Thanks for the answers guys.
What worries me is how will I know that we weren't meant to be together?
What if I'm letting the woman that was meant to be my soulmate go and god intended for it to be
this way. But at the same time I wonder why would he put such a strong desire in me to have a virgin?
I went to a Christian school for middle school for a while, and one of the students had been dumped by a girl in class. I remember him talking about it. "Why does God keep giving me these feelings?" He blamed his crushes on God. I didn't know enough to address that issue at the time.
Not all Christians believe in the 'soul mate' idea. We know it is not the case that God made exactly one perfect match for you. If that were the case, widowers and widows would not be allowed to remarry, and they are. Paul says of Christians who get married, "If you marry you have not sinned." He says to the widow that she marry 'whomsoever she wills, but only in the Lord." I had a Christian friend who said one time, "If you marry the wrong person that God hasn't chosen for you, you may have to get a divorce and marry the right person." She had this soul mate concept. What a horrific doctrine she held to about marriage! She put this soul mate idea above the word of God, though she did not realize it.
If a Christian man goes out and finds a Christian woman and marries her, and neither of them have been married or promised to another, they aren't related, and they marry in a way that honors parents, honors God, etc. it is not a sin. There doesn't need to be a bolt of lightening. You don't have to have butterflies in your stomach. You are required to love your wife after you marry. She doesn't have to be pretty or have the same interests for your marriage to be a valid one. Now, you may want to find a wife who has some common interests who you are attracted to, but that doesn't make her your 'soul mate'.
On the other hand, I do believe God can pick out a person for you to marry. I prayed and asked Him to for me. Abraham prayed that God would send His angel before Abraham's servant to find a bride for Isaac, and the choice of Rebecca for his wife was ordained of the LORD. That's great.
In my case, I looked for a wife who had certain characteristics, and I also prayed and asked if I should marry this woman, and if she was the right woman for me. I believe the Lord led me to her specifically. It may have been foreordained at creation. It may have been decided in answer to my prayers. I suspect it went further back than my first prayer.
I don't believe God has to speak to you per se for your marriage to be ordained by God in this sense. If you want God ot help you out with a specific woman, ask in faith.
I'm a bit conflicted as it seems as though god would have had me want a virgin to deter me from pursuing the wrong woman
but I also feel like it could be a mistake letting this girl go. Right now, we have agreed to take a break for 2 weeks so we can figure out what we're going to do.
I don't know that the desire to have a virgin is from the Lord, but it could be. You have two weeks that you can spend in intense prayer about it. The Bible talks about letting the peace of Christ reign in your heart. Sometimes when a believer wants to make a decision, he doesn't have peace about it. It can be an issue where he doesn't want to pray about it for fear that the Lord will say 'no.' I believe God can lead you through whether you have peace about something.
But you also have to be careful with feelings. Feeling good with a love interest is a normal thing. It is possible for a man to fall in love with an awful potential wife for a girlfriend, a drug addict, lazy, a fornicator, who hates children and old people, but who is really good looking, charming and sexy. That could happen. Feelings don't necessarily tell you the right thing to do. I'm not trying to imply your girlfriend is like that, btw. I'm just making a point about feelings.
I dated a girl for a little while. I kept thinking about breaking up with her. I just didn't see myself marrying her. I was leaving the country shortly, and there was just too much temptation. But when I met her, it felt so good to be with her, I did not break up with her. I even got more serious. If you hold a girl's hand or hug or whatever, and you are attracted to her, it feels good to you.
When you pray, see if you think the Lord is leading you one way or another. Pray about your desires and look up the scriptures related to those, e.g. about virginity. Tell the Lord why you think He may want you to marry a virgin, and tell Him why you think what you do about your girlfriend. If you are confused about a decision, talk to a more mature brother in the Lord. If the Lord gives you direction, great. If not, make a decision and tell the Lord what you want to do and ask Him to take away your peace about it or stop you if it is wrong. You don't have to make a big decision now, just whether to continue the relationship. You might also talk to your parents. Believe it or not, parents may have some insight, and they usually care a lot about their children's welfare.
I looked at a couple girls online and the virgins aren't quite what I'm looking for. But my desires are sort of specific and hard to find as I would also like someone tall and maybe has a couple common interests but I'm getting off subject.
I was uber-picky. There were girls other guys would say were pretty, that I ddn't find attractive. There were some celebrities that guys went gaga about, like Julia Roberts, Cindy Crawford, Drew Barrymore, that really didn't float my boat at all. I did not want a specific type of woman for looks, but just not every woman was attractive to me. And I didn't want a woman with chunky or flabby upper arms. And I wanted a wife with certain spiritual characteristics. She had to love God of course. Then there is the issue of having to hit it off. Your personalities have to match. And you need to find someone who likes you back.
If you continue with your girlfriend, you'll have someone you can connect with in certain ways. If not, don't be so glum about prospects. When you post, it says you are 20. Are you really set up and ready to marry at 20? Lot's of men have to wait several more years to be stable or emotionally ready. If you aren't ready to marry now, then during the time it takes to be ready, you may find the woman. There are billions of women in the world, and you have all those promises about praying in faith in scripture, so you can pray and ask God for a good, godly wife.
Common interests are overrated, IMO. Does she have to really like your sports? Do you have to like needlepoint and window shopping for women's shoes? Common faith and common values are important. Some common goals are important, like being on the same page about whether to have children and how many. Calling is important to consider. If he doesn't want to break a nail and you believe God wants you to be a missionary to a very poor place in Africa, that may not be a good match.
Also, try to find a woman who is anti-divorce who also embraces Biblical gender roles in marriage.
I keep saying this but what if I can't find anyone like her who is a virgin? Shes just so perfect otherwise. Additionally you guys have brought valid points about marriage. She apparently believes in sex before marriage as she has made suggestions to get intimate with me. So that'd be an issue right there, being on two spectrums. What would we teach our kids in that situation. There was talk of marriage though but I don't think she said for it to come before sex.
When I was single, a girl showing some aggression about getting sexual with me would have been a deal breaker. My stalker made a few comments
, but I never showed interest in her. There is natural sexual desire, and that's not a deal breaker. But a willingness to sin in this area with no morals restraining it, and all the restraint being left to the man, just isn't a good scenario.
It sounds like you tried to talk about the morality of sex with her, but it's a sensitive topic so you shut her down. I can see why mentioning stoning in the OT might be uncomfortable. I think it's a good passage to show how serious it is, followed by commenting on the forgiveness available through Christ. It is good to realize how heinous your past sins were, to appreciate what Jesus did and hopefully prevent one from wanting to repay the sins.
If her values are that sex before marriage is okay, then what about having other partners after marriage? What about teaching the children? What about staying pure before the wedding. You need to have similar values.
