I'm a virgin with a non-virgin girlfriend, should I stay with her or go?

[JessicaMae]

I feel that if she is pressuring you to have sex, then you should break up with her. But you shouldn't base your feelings or relationship on the past, everyone has skeletons in their closet. Whenever she gets angry about your choice on being a virgin or gets mad whenever you mention her sexual past, she is probably ashamed and regrets it. And that remorse turns into anger. I don't think having sex and being a virgin makes people unequally yoked.

 

[XD005]

What we have done in our past we need to give answer for to the Lord. A man has no right to ask a women if she is a virgin as her past relationships are nothing to do with him. Do I think that you should be a virgin when you get married yes, do I think we steal and rob what the Lord has for us in having sex before marriage yes.

I think it is the Lord's plan for us to wait until marriage, she however is not subjected to have to give you any answer's.She is only accountable to you and to give answer's for what happens inside of the relationship she has with you.

The fact that you did ask her, tells me that this is a key fundamental important issue to you, and rightly so, I do however think your approach could of been a bit more tacktful because she know thinks it is a big issue, which it is. Should you break up with her, she is going to base it on the fact that she is not a virgin and we both know this will be the reason, but it will leave her feeling like she is less than anyone else because she no longer is a virgin. It will lead to feelings of guilt and so it goes on.

When we minister to people it is the wholeness of who we are, it is in every word spoken, every gesture done, and this is what I wanted to bring to your attention.

God Bless

While I understand your point, I beg to differ. I think it is fair to ask someone if they are a virgin if you are one yourself. I don't think that my approach was lacking in tact as I simply asked her if she was a virgin when I first met her. A simple yes or no question. She told me she unfortunately was not and went on to tell me that if I was going to stop talking to her because of that, I can. Etc, etc, etc. I just told her that it might bother me a bit but I didn't think that was a reason to stop talking to her as I thought we could just be friends at the very least but it ended up becoming something more. In fact, I wasn't even concerned about her virginity in the early days of our relationship. It wasn't until she would come up with opportunities to mention sex and her past and all the things she did with the dude that it became an issue. She helped to give me a "image" to accompany it.

She'd frequently say how he wasn't shy and they did this, and this, and then went on to insult me saying how it unrealistic to want a virgin at my age, etc, etc. And she'd always end our discussions by saying she dosen't regret it. That almost sounds like shes saying she'd do it again had she known I existed anyway. I think if she realized what she did was wrong, that would help a lot but again I keep repeating myself... If anybody is being tactless I think its more-so her but we talked about that and she dosen't do that anymore. But, think about it this way, had I been under the impression that she was a virgin and married her thinking she is and to find out later that she is not, it would have hurt a lot more than knowing first-off what I'm getting myself into. Additionally I believe that every decision we make has a consequence. If we do end up breaking up and she feels bad because of her past, thats just how it is. I believe that this is part of the reason why god tells us to wait. If we wait until marriage, we know that the person we are gonna be with has no sexual past before you (or at least a tolerable one), we don't have to worry about who pleases them better because they have nothing to compare it to, we don't get feelings of being inadequate, guilt, regret, or anything else for that matter.

 

[presidente]

What we have done in our past we need to give answer for to the Lord. Aman has no right to ask a women if she is a virgin as her past relationships are nothing to do with him. Do I think that you should be a virgin when you get married yes, do I think we steal and rob what the Lord has for us in having sex before marriage yes.

Paul warned the Thessalonian believers that God avenges when one fornicates and defrauds his brother. It is interesting he uses 'brother' in the singular to refer to the one being defrauded. Fornicating with a woman can defraud another brother. It is a sin against the Lord, but it also cheats other people. So it is the person being defrauded's business too. And one needs to be careful not to be defrauded in such an important matter.

In the Old Testament times, maybe a man could assume virginity, of course he'd be paying the bride price for virgins. But if she wasn't one, she faced the death penalty. We live in a very different society where virginity is rare. So it makes sense that the man should ask if he wants to marry a virgin.

It is a very personal question though, and one would have to wait to the right time in the relationship to ask. If a woman feels a man has no right to ask, the man can look elsewhere.

I think it is the Lord's plan for us to wait until marriage, she however is not subjected to have to give you any answer's.She is only accountable to you and to give answer's for what happens inside of the relationship she has with you.

If a woman answers that way, then the man can look elsewhere. If a couple gets serious enough, if a young woman is a virgin, generally I think she would be willing to tell that, especially if she knows the man has the good sense to appreciate that.

 

[presidente]

While I understand your point, I beg to differ. I think it is fair to ask someone if they are a virgin if you are one yourself. I don't think that my approach was lacking in tact as I simply asked her if she was a virgin when I first met her. A simple yes or no question. She told me she unfortunately was not and went on to tell me that if I was going to stop talking to her because of that, I can. Etc, etc, etc. I just told her that it might bother me a bit but I didn't think that was a reason to stop talking to her as I thought we could just be friends at the very least but it ended up becoming something more. In fact, I wasn't even concerned about her virginity in the early days of our relationship. It wasn't until she would come up with opportunities to mention sex and her past and all the things she did with the dude that it became an issue. She helped to give me a "image" to accompany it.

When I was dating, I think that would have been a deal-breaker. Of course, I was actually seeking a virgin bride, so I refrained from asking women out if I got an inkling that they were not virgins, anyway. Of course, I dated very little before I met my wife anyway. Do you think if she got married and you had an argument, she'd bring that kind of talk up again?

She'd frequently say how he wasn't shy and they did this, and this, and then went on to insult me saying how it unrealistic to want a virgin at my age, etc, etc. And she'd always end our discussions by saying she dosen't regret it.

If you take your faith seriously, why would you want such a woman to be the mother of your children. If she is a disciple, she should regret sinning against the Lord. If she hasn't has she really repented? Would you want to marry an unrepentant fornicator? If marrying a virgin is not one of your criteria, one of your criteria should be to find a woman who is unlikely to commit adultery once you are married. You should be seeking a woman who fears the Lord, not a woman who sins and does not regret it.

That almost sounds like shes saying she'd do it again had she known I existed anyway.

Known you existed? What about God? Have you shared with her what the word of God says about fornicating?

I think if she realized what she did was wrong, that would help a lot but again I keep repeating myself... If anybody is being tactless I think its more-so her but we talked about that and she dosen't do that anymore. But, think about it this way, had I been under the impression that she was a virgin and married her thinking she is and to find out later that she is not, it would have hurt a lot more than knowing first-off what I'm getting myself into. Additionally I believe that every decision we make has a consequence. If we do end up breaking up and she feels bad because of her past, thats just how it is. I believe that this is part of the reason why God tells us to wait.

In a sense that's true. But I think a more appropriate consequence would be you never started dating her after she found out. I think you'd do well to have in mind the kind of person you want to marry, a woman who really loves God, who if she sins, repents and tries to make things right out of her love for God... a woman who would be a good mother to your children and a good partner to you. You could have virginity, a perfectly reasonable expectation for a bride... which should be 'table stakes' if our culture weren't so messed up... on your list unless God says otherwise. At least if she's sinned, she should have repented. If I were single and dating, and there were a young woman who'd had sex with one other guy, and they were both believers, I might think the best thing for them to do would be to marry. That's how things would have worked in the Old Testament and maybe even 150 years ago in the US or England.

If you knew you were looking for a sexually moral woman, then if you started getting close to her and found out she wasn't a virgin, you could break it off then and just be friends before a nasty breakup makes that too hard. You could also try to exhort her to repent from her past sins, rather than seeing her as someone to date.

If you want to marry a virgin, but date girls who aren't, you are just leading them on, giving them one more emotional breakup scar to take their future husbands.

Don't worry about never finding someone you are attracted to and 'click' with. Don't you believe that if you ask God in faith with a pure heart, that He will answer your prayers?

If we wait until marriage, we know that the person we are gonna be with has no sexual past before you (or at least a tolerable one), we don't have to worry about who pleases them better because they have nothing to compare it to, we don't get feelings of being inadequate, guilt, regret, or anything else for that matter.

The 'nothing to compare them to' and inadequate thing weren't things I was concerned about as an unmarried man. I was concerned more about being one flesh with someone else. Also, it is important to have a marriage that reflects the relationship between Christ and the church like Ephesians 5 says. Keep that in mind when you are looking for a wife.

 

[HEknowsme]

Before entering a marriage with someone with a sexual past,it’s crucial to understand that salvation and forgiveness of sin are given tous by grace. "By grace you have been saved through faith; and that not ofyourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one shouldboast" (Ephesians 2:8-9). When we begin to understand what it means to betruly forgiven, we begin to see through God's eyes and how much He must loveus, and that helps us forgive others. To forgive is to let go of the otherperson’s past and see him or her as a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). Christdied for his/her sin, and the potential spouse now has to decide if the memoryof that sin can be lived with. This is where doctrine moves from thetheoretical to the practical.

In matters of forgiveness, it always helps to see our ownpasts in God’s eyes. Sexual sin is certainly grievous to God, but so are lying,cheating, bad thoughts, drinking/smoking too much, impatience, pride, andunforgiveness. Who among us is without sin and can “cast the first stone”?Before coming to Christ, each of us is “dead in transgressions and sins” and ismade alive only by God’s grace (Ephesians 2:1-5). The question is can weforgive others as Christ forgave us? Completely and from the heart? Being ableto do so is a mark of a true Christian. Jesus said if we don’t forgive, neitherwill God forgive us (Matthew 6:14-15). He did not mean that forgiving others isa way of procuring God’s forgiveness, which we know is by grace alone, but thata forgiving heart is a sign of the presence of the Holy Spirit in the heart ofa true believer. Continued unforgiveness is a sign of a hard, unregenerateheart.

We don’t live in an ideal world. Many times, a person raisedin a godly home and saved from childhood wishes to marry someone who was savedin his or her 20s or 30s and who brings to the Christian marriage a past livedaccording to worldly standards. While God puts our sins as far from us as theeast is from the west when we come to Him in repentance and faith in Christ(Psalm 103:12), people have long memories and forgetting someone’s past may notbe easy. The inability to forgive and forget the past mistakes of one of themarriage partners will definitely influence the relationship negatively.
Ask Christ to lead you and pray about this young woman. Use Jesus as your light and strength , and he will reveal
the woman at the well . John 4:1-26

 

[Christianrkchk89]

Even though he prefers a virgin.. He's said multiple times that it's not even really the fact that she's not a virgin anymore that continues to eat at him.. But more of the fact that she is not remorseful/regretful about her sin and does make hints about doing something with him although his stance is firm.

So it's not that the poster is dwelling on her sin constantly but wondering why she isn't more timid about it and acting as though she's asked for forgiveness and put it behind her.

 

[HEknowsme]

If she is not a Christian and he is , he has the opportunity to lead her to Christ. Being the example in the image of Christ, hence the woman at the well.

but Because she brings it up to him and he immediately shuts down the issue , she feels insecure that she will lose him. She's trying to figure him out; find out if she's wasting her time. Worse yet, she feels unclean because of her sin and guilt. Bringing her to Christ. if she is not already, is the great commission.

It is painful and uncomfortable for him and I know it is for her especially if she
carries the fear of never being accepted by him. Bringing up the event as in description or details is however, inappropriate.

The reality of it all is ,what is done is done. She needs to respect his concerns but in all truth it's not difficult. Lay this at the feet of Christ and watch God move.

 

[XD005]

Even though he prefers a virgin.. He's said multiple times that it's not even really the fact that she's not a virgin anymore that continues to eat at him.. But more of the fact that she is not remorseful/regretful about her sin and does make hints about doing something with him although his stance is firm.

So it's not that the poster is dwelling on her sin constantly but wondering why she isn't more timid about it and acting as though she's asked for forgiveness and put it behind her.

If she is not a Christian and he is , he has the opportunity to lead her to Christ. Being the example in the image of Christ, hence the woman at the well.

but Because she brings it up to him and he immediately shuts down the issue , she feels insecure that she will lose him. She's trying to figure him out; find out if she's wasting her time. Worse yet, she feels unclean because of her sin and guilt. Bringing her to Christ. if she is not already, is the great commission.

It is painful and uncomfortable for him and I know it is for her especially if she
carries the fear of never being accepted by him. Bringing up the event as in description or details is however, inappropriate.

The reality of it all is ,what is done is done. She needs to respect his concerns but in all truth it's not difficult. Lay this at the feet of Christ and watch God move.

Well, she is a Christian. I have talked to her about religion a couple of times although I have yet to talk to
her about what the bible says and fornication although I'd like to do that pretty soon to see where her mind is at now.
I've lightly shared my views on why I have decided to wait a couple times and I think they have gotten through to her cause I do remember her being somewhat remorseful one time we talked about it. Lately, I've found myself able to slowly forgive her as everyday it hurts a little less and less and I'm able to focus more on the relationship as a whole. Although she still mentions sex occasionally she doesn't talk about her sexual past anymore now its just about us. But again, I plan on telling her what the bible says about it and seeing where her stance is now that the whole issue with her virginity seems to have cooled-off a bit. Which parts of the bible exactly do I need to go over with her?

Additionally, she has told me that she thinks if she still was a virgin, it wouldnt be such a big deal to me
and we would have gotten intimate already. And I told her that it wasn't just that so I think she does feel somewhat insecure about it.
She used to say that she feels like shes not good enough and sorry that she couldn't be "perfect". And I recently learned that she spoke to her grandfather about being forgiven for sin, although she didn't specify which sin and I didn't ask but I'm thinking maybe my words did get through to her but the only way to know for sure is to ask.

 

[BuyMeAChicken]

I think that alot of the responses here are pretty presumptuous advice. To those people telling him to break-up with her? Bro- you don't even know them! Push the brakessss.

1. I used to be like you- only wanting another virgin. I've changed. I'm still a virgin, but thats no longer my standard. I've blackened my "wedding gown" in other sinful ways in my past, as I'm sure you have as well. Its just a different fruit. As long as someone is committed to trying not to repeat it, we can't judge them on that.

2. ^That is not to say that you two might have other issues. It doesn't sound like she is perfect in every way except this one little thing. Don't let one issue blind you to others that may be occurring.

3. Good on you for saving yourself. Its hard for sure. Best of luck combing through this slew of contradicting responses haha.

 

[HEknowsme]

Looking into scriptures you will find this to be very clear, 1 Corinthians. 6:9-20 It teaches that as Christians we do not behave as worldly people. Verses 13-20 in particular teach that sexual immorality is a sin against the body and injures the soul. The ultimate reason to abstain from sex before marriage is because premarital sex is sin against God. But there are other problems to consider as well. First there is the very real risk of pregnancy and STD's the second problem is the sin of fornication is the cheapening of your testimony. The enemy will use his attacks more and more and more as you have opened yourself to the ease of falling into sin again and again. Once you ignore the Holy spirit's move to encourage and correct the flesh it becomes easier to fall into the natural .
As one who has sinned before the Lord many times, I can only say Love each other and allow your relationship to grow. Pray together and let Christ lead you into a loving and committed relationship because when you move into a sexual relationship before marriage you begin to diminish the strengthening of other areas. Knowing each other involves so much. What are the goals in your lives? Are your ideals and ethnics of your lives the same ? Do you have the same thoughts on raising children? There are so many avenues to explore in the dating relationship as you prepare for marriage. Many divorces are the result of incompatibility-aspects about each other learned after marriage that were not explored in dating, because the two were drawn together and held only by a sexual relationship. A relationship cemented by sex offers a counterfeit completeness, a false closeness, which is often mistaken for love.

As a woman myself I have experienced many relationships that have failed. Feeling loss, and lost. It is a false security indeed in have sexual relations before marriage. I have regrets sometimes but that is the enemy trying to remind me and I lay this at Christ's feet. I am lead by the spirit into to first the following scriptures
[h=3]Romans 8:1-11[/h]English Standard Version (ESV)

[h=3]Life in the Spirit[/h]8 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.[SUP][a][/SUP] [SUP]2 [/SUP]For the law of the Spirit of life has set you[SUP][b][/SUP] free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. [SUP]3 [/SUP]For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin,[SUP][c][/SUP] he condemned sin in the flesh, [SUP]4 [/SUP]in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. [SUP]5 [/SUP]For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. [SUP]6 [/SUP]For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. [SUP]7 [/SUP]For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. [SUP]8 [/SUP]Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
[SUP]9 [/SUP]You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. [SUP]10 [/SUP]But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. [SUP]11 [/SUP]If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus[SUP][d][/SUP] from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you





[h=3]1 Corinthians 6:9-20[/h]English Standard Version (ESV)

[SUP]9 [/SUP]Or do you not know that the unrighteous[SUP][a][/SUP] will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,[SUP][b][/SUP] [SUP]10 [/SUP]nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
[SUP]11 [/SUP]And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.


[h=3]Flee Sexual Immorality[/h][SUP]12 [/SUP]“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything. [SUP]13 [/SUP]“Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. [SUP]14 [/SUP]And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. [SUP]15 [/SUP]Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! [SUP]16 [/SUP]Or do you not know that he who is joined[SUP][c][/SUP] to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” [SUP]17 [/SUP]But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. [SUP]18 [/SUP]Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin[SUP][d][/SUP] a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. [SUP]19 [/SUP]Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, [SUP]20 [/SUP]for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.



YES GLORIFY GOD IN YOUR BODY


BLESSINGS TO YOU BOTH

 

[Elizabeth619]

Love keeps no record of wrongs. If you truly loved her you wouldn't hold her past against her.
Have you ever thought that she may be beating herself up already for not saving herself til marriage? Then you sort of throw it in her face by telling her how important a virgin is to you. How is that love? Have you never sinned? Are you perfect and without blemish?

Besides, I find it rather alarming that you seem to be more worried about her sexual past than her relationship with God.

 

[hanna123]

When u go car shopping, do u look for a new car or a used car? Thats the way u should look at it. Do u want a car that other people have done who knows what in? I think sex should be reserved for marriage, but like some other people its to late for me now, like ur girl i guess. Pray and seek Gods will not ur own.

 

[XD005]

Love keeps no record of wrongs. If you truly loved her you wouldn't hold her past against her.
Have you ever thought that she may be beating herself up already for not saving herself til marriage? Then you sort of throw it in her face by telling her how important a virgin is to you. How is that love? Have you never sinned? Are you perfect and without blemish?

Besides, I find it rather alarming that you seem to be more worried about her sexual past than her relationship with God.

Well, I never said that I have not made any mistakes but I like to think that
And well in my opinion, thats a pretty important thing. I never said that her relationship with God was not important. I just didn't bother to mention it. But anyway, I think I'm doing a lot better than most people my age. I've never done drugs, I'm almost never jealous (I always try to catch myself as envy is a sin), I'm never cruel to anyone, I've never stole anything knowing it was wrong, etc, etc. And I had never even kissed a girl or really anything until I met my current girlfriend, if I really wanted to, I could have went out and found a girl to have sex with because everyone else is doing it. But I wanted to wait for my future wife, that takes a lot of self control. And even now I sometimes STILL find myself struggling not to give into my GF's advances. I understand she probably just wants to be closer to me. I don't think shes looking for a purely sexual relationship. I've heard her mention marriage and kids a couple times but I also feel like its too early to trust her completely so I'm still a little aware of her especially since if I did make my mind up that I wanted to stay with her, I wouldn't get her virginity back, in a way, besides doing it to please god, it almost makes it sort of pointless.

When u go car shopping, do u look for a new car or a used car? Thats the way u should look at it. Do u want a car that other people have done who knows what in? I think sex should be reserved for marriage, but like some other people its to late for me now, like ur girl i guess. Pray and seek Gods will not ur own.

My point exactly. When you buy a soda, do you buy one that someone already took a sip out of or buy a new one?
And that is the way I look at it and I'm not sure if I should be alarmed by this or not but I think her pressuring me is starting to get to me because the other day I almost caught myself giving into her. She was over and it was just us, not a good environment to be in. But anyway, I think I've got my answer. I think I'm going to wait a couple more months, talk to her about my beliefs, and see if she persists in her advances. I believe then I'll know enough to make a sound decision.

 

[allaboutlove]

Well, I never said that I have not made any mistakes but I like to think that
And well in my opinion, thats a pretty important thing. I never said that her relationship with God was not important. I just didn't bother to mention it. But anyway, I think I'm doing a lot better than most people my age. I've never done drugs, I'm almost never jealous (I always try to catch myself as envy is a sin), I'm never cruel to anyone, I've never stole anything knowing it was wrong, etc, etc. And I had never even kissed a girl or really anything until I met my current girlfriend, if I really wanted to, I could have went out and found a girl to have sex with because everyone else is doing it. But I wanted to wait for my future wife, that takes a lot of self control. And even now I sometimes STILL find myself struggling not to give into my GF's advances. I understand she probably just wants to be closer to me. I don't think shes looking for a purely sexual relationship. I've heard her mention marriage and kids a couple times but I also feel like its too early to trust her completely so I'm still a little aware of her especially since if I did make my mind up that I wanted to stay with her, I wouldn't get her virginity back, in a way, besides doing it to please god, it almost makes it sort of pointless.


My point exactly. When you buy a soda, do you buy one that someone already took a sip out of or buy a new one?
And that is the way I look at it and I'm not sure if I should be alarmed by this or not but I think her pressuring me is starting to get to me because the other day I almost caught myself giving into her. She was over and it was just us, not a good environment to be in. But anyway, I think I've got my answer. I think I'm going to wait a couple more months, talk to her about my beliefs, and see if she persists in her advances. I believe then I'll know enough to make a sound decision.

Better than most huh? Well you know what Gods calls you a filtyy rag just like the rest of us... no sins is better or worse than anotherf sin is sin an there isnt a destinction between who has sinned more or less

 

[allaboutlove]

Well, I never said that I have not made any mistakes but I like to think that
And well in my opinion, thats a pretty important thing. I never said that her relationship with God was not important. I just didn't bother to mention it. But anyway, I think I'm doing a lot better than most people my age. I've never done drugs, I'm almost never jealous (I always try to catch myself as envy is a sin), I'm never cruel to anyone, I've never stole anything knowing it was wrong, etc, etc. And I had never even kissed a girl or really anything until I met my current girlfriend, if I really wanted to, I could have went out and found a girl to have sex with because everyone else is doing it. But I wanted to wait for my future wife, that takes a lot of self control. And even now I sometimes STILL find myself struggling not to give into my GF's advances. I understand she probably just wants to be closer to me. I don't think shes looking for a purely sexual relationship. I've heard her mention marriage and kids a couple times but I also feel like its too early to trust her completely so I'm still a little aware of her especially since if I did make my mind up that I wanted to stay with her, I wouldn't get her virginity back, in a way, besides doing it to please god, it almost makes it sort of pointless.


My point exactly. When you buy a soda, do you buy one that someone already took a sip out of or buy a new one?
And that is the way I look at it and I'm not sure if I should be alarmed by this or not but I think her pressuring me is starting to get to me because the other day I almost caught myself giving into her. She was over and it was just us, not a good environment to be in. But anyway, I think I've got my answer. I think I'm going to wait a couple more months, talk to her about my beliefs, and see if she persists in her advances. I believe then I'll know enough to make a sound decision.

Better than most huh? Well you know what Gods calls you a filtyy rag just like the rest of us... no sins is better or worse than anotherf sin is sin an there isnt a destinction between who has sinned more or less we are all simply sinners who need Gods forgivness... an as far as your car/ soda thing she is bot something you can buy an own she isnt some thing she is a person a human being one that obvisoly seems to care for you though im not sure why an as was stated earlyer love dosent keep a record of wrong doing so sence your focusing on her mistake soo strongly you obvisoly dont love the girl an dont have the right to lead her on for a few more months..

 

[nesstendo]

You probably should try to avoid being judgmental if she is aware that she made mistakes in the past. Everyone sins, but if she repents, God will forgive her. If she now understands that both of you should abstain from sex until marriage, you should forgive her for what she did in a previous relationship.
-Nesstendo

 

[HEknowsme]

I'm so thankful Christ see's me beyond a car or a fountain drink. I have been used , abused , sued and lied too..
wouldn't this make a great hook for a worldly song? Ya know, I could take this and make this a "victory song"

Thank you Jesus and work more than the birds of the air and the hairs on my head are numbered.,
I wonder when I stand before Christ if will He tell me then, you are a used human (car), or your flavor is of bitter grapes?, and you taste bad. It's almost compared to the Samaritans in the days of Christ.
Would I drink a soda if I had saw someone else drinking it? I've been known to do this. Would I buy a used car. Yes, the mileage maybe high and the tires may need replacing but it runs well enough. Could I buy a new one? Yes, I could but sometimes what appears to be a good price maybe a lemon, who knows. The idea could go either way as
there are risks in all things. The unknown

If it brings you into sin by the temptations of her being persistent ,then by all means remove yourself from this situation.
Temptations and Trespasses Mark9: 42-43
42"Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if, with a heavy millstone hung around his neck, he had been cast into the sea. 43"If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off; it is better for you to enter life crippled, than, having your two hands, to go into hell, into the unquenchable fire,…

This obviously something that you are deeply distressed by. SO, with the love of Christ I say to you, peace be yours.

 

[Jeshuvan]

Hi,no long term relationship will do 4 God.Its absolute,no negotiating on it,marriage first,before intimacy.If u r looking 4 someone who is consecrated before God,that is wise.A marriage must be built on trust and Christ centered.But Matt6:33 Read it.Get yourself busy 4 God,he will always be busy 4 u,Amen.there r many woman out there that live pure,dont believe the worlds garbage and God is the best at finding them.Just pray,trust God,and when u find someone just like yourself watch their walk before God 4 along time,it will speak wonders 2 u.Anyone can talk a talk.Plus u r in a great position now,Its better 2 be single hoping and wishing u were married,than 2 be married hoping and wishing u were single again.U r young,take your time,wait on God.I didnt even date before my marriage 2 my Indian wife,I was absolutely sure this was a gift truly presented 2 me from God,afterall she was and still is his child first what would dating accomplish,I hope u received something from this.GBU John PM me anytime.

 

[presidente]

And even now I sometimes STILL find myself struggling not to give into my GF's advances. I understand she probably just wants to be closer to me. I don't think shes looking for a purely sexual relationship. I've heard her mention marriage and kids a couple times but I also feel like its too early to trust her completely so I'm still a little aware of her especially since if I did make my mind up that I wanted to stay with her, I wouldn't get her virginity back, in a way, besides doing it to please god, it almost makes it sort of pointless.

That's still dangerous. If she thinks having sex is normal for a dating couple, she either needs to change the way she thinks and acts really fast, or you need to not be dating her. If I were you and thinking of continuing the relationship, I'd quickly address the fact that fornication is a sin. You can talk about I Thessalonians 4, the opening section there. Deuteronomy 22:13-22, in the Greek translation made before Christ was born, tells of cases where a woman is to be stoned to death for playing the harlot in her father's house. The word for 'playing the harlot' is a word for fornication. It gives us an idea of what 'fornication' means, and it includes that sort of behavior, whether money is exchanged or not. (Some people would argue it only refers to prostitution.) She's a human being, and if she's a Christian, she needs to know not for fornicate. I Corinthians 5 and 6 warn against fornication. Hebrews 12 is another passage. The author relates it to Esau, who did not inherit the blessing though he sought it bitterly with tears. He gave up his birthright to satisfy a physical desire (in this case, hunger) and lost out on something even greater.

You could explain this to her from the Bible and tell her you are concerned with her lack of remorse over the issue.

My point exactly. When you buy a soda, do you buy one that someone already took a sip out of or buy a new one?
And that is the way I look at it and I'm not sure if I should be alarmed by this or not but I think her pressuring me is starting to get to me because the other day I almost caught myself giving into her. She was over and it was just us, not a good environment to be in. But anyway, I think I've got my answer. I think I'm going to wait a couple more months, talk to her about my beliefs, and see if she persists in her advances. I believe then I'll know enough to make a sound decision.

[/quote]

You are in a very slippery and dangerous place. When Potiphar's wife tempted Joseph, did he hang around and tell himself I am strong and resolute in my beliefs. She won't seduce me or make me sin in my heart even if she strips naked. No, he RAN out of there. What does the Bible say to do? I Corinthians says to 'flee fornication.' Run out of there. Joseph was in such a hurry to get out of the room, he left his clothes behind.

Don't trust yourself in that way. If the only thing keeping you from having sex with her is you not having sex with her, that's a dangerous place. If she is trying to get you to have sex, that is even more dangerous.

Do you want to marry a woman who would try to tempt her boyfriend to have sex with her? She could change and repent, but if she is still in this mode at marriage, what makes you think she wouldn't tempt her boyfriend after she has a husband? Maybe most women who fornicate before marriage, or maybe half of them, don't have affairs. But I would suspect the chances are MUCH greater for those who fornicate than for those who don't. The divorce rates are certainly lower for virgins.

If the attitude about sex doesn't change fast, you definitely don't need to be with this girl or else you could both fall into sin together. If you see that it doesn't, then dragging the relationship on longer is worse. I wouldn't wait weeks if I were you, not if I were going to see her in person. You need to find a woman who fears the Lord. That's something the Proverbs teach us to value. If she has a high tolerance for sin and doesn't have a tender conscience and a desire to repent, you shouldn't have someone like that as a wife, and therefore should not date her. She might change later, but that doesn't mean you have to date her.

If she repents (has a change of mind) about the sex issue, whether you want to date or marry a non-virgin may be the issue. But if she doesn't, the issue is you don't need to be in a relationship where you are being tempted.

If you do keep seeing her, don't go anywhere with her where sex could be a reasonable possibility-- e.g. a car alone, home alone, the woods with a blanket, etc. If you fell, what kind of witness would that be to her? You could do her a lot of damage and also sin against the Lord with yourself. You'd be making yourself one flesh with a woman who'd made herself one flesh with another man, before you were married. It's just not the plan God has given us for sex and marriage.

Also, you were concerned about what she would do to herself if she broke up. That is something serious that you have to be careful with. You need to make sure she has a good support network. But you don't want to find yourself getting closer and closer to someone and eventually marrying just for fear she would hurt herself.

 

[GOD_IS_LOVE]

Your problem:

I believe that sex is something that should be reserved for marriage or at the very least for someone you've been in a long term relationship with that your absolutely sure you could marry.

Sex is only for married people.

Her problem:

She has continually told me that she doesn't regret what she did.

Although having sinned is wrong, the bigger problem is her attitude towards it, which shows she's not really a Christian.
Watch out or she may drag you on a wrong path.