Kids still at home help

[OneFaith]

My 19 year old daughter is seven months pregnant still living at home and keeps trying to tell me how to raise her younger siblings help me please

PREGNANT
Your 19 year old daughter is pregnant? Did she get married? Was she raped? How could this happen, and what parenting skills did you use to try to prevent it? I always know where my daughter is and what she’s doing. I told her “There is no such thing as privacy in this house- unless you are taking a shower, getting dressed, or using the toilet. I will go through your drawers, your backpack, etc whenever I wish...

It will be impossible for you to hide drugs, weapons, or bad behavior from me. It is in secret and in isolation that problems that are common to teens occur. Therefore, you will have to discuss temptations with me instead of experimenting with them.” She said she’s glad that I will prevent her from such things, and she has nothing to hide. She reminded me that she does talk to me about anything and everything, and that I’m not just a mom to her, but her best friend.

LIVING AT HOME
My daughter’s only 15, but I already encourage her to stay until she’s at least 21, so that she can save money and get a good start in life. But by staying she will be productive- have chores, a job, college, and show me her savings are growing. But if your kid is 35, still lives at home, and is not disabled, but is a shiftless couch potato, it is not good of you to enable that behavior.

Make it uncomfortable for him- he does the dishes, the laundry, shovels the snow, mows the lawn. He gets an allowance for doing so- showed to him in monthly bank statements- money that he cannot have a penny of until he has successfully lived in his own apartment for three months.

TELLING ME HOW TO RAISE MY KIDS
I don’t know all the details, but it sounds to me like you didn’t do good raising her. Even a child can point out obvious things- which can be good advice. Be humble, a child is just as important as an adult, as are their words. Just be clear that since you are their authority that they can give advice, but they cannot give orders. And in giving advice they must also do so with great respect.

 

[renewed_hope]

PREGNANT
Your 19 year old daughter is pregnant? Did she get married? Was she raped? How could this happen, and what parenting skills did you use to try to prevent it? I always know where my daughter is and what she’s doing. I told her “There is no such thing as privacy in this house- unless you are taking a shower, getting dressed, or using the toilet. I will go through your drawers, your backpack, etc whenever I wish...

It will be impossible for you to hide drugs, weapons, or bad behavior from me. It is in secret and in isolation that problems that are common to teens occur. Therefore, you will have to discuss temptations with me instead of experimenting with them.” She said she’s glad that I will prevent her from such things, and she has nothing to hide. She reminded me that she does talk to me about anything and everything, and that I’m not just a mom to her, but her best friend.

LIVING AT HOME
My daughter’s only 15, but I already encourage her to stay until she’s at least 21, so that she can save money and get a good start in life. But by staying she will be productive- have chores, a job, college, and show me her savings are growing. But if your kid is 35, still lives at home, and is not disabled, but is a shiftless couch potato, it is not good of you to enable that behavior.

Make it uncomfortable for him- he does the dishes, the laundry, shovels the snow, mows the lawn. He gets an allowance for doing so- showed to him in monthly bank statements- money that he cannot have a penny of until he has successfully lived in his own apartment for three months.

TELLING ME HOW TO RAISE MY KIDS
I don’t know all the details, but it sounds to me like you didn’t do good raising her. Even a child can point out obvious things- which can be good advice. Be humble, a child is just as important as an adult, as are their words. Just be clear that since you are their authority that they can give advice, but they cannot give orders. And in giving advice they must also do so with great respect.

Out of all due respect, she did not ask if she was a good mom or not and I find it disrespectful of you to question how she allowed her daughter to become pregnant or how to raise her kids. There is nothing she could have done and nothing she can do to change it now. Its not like she was in the room cheering them on while they were having sex. It just happened. She wanted guidance in how best to help her daughter understand she is not the mom of the home

 

[stand2]

The old saying "the family that prays together stays together"........When was the last time you and your daughter knelt, together, in prayer asking God (who knows all things, btw) to bless your family and this baby on the way. Have you asked Him for guidance in future plans or goals ? I am praying for your WHOLE family....will you pray with me for His strength and love ? AMEN.....Stan

 

[LiJo]

Why did u as a mother not take ur responsibility as s parent to make sure she has protection with her? Ur upset with her parenting views but hmmm

Demi,

I'm speaking from a Mom's point of view......as a Mom, I can teach my children all about taking precautions, but at the end of the day when your child is 18 yrs old, you really have no control of what they do because you cannot be with them 24/7. I've always told younger Moms, do your best, teach them what's right and wrong and pray for them!!!

 

[lovingladyo4]

There is a very delicate balance between what she is asking of you and what you believe to be the right thing. I think for starters there needs to be an understanding of how you are entitled to run your household, and how you desire to follow through with the best guidance you have to offer. Respecting your authority is something that needs to be considered even if she doesn't respect your approach to child rearing. If her requests violate your standards, or at least challenge them, then this could prove to be a prime opportunity to share with her just what you feel and why. It doesn't have to be a power struggle - who wins and gets their own way, but more of some heart-to-heart- and mom-to-mom conversations.

If you have made attempts to accomplish this already, then you have no choice to but to remain faithful to your convictions, love her unconditionally, and keep peace when she might not be capable of doing so. I personally don't perceive this as being a child rearing issue as much as it could be her defining the boundaries over her children and you being kept in your assigned spot.

This might be a battle of the wills - I could be wrong here - but this situation definitely warrants some "sit-down-and-let's-talk" time together and get to the real cause of unrest between the two of you. This can be resolved. It might take some time and effort on both your parts, but I believe you can come to a healthy compromise that won't send mixed messages to the children.

I hope and pray you find an inroad into her heart so you can share yours.

 

[kaylagrl]

excuse me she was living on her own at the time how is it my fault I can't make her decisions for her she is legally of age to make her own and this was never about her being pregnant it was about her trying to tell me how to raise her siblings also you call yourself a believer yet you want to interfere with Gods will betaking hormones the baby is not a mistake he is Gods will for her life shame on you

I'm sorry but I respectfully disagree. I understand that you don't want the baby to feel like a mistake and I think that's a good thing. But this child was not God's will for her life. This is just simply untrue. Sometime in the future,when she could afford to have a home and enough money to care for her child and a loving husband to be her support,not you. That is God's will for her life,not having a child out of wedlock,living in her mothers home without a spouse for support.Now,if she will allow it God can turn bad into good. But to say this is God's will for her life is just downright wrong.

 

[kaylagrl]

PREGNANT
Your 19 year old daughter is pregnant? Did she get married? Was she raped? How could this happen, and what parenting skills did you use to try to prevent it? I always know where my daughter is and what she’s doing. I told her “There is no such thing as privacy in this house- unless you are taking a shower, getting dressed, or using the toilet. I will go through your drawers, your backpack, etc whenever I wish...

It will be impossible for you to hide drugs, weapons, or bad behavior from me. It is in secret and in isolation that problems that are common to teens occur. Therefore, you will have to discuss temptations with me instead of experimenting with them.” She said she’s glad that I will prevent her from such things, and she has nothing to hide. She reminded me that she does talk to me about anything and everything, and that I’m not just a mom to her, but her best friend.

LIVING AT HOME
My daughter’s only 15, but I already encourage her to stay until she’s at least 21, so that she can save money and get a good start in life. But by staying she will be productive- have chores, a job, college, and show me her savings are growing. But if your kid is 35, still lives at home, and is not disabled, but is a shiftless couch potato, it is not good of you to enable that behavior.

Make it uncomfortable for him- he does the dishes, the laundry, shovels the snow, mows the lawn. He gets an allowance for doing so- showed to him in monthly bank statements- money that he cannot have a penny of until he has successfully lived in his own apartment for three months.

TELLING ME HOW TO RAISE MY KIDS
I don’t know all the details, but it sounds to me like you didn’t do good raising her. Even a child can point out obvious things- which can be good advice. Be humble, a child is just as important as an adult, as are their words. Just be clear that since you are their authority that they can give advice, but they cannot give orders. And in giving advice they must also do so with great respect.

The daughter is of age.The mother has no say now as to how she is to conduct herself.

 

[kaylagrl]

My 19 year old daughter is seven months pregnant still living at home and keeps trying to tell me how to raise her younger siblings help me please

You need to sit down with your daughter and tell her there are boarders if she is living with you. She doesn't tell you how to raise your kids and you will do her the same favor. When adults are living together this is what happens. And old saying probably not PC today but it says "too many chiefs not enough Indians." Simply put,this is the issue you're having.

 

[lovingladyo4]

Hello again - this is lovingladyo - I made a typo and wanted to correct it. The sentence that says:

Respecting your authority is something that needs to be considered even if she doesn't respect your approach to child rearing

should really read

Respecting your authority is something that needs to be considered even if she doesn't agree with your approach to child rearing.

Thank you!

 

[tourist]

PREGNANT
Your 19 year old daughter is pregnant? Did she get married? Was she raped? How could this happen, and what parenting skills did you use to try to prevent it? I always know where my daughter is and what she’s doing. I told her “There is no such thing as privacy in this house- unless you are taking a shower, getting dressed, or using the toilet. I will go through your drawers, your backpack, etc whenever I wish...

It will be impossible for you to hide drugs, weapons, or bad behavior from me. It is in secret and in isolation that problems that are common to teens occur. Therefore, you will have to discuss temptations with me instead of experimenting with them.” She said she’s glad that I will prevent her from such things, and she has nothing to hide. She reminded me that she does talk to me about anything and everything, and that I’m not just a mom to her, but her best friend.

LIVING AT HOME
My daughter’s only 15, but I already encourage her to stay until she’s at least 21, so that she can save money and get a good start in life. But by staying she will be productive- have chores, a job, college, and show me her savings are growing. But if your kid is 35, still lives at home, and is not disabled, but is a shiftless couch potato, it is not good of you to enable that behavior.

Make it uncomfortable for him- he does the dishes, the laundry, shovels the snow, mows the lawn. He gets an allowance for doing so- showed to him in monthly bank statements- money that he cannot have a penny of until he has successfully lived in his own apartment for three months.

TELLING ME HOW TO RAISE MY KIDS
I don’t know all the details, but it sounds to me like you didn’t do good raising her. Even a child can point out obvious things- which can be good advice. Be humble, a child is just as important as an adult, as are their words. Just be clear that since you are their authority that they can give advice, but they cannot give orders. And in giving advice they must also do so with great respect.

Parenting skills have nothing to do with a teenage girl getting pregnant. Stuff like this happens all of the time. Hopefully, this will not happen to your daughter but if it does it would not mean that you didn't do a good job of raising her. After a certain age kids will do what they want despite how well they were brought up. That's just the way it is.

 

[oldethennew]

unfortunately Tourist, you are right...but on the other hand,
the last few generations parenting skills have for the most
part taken a 'back-seat' to comforts and luxuries through
desiring 'economic-gains'...

the clans and village units have all but disappeared...
this brings such sadness as we see the results in
today's world...

 

[JosephsDreams]

There are boomerang kids and then there are anchor kids...

 

[AdolfHipster]

I mean, the daughter got pregnant when she wasn't living at home. This may or may not be a result of the parenting (or lack thereof) of the OP. I'm not sure why people are so quit to make personal assumptions when she has literally only given us a couple sentences of information.

I'm still waiting to hear back from the OP...

1.) What are the pregnant daughter's criticisms pertaining to your parenting her younger siblings?

I have about 5 more questions off the top of my head but I'd rather wait until I know more.

 

[Adstar]

My 19 year old daughter is seven months pregnant still living at home and keeps trying to tell me how to raise her younger siblings help me please

Hello P38mom. Your opening post gave the barest of minimum information for people to go on and that might explain the quality of some of the responses.. But i guess i will give some advice which may seem hard but in the end it's what will have to be done to maintain order within your household..

Here goes:: If,, and i said IF you are confident in the way you are raising your Children then you need to,, as the saying goes,, grow a spine and put your foot down and tell your 19 year old pregnant daughter in no uncertain terms who is the Boss in your household and who will be deciding on the parenting policies that will be followed under your roof...

Now if you are not confident you have the proper parenting skills then you might consider the suggestions of your 19 year old daughter... But even if you are not sure of yourself that does not mean your 19 year old daughter is a bastion of wisdom in regards to the raising of Children... Getting herself pregnant and being dependent on you for a roof over her head and soon to be a single mother does not give any confidence in the level of wisdom she has to be offering other people advice on things relation to parenting..

You are correct that your daughter is responsible for her own condition.. All a responsible parent can do is install the right moral teachings into their kids when they are young and hope and pray that this guidance they give them will stay with them during their latter teen years when it will be put to severe testing.. I guess now at lest when you talk to her younger siblings about this issue you can point to the example of their failed older sibling who seem to be now in a bad situation of being a single mother..

I hope the situation is sorted out with as less damage to all involved in your household P38mom.. May you be blessed with the wisdom and strength to deal with the situation as it unfolds..

 

[auntpoo]

As a newer member to this group, I'm a bit disappointed with some of the responses. Seeing many of them makes me hesitant to seek support in this group. Anyone who wants to criticize the OP, I'd encourage you to read John 8:2-11.
I also agree that this is NOT God's plan for the daughter's life. If it were, fornication wouldn't be a sin. I'm not judging...I was a single mom and God absolutely turned a less than desirable situation into good.

 

[oldethennew]

aunt,

please elaborate for your godly witness!!!

 

[auntpoo]

aunt,

please elaborate for your godly witness!!!

What specifically are you asking me to elaborate on?

 

[P38mom]

I mean, the daughter got pregnant when she wasn't living at home. This may or may not be a result of the parenting (or lack thereof) of the OP. I'm not sure why people are so quit to make personal assumptions when she has literally only given us a couple sentences of information.

I'm still waiting to hear back from the OP...

1.) What are the pregnant daughter's criticisms pertaining to your parenting her younger siblings?

I have about 5 more questions off the top of my head but I'd rather wait until I know more.[/QUOTE
My daughter has been through alto at the hand of her father he was an ordained minister who sexually abused her from age 8 to age ten. She thinks I go to easy on her little brother .

 

[Tommy379]

excuse me she was living on her own at the time how is it my fault I can't make her decisions for her she is legally of age to make her own and this was never about her being pregnant it was about her trying to tell me how to raise her siblings also you call yourself a believer yet you want to interfere with Gods will betaking hormones the baby is not a mistake he is Gods will for her life shame on you

Why did you mention it?
Now this issue has taken over nearly every response.

 

[preacher4truth]

My 19 year old daughter is seven months pregnant still living at home and keeps trying to tell me how to raise her younger siblings help me please

Prayers for you sister. Not sure of the spiritual status of your household, but always turning to God is a good thing!

Also, not going to condemn you and say that this child is not God's will. God most certainly allowed in his permissive will for this to take place. Imagine some here telling this child the child is not of God's will! How unwise!

There were some in Scripture, one born to a prostitute, whom God used, and knew he would use before creation. Trust in God, be in church, follow Christ, repent of what needs repented of.