Has Anyone Ever Seen an Unwed Mother Attending a Christian School?

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Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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#21
i heard there are special chrisitan schools for young mothers or maybe it was mormon, I read this somewhere in a teachers anthology. The school was actually only for unwed young mothers, so they could learn while being pregnant...but sure if all of them kept their babies but then they would learn stuff like breastfeeding, chaniging nappies, cooking etc You know basic stuff but actually stuff that doesnt get taught in schools but should lol
 

Lanolin

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#22
I think was a place called Bethany, in nz. Youd go stay and have your baby and then theyd try and take the baby away from you to give to someone else. You couldnt change their mind cos they made you sign a contract or release form.

The movie Philomena was also about this, though that was catholic.
 

tribesman

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2011
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#23
Dunno much about this, but right up front the sense comes that the only the girls are blamed. What about the boys who made them pregnant? If they're from the same school, they are okay to remain there?

Otherwise, yes, I'd guess school girls who get pregnant have a hard time keeping up and remain at school, whether the school is religious of any kind or secular.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#24
Dunno much about this, but right up front the sense comes that the only the girls are blamed. What about the boys who made them pregnant? If they're from the same school, they are okay to remain there?
In the cases I saw at my Christian high school while I was a student there:

1. Case 1: The father did not attend the school, and therefore was not affected. The mother, however, was asked/told not to come back.

2. Case 2: With the couple who had the abortion, both the mother and father were allowed to return to class. They had to write a letter of apology to the student body and staff that was read before everyone, and weren't allow to walk at graduation.

3. Case 3: The father was in his last year at the school and was able to complete it; the mother, however, was younger and not allowed to come back.

You make and excellent point, and this is something I've often wondered myself.

Since my school allowed the students who aborted their child to return (no VISIBLE evidence of sin,) I very much wonder what would have happened in the case of both the mother and father having a year or more left to go.

Would both have been allowed to return, or just the one whose sin didn't show?

(Seeing how the other cases were handled, I think I can make a fairly accurate guess, but I could be wrong.)
 

Lanolin

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#25
was this a fancy private school seoul.
I wonder what the principal was like...and if you really wanted to know you would ask them right?
How do you know that the girls were told or asked not to come back. They might not have been able to return or even wanted to.

when someone has to leave school for whatever reason they may take up adult education as a mature student later in life. Universities and polytechs do not bar mature students from attending. Actually mature students are great learners because they are there because they WANT to learn. They might need to take a prep course first to get them used to the requirments, if they hadnt finished high school but it is possible.

there are creches for children and you can study part time or extra murallly, There are options. Having a child is not the be all and end all of your education, So I wouldnt worry too much about it.
 

Lanolin

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#26
think of Mary Magdalene. Jesus didnt bar her from being his disciple even though she was regarded by everyone else as a sinner. Who knows she may have been an unwed mother, the Bible does not specify.


Theres a danielle steel book I read the other month called Moral Compass and it is about a fancy prep private school gone coed where one of the girls gets raped by one of the guys there and what they do about it.

The other one I read was A Little princess which is a classic by Frances Hodgson Burnett and is about a rich girl attending a girls boarding school in england, but her dad falls on hard times and cant afford to pay anymore so she gets demoted. (while still retaining the graces of a 'princess'. )

In both books the reputations of the school are at stake. Why? It mostly comes down to money. Private Schools require money to operate. They dont get it from the govt. morally they can be wrong its only imprtant they are solvent. I know of private schools who have tax havens in the cayman islands. its cos Rich Parents invest money in those schools. They would go underr if the school allowed too many poor students in. They are basically a BUSINESS.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#27
was this a fancy private school seoul.
I wonder what the principal was like...and if you really wanted to know you would ask them right?
How do you know that the girls were told or asked not to come back. They might not have been able to return or even wanted to.
What's your definition of a"fancy private school"?

It was a private school, but not fancy. We had one hallway and about (I'm trying to remember from several decades ago,) about 8 classrooms, if even that. And when I say "classrooms," some were only big enough for maybe 25 students at a time. At the time we attended, there were only about 125 (I think it was actually 124) with all 4 grades of high school combined.

The school was in a tremendous amount of debt, and it was said that the curriculum was at least 10 years behind the public schools because it simply couldn't afford anything more. We didn't have uniforms, but we did have what was seen at the time as a very strict dress code (one of the more infamous rules being that blue jeans weren't allowed.)

It did, however, have a group of dedicated teachers and pastors who tried their best to instill a solid Scriptural foundation and Christian values, and I will be forever grateful for that.

It was also very expensive, and I thank my parents on a regular basis for the long hours they worked just to send us there, because they wanted us to have a Christian education. And I must say that I do believe God chose to put me in that school.

I was around 15 or 16 years old when all of this was happening. You didn't just march into the principal's office and say, "Hey, I know so-and-so is pregnant. So what happened to her and the baby daddy?"

Usually when scandals happened, it was kept as hush-hush as much as possible. There was another incidence in which a boy whose parent was on staff broke into the school, but it was never revealed what actually happened. The boy was immediately expelled, his parent was fired, and it was said that that a lawsuit against the school was possibly in the works. To this day, I don't know what truly went down.

Part of the reason I write about these events is because I have read posts from some people who believe that Christian schools would have sheltered them or would shelter their children from the evils of the world. Maybe in some cases. But that was not my experience, and it hasn't changed.

A family friend of my parents mentioned that their grandchild (who also went to that school not long ago) had a lot of problems with bullying (the popular kids wanted this student to do their homework for them, so they could keep their positions on the sports teams.) I had the exact same problem when I attended the school many, many years before. (Not that this is the worst problem a kid could face -- I'm just using it as an example of how Christian schools are not at all exempt from problems.)

My high school was a mosh pit of students from all the local churches within the synod. In the case of one girl who got pregnant, her friends were in my class and told us that she was not allowed to come back. In the case of the couple who had the abortion, they got caught because they had skipped school in order to do so, and that was the one rare time when the story was later announced in front of the student body. I believe they were suspended for something like a week, but after that, they were back in class as if nothing had happened. (I know because I regularly passed them in the hallway, and it was stated in the announcement that they were going to be able to finish their time there.)

As for the 3rd pregnancy, it was someone within my congregation and it was quickly established that she would not be able to go back to the school, but would be completing her GED (high school equivalent) via night classes.

(Again, it was something I saw for myself, as I knew she never came back to the school after that.)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#28
I need to make an addendum to my last post:

I can't criticize my school for not having any funds, as it was solely run on donations from the congregations. Most families were not able to send their kids to the school, let alone make a separate donation to them, and most especially not if their own kids wouldn't be attending the school.

The only reason I was able to go is because my parents knew from the start that they wanted us to go to Christians schools, and were able to make it a top priority to work and save for this from the time their kids were born, or, in my case, landed on the runway (being adopted from another country.)

One thing I did admire about my school is that they did not accept funding from outside sources or the government, because the synod (WELS) wanted to be able to teach God's Word (according to synod guidelines) without any outside influences to interfere or make demands on account of money.

School fund raisers had to be within our families and congregations only, and not to the general public as other schools did (including the local Catholic schools.)

The major problem is that the congregations are always being asked to fund not only the churches but also the grade schools and high school, and there comes a point where there people just don't have the money. After all, "you can't squeeze blood from a turnip," but that didn't stop them from asking. In some cases, the churches and schools would continue to seek out loans to build additions anyway, eventually leading to a landfall of massive debts.

So as with everything, there was a price to pay.

We had a Christian school system that did indeed teach the word of God daily, but our books and equipment were terribly out of date, and the schools could barely afford to pay the pastors and teachers enough to live -- and it was common for many to have 5 children.

I always chuckle to myself when I read about "fancy private schools" that are apparently drowning in money, because we were about as about as opposite of that as you can get.

However, I will always credit those schools and their staff for giving me a spiritual foundation, and for establishing Bible study as a regular part of my life.

I may have mentioned this before but I wrote a letter to one of my former pastors at Christmas a few years ago, because I wanted him to know how much of a positive influence he had been.
 

Lanolin

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#29
well I just call them fancy in my mind they must be cos what would you be paying for but i suppose another word would be expensive.

I really dont get why christian schools have to be super expensive. The gospel is free after all. I taught bibles in schools and wasnt paid a cent...it was all run by volunteers. Why not just go to a normal free public school that has optional bible classes?
 

Lanolin

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#30
I did them once a week for 30 minutes, but some of the children told me they wished it could be everyday.
There are lots of christian teachers in public schools, well in nz anyway.

They cant bar you from teaching just cos you are a christian, or how you teach.
btw one of my friends who is a reliever was an unwed mother too (she finally tied the knot last year) and she relieved in public schools. She's a christian....

the schools didnt place too mucn restrctions on the content of bibles in school, thougn there were ceetain things we didnt mention like hell to children or overtly evangelising. we also werent supoosed to sing worship songs (though our national anthem is basically a prayer!) You have to remmeber that not all children go to church or are raised christians. I mean I wasnt...probably why God had me help and teacn it for a season lol
 

Lanolin

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#31
I can only recall one girl falling pregnant in my high school of 1500 students but this was towards the end of the year I dont really know if she left or not it was a big school. I know she was because she was at a party and stressing out about it to everyone.

I do recall a rumour going round that one girl in intermediate school got pregnant at 13.

I fell sick one year and had to go to hospital and apparently there were rumours that *I*was pregnant. One of my friends quickly put a stop to that rumour, but nobody really knew how to deal with mental illness and nervous breakdowns at school.
this happened to another girl too but she changed schools. I wasnt bulled but she was a bit.

I asked one of my friends daughters who put her in a christian school what it was like, the main diffrence ebetween that and a public school. aside from the cost, they just had more prayer I guess and maybe more bible study. But you can do bible study at lunchtime in high school and there were plenty of christians attending public school in my class anyway, enough for fellowship groups to form.

she also said non christians students do attend christian schools...mainly because they can afford it and I guess their parents want them to. I dont know if the students themselves have a choice...but she did say she could tell the christians from the non christians.

Her mum put her in a christian schools cos she was scared she was going to be bullied but I think bullying still goes on in christian schools...the teachers may be kinder but you just dont know about the kids.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
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#32
Hello,

When I was a kid, my parents sent me to Lutheran schools from kindergarten until the day I graduated. I have often read about people who wished they would have gone to Christian schools, as they believed it would have been a wonderful, loving, Christ-centered atmosphere that would be sheltered from the ways of the world.

It might be that way for some people, but this was not my own experience.

After reading a thread here about a young single mother's journey, it had me reflecting on a part of my own personal history.

I was adopted before I could remember, and I have often wondered how my birth mother would have been treated within the church, schools, and Christian community I grew up with (I have no knowledge of my background or parents before my adoption.)

It was an unspoken fact at my Lutheran high school that if a girl became pregnant, she was quietly asked to leave and never come back. My high school was small -- about 125 students in the entire school -- not just one class, but all 4 grades combined, and during my time there, I knew of at least 3 girls who became pregnant out of wedlock.

One skipped school with her boyfriend to have an abortion. The other two were no longer allowed to attend the school.

I understand that when a high school advertises a good Christian education, it's not exactly a good look to have unmarried girls walking down the halls.

Now, I truly am grateful for the pastors and teachers there who genuinely cared about us and were deeply invested in our spiritual growth.

But I always found it hard knowing that I was taught about God's love, grace, and forgiveness daily (even several times a day,) yet I knew very well that my own birth mother would have been banned from that school for the very reason that I existed (assuming she was not married to whomever my father was.) And even if she had married him, that still would not have been good enough, seeing as one of the young ladies did marry the father of her child, but was still not allowed to come back to the school.

This case was of special interest to me, because this girl was the daughter of one of our leaders in the congregation, and many were calling for his resignation (which he willingly offered to do, but the board of elders voted that he could keep his position.)

To make matters even more ironic, when I was a kid, the church had asked my parents if they could use my picture for one of their drives against abortion. The local churches within the synod ran a pregnancy crisis center, and made a big poster that said, "ADOPTION, NOT ABORTION!" I remember seeing my picture on this poster, along with 2 other children in the congregation who were adopted.

You can't imagine how ironic I find it that the church saw me as being good enough as a literal poster child against abortion (which of course I fully support,) but AT THE VERY SAME TIME, they would have kicked my birth mother out from the school that I myself attended for carrying me!!!

This is the type of irony I've seen again and again within the churches I've been part of, and it always troubles me. It just seems to send a message of, "You're good enough when we want to use you for a public campaign, but for the love of God, we would have punished your horrible sinful mother (parents) for having you out of wedlock and having her sin -- your existence -- showing!!!"

I am certainly not saying that sin should not be dealt with or punished. But at the same time, I find it hard to be taught love, grace, and forgiveness, while at the same time, seeing that those whose sins are visible are removed from the population.

I am wondering if any of you know of Christian schools that may have handled these situations differently.

* Do any of you have any experiences with or observations of Christian schools?

* If so, what were these institutions policies regarding teen pregnancies?

* Were the students allowed to stay in school? Did the school give a reason as to why or why not, and what was it?

* For the parents of children whom they adopted: How would you feel about the church asking for a picture of your child to feature on a Pro-Life poster, after forbidding your child's mother from going to their schools while she was pregnant with your child?

* If you were/are the adopted child in this scenario, how would you feel about this?

Thanks very much in advance for your answers.

I am eager to learn what other Christian schools have done.
I know of a very similar case. The church I attended in my previous location ran a school; the children of all the leadership attended there (red flag, but that aside...). One of said daughters and her guy (from outside the school) obviously were having fun they should not have been, and her pregnancy was announced. I happened to be at the elders' meeting where the matter was discussed. The discussion centred on removing the girl from the school. One person even expressed the idea that the girl would not be able to continue attending because her uniform (a kilt-type skirt) would no longer fit (cue eye-rolling here). I spoke up and asked how it was reasonable to consider kicking her out of school while the boy would be allowed to continue in his volunteer role at the church. The bias was unbelievable.

Anyway, she kept the baby, though I don't recall now whether she had to take the remainder of the year off or not. I think a couple of families left the church over this issue. She and the father broke up, but she married another young man from the church and, to my knowledge, they are still happily married with other children.
 
M

MoonCresta

Guest
#33
I understand what you are saying, as this is what that majority of Christians I grew up around believe as well.

What troubles me is, the standards are set only when the sin is visible.

For instance, in our school, the two students who had an abortion? They could come back to school. But not a girl who was visibly pregnant. As long as it didn't show, they could be there.

So how all the teens who are engaging in sexual behaviors or full-on sex, but just haven't gotten caught because there wasn't a pregnancy? I'm thinking of an instance at my former school in which a teacher intercepted a note from one student to the other describing their planned weekend rendezvous.

Or the teenage boy (though to be fair, it could be a boy OR a girl) participating in various behaviors while watching porn on their phone or computer? How about the teens who are sexting back and forth?

Being taught Christian standards is one thing.

Living them out is another.

How do we decide which who become the scapegoats and public examples, and who do not?

Because then the message becomes, "As long as you don't get caught or show any public signs of sinning, you are acceptable within the student body."
Great answer! I have a problem BIG problem with judgmental Christians. Why don't we accept all people and let God do the convicting and saving work? I cannot envision any situation in which I would condone kicking out people who have sinned out of the body of a church or school. Why? Because each and every one of us would be kicked out, if God himself were doing the judging. Our best - and I mean best - righteousness is as filthy rags. The best I can do - even today - is not going to be good enough to get me into heaven. It is only by the grace of God which will do that and only by the grace of God. He works with me daily to grow my maturity and faith in him. God bless those girls in this situation and if I knew anyone like this, I would pray for their soul, that God would use the situation to bring them, and the baby to him.
 

beacha

New member
Apr 24, 2021
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#34
went to a catholic school. they would have whipped them and expelled them
might be different now
went to a public school and there was young mothers with babies in class
others were watching observing and learning
perhaps it was a deterrant to some young girls to use contraceptive who knows
or have an abortion - a mortal sin in the catholic world
but the strength of the young mothers who despite the challenges and discrimination
loved their child enough to bring it into the world
to nurture their beloved child and continue their education best they could on their own
remarkable brave young women
or sinful ones?
 

phil36

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Feb 12, 2009
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#35
I'm the same as tribesman, I don't know much about Christian/private schools. So it has been an interesting thread to read. I went to public school as have more or less everyone in the place where I live.

Are there any easy answers? My own view point, is that of compassion and mercy. Sin can be forgiven and if God forgives why doesn't the school? And yet, on the other hand the school will have rules and guidelines with prescribed consequences of breaking these rules. How do we balance these things? I have no easy answer.

As I said I don't know anything about private christian schools or how they operate. It's been an eye opener. I'm still convinced that mercy,compassion and love should be shown towards these young folk, their already in for a hard lesson.. How that is done by the school I don't know.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
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#36
I rememeber commenting on "visible sins" a while back. And that's the thing. We all know those around us sin, we sin ourselves, yet the second any one of those sins becomes public Christians pounce. Eager to tell you its a sin, quote scriptures at you, criticize you or even state you must not be a "real Christian". Yet moments before they were smiling at you, shaking your hand and patting you on the back. The speed with which people will turn on you is astonishing.

I find Christians have a near obsession with sin. Constantly fighting over what is and is not a sin, attacking people for their sins, casting them out, turning on them.
Yet the bible teaches love being the greatest. And we see Jesus teaching that when encountering people who sinned. When Peter cut the guards ear off Jesus didn't lecture Peter for 20 mins on sin and what a dirty rotten sinner he was. He didn't expell him out of the Apostles. And when Peter denied Jesus, once again we don't see Peter put down or criticized for sinning.
Quite the opposite, despite Peter's violence and cowardice Jesus supported him. Because he didn't look at Peter through a sin filter, but with love and acceptance.

What this school has taught is God loves you and accepts you, if you listen and obey. And if you don't then that's no longer true. It teaches your works are what save you.

One poster felt this removing the "leven" was a good thing. But Every child, teacher and faculty member of that school sinned. Every. Single. One.
The problem here is that people use school as a replacement for being a parent, often times. If I were to ever send a child to a Christian school, it would be so they can avoid being taught the crap in public schools. Not for spiritual teachings. That is the Parents job.
I'd rather see these girls left in the school, even with my child there. So both could see, first hand, the things they are Taught, put into action. Not the opposite.
I'd want my kids to learn that a person that has sinned publicly is not a leper or a bad person, but a normal person that made a mistake. I'd want my child to be humble enough to understand they are Not better than that person because that person's sin was made public. That loving them is not only acceptable, but biblical.
 
M

MoonCresta

Guest
#37
Well since you where adopted and you did not know your mothers actual circumstance then you cannot say the school would have banned your mother because you do not know if she was married or not..

I would support a Christian policy of responding to repentance with love and acceptance.. If a girl gets pregnant out of marriage and she acknowledges that she has sinned in the matter then a Christian school should keep her in the school and give her all the support they can give.. If the girl refuses to acknowledge her sin then yes she should be removed from a Christian school because she is in rebellion against the teachings of God..

Now it seems as though your school simply banned the girls no matter what.. This is a very un-Christian policy more to do with being focused on their Image to the world rather then being focused on the Gospel of the LORD Jesus Christ..

Weeeeelll, we can't do that now, can we?? We as Christians have a very well established tradition of shooting our wounded.
 

phil36

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Feb 12, 2009
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#38
Weeeeelll, we can't do that now, can we?? We as Christians have a very well established tradition of shooting our wounded.

This can be true. I think we forget that we are all invalids in God's hospital.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#39
it is kinda weird how Ive met some christian teachers who are in teacher training and they say they wish to work in christian schools. i.e Christian-only schools, not state schools.

I would think a christian teacher would want to work in a state school where a lot of children whos parents couldnt afford a private education attend...and reach more children that way. It maybe their teacher is the only adult in their lives who is the christian example to them.
 

phil36

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Feb 12, 2009
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#40
it is kinda weird how Ive met some christian teachers who are in teacher training and they say they wish to work in christian schools. i.e Christian-only schools, not state schools.

I would think a christian teacher would want to work in a state school where a lot of children whos parents couldnt afford a private education attend...and reach more children that way. It maybe their teacher is the only adult in their lives who is the christian example to them.

I'm sure there are those who choose to go into public schools but I don't think it is wrong either that they want to teach in a Christian school. Both types of schools need teachers. I thank God we have Christian teachers in private and public schools (y)