I’m a new Christian ask husband for reconciliation

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danja

Senior Member
Nov 28, 2014
911
36
28
#21
I pray things get better for you .I am sure God has the best for you sister.Hugs and blessings
 

7seasrekeyed

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2017
2,912
197
63
Florida
#22
the op is only separated from her husband and yet is in another relationship, one in which she envisions living with a man who is NOT her husband but with whom she will never have a physical relationship and they go to church together so it is all good

now unless he is a eunuch, I don't see that happening

she says both her and the husband she is currently only separated from, have been adulterous, so she should know that is reason for divorce...unless both parties want to give up that life style, confess Christ and move on from there

for some reason, I am still not buying this...no offence...that is how I see it

something is not right here even if the op is sincere...telling her it's ok...go for the new relationship etc etc is flippant under the circumstances

something is off
 

7seasrekeyed

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2017
2,912
197
63
Florida
#23
Hello I have a question. Hope somebody can help me
I got married when I was 19 and my husband had a sugar mamma at the time I could have sworn he was unfaithful because of the way he was acting. I spoke to him yesterday and said if he had been unfaithful to me while we were together and he said no.
But he did confess he used women for money and gifts in exchange of I don’t know what. Since I just accepted Christ I’ve been reading the scripture and it says to reconcile he said that he could forgive me but we could never be together since it been 7 years since the last time I’ve seen him and that we are deferent people we both have committed adultery by now. He says he is also somewhat atheist but that he understands me. I’m so devastated. I don’t love him and I’m asking him to pretty much get back with me.he has said no. He was nice about it. I’m young and want children and to know that I must remain unmarried for the rest of my life has had me in tears for 3 days straight I can’t sleep I can’t eat. Please pray for me.ive met an awesome man who is willing to be unmarried and live a sexless life with me. He comes with me to church.

why have you not divorced your husband if you have been apart for seven years?

or why has he not divorced you?

don't be devastated. find out the rest of what the Bible says if you want to make the right choice

one of the right choices would be to get your life straightened out and that means dealing with your past marriage and husband with whom, according to your profile, you are still married

so, if you are so concerned about what the Bible says, why are you involved with another man while still being married and why are you considering living with him while being married to another man

so these are reasons why I am skeptical. no one should be telling you to 'go for it' with another man while you are still married and certainly not to live with a man and try to make us believe sex will never happen

come on. what is really going on?!?
 

notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
11,311
360
83
#24
Women are so complicated. The OP is newly saved and must take time to settle before making decisions of this magnitude. This is not something that you can just apply a band aid to and it's all better.

Counseling and good Christian counseling and more counseling is required. Ill advised stuff never ends well.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 

7seasrekeyed

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2017
2,912
197
63
Florida
#25
Women are so complicated. The OP is newly saved and must take time to settle before making decisions of this magnitude. This is not something that you can just apply a band aid to and it's all better.

Counseling and good Christian counseling and more counseling is required. Ill advised stuff never ends well.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

not so complicated really. depends on what kind of decisions you make I'm thinking

male OR female complicate their little selves...well not you of course :eek:

but you are spot on with the counselling if she can find it. and clear up one mess before you start another
 

Jessijess

Junior Member
Dec 28, 2017
14
1
0
#26
I love him so much. Today I cried and. I felt as if someone had died that’s how heart broken I wa
I ask god to guide me. I ask my still husband for reconciliation because I thought that’s what god wants
and he said no. I’m abstains from sex because I don’t want to be an adulterer according to him I failed the marriage first
and now he says he wants a divorce for sure. He says we are different people. Am I still guilty for that adultery? I just thought god gates divorce and I was forced into being with him or
being alone for the rest of my life. Many say I’m destined to hell if I remarry and some say to go for it. But I want god to be content with me.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
9,889
695
113
#27
I came to Christ about a month ago. And I’ve been reading the scripture and it says to reconcile. So I told him what my believes where
he said he understands but that there’s no way of getting back together. I’m abstaining from sex since coming to god so I don’t know where I stand. I’m not trolling I’m very new to this I posted this on another thread and was told to come to the family forum. But to clarify I left my home first because I was almost sure he was having sex with these women he now says he never did he just used them. So I guess I’m the one at fault.


Exactly which Scripture says to reconcile? Please put the address (book, chapter and verse) in this thread. The only verse I know about is to stay together with an unbeliever, if you both want to. I have a good friend who has been married to an unbeliever who has been prayed for since the day she got saved. And still, his heart is hard. We are leaving it to God.

He is a good provider and a loving husband. So, she happily stays with him. They both love each other.

So, because your OP was so confusing, perhaps you need to restate again what on earth you are talking about?? And if you are a troll, please feel free to close your account because I don’t have time for people who are here to troll.
 

7seasrekeyed

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2017
2,912
197
63
Florida
#28
I love him so much. Today I cried and. I felt as if someone had died that’s how heart broken I wa
I ask god to guide me. I ask my still husband for reconciliation because I thought that’s what god wants
and he said no. I’m abstains from sex because I don’t want to be an adulterer according to him I failed the marriage first
and now he says he wants a divorce for sure. He says we are different people. Am I still guilty for that adultery? I just thought god gates divorce and I was forced into being with him or
being alone for the rest of my life. Many say I’m destined to hell if I remarry and some say to go for it. But I want god to be content with me.

actually, you need to be content with God.

you love him so much? not together for 7 years...with someone else and you love him so much

well then..what are you doing?

you know, people on here do want to help those who ask for help or need help, but your op indicates either deception or someone who is very mixed up

since you are going to church, you say, talk to your pastor. tell him how you are still married but planning on living with someone else

get some honesty in your life whether or not the op is real

you are not forced to do anything. get some help from someone who knows the Bible. you do have options
 
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Depleted

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2015
22,166
479
83
Philly, PA, USA
#29
the op is only separated from her husband and yet is in another relationship, one in which she envisions living with a man who is NOT her husband but with whom she will never have a physical relationship and they go to church together so it is all good

now unless he is a eunuch, I don't see that happening

she says both her and the husband she is currently only separated from, have been adulterous, so she should know that is reason for divorce...unless both parties want to give up that life style, confess Christ and move on from there

for some reason, I am still not buying this...no offence...that is how I see it

something is not right here even if the op is sincere...telling her it's ok...go for the new relationship etc etc is flippant under the circumstances

something is off
The thing that is not right here, is you didn't read carefully.

She's not merely separated from her husband. The marriage has been over for seven years. Neither one had any particularly compelling reason to make it official. She had to find him to file for divorce. And, now that she found him, she's feeling guilty because she is brand new to the Lord and already learned what God thinks about divorce.

And, it's still up in the air if ex cheated or not. Sounds like he got money from women, but didn't have sex with them. Then again, that's enough for her anyway.

Also, had you read more carefully before bestowing your judgement, something is physically wrong with her, so sex is painful. So finding someone who loves her and isn't into sex does seem like a short-term answer. Seems like. But, she is very new to the Lord, (a month's time, since you didn't read carefully), so she's asking if she's thinking right.

And, once. Just once. Could you post something -- anything -- without it always coming down to judging others harshly? Any time you type one of two things is guaranteed to come out of your writing, if not both:
1. You'll judge the OP for something.
2. You'll judge other posters for something.

Never, ever about what you think. Do you only think in terms of how great you are compared to everyone else? Because all I ever see of you is you complaining about others. (And, truthfully, I have you on ignore because of that, and only check to see what you said if it can be hurtful to the OP.) Speaking of "something isn't right here." That sure isn't right.
 

Depleted

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2015
22,166
479
83
Philly, PA, USA
#30
I love him so much. Today I cried and. I felt as if someone had died that’s how heart broken I wa
I ask god to guide me. I ask my still husband for reconciliation because I thought that’s what god wants
and he said no. I’m abstains from sex because I don’t want to be an adulterer according to him I failed the marriage first
and now he says he wants a divorce for sure. He says we are different people. Am I still guilty for that adultery? I just thought god gates divorce and I was forced into being with him or
being alone for the rest of my life. Many say I’m destined to hell if I remarry and some say to go for it. But I want god to be content with me.
God called you and you came. What was the thing that brought you to him? Guilt? Real guilt? Sinful guilt? And you needed to be forgiven for that real guilt, right? First thing we do when we come to the Lord is to ask to be forgiven of our sins! (Repent.) And you knew you sinned, right?

And what did God do for you when you asked? He forgave you, right? So why are you back to feeling guilty about the sins you already committed? Not like any of us came clean to him. We were all unclean and he made us clean. Done deal! He did it! He made us clean.

So don't go back to sin he already cleaned you of. Yes, you probably did sin in those before-born-again years. Yes, you probably did commit adultery. Unless the only guy you ever made love to was your husband, you did commit adultery. Guess what. You're not alone! But that was forgiven. The guilt has been removed from you by the only one who could remove it. So, stop feeling guilty over old-self. You ain't her anymore.

You are a new creation!

And, yeah, that gets complicated, because who we were is so mixed up into who we are that we'll end up slipping back into old-self more than once, but the goal is the Lord, the ability is him too.

You want God to be content with you? Well, truth be known he sees you as perfect, because he sees Jesus in you. Jesus covers up the imperfect, so God is content in you. And He is also working to make you better and better, so it does fit who you want to be too. We're literally his children! And he's raising us up right because he loves us.

HE. LOVES. YOU!

But you're a brand-new kid. A newborn at 28 years old. You're still a babe in Christ. That's fine. His lesson plans are quick then. And you're doing okay, assuming you're reading the word, (which is safe to assume since you already caught onto "divorce is bad," which it is, but you divorced him with cause long ago, so that is justifiable to God even now, you just never got the paperwork done), you keep getting the basics quick enough. Just don't rush into another marriage, without at least giving the Lord time to ground you in him.

Now I get you love this new guy too. But seriously, if he doesn't love the Lord, it will be disastrous too. Going to church isn't loving God. Going to church is him loving you enough to go along with you.

I don't know how this current relationship will work out. I do know you're selling yourself short if the only thing he has going for him is he's not interested in sex. More importantly, if he doesn't love the Lord, he won't be your mantle. Your shield. Your safety net when all goes wrong. Unless he knows God and gets his strength from God, he's not strong enough for you. You'd be the one pulling the cart and dragging him along too. We're not that strong.

Who knows? Maybe the Lord will bring him to the Lord too. But, unless that happens, he's not the one.

I can tell you this much. My SIL decided to drop my BIL instead of marry him, because she could not marry a nonbeliever. Little did she know, BIL was a backsliding believer. The thought of losing her brought him to his knees and back to the Lord. And that is why she IS my SIL. It does happen.

Not usually, but it does happen. Meanwhile, don't shack up with him. He's not your husband.
 
Dec 14, 2017
408
2
0
#31
Hello I have a question. Hope somebody can help me
I got married when I was 19 and my husband had a sugar mamma at the time I could have sworn he was unfaithful because of the way he was acting. I spoke to him yesterday and said if he had been unfaithful to me while we were together and he said no.
But he did confess he used women for money and gifts in exchange of I don’t know what. Since I just accepted Christ I’ve been reading the scripture and it says to reconcile he said that he could forgive me but we could never be together since it been 7 years since the last time I’ve seen him and that we are deferent people we both have committed adultery by now. He says he is also somewhat atheist but that he understands me. I’m so devastated. I don’t love him and I’m asking him to pretty much get back with me.he has said no. He was nice about it. I’m young and want children and to know that I must remain unmarried for the rest of my life has had me in tears for 3 days straight I can’t sleep I can’t eat. Please pray for me.ive met an awesome man who is willing to be unmarried and live a sexless life with me. He comes with me to church.

May I ask what church denomination you have become involved with? Most church denominations no longer frown on divorce and remarriage, and some even allow marriage to multiple partners simultaneously! Of course, you don't have to answer ... and that is always a choice you can make here.
 

7seasrekeyed

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2017
2,912
197
63
Florida
#32
The thing that is not right here, is you didn't read carefully.

She's not merely separated from her husband. The marriage has been over for seven years. Neither one had any particularly compelling reason to make it official. She had to find him to file for divorce. And, now that she found him, she's feeling guilty because she is brand new to the Lord and already learned what God thinks about divorce.

And, it's still up in the air if ex cheated or not. Sounds like he got money from women, but didn't have sex with them. Then again, that's enough for her anyway.

Also, had you read more carefully before bestowing your judgement, something is physically wrong with her, so sex is painful. So finding someone who loves her and isn't into sex does seem like a short-term answer. Seems like. But, she is very new to the Lord, (a month's time, since you didn't read carefully), so she's asking if she's thinking right.

And, once. Just once. Could you post something -- anything -- without it always coming down to judging others harshly? Any time you type one of two things is guaranteed to come out of your writing, if not both:
1. You'll judge the OP for something.
2. You'll judge other posters for something.

Never, ever about what you think. Do you only think in terms of how great you are compared to everyone else? Because all I ever see of you is you complaining about others. (And, truthfully, I have you on ignore because of that, and only check to see what you said if it can be hurtful to the OP.) Speaking of "something isn't right here." That sure isn't right.


funny sound here...a lot of hot air gushing around.....
 

Jessijess

Junior Member
Dec 28, 2017
14
1
0
#33
So before I accepted Christ I had been in a relationship with the man that i I’m with now.
For many years I wanted to divorce my husband but to be honest we never got to it. Sound dumb but it’s the truth. When I realized that i was living in sin I told my boyfriend that i was going to be sleeping in delifferent rooms because of my believes.
He ended up living with me because he had nowhere to go. And i love him so much so I said he could stay with me. Now i have a condition that makes intimacy extremely painful. It hurts I can’t. When you have a pain like I do trust me sex becomes the last thing you want. I know it’s hard to believe but I have no need to lie. I understand that living with this man is not the most appropriate thing. But here we are and I’m trying to find a solution. He is coming to the lord. So I’m letting god take control.
 

Jessijess

Junior Member
Dec 28, 2017
14
1
0
#34
ive Been going on many forums and so many pastors say I must maintain unmarried or reconcile with my husband because god hates divorce. And if I do remarry I’ll become an adulterer. I told my significant other that there was a possibility I’d go back to my husband. I said that this was a process and that there was a chance I wouldn’t be able to remarry. He said he’d stay with me even if we couldn’t get married. Now I’m being realistic and maybe he has the best intentions ever but he might get tired of it. And if that’s the case so be it. But I do love him with all my heart. I shouldn’t be in this situation but here I am. And asking god for guidance and also trying to get guidance from fellow Christians. My husband seemed like he wanted a reconciliation but when I said I was a Christian he said no. Then he said to give him the divorce papers. Thank you for being kind. Even if you were to tell me something I don’t like if appreciate it. For explaining it differently.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,302
1,249
113
#36
So, if the guy you're with now is coming to the Lord, then he needs to find somewhere else to stay.. Living together isn't a solution. Part of the solution here is to divorce hubby, let go of your marriage, and move forward.

Your marriage is over. Kaput. No chance of reconciliation. Straight from hubby's mouth to your ears..
 

Jessijess

Junior Member
Dec 28, 2017
14
1
0
#38
May I ask what church denomination you have become involved with? Most church denominations no longer frown on divorce and remarriage, and some even allow marriage to multiple partners simultaneously! Of course, you don't have to answer ... and that is always a choice you can make here.
Well mostly online sermons but I’ve been going to reformed baptist church a few times. My brother attends that church and I haven’t spoken to the pastor there just because I was really embarrassed. But I understand now that I can’t. Because the lord had forgiven me. Now it’s just how to live accordingly.
 

Jessijess

Junior Member
Dec 28, 2017
14
1
0
#39
God called you and you came. What was the thing that brought you to him? Guilt? Real guilt? Sinful guilt? And you needed to be forgiven for that real guilt, right? First thing we do when we come to the Lord is to ask to be forgiven of our sins! (Repent.) And you knew you sinned, right?

And what did God do for you when you asked? He forgave you, right? So why are you back to feeling guilty about the sins you already committed? Not like any of us came clean to him. We were all unclean and he made us clean. Done deal! He did it! He made us clean.

So don't go back to sin he already cleaned you of. Yes, you probably did sin in those before-born-again years. Yes, you probably did commit adultery. Unless the only guy you ever made love to was your husband, you did commit adultery. Guess what. You're not alone! But that was forgiven. The guilt has been removed from you by the only one who could remove it. So, stop feeling guilty over old-self. You ain't her anymore.

You are a new creation!

And, yeah, that gets complicated, because who we were is so mixed up into who we are that we'll end up slipping back into old-self more than once, but the goal is the Lord, the ability is him too.

You want God to be content with you? Well, truth be known he sees you as perfect, because he sees Jesus in you. Jesus covers up the imperfect, so God is content in you. And He is also working to make you better and better, so it does fit who you want to be too. We're literally his children! And he's raising us up right because he loves us.

HE. LOVES. YOU!

But you're a brand-new kid. A newborn at 28 years old. You're still a babe in Christ. That's fine. His lesson plans are quick then. And you're doing okay, assuming you're reading the word, (which is safe to assume since you already caught onto "divorce is bad," which it is, but you divorced him with cause long ago, so that is justifiable to God even now, you just never got the paperwork done), you keep getting the basics quick enough. Just don't rush into another marriage, without at least giving the Lord time to ground you in him.

Now I get you love this new guy too. But seriously, if he doesn't love the Lord, it will be disastrous too. Going to church isn't loving God. Going to church is him loving you enough to go along with you.

I don't know how this current relationship will work out. I do know you're selling yourself short if the only thing he has going for him is he's not interested in sex. More importantly, if he doesn't love the Lord, he won't be your mantle. Your shield. Your safety net when all goes wrong. Unless he knows God and gets his strength from God, he's not strong enough for you. You'd be the one pulling the cart and dragging him along too. We're not that strong.

Who knows? Maybe the Lord will bring him to the Lord too. But, unless that happens, he's not the one.

I can tell you this much. My SIL decided to drop my BIL instead of marry him, because she could not marry a nonbeliever. Little did she know, BIL was a backsliding believer. The thought of losing her brought him to his knees and back to the Lord. And that is why she IS my SIL. It does happen.

Not usually, but it does happen. Meanwhile, don't shack up with him. He's not your husband.

Thank you sister for all your words. The lord k ones I needed them. I send you so many hugs from California to wherever you may be. Thank you so much❤️
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
9,889
695
113
#40
ive Been going on many forums and so many pastors say I must maintain unmarried or reconcile with my husband because god hates divorce. And if I do remarry I’ll become an adulterer. I told my significant other that there was a possibility I’d go back to my husband. I said that this was a process and that there was a chance I wouldn’t be able to remarry. He said he’d stay with me even if we couldn’t get married. Now I’m being realistic and maybe he has the best intentions ever but he might get tired of it. And if that’s the case so be it. But I do love him with all my heart. I shouldn’t be in this situation but here I am. And asking god for guidance and also trying to get guidance from fellow Christians. My husband seemed like he wanted a reconciliation but when I said I was a Christian he said no. Then he said to give him the divorce papers. Thank you for being kind. Even if you were to tell me something I don’t like if appreciate it. For explaining it differently.

I'm a pastor, and I am asking where it says in the Bible you "must" reconcile? In fact, most denominations do not look at marriage as something you must stay in, when it is over.

Your marriage is over. Get a divorce, move on. You married this man long before you were saved. It is a part of the many mistakes and sins you made before you met Jesus. You have turned over a new leaf, and that does not mean going back to a marriage long dead, and starting over, when neither you nor the ex want to.

Again, show me the Scripture in the Bible that says you must reconcile. The problem is you are listening to people, instead of to God. God does not expect you to find someone you are really not married to anymore, and go back to them.

Leave the past in the past, and move forward. Do not go back to someone you left, and who is asking for a divorce.