Coffee with married coworker?

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Papou

Active member
Aug 9, 2018
151
64
28
#21
Thanks all for replying. Wow, I got a mix of responses. What we needed to discuss happened to be a bit more urgent so we ended up discussing at work.

I guess when I go with a supervisor/more experienced type, I think having coffee is a bit more professional/on point. So, When I go with a peer (I grab coffee with other females), it is more informal/casual/fun. That was why I was a bit hesitant with this co-worker, if that makes sense.
Always listen to your inner voice and happiness and peace will be your inheritance !
 

TheIndianGirl

Active member
Nov 22, 2019
142
128
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#22
I was talking with my husband about this thread, and he asked “does this coworker do this with everybody in the office?” And I said “hmm! That’s a good question!” Because if this coworker does this with everyone to talk about progress, then I would be more ok to go. But if it could be done at the office, that would be my preference.
That's a good point. He is extroverted and he does have coffee buddies. I guess no reason to feel too awkward/or overthink too much.
 

bojack

Well-known member
Dec 16, 2019
495
290
63
#23
My advice to youths is to date in groups, same here, if you go with 1 or more others for coffee OK maybe .. Alone I'd say probably not a good idea just based on ethics .. Offer to go get it and walk back with it is probably better for all and you might can get yours free with 3-4 orders ..
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
9,622
5,877
113
#24
Personally, I don’t think it’s a good idea to have coffee with a married co-worker outside of work. Anything can happen, including temptation from both ends.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,117
2,002
113
#25
I just started a new job and as far as I know, my boss is married, and not sure about the status of my coworkers yet but they are females like me so I dont think it matters too much, married or unmarried.

If any are co-workers are male I dont really know but it would be more on gender then whether they married or unmarried maybe.

we have a staffroom where coffee and tea are free and only ten minute break or 30 minutes lunch break usually breaks are spent eating or bathroom or resting, I mean when you work with people you do need breaks, and sometimes breaks FROM your co-workers since you might spend all your work time with them.
it just depends.

In another job cos Im working on my own for the most part at school morning tea break is when I get to catch up with staff. Theres actually nowhere I can really go outside of school because by the time get to the nearest cafe, order, sit down and eat I have to go back to work again! Breaks are sometimes problematic because children sometimes have no idea that you need a break and cannot just stay with them all the time.

anyway if someone actually does offer to make you a cup of tea or coffee dont be rude and say no. But dont get the idea its a date or anything. socialising outside of work in evenings if its to be done its as a work group as part of your work social club or of its put on by your organisation.

Just keep things professional and you should be fine. If you do make friends at work remember if someone is married to respect that and dont steal time from them that they need to spend with their spouse outside of work (if they dont work together...I know couples who work in the same workplace too) . I do know some married couples wives who hate going to their husbands work dos and others that will go (for the free food of nothing else, whats not to like?) but dont get this idea that they can always be free to do stuff like a single unmarried person can.

it used to be a thing where men would just drink at the pub after work and come home drunk to their wives, I mean coffee is not quite the same with violent side effects but you know there can be coffee addicts which isnt always a good thing either. If that was the case I would just say nah Im a tea person myself. Talking with real coffee addicts is actually really boring becuase all they tend to talk about is how they are craving their next coffee and cant live without it. I would just not enable them lol.
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
845
839
93
#26
Wow you have had a lot of good advice. I think your gut was already telling you to keep your interactions at the workplace. Guarding your reputation is so important. You don't have to do anything to have some gossip spot the two of you and start rumours. You also don't ever want to be in a position where a married man or his wife gets the wrong idea. Also, don't assume because he seems like a straightlaced married guy that he won't stray. You seem very humble and may not see the flirting for what it is until he makes it obvious. My thing was that I never put myself in a situation where anything could ever "just happen". How often have you heard, "We were looking for anything. We never expected to fall for each other but it just happened."
I know you will do the smart thing.
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
845
839
93
#27
Wow you have had a lot of good advice. I think your gut was already telling you to keep your interactions at the workplace. Guarding your reputation is so important. You don't have to do anything to have some gossip spot the two of you and start rumours. You also don't ever want to be in a position where a married man or his wife gets the wrong idea. Also, don't assume because he seems like a straightlaced married guy that he won't stray. You seem very humble and may not see the flirting for what it is until he makes it obvious. My thing was that I never put myself in a situation where anything could ever "just happen". How often have you heard, "We were looking for anything. We never expected to fall for each other but it just happened."
I know you will do the smart thing.
Oops. I meant "We were not looking for anything."
 
Feb 13, 2020
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#28
Would you accept an invite to get coffee with a married coworker, strictly work related? Usually this is done to informally chat about progress of work. It would involve walking to Starbucks across the street. I have said yes a couple of times to older seasoned guys but this one is around my age. That he is around my age makes me question.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
 
Nov 17, 2019
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New Mexico, USA
#29
No...............................No.............................................No..........................................No.....................................No..............................No..............................No......................No...................No..............................No......................No.........................No..............In case I haven't made myself clear............No........................No.............

Absolutely not! And definitely NO.
 
Nov 17, 2019
125
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New Mexico, USA
#31
Keep a clean conscience. Also, ask your husband. My advice is above, but you aren't obligated to follow my advice. What your husband says is a lot more important given the situation. If he says no to the coffee shop idea, then definitely respect that.
Do not ask your husband! Do not even bring it up to him. Do not mention it, ever. Be done with the whole thing, immediately. Don't give a second thought to it. Put it out of your mind. And FORGET ABOUT IT!