Husband HATES my family

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Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,432
413
83
#21
You need to stop leaking information to your parents. The more you tell them, the more they will dislike your husband. Parents and other family, are not the ones to discuss problems with. Relatives can't be objective.
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,607
425
83
#22
the first 'issue' comes from the scripture, 'What God has joined together, let no man put asunder'...

so, the CORE ISSUE is, 'was your marriage joined together by the Will of God', or was it
a marriage joined together by each of your own 'lusts'?

so, you have to ask yourself, 'is the 'foundation, sand, from the beginning, or is it
BUILT UPON THE ROCK of GOD'S PRINCIPLES???

in a Biblical Marriage, our 'first obligation is to our Saviour, our second obligation
is to our mate, and our third obligation is to our FAMILY'...

we are never to neglect one in order to self-satisfy the other...
the bottom line is, 'THE WHOLE GROUP NEEDS COUNSELING, FROM A GODLY PERSON,
WITH WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING', for there is no quick solution here for these
problems - there must be a lot of intense WORK for ALL parties involved,,.

Love God, with all of your heart, soul, and mind', love your husband,
and Honor your Father and Mother...
 
Nov 14, 2017
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#23
I understand I should of done better with the leaving and cleaving aspect of marriage, my husband has trouble with his anger, it's something I didn't see before we were married and living together, for a time i was very concerned with it but but in retro spect I regret telling anyone that. He's getting better with it. I just often feel his anger towards my parents is bigger than it needs to be. We live very close to them and are moving soon. I pray that helps, and yes he is Christian
 

student

Senior Member
Jul 20, 2010
936
56
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#24
Take care if anger becomes violent or abusive but trust God with it...trust God like never before and watch Him go to work in your life as well as your marriage
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#25
I understand I should of done better with the leaving and cleaving aspect of marriage, my husband has trouble with his anger, it's something I didn't see before we were married and living together, for a time i was very concerned with it but but in retro spect I regret telling anyone that. He's getting better with it. I just often feel his anger towards my parents is bigger than it needs to be. We live very close to them and are moving soon. I pray that helps, and yes he is Christian
My hubby was married before, and let's just leave it at the scars raun deep. When you lose at marriage, it's hard to expect the second one to work out, and you're not really looking at the vague word "marriage." You're checking out "spouse."

So, he had trust issues. (One of them was he kept expecting me not to return when I went to visit Dad, oddly enough.) I only know how to earn trust one way -- remain trustworthy.

Warning here: Not something that happens overnight. I mean I really have remained trustworthy, but he's taking a long time to believe it. It's something like having a pot of water boiling on an electric range. Very easy to see all those bubbles popping up. (I suspect you're getting that with your husband.) But then turn off the stove, and it still bubbles. I thought the bubbles finally stopped coming 30 years into the marriage. He actually got to the point where he was pretty sure I'd come back after visiting family. (At one point in time, we were close to losing our house, and I was deciding whether to ask Dad if we could move in with him or live in our car, and the car won, but he still feared I was going to stay with Dad. Funny! Bless his heart for years of trying to trust me though. lol)

Then a couple of years ago, he thought I might leave him for another guy in the same rehab center hubby was in. Another bubble.

Honestly, I don't mind he's like that. A bit disappointed my master plan (remain trustworthy lol) hasn't worked yet, but he's mellowed and is finally mostly comfortable that I'll stay.

I tell you this because our hubby sound similar. (Except mine didn't get angry. More gun-shy.) Keep sticking with him and taking his side, (when possible. Everyone who knows me knows I don't take side when friend or family does something stupid. They're on their own to deal with that, but I will stick by them as they deal with it.) Keep making sure you're showing him you love him 90% of the time. (I give 90%, because let's be realistic. No one can maintain 100% through years.) Keep noticing the good in him and encourage that to him. Support him as much as possible. (Sorry, honey. But opening a restaurant is just somewhere I can't go. lol) Be his Number 1 fan.

The first year really is the roughest year. You pretty much have to define zig and zag or you keep running into each other in painful ways. (Take that literally and figuratively. lol)

But here's the key. You know the verse that says something like we love God because he first loved us? Same thing in marriage. Love him with your whole being as much as possible, (90% is a good mark to aim for lol), and eventually he will trust you to be there for him, and will love you as fiercely as you love him.
 

student

Senior Member
Jul 20, 2010
936
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#26
Do you and your husband pray together? Read the bible together/have devotional time?
A strong marriage requires a strong faith. You can set the stage for this. If it isn't already in place. Communicate with him, a little at a time.

Jesus is the spiritual cornerstone, but if that isn't the biggest part of your life/marriage...it will suffer greatly.

"Righteousness will go before Him, and shall make HIs footsteps our pathway." Psalm 85:13

He created the path. Walk in it. It's not easy but it's the best journey. Be prepared to hit a few bumps in the road. But know that God loves you both and wants this to work, more than even you do.

We are seated in heavenly places


"And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus," Jesus is simply and profoundly your big brother. A family member you can ask for help from.

This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. Jeremiah 6:16
 
Nov 14, 2017
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#27
Thanks :)
I do know he loves me deeply, he puts me first in most things, I completely trust him, he would never cheat on me, and there are other good things. It's been so rough it's hard to see and feel those things but I know they are there
 
Nov 14, 2017
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#28
We used to, haven't in a while. I liked it when we did. Lately I feel we are praying for different things, I've actually felt far away from god lately. I would like to correct that
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
5,781
541
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#29
Sorry to hear about this painful situation but here are the facts as you have presented them.

1. If you and your parents believe that your husband if bad for you, then how did you both even get married?

2. Since your husband has now seen evidence that your parents don't think much of him, it would be best if they could tell him the reasons to his face.

3. If that is not possible, then the least they should do is write him a letter and explain their point of view. If an apology is called for then it should be tendered.

4. If the situation is irreconcilable, then Scripture is clear. Each spouse must leave father and mother behind and cleave to the other.

5. If you can't see yourself continuing in the marriage, then divorce is the only option, but after that remarriage is not an option.

So you are indeed between a rock and a hard place. But it would appear that you could have walked away from this before you went through with a wedding and marriage.
 

Huckleberry

Senior Member
Aug 25, 2013
1,634
53
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#30
My parents have expressed that they think he is bad for me, honestly that thought has crossed my mind. My husband looked through my phone and saw that my dad thinks this and he is now saying he will never see my parents again.......
Your husband needs to swallow his pride and
honor your family, which is also his family.
Your dad needs to keep his opinions to himself.
You shouldn't tolerate them badmouthing each other,
but if and when they do, delete the stinkin' texts!
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,817
107
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#31
My husband looked through my phone and saw that my dad thinks this and he is now saying he will never see my parents again
You really need to keep your conversations with your parents confidential.. People will express opinions to you that they would never tell your husband directly. That would seem to be the source of conflict, and now your husbands feelings are hurt. Imagine how you would feel if he relayed to you that his parents thought you were a horrible wife and not good for him? Some things should be left unsaid and don't need repeating, especially the type of emotional gossip expressed in the heat of a moment. Be sure to erase your text messages in the future :)
 

DiscipleDave

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2012
2,978
45
48
#32
Me and my husband have not even been married a year and are having a rough go of it. When we were dating and engaged he came around my parents, even liked them I thought. We've had a lot of bad arguments and my parents know about them. I can admit they have been too involved, but I always thought they tried to be very welcoming to him. My parents have expressed that they think he is bad for me, honestly that thought has crossed my mind. My husband looked through my phone and saw that my dad thinks this and he is now saying he will never see my parents again, and I'm supposed to be with him on the holidays so this essentially means I can never see my parents on the holidays again moving forward. I'm not sure if I can be happy in that situation, I am very close to my parents. And bringing kids into that? Idk. I know God hates divorce so I am trying to remedy things but my husband seems firm on his stance. What do I do....
Go to Church. Sounds like he needs God in his life or he would not be hating anyone.

Are you Christian?
Is he Christian?

Those who draw close to God, are they that God will draw close to.

If you or both of you are not going to Church, then in essence you give satan license to come into your home and try to destroy your marriage.

If he is not Christian, your main concern would be for his soul, and not who he wants to see or not see. He needs God in his life if he is not a Christian.


^i^

††† In His Holy and Precious Name, Jesus Christ †††

DiscipleDave
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,607
425
83
#33
preacher said,

"If you or both of you are not going to Church, then in essence you give satan license to come into your home and try to destroy your marriage."
we don't disagree, that satan will take advantage of every opportunity that comes his way,
BUT, every one's homes who Loves Jesus are a sanctuary, and satan doesn't have a leg=in,
if they are in obedience to His will,,.

this is an outright 'lie', our Lord and Saviour does and always, will come 'right into our HOMES/NESTS',
in order to minister and Call us into His Holy, Heavenly Ways'.and begin to TEACH us how to serve Him
in His Holy Ways.. it's never about the brick and mortar, but it's always about our true heart's desire...
 
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tlf777

Junior Member
Feb 21, 2017
9
1
0
#34
I'm so glad you came to this forum. You have already received a wealth of wise counsel! I have been married 8.5 years, and I do agree with the "leave and cleave," statement that has been uttered quite a bit here. My husband and I have had a pretty amazing marriage, but our few "tough" spots were those first few years "defining the relationship" that our parents would be able to have with us now as a married couple. One agreement we made is that we will not tell our families if we are having problems UNLESS we cross into major problems of infidelity, addiction (gambling, drugs), or some major health problems. If we have issues, WE deal with them, involve our community/small group at church, or go to another trusted couple. We didn't get married until we were 29 and 30, so our parents "had" more access to us for a longer period of time, and it was a harder adjustment. This IS something you guys can work through. :)
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#35
Me and my husband have not even been married a year and are having a rough go of it. When we were dating and engaged he came around my parents, even liked them I thought. We've had a lot of bad arguments and my parents know about them. I can admit they have been too involved, but I always thought they tried to be very welcoming to him. My parents have expressed that they think he is bad for me, honestly that thought has crossed my mind. My husband looked through my phone and saw that my dad thinks this and he is now saying he will never see my parents again, and I'm supposed to be with him on the holidays so this essentially means I can never see my parents on the holidays again moving forward. I'm not sure if I can be happy in that situation, I am very close to my parents. And bringing kids into that? Idk. I know God hates divorce so I am trying to remedy things but my husband seems firm on his stance. What do I do....
I’m not married, or ever have been. I am in fact that hideous thing known as “an old maid”. For what it is worth, your loyalty is to your husband first and foremost. Your parents have to adjust to him and accept him, not the other way around.

The Bible says to cleave to your spouse. You and your husband are one, a new thing, a new family. This is my take, anyway. Besides, your parents need to get over the idea they would see you on every holiday. I am sure he’d like to spend holidays with his family, too.

Husband comes first.
Kids come second.
Parents come third.
 

FrankLee

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2016
116
16
0
#36
In our family I was disliked by my in laws. They were Christians in name only. They were unfriendly in the extreme and never wanted to see us, even my wife their daughter. They were some of the strangest people I ever knew. All I could do was pray for them. They didn't even want to see our sweet children. One day they had been to see their favorite daughter then stopped by to see us. It was a shock. I told my wife's father that I felt sorry for him. That he had beautiful grandchildren that he didn't even acknowledge. He ducked his head in shame but yet never ever changed. All you can do is continue to pray. I pray you are baptized in the Holy Spirit and FIRE. Then you can pray with the power of the spirit.

Don't preach just love your man and pray. God will work if you don't push. I had to make myself go to see these hateful unfriendly people for my wife's sake. As a practicing Christian all our roads won't be smooth. Pray and continue praying. God help you and yours
Amen
 
Nov 14, 2017
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#37
What if his reasons for hating them so much are in valid? He gets angry so easily
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#38
What if his reasons for hating them so much are in valid? He gets angry so easily
Be thankful he married you, instead of them? lol

Of course he has valid reasons to hate them. They hate him. So what? He's not married to them and they aren't married to him. Let him deal with that issue. Our job is not to change our husbands. Our job is to love and submit to him.

Sure, we still love our family, but he is our closest family now. Really? I just went to visit family without him and let him know he was invited any time.

Of course, your hubby may not be invited, so up to you when to go visiting and when not to. You're not in the middle of this. You're on his side, without having to cancel out your love for you family.
 

student

Senior Member
Jul 20, 2010
936
56
28
#39
What if his reasons for hating them so much are in valid? He gets angry so easily
You are your own best therapist...what is your answer to this question? My guess is you have a perfect answer to fit your heart. And if I'm not mistaken, it's a huge heart.
 
Nov 14, 2017
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#40
Be thankful he married you, instead of them? lol

Of course he has valid reasons to hate them. They hate him. So what? He's not married to them and they aren't married to him. Let him deal with that issue. Our job is not to change our husbands. Our job is to love and submit to him.

Sure, we still love our family, but he is our closest family now. Really? I just went to visit family without him and let him know he was invited any time.

Of course, your hubby may not be invited, so up to you when to go visiting and when not to. You're not in the middle of this. You're on his side, without having to cancel out your love for you family.
My parents don't hate him, and he is invited.