different person than who I was and who I came to be. I wonder why it is so hard for acceptance to come by? I do not want to be this horrible person, but sometimes, in desperation and helplessness, I cannot help it. Lord, please teach me to be gentle and to be accepting. Teach me to be strong and wise, and please give me the strength to set anger aside and let love rule my heart once again.
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I´m sorry you had something too annoying! :(


Nobody has a "patern" quickly changing within 3 days:

1) Something made you to be that horrible person you dislike, as the thing that made you to change to being a "monster".

2) I hope you know what is "recurrently" bothering you those days to be like Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde (Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Summary)

 
S

Sirk

Guest
#30
#30
Ayan0512 said:
We were together for 9 years. I asked him to wait for me until I got my family all sorted out. I was the breadwinner. The first years, he waited patiently, but he kept warning me that we need to get settled soon. And I asked him to wait some more. He again waited. After 9 years, I was still helping my family out and we never really got around to planning our own future. So he said he is tired of waiting and left. So, yes. I guess it is my fault.
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Sounds like you are stuck in a pain cycle as well. The pain cycle starts with telling yourself a lie and then repeating it.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#31
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#31
Ayan0512 said:
We were together for 9 years. I asked him to wait for me until I got my family all sorted out. I was the breadwinner. The first years, he waited patiently, but he kept warning me that we need to get settled soon. And I asked him to wait some more. He again waited. After 9 years, I was still helping my family out and we never really got around to planning our own future. So he said he is tired of waiting and left. So, yes. I guess it is my fault.
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Most of the ppl I knew aren´t willing to wait for another person... Both failed and it´s nobody´s fault: There is a NORMAL URGENCY that needed to be sorted out. It was too delayed and posponed.
 
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Ayan0512

Guest
#32
#32
mochi said:
Its NOT your fault!! its him who dont have compassion and understanding to you and your family during lossing your family member.. and its NOT your fault too if he left you with another woman... he should have be with you during your darkness time.. so its completely NOT your fault.. but lets not remembering what already happened in the past.. keep praying and try to forgive and forget.. by the time the pain will GONE.. praying for you sista :)
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Thank you, Mochi. I would like to believe that it is not my fault, but at the back of my mind, I know that I neglected him. I became complacent. That just because we were together for a long time, I did not think I will ever lose him. He told me before he left, that I got so used to having him with me, I thought he will never leave. I guess, it just hurts to know that during my complacency, he has already found someone whom he thinks will give him what he needs. I guess the hurt springs from the knowledge that I drove him away. The anger from the knowledge that he was already with this woman, long before he even had the courage to leave me. Also, angry because I felt betrayed. I questioned the timing of his leaving. Why only now? And why did it have to be this soon? I lost my brother last December, my grandmom last April and he left me May, when I was barely recovered from the pain of my losses.
 
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Ayan0512

Guest
#33
#33
Sirk said:
Sounds like you are stuck in a pain cycle as well. The pain cycle starts with telling yourself a lie and then repeating it.
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Explain, please.
 
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Ayan0512

Guest
#34
#34
secularhermit said:
I´m sorry you had something too annoying! :(


Nobody has a "patern" quickly changing within 3 days:

1) Something made you to be that horrible person you dislike, as the thing that made you to change to being a "monster".

2) I hope you know what is "recurrently" bothering you those days to be like Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde (Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Summary)

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Have you ever gone to a place so dark, you cannot see reason, nor light? It's called depression. You analyze things, and overanalyze things so that you arrive at a conclusion of what happened and what went wrong? And in that state of helplessness and hopelessness, you begin to think of horrible things, say horrible, hurtful words? And you don't think a person can change patterns in 3 days? You must not understand the intricacies of a person's mind.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#35
#35
Ayan0512 said:
Explain, please.
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It simply starts with your self talk. You said it's all your fault when the truth is that it's not ALL your fault. You told yourself a lie and are overly critical of yourself. This is the pain cycle. So what is the truth? You had some tough things to deal with..the death of loved ones etc and it made it difficult to be the best wife you could be....but did it make you a bad wife like you so want to tell yourself?
 
A

Ayan0512

Guest
#36
#36
Sirk said:
It simply starts with your self talk. You said it's all your fault when the truth is that it's not ALL your fault. You told yourself a lie and are overly critical of yourself. This is the pain cycle. So what is the truth? You had some tough things to deal with..the death of loved ones etc and it made it difficult to be the best wife you could be....but did it make you a bad wife like you so want to tell yourself?
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There's no one left to blame. I think the easiest target is myself. These are some tough questions, that I cannot answer in the state of mind I am in now.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#37
#37
Ayan0512 said:
Have you ever gone to a place so dark, you cannot see reason, nor light? It's called depression. You analyze things, and overanalyze things so that you arrive at a conclusion of what happened and what went wrong? And in that state of helplessness and hopelessness, you begin to think of horrible things, say horrible, hurtful words? And you don't think a person can change patterns in 3 days? You must not understand the intricacies of a person's mind.
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Unprocessed pain always leads to anger anxiety and depression.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#38
#38
Ayan0512 said:
There's no one left to blame. I think the easiest target is myself. These are some tough questions, that I cannot answer in the state of mind I am in now.
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I think you need to start speaking truth to yourself because you are valuable...obviously because you love deeply.You have value to the people around you and you should tell yourself that.
 
A

Ayan0512

Guest
#39
#39
Sirk said:
I think you need to start speaking truth to yourself because you are valuable...obviously because you love deeply.You have value to the people around you and you should tell yourself that.
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Thank you, I will pray and read God's words for guidance. And there is a support group I will be going to this week as well as a Church that I will go back to. I hope and pray that the Lord will clear my head and drive self-destructive thoughts away. My depression is already messing with my head. But thank you for your taking time to talk to me. You are helping me see things in a different light. God bless you.
 
BS

BS

Banned
#40
May 13, 2015
555
9
0
#40
Ayan0512 said:
Have you ever gone to a place so dark, you cannot see reason, nor light? It's called depression. You analyze things, and overanalyze things so that you arrive at a conclusion of what happened and what went wrong? And in that state of helplessness and hopelessness, you begin to think of horrible things, say horrible, hurtful words? And you don't think a person can change patterns in 3 days? You must not understand the intricacies of a person's mind.
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I have been there and know.
I am sorry you are passing it. Let me tell you something important: if you do not sort out the reason that may happens again -you will repeat the circle. Every one of us have good and bad side - you must solve the problem now- mean the problem with the reason of the case
Just ask God to help you when feel first of the symptoms! What I am saying is a not a joke - ask Him immediately to help you and every day find time to read the Bible. Just open it somewhere and read slowly. Keep doing it until you escape from depression.

I will pray for you sister. Hug you!

PS.By the way when I read your words I was about to say the same about d-r Jekyll and Mr Hyde ... can not explain you why - it will be too long and useless
 
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