Over 1 year ago, my husband and I decided to go through the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace program. We've managed to pay off over $50,000 worth of debt (most of it student loans for my kids college), and some credit cards. We are on our last debt (which is always the largest debt) and coming up towards Christmas. My husband and I don't have the same feelings about Christmas and what we should or shouldn't do, although we don't discuss it. I have 3 adult children (20, 27 and 30) and both of our parents are living. We get together with my entire family Christmas day and my 3 sisters and I have always swapped a small gift, and we have always bought my 3 kids a Christmas gift in the past. My husband feels that since we are on a plan to pay off debt, we don't buy Christmas presents. None. Not for our kids, parents, each other or my sisters. This makes it a little difficult on me to go to my parents and everyone is swapping gifts and I have nothing to give anyone. I don't even want to go and be put in this situation. To me, even spending a small amount on something special (under $10) for my sisters would be nice, and I would like to give our children each $100. They are all self supporting, and we do nothing for them during the year. At Christmas time, I want to do something from my heart for them. My husband said that we agreed to get on a budget when we started this plan and we stick to the budget. Of course, the budget didn't include Christmas. Is it ok to get together with everyone and have them feel awkward because "we" can't swap gifts and they have to do it with everyone else around us? I would skip getting together, but its one of the few times I get to see my sisters, my own 2 older boys and my nieces and nephews? I am a giver, and I love giving something small to my family, but my husband does not want to spend the money and stick with the plan. I will follow his lead and not spend a penny on Christmas, but I feel terrible about it inside. Is this wrong?
Christmas and Finances
- Thread starter Cindy12
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Apparently, in your husband's mind, the budget did include Christmas. Paying off debt requires discipline and determination. I really don't think that spending a little on Christmas will wreck the budget but as you have said, you are going to follow his lead.
Perhaps you could tell him that you are not up to visiting the parents this year because of the reasons you have stated.
I don't believe that your husband is a Scrooge but he does seem to lack Christmas spirit. Maybe a hot toddy will loosen the old guy up. Even Scrooge relented in the end and had a change of heart.
Perhaps you could tell him that you are not up to visiting the parents this year because of the reasons you have stated.
I don't believe that your husband is a Scrooge but he does seem to lack Christmas spirit. Maybe a hot toddy will loosen the old guy up. Even Scrooge relented in the end and had a change of heart.
Your kids are adults. IMO, $100 EACH is WAY too much to give them. I don't even get that much for christmas..lol.. Give each of them maybe $20 each. That's more reasonable than $100 each. Or in lieu of money, give them each a gift card to their favorite places to shop. As for the gift swap, get something for it from the dollar store. I find it kind of puzzling how you can't give a gift for the swap, yet are willing to give your kids $300. 
No wonder your hubby says absolutely not..lol
No wonder your hubby says absolutely not..lol
Give your kids a Christmas card with the receipts or copies of all the checks you wrote to pay-off their student loans. Imo, they each ought to be giving you a $100 gift
.. You mentioned that your 3 adult children are all self-supporting now, so it wouldn't hurt to remind them that it was only made possible through the ongoing sacrifice of you and your husband. You also wrote that you do nothing for them during the year, but paying off $50k in student loan debt is one hell of a gift.. I believe your husband is right, its enough. jmo
H
Give something that doesn't require spending -- make something by hand.
Or take inventory of your things and sell stuff to free up cash flow in your budget.
Or temporarily earn extra income....uber, raking/yard work, etc
But really, no need to feel guilty if you don't do any gifting. Enjoy the day with your family. Also, congrats on becoming debt free, what a weight off your shoulders, eh?
Or take inventory of your things and sell stuff to free up cash flow in your budget.
Or temporarily earn extra income....uber, raking/yard work, etc
But really, no need to feel guilty if you don't do any gifting. Enjoy the day with your family. Also, congrats on becoming debt free, what a weight off your shoulders, eh?
I have a girlfriend who says to me.....You can always come up with a gift at a moments notice.... I shop out of my house....I have so many lotions/hand creams, different scented pump soaps, and just stuff in general that I haven't used yet and I will wrap it up and give it.... No one knows the difference and think I went to a lot of trouble. Someone gave me two puzzle boxes one year for Christmas one was a cat the other an angel. One was for me and the other for my daughter.... she really didn't want hers so when a friends birthday came along she got the angel and thought it was a wonderful gift.
There are a couple of issues here:
1. You didn't originally discuss Christmas in regard to your budgeting AND
2. You have a different view of gift-giving
Because you want to express your love by giving gifts (even small ones), your husband's stance on spending (stick with the plan we made) feels a bit like "meanness" to you. He's not being mean, and you're not being unreasonable, you just have competing values here. His value is sticking to the plan, yours is the expression of love via gift-giving. Someone is going to have to bend in this situation...and it's looking like YOU are the one who will need to bend.
Having said that, there's no reason why you can't come up with some gifts that you CAN fit into your budget. For example, there are lots of homemade gift ideas that are inexpensive but nice, plus they're more personal. You can use a small portion of your food budget to buy some coconut oil and an essential oil (fragrance) and make body butter for your family members. (Seriously, google DIY body butters..there are tons of recipes). Get a few canning jars for it and BOOM...easy gift. Of course, there are lots of food-based gifts that can be given (cookies, quick-breads, fudge, etc.) Here are some other ideas I've done:
I once bought a cheap blank book and decoupaged it with hymns from an old hymnal for a friend who was a worship leader. On the first page I wrote a dedication to her.
For a friend about to have a long period off work, I decoupaged (with a cool non-holiday wrapping paper) a round box (like a smaller hat box). Inside I'd written all kinds of activities on slips of paper. If he felt bored or restless, he was to pull an activity and do that.
I've taken cheap print-board paintings from Goodwill, sprayed the frames (usually gold or black) and done my own artwork on the print board (more decoupage or photos or painted).
I've written people letters or poetry as gifts.
I've upcycled. So that chair that I don't really use, slap some paint on it and recover the seat and boom...there's a gift.
I've also received many homemade gifts that I really value. An afghan crocheted for me by my mother. A needlepoint picture from a friend. Ceramics from my brother. etc.
1. You didn't originally discuss Christmas in regard to your budgeting AND
2. You have a different view of gift-giving
Because you want to express your love by giving gifts (even small ones), your husband's stance on spending (stick with the plan we made) feels a bit like "meanness" to you. He's not being mean, and you're not being unreasonable, you just have competing values here. His value is sticking to the plan, yours is the expression of love via gift-giving. Someone is going to have to bend in this situation...and it's looking like YOU are the one who will need to bend.
Having said that, there's no reason why you can't come up with some gifts that you CAN fit into your budget. For example, there are lots of homemade gift ideas that are inexpensive but nice, plus they're more personal. You can use a small portion of your food budget to buy some coconut oil and an essential oil (fragrance) and make body butter for your family members. (Seriously, google DIY body butters..there are tons of recipes). Get a few canning jars for it and BOOM...easy gift. Of course, there are lots of food-based gifts that can be given (cookies, quick-breads, fudge, etc.) Here are some other ideas I've done:
I once bought a cheap blank book and decoupaged it with hymns from an old hymnal for a friend who was a worship leader. On the first page I wrote a dedication to her.
For a friend about to have a long period off work, I decoupaged (with a cool non-holiday wrapping paper) a round box (like a smaller hat box). Inside I'd written all kinds of activities on slips of paper. If he felt bored or restless, he was to pull an activity and do that.
I've taken cheap print-board paintings from Goodwill, sprayed the frames (usually gold or black) and done my own artwork on the print board (more decoupage or photos or painted).
I've written people letters or poetry as gifts.
I've upcycled. So that chair that I don't really use, slap some paint on it and recover the seat and boom...there's a gift.
I've also received many homemade gifts that I really value. An afghan crocheted for me by my mother. A needlepoint picture from a friend. Ceramics from my brother. etc.
It's my parents house with all 22 of the family -- he probably wouldn't mind at all skipping it! We have been very disciplined and determined, which is why we made such a major dent already ... he just has such intensity about getting it done. To him, $5 wrecks the budget. I mean, literally, we have not spent any money at all in 1 year on fast food or out to eat. We've been VERY disciplined. Again, to him, $5.00 wrecks the budget.
Your kids are adults. IMO, $100 EACH is WAY too much to give them. I don't even get that much for christmas..lol.. Give each of them maybe $20 each. That's more reasonable than $100 each. Or in lieu of money, give them each a gift card to their favorite places to shop. As for the gift swap, get something for it from the dollar store. I find it kind of puzzling how you can't give a gift for the swap, yet are willing to give your kids $300. No wonder your hubby says absolutely not..lol
No wonder your hubby says absolutely not..lol
Give your kids a Christmas card with the receipts or copies of all the checks you wrote to pay-off their student loans. Imo, they each ought to be giving you a $100 gift
.. You mentioned that your 3 adult children are all self-supporting now, so it wouldn't hurt to remind them that it was only made possible through the ongoing sacrifice of you and your husband. You also wrote that you do nothing for them during the year, but paying off $50k in student loan debt is one hell of a gift.. I believe your husband is right, its enough. jmo
Major weight off of our shoulders. Our last debt is the mortgage .. but we are getting close. Yes, I will just have to learn to enjoy the day with my boys ... that will be enough. We've done all the selling, etc when we started Daves plan. We sold 2 bikes, a stumpgrinder, motorcycle, and everything spare we had around here. Was sort of fun!
I love these ideas! Thank you so much!! Yes, it is me who will bend. Husband has never been a gift giver (all his life) .. his family didn't do that and he thinks its just a blowing of money. We did discuss no Christmas gifts when we started this plan, but the only change is that we usually just did Christmas separately with our kids, not a big gathering like it is going to have to be this year in order to see everyone. I am going to use some of your homemade ideas!
Well, Christmas isn't about giving/receiving presents anyway. It's about remembering Jesus' birth, and being thankful. I'm sure your kids and family will understand. They WILL survive without getting any presents.
Congrats on paying off the debt! My hubby and I are debt-free and are loving it!
As others have suggested, I love the idea of the receipts for your kids -- I'm sure they would appreciate how hard you worked for them! Plus, they themselves have said they need nothing from you, so you're good to go there.
With the family gift exchange, I would do what others have suggested -- make something that just costs virtually nothing! Use jars and put homemade cookie, cake or even soup mixes in them -- super cheap, really fun, and there are tons of recipes online you can find. Other crafts take time, talent and supplies, but the mixes are really inexpensive and ANYONE can do them. I think it's important to participate in the exchange and feel like you're part of the family. I trust your hubby would understand -- just tell him how important it is for you to participate.
Then next year, when you're setting up your budget, include a Christmas fund and set your limit. Every budget MUST include some fun items in it, or you're just going to fail because you feel so deprived.
As others have suggested, I love the idea of the receipts for your kids -- I'm sure they would appreciate how hard you worked for them! Plus, they themselves have said they need nothing from you, so you're good to go there.
With the family gift exchange, I would do what others have suggested -- make something that just costs virtually nothing! Use jars and put homemade cookie, cake or even soup mixes in them -- super cheap, really fun, and there are tons of recipes online you can find. Other crafts take time, talent and supplies, but the mixes are really inexpensive and ANYONE can do them. I think it's important to participate in the exchange and feel like you're part of the family. I trust your hubby would understand -- just tell him how important it is for you to participate.
Then next year, when you're setting up your budget, include a Christmas fund and set your limit. Every budget MUST include some fun items in it, or you're just going to fail because you feel so deprived.
G
May I rant on here also? Christmas every year makes me so stressed and honestly slightly depressed because of the commercialism attachment. My husband and I have chosen that I stay home with the children until they're all in school; so we 'survive' off one income. Christmas comes and thus we usually blow our budget, and then suffer incredibly throughout the new year until about April.
Everyone around us is quite settled; and our siblings have chose no children. So we're the only young parents and no-one seems to understand our struggles. It makes me cry...okay, now I'm crying. I am so tired of feeling so stretched. Christmas used to be a celebration for me, and now it just becomes a dread.
I feel you; pray for you both!! <3
Everyone around us is quite settled; and our siblings have chose no children. So we're the only young parents and no-one seems to understand our struggles. It makes me cry...okay, now I'm crying.
I am so tired of feeling so stretched. Christmas used to be a celebration for me, and now it just becomes a dread.I feel you; pray for you both!! <3
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