Hi, Brokengirl.
I actually determined to leave this forum for a while just a couple of days ago (my time is needed elsewhere), but I've been monitoring threads such as this one because there are some real life problems addressed therein and I wouldn't want to abandon anybody in their time of need.
Let's address this "privacy issue"...
Ephesians chapter 5
[1] Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;
[2] And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
[3] But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
[4] Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
[5] For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
[6] Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.
[7] Be not ye therefore partakers with them.
[8] For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:
[9] (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth):
[10] Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.
[11] And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
[12] For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.
[13] But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light.
[14] Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.
As a Christian or as one who has received "the light of the world", Jesus Christ (John 8:12), you actually do have a responsibility to REPROVE the unfruitful works of darkness...even if such "unfruitful works" have been "done of them
IN SECRET". Yes, "all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light" or by those who belong to Christ, "the light of the world", "for whatsoever doth make manifest is light" or whatsoever brings those things which were formally "done in secret" out in the open or "makes them manifest" or known "
IS LIGHT"...and NOT "darkness". IOW, don't let anybody here wrongfully condemn you or place any sort of unwarranted guilt trip or shame upon you as if you're the one who sinned here or don't let anybody here convince you that you're somehow of "the darkness" because you seek to "make manifest" something which was potentially sinfully done "
IN SECRET".
IF your father is guilty of the things which you believe that he may indeed be guilty of,
THEN somebody needs to "make such manifest" FOR HIS OWN POTENTIAL GOOD...which leads me to the following question:
What is your own heart motive here?
The reason that I ask is because when I first read some comments here by another poster that you were "judging" your father, I was like, "Is this poster for real?!?" However, after rereading the following comments of your own...
Brokengirl said:
If you believe I am to say nothing, how do you suggest I deal with the obvious strain on our relationship, the heartache I have, the guilt, and the feeling that I'm lying to my mom and brother? What am I supposed to say when he asks why I'm not talking to him? Or what do I say when I go back to school and I stop calling him or don't answer his calls?
...I've reconsidered and thought that MAYBE this other poster is on to something. Look, we all sin at times and your father's sin, if he's truly guilty of the same, is no worse than any sin which you yourself might have committed during your own lifetime. In the same manner that you need God's forgiveness, mercy and grace, so does your father...so that needs to be your heart motivation...to help to bring your father to a place where he might receive the same from God. IOW,
IF (I'm just asking...I don't know you) your heart attitude towards your father is one of contempt and you just want to "out him" as a wicked sinner,
THEN the motives of your own heart are wrong. If, however, you're truly trying to HELP your father, then you really do need to do something. Going back to "those things which are done of them IN SECRET" (Ephesians 5:12) for a moment, Jesus said:
Luke chapter 12
[1] In the mean time, when there were gathered together an innumerable multitude of people, insomuch that they trode one upon another, he began to say unto his disciples first of all, Beware ye of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.
[2] For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known.
[3] Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.
[4] And I say unto you my friends, Be not afraid of them that kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do.
[5] But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.
Whatever your father, you, I or anybody else has done "in secret" will ultimately "be revealed" or "be known" when we give accounts of our lives before Jesus Christ one day. NOW is the time to find forgiveness, mercy and grace for the same, via genuine repentance. IOW, if you just let this sit and do nothing, then it's still going to be brought to "the light" at a future time WHEN IT IS TOO LATE FOR YOUR FATHER TO BE HELPED. As such, I really believe that you need to do something...but you're obviously receiving different sorts of counsel in relation to what, exactly, that "something" ought to be.
I think that we all agree that you need to pray, so don't neglect that part.
Most of us agree that you need to say something...some believe that you should address your father alone, I've previously suggested speaking to your mother first, others have suggested a counselor or a trusted acquaintance or friend. Perhaps you should speak to your father first. I mean, Jesus did say:
Matthew chapter 18
[15] Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
[16] But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
[17] And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
Although the situation that Jesus described might not be an exact match to your own, He did say that we should go to the offending party "and tell him his fault between thee and him alone", so this may very well apply to your current situation. The two main reasons why I previously suggested speaking to your mom first are the following:
1. Seeing how the sin that your father might be guilty of is sexual in nature, I just thought it best and more appropriate for the same to be discussed with him from his own sexual partner, your mother, and not you, his daughter. To me, it still seems inappropriate for a daughter to be discussing sexual situations with her own father...unless the father is the one who is teaching about proper sexual relations for his child's own future marriage and to abstain from fornication prior to marriage, etc., etc.
2. Again, this whole thing could potentially blow up in your face in that your father might not only deny accessing the sites, but he could also potentially accuse you of seeking to slander him and that could also potentially strain your own relationship with your own mother if she were to side with your father against you in such a situation.
Anyhow, whoever you decide to confide in or confront, you should do something. Again, pray and ultimately do what you feel that the Lord Himself is leading you to do and guard your heart against contempt for your own father (I'm not going to answer his calls, I'm not going to call him, etc., etc.). Once more, his sin, assuming that he's guilty, is no worse than any sin which either you or I need forgiveness from ourselves...but such forgiveness does come as a direct result of genuine repentance and those of us who are of "the light" do have a duty before God to REPROVE those things which were done IN DARKNESS or IN SECRET.
Well, I hope that this helped a bit...
