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For all the intensity of this debate, I really wasn't trying to offend anyone here. It's genuinely very difficult to see different perspectives when you're in the situation, so by going back and forth, we've got some older opinions and some younger ones, and hopefully the OP will be able to form an image of more sides and angles than she's currently able to see.
Jen, if you're still here, I recognize I probably seemed unduly harsh at times, I suppose I was remembering my own family frictions, but you have my view with you and of course you can take it or leave it.
Sometimes letting go of the expectations on others and of the strict regulations we've come to make for our lives allows something a lot more real, honest and genuine to flourish, and as a person who's felt it I sincerely hope you and your daughter get to experience that.
People will always have beliefs and standards, but it helps sometimes to get a jolt to wake us up a little bit and ask questions that need asking. Like for me, it was being able to accept my dad's pretty intense ways and allow myself to lighten up and joke with him. That helped us a lot. It went from rigidity to fluidity, if that makes sense.
So, little changes can make big differences.
Jen, if you're still here, I recognize I probably seemed unduly harsh at times, I suppose I was remembering my own family frictions, but you have my view with you and of course you can take it or leave it.
Sometimes letting go of the expectations on others and of the strict regulations we've come to make for our lives allows something a lot more real, honest and genuine to flourish, and as a person who's felt it I sincerely hope you and your daughter get to experience that.
People will always have beliefs and standards, but it helps sometimes to get a jolt to wake us up a little bit and ask questions that need asking. Like for me, it was being able to accept my dad's pretty intense ways and allow myself to lighten up and joke with him. That helped us a lot. It went from rigidity to fluidity, if that makes sense.
So, little changes can make big differences.
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N
Okay I am not going to bash you, tell you how wrong you are or anything else, except post the Lord's Prayer for you to truly read over and over. And then offer a little advice.....when the disciples asked Jesus how to pray this is what He gave them.
Our Father, who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name. THY kingdom come THY will be done on EARTH as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen The key here is life is ALL about HIM not us.
Forgiveness is not for the other's benefit, but for our own. As the mother of 3 beautiful, Intelligent, sweet, obstinate, frustrating, loving, AMAZING daughters and as a daughter myself I can tell you from experience daughters screw up, grow up, change things up, and often times screw us up to the point of going insane. They make poor choices, have poor relationships at times, and even leave themselves and us with poor options at times. But in the end they are ALWAYS part of us. Try not to deny this amazingly frustrating part of yourself. As your daughter, her child will also be part of you. You may not love the way the child was conceived, the situation or the other parent, but this baby WILL be part of you too, and denying this child will be denying a wonderful part of yourself.
In many situations when I am at odds with my own daughters (now 22, 20 & 16), I have to stop and ask myself, "If I were in her position, how would I want to be treated? How would I deserve to be treated? And how would Christ treat me in the same situation?" God has forgiven both of you. Maybe now it's time for you to forgive both of you too? Let this go, let God work in her and your life, but most important, trust your husband to show her Christ's love, and follow his lead. You and your husband are one.....in ALL things. My guess is this situation is hurting him as much as it's hurting the two of you. Give God your anger, hurt and disappointment, and what's left is love, grace and compassion. I hope this helps you all. The greatest of all things is Love. Love is a choice we make, not only to feel but to show also. It can encompass everything we do or live. God IS Love so by choosing to show her Love, you ARE showing her the true nature of Christ.
Peace
Our Father, who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name. THY kingdom come THY will be done on EARTH as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen The key here is life is ALL about HIM not us.
Forgiveness is not for the other's benefit, but for our own. As the mother of 3 beautiful, Intelligent, sweet, obstinate, frustrating, loving, AMAZING daughters and as a daughter myself I can tell you from experience daughters screw up, grow up, change things up, and often times screw us up to the point of going insane. They make poor choices, have poor relationships at times, and even leave themselves and us with poor options at times. But in the end they are ALWAYS part of us. Try not to deny this amazingly frustrating part of yourself. As your daughter, her child will also be part of you. You may not love the way the child was conceived, the situation or the other parent, but this baby WILL be part of you too, and denying this child will be denying a wonderful part of yourself.
In many situations when I am at odds with my own daughters (now 22, 20 & 16), I have to stop and ask myself, "If I were in her position, how would I want to be treated? How would I deserve to be treated? And how would Christ treat me in the same situation?" God has forgiven both of you. Maybe now it's time for you to forgive both of you too? Let this go, let God work in her and your life, but most important, trust your husband to show her Christ's love, and follow his lead. You and your husband are one.....in ALL things. My guess is this situation is hurting him as much as it's hurting the two of you. Give God your anger, hurt and disappointment, and what's left is love, grace and compassion. I hope this helps you all. The greatest of all things is Love. Love is a choice we make, not only to feel but to show also. It can encompass everything we do or live. God IS Love so by choosing to show her Love, you ARE showing her the true nature of Christ.
Peace
I was a prodigal at that age, because the harsh attitude and unforgiveness of my parents drove me away. And I think we are speaking of "unconditional love," not unconditional forgiveness. If it was not for my grandmother's unconditional love and prayers, and the grace of God, I would never have become a Christian and changed to become a woman who serves God and respects my parents because God expects it of me, even as an adult.
Quite simply, unconditional love is what God requires of parents, as he loves us unconditionally. Unconditional means that although she does not approve of the lifestyle, she still loves her daughter unconditionally. That means resuming contact, and being a loving mother, instead of condemning and judgmental one. And don't bring repentance into this. We repent of our sins to God, not to our parents. True, we can apologize if we have hurt them, but repentance is before God, not people.
Really, unconditional love makes all the difference for children! They need it from their mothers especially, and the OP is showing conditional love, based on behaviours. And probably no child in the world would meet her conditions. We love the person for who they are, not their actions, or what they can do for us. Here is a quote that puts it better than I do.
"Unconditional love gives children the knowledge that all will be okay in the long run. Even when we dislike or disapprove of their behaviors, our children must always know we stand beside them. Keep in mind that unconditional love doesn't mean unconditional approval. You can reject a behavior without rejecting your child. Love is never withdrawn or withheld based on a behavior. If you approach even your greatest concerns in this way, your adolescent will not go down the dangerous path of believing she has nothing to lose. Even as she may send you strong signals of rejection, she will eventually want to return to the greatest security she knows, your unwavering presence."
After a bad childhood with a mother whose standards I could never meet, and being emotionally unavailable, which really drove me away from God and his standards, God saved me. My husband and I determined to raise our children with unconditional love. They are all mentally healthy, living by God's standards and have good marriages and careers. That is 4 children. Now, I admit they are not all serving God, but they certainly believe in Biblical standards, and are also raising their children that way. And my prayer is that they are all going to come back to God. I know that most of my grandmother's grandchildren are serving God today, because of her witness and her prayers, in spite of many of them having unbelieving parents, including myself.
This mother has a chance to reconcile her daughter with herself and Christ. That is a Biblical mandate.
"All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; [SUP]19 [/SUP]that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. " 2 Cor. 5:18-19
The only way this daughter is going to be reconciled to God is if the mother takes the first step back to unconditionally loving her daughter. That means loving her no matter what she has done. That is what needs to happen for healing. I can only pray for this daughter, that the mother would wake up and realize that God is displeased with this selfish attitude, and she is not being Christian, but also driving her daughter away from God.
Here is something from a Christian website! The writer has a MsC in Counseling Psychology and is a Christian.
"Raising a child with unconditional love means that no fear is created in parent-child interactions. To love unconditionally simply means that parents accept their children completely and without restrictions or stipulations. There is no spoken (or unspoken) message causing the child to think he has to be something other than what he is in order to be loved. The need for unconditional love begins at conception."
Unconditional Love - The Natural Child Project
The nature of love is quite clear in the Bible. "God is love' 1 John 4:8,16. And then of course, 1 Cor 13 covers it more deeply.
"because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:5 Read that verse in context, it is such important a part of the Bible.
The OP needs to realize that love is not about behaviour, but about loving the person her daughter is, in spite of her faults and failings. Only from a position of unconditional love, can we begin to share the truth of the gospel. It is just pathetic to me that a woman would care more about what the people in her community think about her daughter, (and consequently herself!) than about the salvation of that daughter and her child! Because in the eternal perspective, that is what we are talking about. A woman who is so out of line with the Word of God and Jesus' teachings, that she puts her pride above the eternal welfare of her child and grandchild.
Quite simply, unconditional love is what God requires of parents, as he loves us unconditionally. Unconditional means that although she does not approve of the lifestyle, she still loves her daughter unconditionally. That means resuming contact, and being a loving mother, instead of condemning and judgmental one. And don't bring repentance into this. We repent of our sins to God, not to our parents. True, we can apologize if we have hurt them, but repentance is before God, not people.
Really, unconditional love makes all the difference for children! They need it from their mothers especially, and the OP is showing conditional love, based on behaviours. And probably no child in the world would meet her conditions. We love the person for who they are, not their actions, or what they can do for us. Here is a quote that puts it better than I do.
"Unconditional love gives children the knowledge that all will be okay in the long run. Even when we dislike or disapprove of their behaviors, our children must always know we stand beside them. Keep in mind that unconditional love doesn't mean unconditional approval. You can reject a behavior without rejecting your child. Love is never withdrawn or withheld based on a behavior. If you approach even your greatest concerns in this way, your adolescent will not go down the dangerous path of believing she has nothing to lose. Even as she may send you strong signals of rejection, she will eventually want to return to the greatest security she knows, your unwavering presence."
After a bad childhood with a mother whose standards I could never meet, and being emotionally unavailable, which really drove me away from God and his standards, God saved me. My husband and I determined to raise our children with unconditional love. They are all mentally healthy, living by God's standards and have good marriages and careers. That is 4 children. Now, I admit they are not all serving God, but they certainly believe in Biblical standards, and are also raising their children that way. And my prayer is that they are all going to come back to God. I know that most of my grandmother's grandchildren are serving God today, because of her witness and her prayers, in spite of many of them having unbelieving parents, including myself.
This mother has a chance to reconcile her daughter with herself and Christ. That is a Biblical mandate.
"All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; [SUP]19 [/SUP]that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. " 2 Cor. 5:18-19
The only way this daughter is going to be reconciled to God is if the mother takes the first step back to unconditionally loving her daughter. That means loving her no matter what she has done. That is what needs to happen for healing. I can only pray for this daughter, that the mother would wake up and realize that God is displeased with this selfish attitude, and she is not being Christian, but also driving her daughter away from God.
Here is something from a Christian website! The writer has a MsC in Counseling Psychology and is a Christian.
"Raising a child with unconditional love means that no fear is created in parent-child interactions. To love unconditionally simply means that parents accept their children completely and without restrictions or stipulations. There is no spoken (or unspoken) message causing the child to think he has to be something other than what he is in order to be loved. The need for unconditional love begins at conception."
Unconditional Love - The Natural Child Project
The nature of love is quite clear in the Bible. "God is love' 1 John 4:8,16. And then of course, 1 Cor 13 covers it more deeply.
"because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:5 Read that verse in context, it is such important a part of the Bible.
The OP needs to realize that love is not about behaviour, but about loving the person her daughter is, in spite of her faults and failings. Only from a position of unconditional love, can we begin to share the truth of the gospel. It is just pathetic to me that a woman would care more about what the people in her community think about her daughter, (and consequently herself!) than about the salvation of that daughter and her child! Because in the eternal perspective, that is what we are talking about. A woman who is so out of line with the Word of God and Jesus' teachings, that she puts her pride above the eternal welfare of her child and grandchild.
J
I've read and read the responses. I do agree I had high expectations for my daughter. I think most moms do. I want the best for her, and never said I don't love her. This situation has me so upset and full of heartache. Yes, I am talking about myself, I am the one writing. I was asking for advice on dealing with my feelings. Just because I am writing about my feelings doesn't mean I don't care about her feelings. That would be a whole other long post. About her. I could so do that. But, in searching for answers, or rather advice late at night after only hearing about this situation I was asking for myself.
I would love for her to return home and get her life "straight" I was hoping that was what she would do shortly after she moved in with this boy. The prodigal son did return with a new heart, one of repentance.
I don't think I was a "task master" during her childhood years. We were loving towards her and tried to teach her the right way. We were not overly strict and she did not grow up under "constant berating" Not sure where some got that idea.
I freely admit I was not perfect and that my expectations were high. I am not perfect now. But I never considered sneaking arsenic into doughnuts. (I read the books)
I am just so disappointed in how things have ended up,or how they are now. I am talking about myself, I know, but the OP was about looking for help for my feelings I have of hurt and disappointment. The OP was not about seeking prayers and support for my daughter. Although I could write that one too, in another thread.
This is is a tough group. Thank you to some that offered some comfort and some understanding. I was not the crazy "Sybil mother" just one that wanted the best for her daughter, and one that makes mistakes. It hurts my heart that she is living the way she is. I am not the evil person that some have described. I am also a woman who falls short in her walk with God every day.
When I first talked with her, after finding out, I said some mean things, as did she. I called the next day to apologize for the things I said in anger. She said she understood I was upset and emotional. She accepted my apology but did not offer one for the things she said. She is upset that this happened. It will only get harder for her and that just breaks my heart more.
I would love for her to return home and get her life "straight" I was hoping that was what she would do shortly after she moved in with this boy. The prodigal son did return with a new heart, one of repentance.
I don't think I was a "task master" during her childhood years. We were loving towards her and tried to teach her the right way. We were not overly strict and she did not grow up under "constant berating" Not sure where some got that idea.
I freely admit I was not perfect and that my expectations were high. I am not perfect now. But I never considered sneaking arsenic into doughnuts. (I read the books)
I am just so disappointed in how things have ended up,or how they are now. I am talking about myself, I know, but the OP was about looking for help for my feelings I have of hurt and disappointment. The OP was not about seeking prayers and support for my daughter. Although I could write that one too, in another thread.
This is is a tough group. Thank you to some that offered some comfort and some understanding. I was not the crazy "Sybil mother" just one that wanted the best for her daughter, and one that makes mistakes. It hurts my heart that she is living the way she is. I am not the evil person that some have described. I am also a woman who falls short in her walk with God every day.
When I first talked with her, after finding out, I said some mean things, as did she. I called the next day to apologize for the things I said in anger. She said she understood I was upset and emotional. She accepted my apology but did not offer one for the things she said. She is upset that this happened. It will only get harder for her and that just breaks my heart more.
T
CC is a tough group? Well, yes. But you should be so glad as to have people prompting you into feeling convicted for what you've done and are doing. I don't read love for your daughter in your posts. Then, why on earth would be smack you on the back in congratulations for your efforts and chastise your daughter? It takes two to tango and sometimes the truth hurts. And this situation of yours needs a whole lot of truth. And love, mountains of love.
S
If you are asking for advice on dealings with your feelings, that's exactly what we are doing. Pointing out what's wrong with them.
They are all in the wrong places. At least, they are drifting into risky waters.
As much I could feel sorry for you, I can't help but address your part to play in your daughter's behaviour.
She is 20 but her behaviour didn't happen overnight.
By wanting to teach her a lesson for her behaviour, You overstepped the mark when you tried to play judge over her life. At one point, you do your part and let God do his.
You are not doing a very good job and should stop the " I told you so" attitude.
You could have had the opportunity to WIN your daughter back if you were humble enough to open your heart to her when she came to talk about her pregnancy, like the prodigal son and his father. But no, you were unprepared because your heart is cold. And you need to fix it.
You cannot correct a child or rather win a straying child if you can't do so with humility and the right state of mind.
That is why I suggest , you should let your pride go and let your husband lead this time around.
He is the man of the house after all. And she is HIS daughter and grandchild too.
They are all in the wrong places. At least, they are drifting into risky waters.
As much I could feel sorry for you, I can't help but address your part to play in your daughter's behaviour.
She is 20 but her behaviour didn't happen overnight.
By wanting to teach her a lesson for her behaviour, You overstepped the mark when you tried to play judge over her life. At one point, you do your part and let God do his.
You are not doing a very good job and should stop the " I told you so" attitude.
You could have had the opportunity to WIN your daughter back if you were humble enough to open your heart to her when she came to talk about her pregnancy, like the prodigal son and his father. But no, you were unprepared because your heart is cold. And you need to fix it.
You cannot correct a child or rather win a straying child if you can't do so with humility and the right state of mind.
That is why I suggest , you should let your pride go and let your husband lead this time around.
He is the man of the house after all. And she is HIS daughter and grandchild too.
B
I know you are good mother who wants the best for her daughter by offering tough love. Apparently, your daughter decided to take a rebellious route against your wishes. You showed your true colors by apologizing and trying to repair the relationship, and she gave you a less than a "lukewarm" response. You did you part in mending the relationship and it is up to her to start acting like a mature adult. Please continue to help her grow but don't give her a "free pass" for her erratic behavior. As I have stated in several previous posts, she is a full-grown adult ans should know better. I have seen mothers tolerated this type of behavior from their daughters dragging into their 30's & 40's. It can go on forever if you don't 'put your foot down.' I would leave the door open as long as she respect you. But I would never close the door permanently. Again, I have seen mothers who are on SS tolerate this type of crap from their daughters in their 30's & 40's. Some daughters will eventually grow out of the rebellious mode and some won't. She could possibly have a mental disorder.
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This whole situation with you and your pregnant rebellious daughter reminds me of the TV series The Gilmour Girls. You sound like the mother of Lorelei 
. And I am confident that once you and your daughter put a little order into your thoughts and feelings you will both see the vanity of your behavior.
. And I am confident that once you and your daughter put a little order into your thoughts and feelings you will both see the vanity of your behavior.
S
Exactly....I think people are somewhat shocked when they come here for a sympathetic ear and they get directly challenged for THEIR behavior. That is sort of how this Christian accountability thing works in my view. If your daughter came here bashing mom, I am sure that most (not all however) would be equally as challenging to her mindset and behaviors.
B
Question: "What does the Bible say to do with a rebellious child?"
Answer: The child who exhibits a rebellious streak may be doing so for a variety of reasons. Harsh, unloving, and critical parenting will nearly always result in rebellion of some sort. Even the most compliant child will rebel—inwardly or outwardly—against such treatment. Naturally, this type of parenting is to be avoided. In addition, a certain amount of rebellion against parents is natural in teenagers who are slowly pulling away from their families in the process of establishing lives and identities of their own.
Assuming that the rebellious child naturally possesses a strong-willed personality, he will be characterized by an inclination to test limits, an overriding desire for control, and a commitment to resisting all authority. In other words, rebellion is his middle name. In addition, these strong-willed, rebellious children are often very intelligent and can “figure out” situations with amazing speed, finding ways to take control of the circumstances and people around them. These kids can be, for their parents, an extremely trying and exhausting challenge.
Fortunately, it is also true that God has made children who and what they are. He loves them, and He has not left parents without resources to meet the challenge. There are biblical principles that address dealing with the rebellious, strong-willed child with grace. First, Proverbs 22:6 tells us to “train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not turn from it.” For all children, the way they should go is toward God. Teaching children in God’s Word is crucial for all children, who must understand who God is and how to best serve Him. With the strong-willed child, understanding what motivates him—the desire for control—will go a long way to helping him find his “way.” The rebellious child is one who must understand that he is not in charge of the world—God is—and that he simply must do things God’s way. This requires parents to be absolutely convinced of this truth and to live accordingly. A parent who is himself in rebellion against God will not be able to convince his child to be submissive.
Once it has been established that God is the One making the rules, parents must establish in the child’s mind that they are God’s instruments and will do anything and everything necessary to carry out God’s plan for their families. A rebellious child must be taught that God’s plan is for the parents to lead and the child to follow. There can be no weakness on this point. The strong-willed child can spot indecisiveness a mile away and will jump at the opportunity to fill the leadership vacuum and take control. The principle of submitting to authority is crucial for the strong-willed child. If submission is not learned in childhood, the future will be characterized by conflicts with all authority, including employers, police, law courts, and military leaders. Romans 13:1-5 is clear that the authorities over us are established by God, and we are to submit to them.
Also, a strong-willed child will only willingly comply with rules or laws when they make sense to him. Give him a solid reason for a rule, constantly reiterating the truth that we do things the way God wants them done and that the fact is not negotiable. Explain that God has given parents the responsibility to love and discipline their children and that to fail to do so would mean the parents are disobeying Him. Whenever possible, however, give the child opportunities to help make decisions so that he does not feel completely powerless. For example, going to church is not negotiable because God commands us to gather together with other believers (Hebrews 10:25), but children can have a say (within reason) in what they wear, where the family sits, etc. Give them projects in which they can give input like planning the family vacation.
Further, parenting must be done with consistency and patience. Parents must try not to raise their voices or raise their hands in anger or lose their tempers. This will give the strong-willed child the sense of control he/she longs for, and he/she will quickly figure out how to control you by frustrating you to the point of making you react emotionally. Physical discipline often fails with these kids because they enjoy pushing parents to the breaking point so much that they feel a little pain is a worthwhile price to pay. Parents of strong-willed kids often report the kid laughs at them while they are being spanked, so spanking might not be the best method of discipline with them. Perhaps nowhere in life are the Christian fruits of the Spirit of patience and self-control (Galatians 5:23) more needed than with the strong-willed/rebellious child.
No matter how exasperating parenting these children can be, parents can take comfort in God’s promise not to test us beyond our ability to bear it (1 Corinthians 10:13). If God gives them a strong-willed child, parents can be sure He has not made a mistake and will provide the guidance and resources they need to do the job. Perhaps nowhere in the life of a parent do the words “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) have more meaning than with the strong-willed youngster. Parents of these children have to spend lots of their time on their knees before the Lord asking for wisdom, which He has promised to provide (James 1:5). Finally, there is comfort in the knowledge that strong-willed children who are trained well often grow up to be high-achieving, successful adults. Many rebellious children have turned into bold, committed Christians who use their considerable talents to serve the Lord they have come to love and respect through the efforts of their patient and diligent parents.
Recommended Resources: The New Strong-Willed Child by James Dobson and Logos Bible Software.
Answer: The child who exhibits a rebellious streak may be doing so for a variety of reasons. Harsh, unloving, and critical parenting will nearly always result in rebellion of some sort. Even the most compliant child will rebel—inwardly or outwardly—against such treatment. Naturally, this type of parenting is to be avoided. In addition, a certain amount of rebellion against parents is natural in teenagers who are slowly pulling away from their families in the process of establishing lives and identities of their own.
Assuming that the rebellious child naturally possesses a strong-willed personality, he will be characterized by an inclination to test limits, an overriding desire for control, and a commitment to resisting all authority. In other words, rebellion is his middle name. In addition, these strong-willed, rebellious children are often very intelligent and can “figure out” situations with amazing speed, finding ways to take control of the circumstances and people around them. These kids can be, for their parents, an extremely trying and exhausting challenge.
Fortunately, it is also true that God has made children who and what they are. He loves them, and He has not left parents without resources to meet the challenge. There are biblical principles that address dealing with the rebellious, strong-willed child with grace. First, Proverbs 22:6 tells us to “train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not turn from it.” For all children, the way they should go is toward God. Teaching children in God’s Word is crucial for all children, who must understand who God is and how to best serve Him. With the strong-willed child, understanding what motivates him—the desire for control—will go a long way to helping him find his “way.” The rebellious child is one who must understand that he is not in charge of the world—God is—and that he simply must do things God’s way. This requires parents to be absolutely convinced of this truth and to live accordingly. A parent who is himself in rebellion against God will not be able to convince his child to be submissive.
Once it has been established that God is the One making the rules, parents must establish in the child’s mind that they are God’s instruments and will do anything and everything necessary to carry out God’s plan for their families. A rebellious child must be taught that God’s plan is for the parents to lead and the child to follow. There can be no weakness on this point. The strong-willed child can spot indecisiveness a mile away and will jump at the opportunity to fill the leadership vacuum and take control. The principle of submitting to authority is crucial for the strong-willed child. If submission is not learned in childhood, the future will be characterized by conflicts with all authority, including employers, police, law courts, and military leaders. Romans 13:1-5 is clear that the authorities over us are established by God, and we are to submit to them.
Also, a strong-willed child will only willingly comply with rules or laws when they make sense to him. Give him a solid reason for a rule, constantly reiterating the truth that we do things the way God wants them done and that the fact is not negotiable. Explain that God has given parents the responsibility to love and discipline their children and that to fail to do so would mean the parents are disobeying Him. Whenever possible, however, give the child opportunities to help make decisions so that he does not feel completely powerless. For example, going to church is not negotiable because God commands us to gather together with other believers (Hebrews 10:25), but children can have a say (within reason) in what they wear, where the family sits, etc. Give them projects in which they can give input like planning the family vacation.
Further, parenting must be done with consistency and patience. Parents must try not to raise their voices or raise their hands in anger or lose their tempers. This will give the strong-willed child the sense of control he/she longs for, and he/she will quickly figure out how to control you by frustrating you to the point of making you react emotionally. Physical discipline often fails with these kids because they enjoy pushing parents to the breaking point so much that they feel a little pain is a worthwhile price to pay. Parents of strong-willed kids often report the kid laughs at them while they are being spanked, so spanking might not be the best method of discipline with them. Perhaps nowhere in life are the Christian fruits of the Spirit of patience and self-control (Galatians 5:23) more needed than with the strong-willed/rebellious child.
No matter how exasperating parenting these children can be, parents can take comfort in God’s promise not to test us beyond our ability to bear it (1 Corinthians 10:13). If God gives them a strong-willed child, parents can be sure He has not made a mistake and will provide the guidance and resources they need to do the job. Perhaps nowhere in the life of a parent do the words “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) have more meaning than with the strong-willed youngster. Parents of these children have to spend lots of their time on their knees before the Lord asking for wisdom, which He has promised to provide (James 1:5). Finally, there is comfort in the knowledge that strong-willed children who are trained well often grow up to be high-achieving, successful adults. Many rebellious children have turned into bold, committed Christians who use their considerable talents to serve the Lord they have come to love and respect through the efforts of their patient and diligent parents.
Recommended Resources: The New Strong-Willed Child by James Dobson and Logos Bible Software.
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My Nephew was 17 and in high school when he got his now wife pregnant. I'm proud of the way my Brother and his wife handled it. They didn't expect to have a Grandchild while their child wasn't even an adult yet. He said, well not the ideal, but it's what God gave us so we will do our best. He loves his Son, he loves his Grandchildren.
I don't want to sound cruel but my question, when you had a child did you want an exact replica of yourself? I have two kids, 7 and 8, my husband and I have actually discussed this scenario because no matter what we hope for talk about tell our children this is what we expect ,it can happen.
It could have happened to me, I wasn't a virgin when I got married neither was my husband. I find that my Son and I are a lot a like, my Daughter is this dramatc, funny little bean, she's full of confidence, unlike me as a child. I want my kids to be them, not me, I . My wish isn't for them to have children out of wedlock or do things that harm themselves or others, but they're human, like me.
Maybe you should stay out of this babies life because if you aren't going to love this child the child deserves better. The child deserves the unconditional love that God gives to us.
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Parents get so caught up in their children's behavior. A wise parent understands that they are raising adults, not children and that they are not responsible for their children but are responsible TO them. There is a BIG difference.
Over zealous behavior driven parents do more harm than good and their kids miss out on the fun knotheaded things kids get to do so they do bigger knotheaded things when they are free from the oppression.
Over zealous behavior driven parents do more harm than good and their kids miss out on the fun knotheaded things kids get to do so they do bigger knotheaded things when they are free from the oppression.
