Kids still at home help

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auntpoo

Junior Member
#41
Jan 18, 2018
13
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#41
preacher4truth said:
Also, not going to condemn you and say that this child is not God's will. God most certainly allowed in his permissive will for this to take place. Imagine some here telling this child the child is not of God's will! How unwise!
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I agree that saying the CHILD is not God's will is unwise. I believe ALL children are a gift from God but I don't believe it's his will for people to have children outside of marriage- that has to do with the parents, not the child. I'm not condemning the daughter, as I said, I was a single mom who was unbelievably blessed with an amazing son. I do believe He can turn any situation around and good can come of it.

P38mom - in light of your revelation of the sexual abuse, wow, there's a lot going on here and that sheds a lot of light on the situation. Is your daughter afraid that you're not doing enough to protect your son from something like that happening to him? Victims of abuse often become hyper vigilant and trauma changes thought processes. Trauma brains think very differently and to "normal" people, it can seem extremely illogical and be very hard to understand. I'm guessing this might go deeper rooted issue or fear here. Her criticism of you might be a cry for help, she might have things going on in her brain or with her emotions that she really doesn't know what to do with and can't cope with. It's certainly possible that is where it's coming out. It's also very possible that the trauma you experienced is affecting your parenting and maybe your daughter is seeing something you aren't.
I'm praying for you and your family.
 
I_am_Canadian

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
#42
Dec 8, 2014
2,518
859
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#42
Sounds like you made the same mistakes my parents made.
First of all your situation is pretty vague, it's hard to figure out where exactly you went wrong.
I would guess her getting pregnant at 19 and living at home means she is being deprived of any meaningful relationship at home, and I would assume her dad is not in the picture. If you made the mistake of sending her to public school than I assume that is why she is unable to survive on her own outside the house.

You should listen to her and take her advice, her mistakes have probably given her insight to where you went wrong and what you are doing wrong. Nothing is worse than a parent who can't raise their children properly and assume the government will do that at school. On the bright side, you can look at your mistakes and teach your daughter not to make the same ones you did, so her child won't end up in this situation. You should council with your pastor, there is nothing worse than a broken home.

P38mom said:
My 19 year old daughter is seven months pregnant still living at home and keeps trying to tell me how to raise her younger siblings help me please
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J

justsomeone123

Senior Member
#43
Dec 8, 2017
239
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#43
does anyone know what the word of God(jesus)says? and I mean Jesus not your pastors
 
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gdyloves

Banned
#44
Aug 8, 2017
315
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#44
I_am_Canadian said:
Sounds like you made the same mistakes my parents made.
First of all your situation is pretty vague, it's hard to figure out where exactly you went wrong.
I would guess her getting pregnant at 19 and living at home means she is being deprived of any meaningful relationship at home, and I would assume her dad is not in the picture. If you made the mistake of sending her to public school than I assume that is why she is unable to survive on her own outside the house.

You should listen to her and take her advice, her mistakes have probably given her insight to where you went wrong and what you are doing wrong. Nothing is worse than a parent who can't raise their children properly and assume the government will do that at school. On the bright side, you can look at your mistakes and teach your daughter not to make the same ones you did, so her child won't end up in this situation. You should council with your pastor, there is nothing worse than a broken home.
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what a pile
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#45
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#45
notuptome said:
What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive. You cannot deceive God. Sex outside of marriage is not an approved activity.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
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People are going to do it regardless. How many people calling themselves Christians are having sex while dating? The more you tell someone not to do something, the more they're going to do it out of spite.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#46
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#46
jsr1221 said:
People are going to do it regardless. How many people calling themselves Christians are having sex while dating? The more you tell someone not to do something, the more they're going to do it out of spite.
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The rebellious nature of the unregenerate man or woman. Where do the children learn these things?

God is good. God is always good.

Sin is never without consequence.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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Depleted

Guest
#47
#47
auntpoo said:
As a newer member to this group, I'm a bit disappointed with some of the responses. Seeing many of them makes me hesitant to seek support in this group. Anyone who wants to criticize the OP, I'd encourage you to read John 8:2-11.
I also agree that this is NOT God's plan for the daughter's life. If it were, fornication wouldn't be a sin. I'm not judging...I was a single mom and God absolutely turned a less than desirable situation into good.
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Actually, you've learned well. You don't want support from this group.

But you also confused me. Was it not God's plan that you became a single mom? Seems to me that's a bit like Joseph's life story. "What you meant for evil, God meant for good." Not saying whatever happened that caused you to be single was evil, but I am saying stuff that doesn't seem like it should have happened by God's will most certainly was God's will.

Not your typical plan, but God never does typical.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#48
#48
P38mom said:
AdolfHipster said:
I mean, the daughter got pregnant when she wasn't living at home. This may or may not be a result of the parenting (or lack thereof) of the OP. I'm not sure why people are so quit to make personal assumptions when she has literally only given us a couple sentences of information.

I'm still waiting to hear back from the OP...

1.) What are the pregnant daughter's criticisms pertaining to your parenting her younger siblings?

I have about 5 more questions off the top of my head but I'd rather wait until I know more.[/QUOTE
My daughter has been through alto at the hand of her father he was an ordained minister who sexually abused her from age 8 to age ten. She thinks I go to easy on her little brother .
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If I told you that you were going easy on your youngest, would you immediately accept that?

If your pastor said you were going to easy on your youngest, would you accept that?

I would think the first answer would be the strongest form of the word NO! (No, you would NOT accept me saying that. Nor should you.)

I would think you'd be hesitant on the second question for obvious reasons. You trusted another ordained pastor in your life, and look what he left you with. Why would you trust this one? And, I feel for you, because that really does have to be messed up to forever doubt pastors of all people because you married the worst kind of creep possible. BUT, this is close to a decade later, and what have you been left with? Where are you on trusting yourself? (I don't know. I don't need to know. But you certainly do, since you have kids to raise, and you're about to become Grandma.)

So, your daughter? Where does she fit in? I'm going with you definitely trust her more than me, simply because you know her, and you don't know me. Do you trust her more than your pastor? (Also don't need an answer for that. You do, however.)

I don't know your daughter. I do know she was emotionally, mentally, and physically destroyed at age 8-10. I also know she is 19 and 7 months pregnant. That tells me something isn't working right with her decision-making skills. And it doesn't bode well on her ability to make good moral decisions. (Don't know if she's a believer or not, so not guessing on her spiritual decisions.)

She might be right. There is only one person here who could judge that with any needed knowledge -- you. I've got no idea. BUT, I strongly suspect she may be the only person in your life right now who you trust to have your back, and specifically, because I'm assuming you were the one who had her back when she was 10 years old and told you (or you found out another way), what was happening to her.

You too were emotionally and mentally destroyed at the same time. You thought you had a good husband, and clearly learned he was the opposite of good. That had to destroy you as much as your daughter. And both of you have been in rebuilding stage ever since.

So, use that. Use that, check out your newly-built-gut now, and pray. Because clearly not one of us will ever know enough about what has happened in your family in the last decade to give you the right answer. But God will give you the way to take it from here, if you but seek him and ask for the help.

I don't know if your daughter is right or wrong. I know you need to know, because you need to figure out how to raise your children as they are right now. And the Lord will guide you. The Lord is the only one always up to 100% trustworthy. Trust him.

(And he will teach you to trust others better eventually, although that will be long and painful.)
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D

Depleted

Guest
#49
#49
jsr1221 said:
People are going to do it regardless. How many people calling themselves Christians are having sex while dating? The more you tell someone not to do something, the more they're going to do it out of spite.
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In which case, do NOT ever, ever, ever clean my house!

(Worth the try. lol)


(And, Mom? Always good to have a little laugh even in the hardest times.)
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#50
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#50
notuptome said:
The rebellious nature of the unregenerate man or woman. Where do the children learn these things?

God is good. God is always good.

Sin is never without consequence.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
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That's why unplanned pregnancy can be a result (although unplanned pregnancies happen in marriages all the time as well). If people are going to do things regardless, maybe the churches should start approaching things a different way. We are like students. Students don't respond to the same teaching methods. Teachers have to change their routines constantly. Maybe it's time for churches to do the same. That doesn't mean change their stance. There's a reason why, though, young adults are continuing to drop from the church. One person leaving your congregation can be just because he doesn't like the truth. But if you continue having people leave, then you're doing something wrong.
 
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P38mom

Junior Member
#51
Jan 19, 2018
6
0
0
#51
preacher4truth said:
Prayers for you sister. Not sure of the spiritual status of your household, but always turning to God is a good thing!

Also, not going to condemn you and say that this child is not God's will. God most certainly allowed in his permissive will for this to take place. Imagine some here telling this child the child is not of God's will! How unwise!

There were some in Scripture, one born to a prostitute, whom God used, and knew he would use before creation. Trust in God, be in church, follow Christ, repent of what needs repented of.
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Amen what people don't understand is that God opens and closes the womb and if child is conceived that child is definetly Gods will fornication is never his will but niethrr is murder thank you for supporting the positionthat children no matter how conceived are a gift from God . Also if my daughter had not been pregnant when she left her fiancé who was abusive to her she told me herself she might have killedherself so I thank God she was pregnant it has given her time to heal.
 
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P38mom

Junior Member
#52
Jan 19, 2018
6
0
0
#52
Thank you but so you know the abuse did happen 9 or more years ago but I didn't find out about it till almost five years ago when Was considering leaving him any way for verbal abuse of myself and all three of my kids so I often doubt my own decisions as was unable to see what was going on right under my nose and I married a pedophile so there you go. That is why I came here for advice I really didn't expect to be attacked thank you for trying to help and not immediately Judging as so many others have done here.
 
AdolfHipster

AdolfHipster

Senior Member
#53
Jan 15, 2018
221
8
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#53
Hrmmm... Are posts being posted out of order (timeline)? I'm trying to make sense of them but it's a bit confusing.
 
AdolfHipster

AdolfHipster

Senior Member
#54
Jan 15, 2018
221
8
18
#54
P38mom said:
My daughter has been through alto at the hand of her father he was an ordained minister who sexually abused her from age 8 to age ten. She thinks I go to easy on her little brother .
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I want to first say how sorry I am that this happened to your family and especially your daughter. I can give my two cents, but I sort of feel this is out of my area of expertise.

Have you sought counseling for not just your daughter, but for the entire family once it was discovered her "father" (he doesn't deserve that title) was sexually abusing her for a couple of years? Can you give a recent example of a time you went "easy" on one of your other children that she wishes you were more disciplined on?
 
AdolfHipster

AdolfHipster

Senior Member
#56
Jan 15, 2018
221
8
18
#56
P38mom said:
Thank you but so you know the abuse did happen 9 or more years ago but I didn't find out about it till almost five years ago when Was considering leaving him any way for verbal abuse of myself and all three of my kids so I often doubt my own decisions as was unable to see what was going on right under my nose and I married a pedophile so there you go. That is why I came here for advice I really didn't expect to be attacked thank you for trying to help and not immediately Judging as so many others have done here.
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Did you leave/divorce him? Did he serve any time for his crimes? Was your daughter believed when she spoke out about what happened?
 
N

nanacarol

Junior Member
#57
Jan 31, 2017
2
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#57
Maybe she is just trying to help in her own way. Yes, 19 is young to be pregnant but pregnant is pregnant. What is done can't be undone. With that said, now is the time to sit down and have an adult conversation and set boundaries. How much help is needed from each other and specifically how to discipline. It's very hard when there is more than one parent especially when one is the daughter/soon mom to be! Accept what is a move forward.
 
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P38mom

Junior Member
#58
Jan 19, 2018
6
0
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#58
Yes I left him sooner than planned when I found out what happened I am now married to a good man who treats all of us with love and respect as to criminal charges by the time I found out about the abuse we had moved to a other state and they said they had no jurisdiction to prosecute him and the state where it occurred would not move forward without an in person forensic interview with my daughter.as I had no money to return to that state he away with nocharges filed it is a travesty of justice
 
A

auntpoo

Junior Member
#60
Jan 18, 2018
13
0
0
#60
Depleted said:
But you also confused me. Was it not God's plan that you became a single mom? Seems to me that's a bit like Joseph's life story. "What you meant for evil, God meant for good." Not saying whatever happened that caused you to be single was evil, but I am saying stuff that doesn't seem like it should have happened by God's will most certainly was God's will.
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In a way it wasn't God's plan for me to be a single mom...if it was His will that we be single parents, fornication wouldn't be listed as a sin. I don't believe it was His will that I was having sex when I wasn't married, the result of which I became pregnant. That was a less than desirable situation because I think on some level I knew I wouldn't ever marry him so that's one big reason I shouldn't have been intimate with him. My son is definitely a blessing and he's grown up to be a wonderful man and he's experienced a lot of success in life. God definitely turned that situation into something very good.
 
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