Ayan, I had been living outside of Gods will for so many years and God has recently shown mercy on me and brought me back. I have learned a lot in that time. All the things that I was doing to find happiness was making me miserable and I could find no satisfaction anywhere and this made me terribly angry. It was getting to the point where I could hardly even hide or hold it in any longer. I may have looked a little stressed on the outside but there was a battle raging within me. This verse is my explanation to what was happening to me: "When I refused to confess my sin, I was weak and miserable, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat." - Psalm 32:3-4 But I was SO far from God. In His great mercy, He brought me back. Since then, the rage is calm. When the negative emotions in our lives start to take over, we have no strength to do much about it. But, if we fall on our knees before God, spend time with Him, pray... read His Word... pray some more, all the pain, all the anger, all the self-loathing will be turned into such a peace that words can not describe. He wants to be close to us sister. God bless you, Ill be praying for you . xx