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Yeah I agree but I think that if your in a relationship with someone and you might end up falling into temptation,
it should be with someone you can marry as I personally believe once you get intimate, your obligated to marry them.
And yeah I have gotten myself into a pretty hard place.
I no longer feel jealous or like I'm being cheated with her though
and thats a bit of a bad thing as that was sorta like a defense mechanism
but I honestly don't want to leave her and am mostly happy with her besides having a inkling
of wondering what its like to be a girl's first which is something I realize I would be giving up by continuing to stay with her.
But I'm not sure is it really worth letting her go for something like that? I'm told that its better when you two learn together, the way god intended it. I'm told that you form a stronger bond and it causes less issues down the line as well but even though its only been 2 months, I'm just having a tough time making up my mind. Has anyone on here married a virgin and perhaps can give me any insight? But I suppose first I'd really need to see exactly where her head is on the issue.
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The Bible says God avenges all such who defraud a brother through fornication. It's in a passage written to believers. The Greek translation of the OT used in the first century, the Septuigint (LXX) which has a lot of terminology used in the NT. It was quoted a lot in the New Testament. It uses a word for fornication to describe the girl who loses her virginity by 'playing the harlot in her father's house'. Remember, she could be stoned to death for that.
This is no small matter. You shouldn't be having sex unless you ARE married, not just with someone you think you'll marry. Those kind of people can break up with you anyway. Is that what happened to your girlfriend?
Both of us were virgins, and I don't regret being a virgin at marriage or marrying a virgin. I never had the other experience, but it sure was fun learning together. We had a blast.
I don't worry at all about my wife cheating on me. I don't know if I could say that if I'd have married a girl who'd been willing to sleep with me or someone else before we were married. If you read some of the posts on the family forum from people who are cheated on, that's a really big issue.
This is no small matter. You shouldn't be having sex unless you ARE married, not just with someone you think you'll marry. Those kind of people can break up with you anyway. Is that what happened to your girlfriend?
Both of us were virgins, and I don't regret being a virgin at marriage or marrying a virgin. I never had the other experience, but it sure was fun learning together. We had a blast.
I don't worry at all about my wife cheating on me. I don't know if I could say that if I'd have married a girl who'd been willing to sleep with me or someone else before we were married. If you read some of the posts on the family forum from people who are cheated on, that's a really big issue.
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The Bible says God avenges all such who defraud a brother through fornication. It's in a passage written to believers. The Greek translation of the OT used in the first century, the Septuigint (LXX) which has a lot of terminology used in the NT. It was quoted a lot in the New Testament. It uses a word for fornication to describe the girl who loses her virginity by 'playing the harlot in her father's house'. Remember, she could be stoned to death for that.
This is no small matter. You shouldn't be having sex unless you ARE married, not just with someone you think you'll marry. Those kind of people can break up with you anyway. Is that what happened to your girlfriend?
Both of us were virgins, and I don't regret being a virgin at marriage or marrying a virgin. I never had the other experience, but it sure was fun learning together. We had a blast. I don't worry at all about my wife cheating on me. I don't know if I could say that if I'd have married a girl who'd been willing to sleep with me or someone else before we were married. If you read some of the posts on the family forum from people who are cheated on, that's a really big issue.
This is no small matter. You shouldn't be having sex unless you ARE married, not just with someone you think you'll marry. Those kind of people can break up with you anyway. Is that what happened to your girlfriend?
Both of us were virgins, and I don't regret being a virgin at marriage or marrying a virgin. I never had the other experience, but it sure was fun learning together. We had a blast.
I don't worry at all about my wife cheating on me. I don't know if I could say that if I'd have married a girl who'd been willing to sleep with me or someone else before we were married. If you read some of the posts on the family forum from people who are cheated on, that's a really big issue.
Yeah and its so funny because I was so much more strict on the issue in the past and now I'm getting all lenient.
Its honestly really hard to keep your hope. I'm worried that if I leave my gf that I won't even find a virgin who I'm compatible with. I reached out and met a couple people with no intentions on cheating on my gf or anything but just to sorta see how people are and it seems all the virgins want experienced men or something of the like. I'm going to try and get into some Church activities soon and hopefully there I'll meet someone if I decide to leave my gf. But I don't consider this a valid excuse as I probably had a tougher time in highschool with the same issue and I am thankful I did. And now that I think of it, I've had a lot of opportunities to be like your average guy where I've just walked away. I guess I sort of see what you guys are saying, and guys are typically weaker for the flesh.
But shes told me that in the past she was like me. At first she was waiting until marriage, and then the right guy.
She had a tough time in high school as far as meeting guys. She has/had really low self-esteem since high school.
She told me how she met this dude and he pressured her into doing it and after that they did it an additional 4 times.
I mean I probably could have let it go had she just done it that one time but it becomes consent if you go back and do it again. She told me how she could have stopped him but that isn't a valid excuse from what I put together from various other things she's told me, she would lie to her mother about where she was going but really go other places, likely to go see the guy.
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This was interesting to follow.. But I missed the whole part about OP thinking "sex with someone you'll probably marry" is alright. And I just can't understand why you'd stay with someone who cannot seem to honor your view of abstinence and continues to tempt you. And if you have issues at "2 months" most likely they don't go away but instead you find more the longer you stay together...plus you have a harder time parting ways at that point.
I hope you make the right decisions and for you sake don't give into her advances. That'll sure be a shame. You are only 20.. Don't settle just because.
I hope you make the right decisions and for you sake don't give into her advances. That'll sure be a shame. You are only 20.. Don't settle just because.
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Your right. I can already see myself starting to settle.
My whole attitude has changed. I need to talk to her ASAP and make a decision instead of just patching things up, rationalizing things. Someone told me if you have a piece of glass stuck in your hand, is it better to leave it or get it out as much as it might hurt doing so? I'm going to get my thoughts together and call her to discuss this tomorrow, no excuses and no procrastination. I remember her telling me that me waiting is rare and something to be proud of in the past but that was AFTER I told her I felt bad about being a virgin but I shouldn't even feel bad about it.
My whole attitude has changed. I need to talk to her ASAP and make a decision instead of just patching things up, rationalizing things. Someone told me if you have a piece of glass stuck in your hand, is it better to leave it or get it out as much as it might hurt doing so? I'm going to get my thoughts together and call her to discuss this tomorrow, no excuses and no procrastination. I remember her telling me that me waiting is rare and something to be proud of in the past but that was AFTER I told her I felt bad about being a virgin but I shouldn't even feel bad about it.
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So, you have never made a mistake? How would you feel if people counted the quality of person you are, and your worthiness and ability to be close and loving and loveable, based off of your past? Perhaps trying looking at her through God's eyes and not at her past sins. God doesn't hold them against her, why do you think you can?
I think a bigger issue than settling is having a standard of morality that is dropping or is too low. You aren't supposed to have sex outside or marriage. Sex isn't for someone you love enough to marry. It is something to do with someone AFTER you have already married.
I think you should pray and make your decision between you and the Lord rather than talking it out. Study the Bible, pray, and see if you get any specific direction for your situation. Otherwise, make a decision based on what you know of scripture, and tell the Lord what you are doing, submitting it to Him. Ask Him to change your heart or stop you if it isn't His will. You can also ask for advice while doing this, something you are doing online. It helps to ask advice from someone you know in real life who is godly and wise and knows the word of God, probably a married man with several years of marriage under his belt.
If you aren't sure what you want to do and talk it out with your girlfriend, you will likely stay together, even if you had a mind to break up with her. When you are with an attractive woman, your thoughts are different from when you are away from her. If I were you, and I was okay with being with a non-virgin (which I wasn't) then I would decide either her mindset on this issue will change (repentance) or we will break up. I wouldn't put it that way. Those are two separate issues. She is a valuable human being, so you want her to repent whether you date or not. I think what I'd do is share from the word of God about fornication and express my concern about her attitude about it. Pray with her for forgiveness. If she doesn't accept that, I'd tell her as much as I could, and be 'just friends'. That may not work, but at least it leaves the door open for communication. If you want to do that, you have to have some resolve before going in there, not make your decision based on your feelings at the spur of the moment.
Pray about this stuff. Don't just make a decision and jump in. Acknowledge the Lord in your decision making process, praying about it, praying for her. You can also make sure she has friends around her when you do this, not when her parents and best friends are out of town for example.
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If someone doesn't appreciate a person who has never been married being a virgin, there is something wrong with that person's understanding of sexual morality. You can try to teach her about it from the word of God, and if you persuade her, staying together might be an option. If I were you, though, if that doesn't work I wouldn't continue a romantic type relationship with her. There is too much temptation. You want someone who will appreciate your virginity, and someone who honors God with her body.
I think you should pray and make your decision between you and the Lord rather than talking it out. Study the Bible, pray, and see if you get any specific direction for your situation. Otherwise, make a decision based on what you know of scripture, and tell the Lord what you are doing, submitting it to Him. Ask Him to change your heart or stop you if it isn't His will. You can also ask for advice while doing this, something you are doing online. It helps to ask advice from someone you know in real life who is godly and wise and knows the word of God, probably a married man with several years of marriage under his belt.
If you aren't sure what you want to do and talk it out with your girlfriend, you will likely stay together, even if you had a mind to break up with her. When you are with an attractive woman, your thoughts are different from when you are away from her. If I were you, and I was okay with being with a non-virgin (which I wasn't) then I would decide either her mindset on this issue will change (repentance) or we will break up. I wouldn't put it that way. Those are two separate issues. She is a valuable human being, so you want her to repent whether you date or not. I think what I'd do is share from the word of God about fornication and express my concern about her attitude about it. Pray with her for forgiveness. If she doesn't accept that, I'd tell her as much as I could, and be 'just friends'. That may not work, but at least it leaves the door open for communication. If you want to do that, you have to have some resolve before going in there, not make your decision based on your feelings at the spur of the moment.
Pray about this stuff. Don't just make a decision and jump in. Acknowledge the Lord in your decision making process, praying about it, praying for her. You can also make sure she has friends around her when you do this, not when her parents and best friends are out of town for example.
[/quote]
If someone doesn't appreciate a person who has never been married being a virgin, there is something wrong with that person's understanding of sexual morality. You can try to teach her about it from the word of God, and if you persuade her, staying together might be an option. If I were you, though, if that doesn't work I wouldn't continue a romantic type relationship with her. There is too much temptation. You want someone who will appreciate your virginity, and someone who honors God with her body.
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If someone doesn't appreciate a person who has never been married being a virgin, there is something wrong with that person's understanding of sexual morality. You can try to teach her about it from the word of God, and if you persuade her, staying together might be an option. If I were you, though, if that doesn't work I wouldn't continue a romantic type relationship with her. There is too much temptation. You want someone who will appreciate your virginity, and someone who honors God with her body.[/QUOTE]
Yeah. I told her two days ago that I wanted to discuss sexual immorality and the like with her but I just told her "a section of the bible". She asked me if it had to do with sex and she told me it makes her sad to talk about sex and if we could discuss it at a later time. But I've been really reading the bible more and more lately and I've sort of back-slid and stepped back to where I was before. It hurts knowing I won't be her first, that we can't have a "learning" experience. At least I know why though. Unfortunately, I don't have anyone in my life, not a single person that truly understands where I'm coming from that I can talk to for advice. Both my parents have just told me that, this is the way the world is now. Nothing you can do about it. And that being pretty much all they said. My cousin didn't do anything but tell me to go ahead and get intimate with her and talk about how many times she has "done it".
I mean I try and look at things the way god does but then I see couples that have
saved themselves for each other and just "click" so wonderfully. God knows the desires of your heart so I don't see why he would allow it to work that way for other people, but not me. I don't understand why I can't have that but so many other people have. But I'm getting a bit off-subject. Its possible that god may have put my gf in my life for another reason. Perhaps I was meant to bring her closer to him or I dunno. I understand that now. While I am thankful for the time I've been able to spend with her and the things we've shared, it will indeed be a challenge getting over her as I just don't see how I could drop the virginity thing. It really is kind of sad because had it not been for this issue, we'd be a perfect match.
As I have talked to her about her other beliefs and we believe the same thing. But again, I'm getting off subject. Thanks for the answers everyone by the way. Even the not so constructive ones.
Yeah. I told her two days ago that I wanted to discuss sexual immorality and the like with her but I just told her "a section of the bible". She asked me if it had to do with sex and she told me it makes her sad to talk about sex and if we could discuss it at a later time. But I've been really reading the bible more and more lately and I've sort of back-slid and stepped back to where I was before. It hurts knowing I won't be her first, that we can't have a "learning" experience. At least I know why though. Unfortunately, I don't have anyone in my life, not a single person that truly understands where I'm coming from that I can talk to for advice. Both my parents have just told me that, this is the way the world is now. Nothing you can do about it. And that being pretty much all they said. My cousin didn't do anything but tell me to go ahead and get intimate with her and talk about how many times she has "done it".
I mean I try and look at things the way god does but then I see couples that have
saved themselves for each other and just "click" so wonderfully. God knows the desires of your heart so I don't see why he would allow it to work that way for other people, but not me. I don't understand why I can't have that but so many other people have. But I'm getting a bit off-subject. Its possible that god may have put my gf in my life for another reason. Perhaps I was meant to bring her closer to him or I dunno. I understand that now. While I am thankful for the time I've been able to spend with her and the things we've shared, it will indeed be a challenge getting over her as I just don't see how I could drop the virginity thing. It really is kind of sad because had it not been for this issue, we'd be a perfect match.
As I have talked to her about her other beliefs and we believe the same thing. But again, I'm getting off subject. Thanks for the answers everyone by the way. Even the not so constructive ones.
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I'm not going to articulate all the different aspects of Christian life and sex to try and convince you otherwise. I'm just going to give you the facts and put it all down to earth as quickly and efficiently as I can.
First thing, if you're interested in other people's past, and she's repentant of her past life - she doesn't deserve you. God has forgotten her sin and put them as far as the east is from the west. You are just bringing back sin that was nailed to the cross of Jesus and pinning the accountability back on her. He will restore her marriage bed, and when she finds her husband she will feel just as beautiful as she would have even if she didn't sin, because there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. If you don't want to be that man because you're concerned about her walk in the flesh, leave her. Let her find someone who loves her for the redemption that Christ gave.
If that's all there is to it - you don't need to read anything else I have to say. You should already be on the phone to her so that you can find one of your perfect virgin women. (I'm not mocking you, if that's seriously your thing, do it.)
If you are ready to move on with her in your walks with Christ, and that's a big if because Jesus has forgiven her. You need to decide to move on as well. You need to understand that you've sinned in just as many ways and you are no more righteous than she is. You've undressed women in your mind, and that would put your heart in the same judgement seat as her if both of you were not already redeemed through Christ.
That's all I have to say.
First thing, if you're interested in other people's past, and she's repentant of her past life - she doesn't deserve you. God has forgotten her sin and put them as far as the east is from the west. You are just bringing back sin that was nailed to the cross of Jesus and pinning the accountability back on her. He will restore her marriage bed, and when she finds her husband she will feel just as beautiful as she would have even if she didn't sin, because there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. If you don't want to be that man because you're concerned about her walk in the flesh, leave her. Let her find someone who loves her for the redemption that Christ gave.
If that's all there is to it - you don't need to read anything else I have to say. You should already be on the phone to her so that you can find one of your perfect virgin women. (I'm not mocking you, if that's seriously your thing, do it.)
If you are ready to move on with her in your walks with Christ, and that's a big if because Jesus has forgiven her. You need to decide to move on as well. You need to understand that you've sinned in just as many ways and you are no more righteous than she is. You've undressed women in your mind, and that would put your heart in the same judgement seat as her if both of you were not already redeemed through Christ.
That's all I have to say.
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Firstly, I'm not god. I've been asking God to show me what it is he wants me to do.
This is not an issue you can just snap your fingers and not care about anymore. If it was, I'd gladly take that option.
I realize that people do make mistakes. I never said I was perfect, I'm no saint. But when I said that I believe I've made better choices than your average person, I'm saying that I try to do the right thing. I've seen so many people who constantly do what they know to be wrong and immoral and somehow end up with all the blessings. But God says the wealth of the wicked will be stored up for the righteous. She is a very beautiful and amazing person. I never said this makes her any less beautiful but more-so all the more reason for it to bug me. To know that you have this girl who seems to be perfect in every other way. You've spent your life protecting and sharing a gift you intend to give her on the wedding night and some guy pops into the picture and steals and ruins what we could/would have been able to share. It isn't completely about me either. In a way I guess you can say I can almost feel her pain. I can tell it bothers her as of recently she seems to have sorta backed off. And I'm more so just mad that someone exploited her. But, I know it isn't coming back and there isn't a thing I can do about it but pray. I understand that there isn't anything that can be done to restore her virginity but I've thought about it and praying might just help as there is nothing outside of God's power. Well maybe not restore it but "wash" away what has been done if that makes any sense. I dunno. But I just want you to understand why this is such a challenge for me. Call me melodramatic, I probably am.
This is not an issue you can just snap your fingers and not care about anymore. If it was, I'd gladly take that option.
I realize that people do make mistakes. I never said I was perfect, I'm no saint. But when I said that I believe I've made better choices than your average person, I'm saying that I try to do the right thing. I've seen so many people who constantly do what they know to be wrong and immoral and somehow end up with all the blessings. But God says the wealth of the wicked will be stored up for the righteous. She is a very beautiful and amazing person. I never said this makes her any less beautiful but more-so all the more reason for it to bug me. To know that you have this girl who seems to be perfect in every other way. You've spent your life protecting and sharing a gift you intend to give her on the wedding night and some guy pops into the picture and steals and ruins what we could/would have been able to share. It isn't completely about me either. In a way I guess you can say I can almost feel her pain. I can tell it bothers her as of recently she seems to have sorta backed off. And I'm more so just mad that someone exploited her. But, I know it isn't coming back and there isn't a thing I can do about it but pray. I understand that there isn't anything that can be done to restore her virginity but I've thought about it and praying might just help as there is nothing outside of God's power. Well maybe not restore it but "wash" away what has been done if that makes any sense. I dunno. But I just want you to understand why this is such a challenge for me. Call me melodramatic, I probably am.
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Disregard my previous post I was upset and was a bit out of line.
But anyway, we had an argument today and I decided to address all of my feelings.
I'll write an abridged log of what was said. So today I was depressed not much about the fact that she
wasn't a virgin but more so because of how so many people think sex is nothing and do it for fun.
My cousin had talked about me for wanting to wait and how I'm not going to get 100% of a person.
Sadly she might be right. But anyway my gf asked me why I sad, and I told her. Keep in mind, I didn't mention her not being a virgin, she did on her own.
So, at this point, I'm not sure what to do. We're taking a break at the moment from the relationship so its all sort up
in the air. I don't get any real supportive vibes from her and I feel as though she isn't really any diffirent from the rest of the population. She never even really showed any real remorse in the discussion, even after I told her why God made sex pleasurable or how it in a sense "super-glues" people together at the level of the soul. I neglected to tell her about the stoning part and all since I know she'd just get worse at that point and it was somewhat irrelevent.
But anyway, we had an argument today and I decided to address all of my feelings.
I'll write an abridged log of what was said. So today I was depressed not much about the fact that she
wasn't a virgin but more so because of how so many people think sex is nothing and do it for fun.
My cousin had talked about me for wanting to wait and how I'm not going to get 100% of a person.
Sadly she might be right. But anyway my gf asked me why I sad, and I told her. Keep in mind, I didn't mention her not being a virgin, she did on her own.
So, at this point, I'm not sure what to do. We're taking a break at the moment from the relationship so its all sort up
in the air. I don't get any real supportive vibes from her and I feel as though she isn't really any diffirent from the rest of the population. She never even really showed any real remorse in the discussion, even after I told her why God made sex pleasurable or how it in a sense "super-glues" people together at the level of the soul. I neglected to tell her about the stoning part and all since I know she'd just get worse at that point and it was somewhat irrelevent.
I know you are a Christian and you are trying to do the right thing. It is commendable that you are trying to save yourself for marriage.However, I have to totally agree with what this person said. If god has forgiven this lady , and the bible says
" as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us" It seems God has forgiven her, but you are putting this past fall/sin before her...It is really not fair, no matter what people say on hear. If you fall, assuming you are living a pure holy life, would you want God or anyone to always remember that and hold that above your head. If everything is perfect about her, except this past sin that God has forgiven her for, I do not understand why you want to dump her. As long as she is willing to wait until she's married..I dont see the big issue?? We are not perfect, if you lust for a woman in your mind...JESUS SAYS you have already committed adultery with her. Not trying to be hard on you, but I understand that a lot of your inner insecurities come from the fact that you are a virgin. Basically, there is a lot of things you dont understand about sex. Even if you marry a virgin, there will be times in your marriage when you need to forget your spouse's shortcomings..because no matter who you marry she will not be perfect...and you will need to learn how to forgive and forget. If you do not know how to do this, this can be destructive to your marriage. As a married man, I can tell you that sex is a small portion of a marriage..it is not the main thing. You could meet a virgin..but she could have issues that dont make you guys compatible. Just think about it.l
" as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us" It seems God has forgiven her, but you are putting this past fall/sin before her...It is really not fair, no matter what people say on hear. If you fall, assuming you are living a pure holy life, would you want God or anyone to always remember that and hold that above your head. If everything is perfect about her, except this past sin that God has forgiven her for, I do not understand why you want to dump her. As long as she is willing to wait until she's married..I dont see the big issue?? We are not perfect, if you lust for a woman in your mind...JESUS SAYS you have already committed adultery with her. Not trying to be hard on you, but I understand that a lot of your inner insecurities come from the fact that you are a virgin. Basically, there is a lot of things you dont understand about sex. Even if you marry a virgin, there will be times in your marriage when you need to forget your spouse's shortcomings..because no matter who you marry she will not be perfect...and you will need to learn how to forgive and forget. If you do not know how to do this, this can be destructive to your marriage. As a married man, I can tell you that sex is a small portion of a marriage..it is not the main thing. You could meet a virgin..but she could have issues that dont make you guys compatible. Just think about it.l
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I understand that. I try to look at the "whole picture" but I just wonder why god has allowed it to happen this way for me.
I know a guy who happened to meet the love of his life in high school and got to be her first. I feel like I've wasted my entire life being abstinent when it ends up not even mattering in the future. What was the point? Besides pleasing god, I should have went ahead and did what she did. I dreampt of marrying that special girl and on marriage night, it being the first time for both of us. And to have wasted 9 years of my life on something that has taken a lot of will-power to keep a possibility and that I'll even go as far as to say I was a bit excited for and having it taken away from you is disappointing to say the least. I never said that I was a saint. I sin in other ways.
I know a guy who happened to meet the love of his life in high school and got to be her first. I feel like I've wasted my entire life being abstinent when it ends up not even mattering in the future. What was the point? Besides pleasing god, I should have went ahead and did what she did. I dreampt of marrying that special girl and on marriage night, it being the first time for both of us. And to have wasted 9 years of my life on something that has taken a lot of will-power to keep a possibility and that I'll even go as far as to say I was a bit excited for and having it taken away from you is disappointing to say the least. I never said that I was a saint. I sin in other ways.
Realize when you wait , or be obedient to God, it is not based on what others do. For instance, I give you a scenario. If a Christian man marries a Christian woman. That woman ends up committing adultery and has an affair. Question: Since the wife had the affair, is it okay for the husband to have an affair also? The answer in God's viewpoint is NO. No matter what others do around you..everyone will be judged for his or her actions. Now imagine if the man was you. Would you feel like you being faithful did not matter? And what was the point? God expects us to live our lives according to his word, no matter the circumstances and actions of others. You can PM me if you want for me to go into details of somethings I could share with you on a personal level.
Hmmm. Allowed what to happen for you? You made choices. You chose to ask this girl out or call her. She made choices. She chose to spend time with her last boyfriend and chose to do certain things with him. How can you blame God for that, if that's what you are doing?
Pleasing God is the really important thing. I know there are abstinence movements where they tell the young people if you wait until you get married, sex will be a special bond, and it will be better in this way or that way. Maybe it's true. Neither my wife and I had sex before marriage. But the important thing is that you don't sin against the Lord.
What if I came on here complaining about getting saved at a young age, saying if I hadn't, I could have experienced being a crack addict, or I could have secretly disposed of some people I didn't like, but now that I'm a Christian, I can't do drugs or murder. Boo hoo. You or other posters would, rightly, correct me for thinking that doing drugs or murder are desirable things that I should want to do. Sex may be a bit different since it is a basic drive with a lot of emotion behind it, but God made it for marriage.
When God created mankind, he made us a certain way. He created our sexuality, and He knows that two are to be one flesh. It is the way we are designed. Fornication causes us to stray from that way we are designed, and I believe there are numerous aspects to our lives that get messed up when we don't follow God's plan. If you date, have sex, break up, date and have sex with someone else, over and over, for one thing, you are defying that 'one flesh' plan God has for husband and wife. Another problem is what you do to yourself emotionally. I suspect that is why some people end up with trust issues and emotional scars.
If you are a virgin at marriage or a virgin at marriage, you aren't guaranteed a fulfilling and happy sex life. It may happen that way. It could be more likely to happen that way. But virgins who get married can face problems, too.
Something to keep in mind is that sex isn't just for fun, entertainment, and excitement like TV and the movies would have us believe. It is an activity that is designed to produce children. No birth control is 100% effective, even condoms. If you have sex, the woman you have sex with could get pregnant. Then she has a choice of having the baby murdered in the womb or giving birth. In the US, if she decides to have a doctor murder the baby, you have no legal right under a lot of state laws to prevent your baby from being murdered for the first several months. It's all up to her. If she has the baby, then she may choose not to marry you and so you don't have a say as to whether your child is raised in the optimal situation, a two parent home with his or her own parents. Waiting until marriage to have sex is the responsible, ethical thing to do. You have sex after you form the stable family unit with a woman who is committed to staying married to you. It's the ethical thing to do for children in our society.
It says on the left, you are 20. And you talk about wasting half your life, wasting 9 years? I don't get it. Do you define not wasting your life as having sex with a woman at 11 years old? You are just starting, just getting close to an age where you could marry and right have sex.
Pleasing God is the really important thing. I know there are abstinence movements where they tell the young people if you wait until you get married, sex will be a special bond, and it will be better in this way or that way. Maybe it's true. Neither my wife and I had sex before marriage. But the important thing is that you don't sin against the Lord.
What if I came on here complaining about getting saved at a young age, saying if I hadn't, I could have experienced being a crack addict, or I could have secretly disposed of some people I didn't like, but now that I'm a Christian, I can't do drugs or murder. Boo hoo. You or other posters would, rightly, correct me for thinking that doing drugs or murder are desirable things that I should want to do. Sex may be a bit different since it is a basic drive with a lot of emotion behind it, but God made it for marriage.
When God created mankind, he made us a certain way. He created our sexuality, and He knows that two are to be one flesh. It is the way we are designed. Fornication causes us to stray from that way we are designed, and I believe there are numerous aspects to our lives that get messed up when we don't follow God's plan. If you date, have sex, break up, date and have sex with someone else, over and over, for one thing, you are defying that 'one flesh' plan God has for husband and wife. Another problem is what you do to yourself emotionally. I suspect that is why some people end up with trust issues and emotional scars.
If you are a virgin at marriage or a virgin at marriage, you aren't guaranteed a fulfilling and happy sex life. It may happen that way. It could be more likely to happen that way. But virgins who get married can face problems, too.
Something to keep in mind is that sex isn't just for fun, entertainment, and excitement like TV and the movies would have us believe. It is an activity that is designed to produce children. No birth control is 100% effective, even condoms. If you have sex, the woman you have sex with could get pregnant. Then she has a choice of having the baby murdered in the womb or giving birth. In the US, if she decides to have a doctor murder the baby, you have no legal right under a lot of state laws to prevent your baby from being murdered for the first several months. It's all up to her. If she has the baby, then she may choose not to marry you and so you don't have a say as to whether your child is raised in the optimal situation, a two parent home with his or her own parents. Waiting until marriage to have sex is the responsible, ethical thing to do. You have sex after you form the stable family unit with a woman who is committed to staying married to you. It's the ethical thing to do for children in our society.
It says on the left, you are 20. And you talk about wasting half your life, wasting 9 years? I don't get it. Do you define not wasting your life as having sex with a woman at 11 years old? You are just starting, just getting close to an age where you could marry and right have sex.
Let's say you were single, and there was this woman on death row who wanted a husband. I told you that you should get to know her, then marry her. You said 'no, she's on death row.' I quote the same verses to you and say God has forgiven her, and you have sinned to. How dare you think of yourself as more holy or better than she is? How unholy it is of you not to marry that woman on death row. Have you ever hated anyone? If you have, then you have had murder in your heart. Therefore, you must marry her or you are self-righteous.
Of course, I'm giving a ridiculous example to make a point. But I notice in your post and in a lot of other posts there is a false dichotomy. If he has 'forgiven' her, he's supposed to date her. If not, he's being self-righteous. He has sinned, too, after all.
I don't think that is the right way to view it. A man can accept a woman who lost her virginity as forgiven and accept her as a sister in Christ without marrying her. If a man tells his fellow Christians he only wants to marry an Asian, a red-head, a musician, or a woman with thin, not fat upper arms, a lot of fellow Christian men will have the attitude 'whatever floats your boat.' But if he insists he only wants to marry a virgin, some Christian men (who may have lost their virginity before marrige or married women who did) will treat him as if he is being self-righteous.
For which characteristics do we have scripture teaching us that they are desirable? I can find anything about how good it is to marry a red-head or an Asian, a musician, or a woman with non-flabby upper arms (strong arms, maybe but nothing about arm flabbiness). But there are several verses that indicate that marrying a virgin is desirable, including one in the New Testament. If marrying a virgin were not desirable, why would Paul labor to present the church as a chaste virgin to Christ.
It is perfectly reasonable for an unmarried person to want to marry a virgin. It is perfectly reasonable to decline to pursue marriage with a non-virgin based on a lack of virginity. If you want to marry a virgin, and you meet a widow you find attractive, you can decline to marry the widow. Unless God tells you personally to do it, how could you be under an obligation to marry a woman who isn't what you are looking for?
If you were single and I tried to pressure you to marry a woman on death row, you have the option to decline because she's on death row. You can accept that she is forgiven, but that doesn't mean you have to marry her. And if you know you aren't going to marry her, you shouldn't have her as your girlfriend.
Of course, I'm giving a ridiculous example to make a point. But I notice in your post and in a lot of other posts there is a false dichotomy. If he has 'forgiven' her, he's supposed to date her. If not, he's being self-righteous. He has sinned, too, after all.
I don't think that is the right way to view it. A man can accept a woman who lost her virginity as forgiven and accept her as a sister in Christ without marrying her. If a man tells his fellow Christians he only wants to marry an Asian, a red-head, a musician, or a woman with thin, not fat upper arms, a lot of fellow Christian men will have the attitude 'whatever floats your boat.' But if he insists he only wants to marry a virgin, some Christian men (who may have lost their virginity before marrige or married women who did) will treat him as if he is being self-righteous.
For which characteristics do we have scripture teaching us that they are desirable? I can find anything about how good it is to marry a red-head or an Asian, a musician, or a woman with non-flabby upper arms (strong arms, maybe but nothing about arm flabbiness). But there are several verses that indicate that marrying a virgin is desirable, including one in the New Testament. If marrying a virgin were not desirable, why would Paul labor to present the church as a chaste virgin to Christ.
It is perfectly reasonable for an unmarried person to want to marry a virgin. It is perfectly reasonable to decline to pursue marriage with a non-virgin based on a lack of virginity. If you want to marry a virgin, and you meet a widow you find attractive, you can decline to marry the widow. Unless God tells you personally to do it, how could you be under an obligation to marry a woman who isn't what you are looking for?
If you were single and I tried to pressure you to marry a woman on death row, you have the option to decline because she's on death row. You can accept that she is forgiven, but that doesn't mean you have to marry her. And if you know you aren't going to marry her, you shouldn't have her as your girlfriend.
N
If this is that important to you, it's a deal breaker. You're right, most of us want those special firsts with those we love.
Also, people keep saying you won't find a virgin, but if God put that on your heart it will happen with who you are meant to be with, your God given wife. There are many more issues here than that. Also, I have friends in their mid-20s who are still virgins waiting til marriage. In fact most of my friends are virgins or waited until they were married. A person never regrets waiting after they're married after all! So yes, I don't believe virgins are as rare as unicorns because I know plenty. You need someone who has the same God-given mindset who will not pressure or take advantage of you when you're vulnerable.
Also, people keep saying you won't find a virgin, but if God put that on your heart it will happen with who you are meant to be with, your God given wife. There are many more issues here than that. Also, I have friends in their mid-20s who are still virgins waiting til marriage. In fact most of my friends are virgins or waited until they were married. A person never regrets waiting after they're married after all! So yes, I don't believe virgins are as rare as unicorns because I know plenty. You need someone who has the same God-given mindset who will not pressure or take advantage of you when you're vulnerable.
H
To me this young woman is not a christian and you should drop her like a hot potato. If she is disrespectful to you now ,it will be worst after marriage. If you have sex out side of marriage it would be my guess, she will drop you like an old hat, just to prove the point, you are not so holy after all, are you! Get out while the getting is easy.