Bad Housekeeper,Grounds for Divorce?

[Depleted]

Nothing irritates me more than coming home from work and I couldn't do my laundry because both washers and dryers were still filled with clothes from days before. The sink was full with garbage all over the floor, the garbage can full, piles of crap everyone, the kids running like lord of the flies and the wife sleeping. I'll never live like that again.

We have one rule in our house -- if something bothers you, fix it.

So, if you find there are clothes in the washer and dryer, fix it. Put them where they belong -- in the dryer, in a basket, fold, and/or put away.

If you don't like a sink full of dishes, wash them.

If you don't like what's on the floor, pick it up.

Man! You have way too many rules if you thought all that was her job.

When I was home for the summer from college, Dad went to Canada to go fishing leaving me to take care of my kid brother who was about 9. While he was gone for a week, I spring-cleaned the entire four bedroom house, right down to stripping the wax off the kitchen floor and then waxing it again. I cleaned baseboards and door frames. I even cleaned the oven. I cleaned like he taught me to clean.

And when he came home, what was the first thing he noticed? The ONLY thing he noticed? A pear hidden behind the kitchen curtain to ripen. I will never again live with a man who doesn't appreciate what I do, but nags about what I don't do.

I see why your wife slept all the time. That's called depression and if the fact that laundry just from yesterday was in the washer and dryer already didn't impress you, I see why she was depressed.

 

[Depleted]

Its not technically (biblically) grounds for divorce, but its tough living with a slob.

Not really -- his type of slobbery is leaving piles of books around, but he likes to vacuum, clean the kitchen and cook. My type of slobbery is I don't mind if we couldn't tell the rug from the dirt, or if you might need to blow the dust off a table before using it, (and blowing onto the floor isn't a problem lol), but I have no problems doing dishes, cleaning up in the kitche, folding laundry, or baking desserts. So we're complementary slobs.

 

[Depleted]

Not meaning to pry but my husband and I dated 3yrs before we were engaged. Did you date long? I wonder sometimes if that makes a difference. Blended families are also hard tho. My sister has that situation and its a big problem in the marriage.

Hubby and I were friends for a couple of months before he got the nerve to ask me out. Our first date was Feb.28. We were talking what he would need for our kitchen when we got married by March 7th. Formally engaged April 19th. Married October 4th.

That first date was dinner out, followed by Th Muppets Movie, the a couple of game of air hockey and a three hour autobiography from both sides, before the kiss I felt down to my toes. He told me everything, including about the last marriage (good and bad) and his two kids. He told me where he went wrong and how he tried to fix it, and how he took to the Bible to ask God what to do twice. AND he told me he wasn't the kind of gu who couldn't be married. When I got in my house it was 1 AM and I called Dad to tell him I just met the man I would marry.

No false advertisement in that first date. We both got what we expected to get.

(Now can people see why I'm blunt? It makes really talking get there quicker. I rarely care what the weather is. lol)

 

[coby2]

Not really -- his type of slobbery is leaving piles of books around, but he likes to vacuum, clean the kitchen and cook. My type of slobbery is I don't mind if we couldn't tell the rug from the dirt, or if you might need to blow the dust off a table before using it, (and blowing onto the floor isn't a problem lol), but I have no problems doing dishes, cleaning up in the kitche, folding laundry, or baking desserts. So we're complementary slobs.

That's so cute! Most romantic thing I ever read.

 

[Sirk]

We have one rule in our house -- if something bothers you, fix it.

So, if you find there are clothes in the washer and dryer, fix it. Put them where they belong -- in the dryer, in a basket, fold, and/or put away.

If you don't like a sink full of dishes, wash them.

If you don't like what's on the floor, pick it up.

Man! You have way too many rules if you thought all that was her job.

When I was home for the summer from college, Dad went to Canada to go fishing leaving me to take care of my kid brother who was about 9. While he was gone for a week, I spring-cleaned the entire four bedroom house, right down to stripping the wax off the kitchen floor and then waxing it again. I cleaned baseboards and door frames. I even cleaned the oven. I cleaned like he taught me to clean.

And when he came home, what was the first thing he noticed? The ONLY thing he noticed? A pear hidden behind the kitchen curtain to ripen. I will never again live with a man who doesn't appreciate what I do, but nags about what I don't do.

I see why your wife slept all the time. That's called depression and if the fact that laundry just from yesterday was in the washer and dryer already didn't impress you, I see why she was depressed.

Well i'm glad you have it all figured out. Do me a favor and don't reply to any of my posts anymore.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. But being obssesed with cleanliness is not good. Being a bad house keeper should not be a ground for divorce. I think there are solutions to address the issue of laziness. You could just eat outside or order food if you are too tired to cook. You can go to the laundry shop for your laundry. Minimize or dont make a mess if you dont like cleaning. The bottomline is your spouse should be the priority, not the kids, not the house to be immaculate etc. Make your spouse happy so he or she wont be lazy. Laziness is a sign of disrespect.

 

[coby2]

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. But being obssesed with cleanliness is not good. Being a bad house keeper should not be a ground for divorce. I think there are solutions to address the issue of laziness. You could just eat outside or order food if you are too tired to cook. You can go to the laundry shop for your laundry. Minimize or dont make a mess if you dont like cleaning. The bottomline is your spouse should be the priority, not the kids, not the house to be immaculate etc. Make your spouse happy so he or she wont be lazy. Laziness is a sign of disrespect.

Yes it's disrespect and absolutely not giving anything about someone, if someone is really lazy and then you can stand on your head, but it won't improve. Lol one guy I dated was on drugs and just did absolutely nothing but play a bit of guitar and what he liked. Yeah well he could not work, he had worked 20 years ago and they were so unfriendly to him that he had a trauma from working. I was stupid enough that I wanted to marry him, but then miraculously one day my brains fell into place.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

Yes it's disrespect and absolutely not giving anything about someone, if someone is really lazy and then you can stand on your head, but it won't improve. Lol one guy I dated was on drugs and just did absolutely nothing but play a bit of guitar and what he liked. Yeah well he could not work, he had worked 20 years ago and they were so unfriendly to him that he had a trauma from working. I was stupid enough that I wanted to marry him, but then miraculously one day my brains fell into place.

Well you married him. It means you accepted all of him incuding his laziness. Your brain did not fall into place, you just changed your mind. And marriage is not for the changeable mind. Its either you do something about it or total acceptance/maximum tolerance so you will not be stressed. And only adultery is the valid biblical reason for divorce.

 

[Sirk]

Well you married him. It means you accepted all of him incuding his laziness. Your brain did not fall into place, you just changed your mind. And marriage is not for the changeable mind. Its either you do something about it or total acceptance/maximum tolerance so you will not be stressed. And only adultery is the valid biblical reason for divorce.

What about abandonment? Is that grounds for divorce? How about emotional abandonment? What about abuse? Is that grounds for divorce?

 

[Tinkerbell725]

What about abandonment? Is that grounds for divorce? How about emotional abandonment? What about abuse? Is that grounds for divorce?

Yes I was about to add that but edit time was over. Falls under hardened heart category.

 

[coby2]

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. But being obssesed with cleanliness is not good. Being a bad house keeper should not be a ground for divorce. I think there are solutions to address the issue of laziness. You could just eat outside or order food if you are too tired to cook. You can go to the laundry shop for your laundry. Minimize or dont make a mess if you dont like cleaning. The bottomline is your spouse should be the priority, not the kids, not the house to be immaculate etc. Make your spouse happy so he or she wont be lazy. Laziness is a sign of disrespect.

Spouse the priority? If you get kids you both have to have them as your priority and then the relationship is good and if it's not perfectly clean doesn't matter. All good marriages I see around me, they both love to spend time with their kids, take their responsibility, man just cleans and cooks too, she works a few days too, he has daddy days with the kids and noone complains that the other is lazy. Or they have each other as a priority and the marriage is also good but the kids are on drugs or something.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

Spouse the priority? If you get kids you both have to have them as your priority and then the relationship is good and if it's not perfectly clean doesn't matter. All good marriages I see around me, they both love to spend time with their kids, take their responsibility, man just cleans and cooks too, she works a few days too, he has daddy days with the kids and noone complains that the other is lazy. Or they have each other as a priority and the marriage is also good but the kids are on drugs or something.

Yes because you and your spouse are one. First priority spouse second children. If you neglect your spouse, marriage crumbles, what happens to the kids? They become drug addicts.

 

[Depleted]

Well i'm glad you have it all figured out. Do me a favor and don't reply to any of my posts anymore.

Funny coming from you, because all your posts are just like that -- rules for everyone to live by. I simply didn't bother letting you see the other side, because I knew how this would end. Once again, you're right and the woman is wrong.

I gather you will continue the gospel of personal space and personal responsibility over all others?

I got tired of Christianese replacing Christ. So, no, not really. Cleanliness is not next to godliness. That's just the modern American religious value -- not biblical. It's also the lesson many are trying to preach on this thread.

I don't care if you're a neat freak, a complete slob or somewhere in between. Neither does God. It's where the heart is. And considering how many are busting on people not here to defend themselves, it got tiresome. It also got to feeling like it's the thing to do.

 

[Sirk]

Funny coming from you, because all your posts are just like that -- rules for everyone to live by. I simply didn't bother letting you see the other side, because I knew how this would end. Once again, you're right and the woman is wrong.

I gather you will continue the gospel of personal space and personal responsibility over all others?

I got tired of Christianese replacing Christ. So, no, not really. Cleanliness is not next to godliness. That's just the modern American religious value -- not biblical. It's also the lesson many are trying to preach on this thread.

I don't care if you're a neat freak, a complete slob or somewhere in between. Neither does God. It's where the heart is. And considering how many are busting on people not here to defend themselves, it got tiresome. It also got to feeling like it's the thing to do.

Will you please just leave me alone? I've asked you once. I don't want your input. It's inflammatory and I don't appreciate it.

 

[Depleted]

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. But being obssesed with cleanliness is not good. Being a bad house keeper should not be a ground for divorce. I think there are solutions to address the issue of laziness. You could just eat outside or order food if you are too tired to cook. You can go to the laundry shop for your laundry. Minimize or dont make a mess if you dont like cleaning. The bottomline is your spouse should be the priority, not the kids, not the house to be immaculate etc. Make your spouse happy so he or she wont be lazy. Laziness is a sign of disrespect.

Sorry, didn't read your post until I wrote to Sirk.

But, no, cleanliness is not next to godliness. That's an idiom, not scripture.

And it's not laziness. It's priorities.

 

[coby2]

Yes because you and your spouse are one. First priority spouse second children. If you neglect your spouse, marriage crumbles, what happens to the kids? They become drug addicts.

Yes also true, but it can't be such a high priority that you neglect the kids. Seen that around me. My ex was on drugs because his parents (step dad) cared more about each other and kicked him out when he was 15. He wanted to do that too. Dump the kids with your ex and whine if they come a day extra.

 

[Depleted]

Yes it's disrespect and absolutely not giving anything about someone, if someone is really lazy and then you can stand on your head, but it won't improve. Lol one guy I dated was on drugs and just did absolutely nothing but play a bit of guitar and what he liked. Yeah well he could not work, he had worked 20 years ago and they were so unfriendly to him that he had a trauma from working. I was stupid enough that I wanted to marry him, but then miraculously one day my brains fell into place.

Great. So now when someone doesn't want to do what we want them to do, it's laziness? Is that the new rude?

I was once trying to go up and aisle in a store, but a woman's cart was blocking the way. She was busy reading ingredients on packages, so I didn't want her to lose her place and pulled the cart closer to her, so I could get by but she could figure out what became of her cart when she came back to what was going on around her.

Her reaction? "How rude!"

With some words, we have gotten to the point where they aren't words. They're how we are feeling at that given moment when we are inconvenienced. I now think "lazy" just joined "rude."

 

[Depleted]

What about abandonment? Is that grounds for divorce? How about emotional abandonment? What about abuse? Is that grounds for divorce?

Adultery IS abandonment.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

Yes also true, but it can't be such a high priority that you neglect the kids. Seen that around me. My ex was on drugs because his parents (step dad) cared more about each other and kicked him out when he was 15. He wanted to do that too. Dump the kids with your ex and whine if they come a day extra.

That's what I meant. Value your spouse first but dont neglect the kids.

 

[Sirk]

Adultery IS abandonment.

I prefer to have a conversation with someone. With you it feels like a lopsided you have all the answers scenario. If you can't respect that then I will just ignore you.