Bad Housekeeper,Grounds for Divorce?

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coby2

Guest
#21
The way to conquer your stuff is to have a routine. The rewarding things you like to do come after you finish your routine. If the things you have bury you it's because you are living in fear/escape mode.
No it's because you may not throw the toys away. For the rest I have nothing. Don't care about stuff. Now that they're older they don't care so much anymore luckily and my brother just throws it away, what does he care.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#22
The problem is some men expect to have a nice neat 9-5 job with annual leave
and an annual bonus, paid sick leave and to be able to stop working and put their
feet up when they get home. After all house work is the little woman's job isn't it.


But they expect their wives to work 24/7 taking care of the house, children, doing the
school runs, taking the children to medical appointments, cooking, cleaning, walking
the dog, taking the kids to football practice, getting up in the middle of the night to
check on a young child and never have a break, never have sick leave, and they think
the occasional bunch of flowers will do.

It took me awhile to even reach the occasional bunch of flowers stage. It may require a box of candy as well.
 
E

ember

Guest
#23
If the things you have bury you it's because you are living in fear/escape mode.
hmmm.....

I don't understand what that has to do with fear or escapism? some people are pack rats or just messy

perhaps not a one size fits all analogy?
 
Mar 2, 2016
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#24
hmmm.....

I don't understand what that has to do with fear or escapism? some people are pack rats or just messy

perhaps not a one size fits all analogy?
Anything entertaining that you is separate from the responsibilities in life. Whether it's being on the computer or whatever. If those things come before your life's responsibilities then you are escaping from said responsibilities.
 
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coby2

Guest
#25
Anything entertaining that you is separate from the responsibilities in life. Whether it's being on the computer or whatever. If those things come before your life's responsibilities then you are escaping from said responsibilities.
Who says it's a responsibility? That's your idea. Never marry someone who has total opposite ideas about that. My ex was a neat freak. I clean up here the way I think is okay. No filth, but piles don't bother me. Next day it's a mess again. Kids love to make mess. Not gonna keep on cleaning. I live here for my fun. No complaining demanding guy around here, so I clean it up before the kids come again, except when once a year my brother is so sweet to drop by.
When I was married it was so sickly clean my collegues didn't dare come in they joked.
 
Mar 2, 2016
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#26
Who says it's a responsibility? That's your idea. Never marry someone who has total opposite ideas about that. My ex was a neat freak. I clean up here the way I think is okay. No filth, but piles don't bother me. Next day it's a mess again. Kids love to make mess. Not gonna keep on cleaning. I live here for my fun. No complaining demanding guy around here, so I clean it up before the kids come again, except when once a year my brother is so sweet to drop by.
When I was married it was so sickly clean my collegues didn't dare come in they joked.
It's called stewardship. We are commanded to be good stewards. Work before play. God worked 6 days and rested on the 7th.
 
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coby2

Guest
#27
It's called stewardship. We are commanded to be good stewards. Work before play. God worked 6 days and rested on the 7th.
Cleaning up every crumb is stewardship? Mary didn't even give Jesus and His disciples food when they visited. If you'd say I should spend more time with Him and pray, yes! I'll do that. That's fun.
My ex once forbid me to go to the prayer meeting from church. I had to clean everything up and it was never messy there. I thought: you can't forbid me to breathe, so I went to the prayer meeting.
 
Mar 2, 2016
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#28
Cleaning up every crumb is stewardship? Mary didn't even give Jesus and His disciples food when they visited. If you'd say I should spend more time with Him and pray, yes! I'll do that. That's fun.
My ex once forbid me to go to the prayer meeting from church. I had to clean everything up and it was never messy there. I thought: you can't forbid me to breathe, so I went to the prayer meeting.
I vacuum a couple of times a week and clean my floors once a week. When I do my laundry I fold it and put it away. I do my dishes as I go. I like order and coming home to a non chaotic environment.
 
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coby2

Guest
#29
I vacuum a couple of times a week and clean my floors once a week. When I do my laundry I fold it and put it away. I do my dishes as I go. I like order and coming home to a non chaotic environment.
That's nice. Do that too but it's still a mess after one day with 3 kids. Not with their dad btw, they're drilled to clean up there.
I have a dish washer. Don't do the laundry, I pluck that out of the dryer and use it. Dry it long, then you don't have to iron it.
You can't lay all those demands on someone else though and that's what some men do or women. My ex had the demand that a woman should teach me clean up, after the divorce. She said: it is okay. You can have your own rules. It doesn't have to be a copy.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#30
So I read this article the other day. I can't find it now to like to but it was one of these bloggers who share about their home,kids and crafts. The do it all mom and wife. I like to get recipes from blogs sometimes. But her article annoyed me quite a bit and so I was wondering what y'all thought.

I don't have children so I don't have the issue of trying to clean up after kids. I do know that trying to stay ahead of kids making messes is pretty impossible. Its just my husband and I and I am a stay at home wife so keeping a house clean is work but nothing I can't handle. So back to the article. This blogger was a Christian and was talking about a husband she had talked to whose wife was a "bad housekeeper" and he was wondering if that was grounds for divorce. He went on to say that when company came she was able to have the house clean but not when he came home from work. He felt like she wasn't making an effort. And so was that grounds for divorce.

This blogger went on to talk to women about keeping their houses clean. She mentioned that she had some sort of chronic illness but that that was no excuse not to keep your kids and house clean. She said it was laziness. I myself have a chronic illness and have good and bad days so that rather annoyed me when she referred to laziness. Then she said her husband told her that if she was having a bad day to please let him know so he could mentally prepare himself when he came home to a not so clean house and having to help with the kids. I'm thinkin what kind of little hothouse flower is this?! It really annoyed me. Like it was such a big deal that the house was messy because his wife was having a bad day health wise. So what say you? Is bad housekeeping grounds for divorce? Just wondering what peoples opinions are.
The first time I ever asked John to come into my apartment when we were dating, I made sure I did NOT clean anything, so he'd know what he was getting. After a couple of weeks, he did mention he'd prefer that I clean the litter box out more often. I did after that. (I even cleaned after that, because I already knew he accepted me for who I am.)

A couple of weeks later, I went over to the apartment he was staying in for a steak dinner. (He's always been a great cook, and much of that came from whose home he was sitting that week. His friend was a chef. lol) His friends would return the next day. (The chef was married.) It was a mess, and his friends were into a seriously clean house. I offered to help him clean the mess for the last half of the date, but he declined and kicked me out to do the work.

And that was all we needed to know about the housekeeping levels either one of us had.
 
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coby2

Guest
#31
Lol lately my ex who now has a new wife was sooooooooo happy. He said: I don't have to do anything. She cleans everything up out of herself. My bathroom is clean. Everything is clean!!! Joked to his sister: well that guy sure is happy after 12 years of suffering hahahahahahaha
Oh you shouldn't say that. Why not? I said I put in my dating profile (was on a dating site a few months back): if you're looking for a virtuous housewife keep looking!
 
Mar 2, 2016
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#32
That's nice. Do that too but it's still a mess after one day with 3 kids. Not with their dad btw, they're drilled to clean up there.
I have a dish washer. Don't do the laundry, I pluck that out of the dryer and use it. Dry it long, then you don't have to iron it.
You can't lay all those demands on someone else though and that's what some men do or women. My ex had the demand that a woman should teach me clean up, after the divorce. She said: it is okay. You can have your own rules. It doesn't have to be a copy.
Nothing irritates me more than coming home from work and I couldn't do my laundry because both washers and dryers were still filled with clothes from days before. The sink was full with garbage all over the floor, the garbage can full, piles of crap everyone, the kids running like lord of the flies and the wife sleeping. I'll never live like that again.
 
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coby2

Guest
#33
Nothing irritates me more than coming home from work and I couldn't do my laundry because both washers and dryers were still filled with clothes from days before. The sink was full with garbage all over the floor, the garbage can full, piles of crap everyone, the kids running like lord of the flies and the wife sleeping. I'll never live like that again.
hahahahahahaha
Yes that's horrible. Oh the second guy I married, I thought: never again such a neat freak. He was the opposite. Oh my. He just let everything drop and expected me to clean it all up after him. He had no job. I came home from work, he was just playing on the computer the whole day, put his feet up so I could suck the dust there. I refused to do all his laundry. Just let it pile up for a month so he had to wash it himself, because he had nothing to wear anymore. Then I missed the neat freak.
 
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Chuckt

Guest
#34
So I read this article the other day. I can't find it now to like to but it was one of these bloggers who share about their home,kids and crafts. The do it all mom and wife. I like to get recipes from blogs sometimes. But her article annoyed me quite a bit and so I was wondering what y'all thought.

I don't have children so I don't have the issue of trying to clean up after kids. I do know that trying to stay ahead of kids making messes is pretty impossible. Its just my husband and I and I am a stay at home wife so keeping a house clean is work but nothing I can't handle. So back to the article. This blogger was a Christian and was talking about a husband she had talked to whose wife was a "bad housekeeper" and he was wondering if that was grounds for divorce. He went on to say that when company came she was able to have the house clean but not when he came home from work. He felt like she wasn't making an effort. And so was that grounds for divorce.

This blogger went on to talk to women about keeping their houses clean. She mentioned that she had some sort of chronic illness but that that was no excuse not to keep your kids and house clean. She said it was laziness. I myself have a chronic illness and have good and bad days so that rather annoyed me when she referred to laziness. Then she said her husband told her that if she was having a bad day to please let him know so he could mentally prepare himself when he came home to a not so clean house and having to help with the kids. I'm thinkin what kind of little hothouse flower is this?! It really annoyed me. Like it was such a big deal that the house was messy because his wife was having a bad day health wise. So what say you? Is bad housekeeping grounds for divorce? Just wondering what peoples opinions are.
Some people are hoarders and they don't throw anything out. I've been in a large retirement home with many apartments and there are children of aged people who save everything who end up cleaning everything up. Our father in law saved statements from the 1970's because he didn't believe in throwing anything out and those statements were just shredded this week.

Cleaning doesn't always have to be hard as you can budget half an hour each day to clean or more. My neighbor up the street is recently widowed and he cleans one room a day because there is no one else to clean the house. My other neighbor is elderly and it was discovered she had black mold in her sink because she was trying to save containers and not clean which becomes a problem because then you have to get a chemical to clean the sink to get rid of the mold.

The other issue is if she isn't cleaning then who is doing the wash and is she expecting the husband to also order food out or cook because my grandmother told me to not marry anyone who didn't cook because it would bankrupt me. So basically he has to work all week, has to watch the kids when he gets home and wait for them to get to bed before he can do the wash, clean and take care of things. And let me guess, he has to take care of the yard and the car(s). So when does he get to bed and who takes care of him?

I don't know the situation so I'm not giving a judgment so instead of worry about an article about whom we don't know, let's concern ourselves with whom we can help.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,914
17,334
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#35
Nothing irritates me more than coming home from work and I couldn't do my laundry because both washers and dryers were still filled with clothes from days before. The sink was full with garbage all over the floor, the garbage can full, piles of crap everyone, the kids running like lord of the flies and the wife sleeping. I'll never live like that again.
Sounds a lot like my first marriage with the exception being I only had one child. I'd get home from working hard all day and always came home to a mess that I had to clean up. Soon as I got home she would leave for hours at a time partying with her friends and doing who knows what. She never cooked meals either except one time she made Stove Top Stuffing. Didn't add enough water. Threw it in the trash.
 
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psychomom

Guest
#36
Sounds a lot like my first marriage with the exception being I only had one child. I'd get home from working hard all day and always came home to a mess that I had to clean up. Soon as I got home she would leave for hours at a time partying with her friends and doing who knows what. She never cooked meals either except one time she made Stove Top Stuffing. Didn't add enough water. Threw it in the trash.
back when General Foods was a thing, my dad worked for them as a graphic artist and cylinder specialist.
he was in charge of some of the packaging GF stuff came in.

when GF came out with Stove Top, they gave dad a box before it hit the stores. we made it (and added enough water lol).
but being used to mom's homemade, no one liked it.

dad went back to work and was asked what he thought of this grand product. typical dad, he said,
well.... it's a real nice box. :)
 
G

GraceRevelation

Guest
#37
Sounds like love.....
 
Mar 2, 2016
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#38
hahahahahahaha
Yes that's horrible. Oh the second guy I married, I thought: never again such a neat freak. He was the opposite. Oh my. He just let everything drop and expected me to clean it all up after him. He had no job. I came home from work, he was just playing on the computer the whole day, put his feet up so I could suck the dust there. I refused to do all his laundry. Just let it pile up for a month so he had to wash it himself, because he had nothing to wear anymore. Then I missed the neat freak.
I'm not a neat nick but I do expect my son to pick up after himself and help me around the house when I ask. He does it without hesitation because he likes to be with me. We have fun. The step kids I had acted like you were removing their liver if you asked them to run the garbage out. In the fact the older one would often just tell me to eff off and would use the real word. They'd complain about ruined childhoods if they were asked to clean their rooms. Mom just turned a blind eye. No follow thru....no accountability. She is raising good little takers.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#39
Nothing irritates me more than coming home from work and I couldn't do my laundry because both washers and dryers were still filled with clothes from days before. The sink was full with garbage all over the floor, the garbage can full, piles of crap everyone, the kids running like lord of the flies and the wife sleeping. I'll never live like that again.
So would you say her issue was just laziness?
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#40
Its not technically (biblically) grounds for divorce, but its tough living with a slob.