Married Single Parent, When You Can't Help

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AxeElf

Active member
Mar 5, 2019
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#41
Her in-laws are 100% behind him and against her. Even threatened to call authorities and charge with being an unfit mother.
I haven't read all the comments, but I would have called THAT bluff in a heartbeat. Yeah, you go ahead and report her. We'll see who loses custody after an investigation.
 
Apr 1, 2018
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#42
Obviously you've never been in a physically abusive relationship. She isn't staying with him because he "maintains and supports her". He doesn't maintain anything except his own ego. And he certainly isn't supporting her or the kids. He probably doesn't give a [email protected] about them. He's just happy to control her, and keep her living in too much fear to ever leave him.

What he needs is a good beat down from her father and any other male family members. Maybe then he'd think twice about hitting his wife and kids. What SHE needs to do is leave, take the kids and divorce this jack donkey, but she won't. Why? Because she's scared, and doesn't want to traumatize the kids anymore than they already are.

My last ex was abusive. He got me evicted and when I told him it was over and he wasn't coming with me, he tried to strangle me. It was only by God's grace, and me kicking him in the bawlz, that he let go and left..

People will only change if they truly WANT to change. This guy wants control of his family at all costs, even if it means he kills them.


@ladybug how would you know. You don't know my life or anything about me. So I suggest you think twice before responding my comment.

I have one relative. She has a husband who has drinking problems. He however try his best to not be that violence when ever he drink or not get angry. He had a horrible childhood. The guy however is a good father to his kid. He has a wonderful realtionship with his wife. He also isn't a Christian BTW. And like to go to church.

You can actually watch on the news or read article how people are in abusive relationships. They even share their experiences.

The only reason I say the husband maintains and support the wife. Is because the wife is afraid to leave the partner. And the husband could possibly be the one who own the house and pay for every thing.
 
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#43
I really can't say why she stays with him, she gives me different reasons each time. She's an adult and I cannot make her leave her husband. Nor can my parents. As much as I wish I could I cannot. I do believe people can change with God's help,I just don't believe her husband wants to change. But again,it's up to her. I cannot make her do anything.
It her own choice and decisions. If she doesn't want to leave the husband then that her problems. You all did your part. After all she knows what type person he is and the realtionship she has gotten into.

Also I heard that some people actually enjoying getting beat up by their partners due to their pleasure.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#44
@ladybug how would you know. You don't know my life or anything about me. So I suggest you think twice before responding my comment.

I have one relative. She has a husband who has drinking problems. He however try his best to not be that violence when ever he drink or not get angry. He had a horrible childhood. The guy however is a good father to his kid. He has a wonderful realtionship with his wife. He also isn't a Christian BTW. And like to go to church.

You can actually watch on the news or read article how people are in abusive relationships. They even share their experiences.

The only reason I say the husband maintains and support the wife. Is because the wife is afraid to leave the partner. And the husband could possibly be the one who own the house and pay for every thing.

Being an alcoholic is a far cry from being a physically abusive person who hits his wife and kids, puts holes in the walls and tears up the house.. Kayla's BIL enjoys terrorizing his family and keeping control over them. If he wanted to change, he would have by now. It's been almost 20 years..
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#45
It her own choice and decisions. If she doesn't want to leave the husband then that her problems. You all did your part. After all she knows what type person he is and the realtionship she has gotten into.

Also I heard that some people actually enjoying getting beat up by their partners due to their pleasure.
As a formerly physically abused person, I can state with 100% surety, that the comment about people enjoying getting beat up by their partners is absolutely false. NOBODY enjoys getting beat up, unless they're a masochist and get off on the pain. That would actually fall into the category of S&M.

No woman enjoys having black eyes, split lips, bruises and other injuries. And no abused woman will EVER admit that it was her husband or boyfriend who gave her those injuries. There is a saying: "Snitches get stitches". And that saying is all too true, unfortunately.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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#46
What worries me most is, that one of the kids is obsessed with guns. If he's THAT obsessed, you can be positive that he either has a gun in that house OR can definitely get one. I fear that if your sister's husband doesn't end up killing her, then your nephew will end up shooting and killing his father.

This whole situation is a powder keg with a lit fuse..


I agree,but I don't know what move to make next. When he first showed signs of beating up the house,putting holes in walls etc. she should have walked then. I said then that I saw an abuse pattern where he would beat the house up,she would run to my parents,he would call and apologize and she would go back. I mentioned it but was largely ignored. Once she had the baby she went to pastors for counseling and they all told her to separate. She ignored that advice and he went on medication which was suppose to improve him. For a time it calmed things down and made it at least livable. But he doesn't stay on the meds. And when stops the meds he goes into a rage. That scares me the most for her and the kids. He turns on a dime. She said the other day he got mad about money and threw the credit card at her. She hasn't admitted that he hit her,though I wouldn't be surprised if he has,only that he "pushed her",still abuse in my book. On top of that he has emotionally abused her and his family takes part. Just before Christmas his sister got mad at her and created hell in the family for her,telling her her own family (us) don't love her. I'm so fed up with it all I just want to go down and clean house.

She has said that she can't upset the kids by moving them from their home. She'd have to leave because his parents live in the next yard and his brother in the next yard. So she'd have no choice but to move. I still keep telling her staying is worse for the boys. I just don't feel like I'm getting through. My husband has my back but it's like pushing a bolder up hill with my parents. It's like they feel it's up to her and their hands are tied. So if they won't move what else can be done. When she told me he threatened suicide I kept it from them at her request. But when I spoke to my father about her leaving him he shrugged it off and I told him what he had done. He was concerned for sure. He said "If he kills my daughter,I'll kill him". And I asked why are they waiting for that to happen? Too little too late. What if he kills her and the boys? Then what? Why are we waiting for it to happen? The red flags are there. Yet they still seem to be saying pray and let God work it out. smh Frustrating.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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#47
Being an alcoholic is a far cry from being a physically abusive person who hits his wife and kids, puts holes in the walls and tears up the house.. Kayla's BIL enjoys terrorizing his family and keeping control over them. If he wanted to change, he would have by now. It's been almost 20 years..

I agree,I don't know why no one but my husband and I see it. He has told my sister he has an apartment. I believe the only reason he hasn't divorced her is he has just finished paying alimony for his daughter and doesn't want to start with the boys. I feel like his family is going to try and take the kids from her,they tried with his daughter. So there is that angle too. The thing is I have seen the holes he put in the walls and he admitted to doing it. But I don't know if that is proof that can be used in court. I didn't see him to it. She never documented it. She'd just patch it up till he did it again. I told him if he tried that in my house his head would be following it. smh So I worry what proof we have to take to court. He admitted to my mother that he took the youngest boy and held him up against the wall by his throat. I don't get it,I love my parents,I honor them, but if my SIL admitted doing that to my grandchild he'd be looking for his teeth for a week. Try it again and we're going to have a come to Jesus moment. I would not have allowed my daughter to run from her marriage. If it's abusive,go to counseling,if there is no change, divorce. But 17yrs down the road we're still on this crazy cycle.

I have a sneaking suspicion something is going on behind the scenes. She says she doesn't have enough for groceries yet he has a good paying job. They just mortgaged their house. So where is the money going? He owns a plane that he said he would sell, but now he refuses to even though they barely have enough to eat. He's selfish on every level. It makes me so angry!!
 
Apr 1, 2018
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#48
Being an alcoholic is a far cry from being a physically abusive person who hits his wife and kids, puts holes in the walls and tears up the house.. Kayla's BIL enjoys terrorizing his family and keeping control over them. If he wanted to change, he would have by now. It's been almost 20 years..
G
As a formerly physically abused person, I can state with 100% surety, that the comment about people enjoying getting beat up by their partners is absolutely false. NOBODY enjoys getting beat up, unless they're a masochist and get off on the pain. That would actually fall into the category of S&M.

No woman enjoys having black eyes, split lips, bruises and other injuries. And no abused woman will EVER admit that it was her husband or boyfriend who gave her those injuries. There is a saying: "Snitches get stitches". And that saying is all too true, unfortunately.
I said some people. I didn't say most people who enjoy physical abusive. There are people who actually like it. Due to being sexual pleasure for them and a turn on.

Alcoholic People are also capable in damages their partners through emotionally and mentally as well which also considered to be abused.

You think that being abused realtionship. Happened to be just hitting and throwing things in the wall. It actually more into with. Which people can abused their partners such as sexually, mentally and emotionally as well.

One example was an 18 year old girl who was on Dr Phil Show. Who actually boosted how awesome it is how her boyfriend given her a black eye.

 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#49
So basically he not only controls her but the finances too, keeping her dependent on him for everything. :( And with her inlaws literally next door, there's no way in heck that she could get away without them seeing and alerting her hubby. There is no way that he isn't hitting her, even if it's only once in awhile. This is gonna end badly, and somebody is gonna get killed..
 
Apr 1, 2018
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#50
I agree,but I don't know what move to make next. When he first showed signs of beating up the house,putting holes in walls etc. she should have walked then. I said then that I saw an abuse pattern where he would beat the house up,she would run to my parents,he would call and apologize and she would go back. I mentioned it but was largely ignored. Once she had the baby she went to pastors for counseling and they all told her to separate. She ignored that advice and he went on medication which was suppose to improve him. For a time it calmed things down and made it at least livable. But he doesn't stay on the meds. And when stops the meds he goes into a rage. That scares me the most for her and the kids. He turns on a dime. She said the other day he got mad about money and threw the credit card at her. She hasn't admitted that he hit her,though I wouldn't be surprised if he has,only that he "pushed her",still abuse in my book. On top of that he has emotionally abused her and his family takes part. Just before Christmas his sister got mad at her and created hell in the family for her,telling her her own family (us) don't love her. I'm so fed up with it all I just want to go down and clean house.

She has said that she can't upset the kids by moving them from their home. She'd have to leave because his parents live in the next yard and his brother in the next yard. So she'd have no choice but to move. I still keep telling her staying is worse for the boys. I just don't feel like I'm getting through. My husband has my back but it's like pushing a bolder up hill with my parents. It's like they feel it's up to her and their hands are tied. So if they won't move what else can be done. When she told me he threatened suicide I kept it from them at her request. But when I spoke to my father about her leaving him he shrugged it off and I told him what he had done. He was concerned for sure. He said "If he kills my daughter,I'll kill him". And I asked why are they waiting for that to happen? Too little too late. What if he kills her and the boys? Then what? Why are we waiting for it to happen? The red flags are there. Yet they still seem to be saying pray and let God work it out. smh Frustrating.
Can't you all let your sister move in with you along the boy. Until you all figured out what to do with the husband first. The husband need to be placed in a mental hospital. Seeing how he threatened to kill himself and being off med. I'm guessing he has some psychological issues.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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#51
So basically he not only controls her but the finances too, keeping her dependent on him for everything. :( And with her inlaws literally next door, there's no way in heck that she could get away without them seeing and alerting her hubby. There is no way that he isn't hitting her, even if it's only once in awhile. This is gonna end badly, and somebody is gonna get killed..
Yes,she has no job and never really had anything in the way of professional work. I'm talked out with my family over this. Talked to my mother again today and all she says is "she's an adult,I can't force her to go,she'll know when the time is right." Everyone is in denial. :(
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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#52
Can't you all let your sister move in with you along the boy. Until you all figured out what to do with the husband first. The husband need to be placed in a mental hospital. Seeing how he threatened to kill himself and being off med. I'm guessing he has some psychological issues.

Oh he has issues, no doubt. His father beat his mother,so passed down to him I guess. I have a big enough place that they could stay but I can't make her leave. I've told her we're here in any way she needs us. Still she will not leave. I believe she's not leaving for two reasons 1. she loves him and hopes he'll change 2. She doesn't want to admit the marriage is a failure and have to move home or in with me. I'm afraid pride might be holding her there.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#53
Abused women ALWAYS believe that their partner will change. That he will stop if SHE is good and doesn't make him mad. This clown cares only for himself, and nothing about your sister or nephews. I wish she could step back and see this whole situation clearly.

What is your nephew's YT channel name? I'd like to see just how serious his gun obsession is..
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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#54
Abused women ALWAYS believe that their partner will change. That he will stop if SHE is good and doesn't make him mad. This clown cares only for himself, and nothing about your sister or nephews. I wish she could step back and see this whole situation clearly.

What is your nephew's YT channel name? I'd like to see just how serious his gun obsession is..

I'll Pm it to you....
 
Apr 1, 2018
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#55
Yes,she has no job and never really had anything in the way of professional work. I'm talked out with my family over this. Talked to my mother again today and all she says is "she's an adult,I can't force her to go,she'll know when the time is right." Everyone is in denial. :(
I was right about the part of husband maintaining her. She clearly has no job and she clearly rely on her husband to support. Despite she doesn't have any place for her to go. And refused to move out. If her husband make alot of money or possible wealthy. Then that probably the reasons why she doesn't want to divorce him.

A true victims would immediately seek help from a friend, family or someone they can trust.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#56
She doesn't care if he's wealthy or not. Without him, she can't support her kids. Most women don't want to divorce, especially abused women. They're brainwashed into staying with their abuser, no matter what..

That's why "a true victim" won't seek help from anyone. Especially if they truly believe their partner can change.
 
Apr 1, 2018
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#57
She doesn't care if he's wealthy or not. Without him, she can't support her kids. Most women don't want to divorce, especially abused women. They're brainwashed into staying with their abuser, no matter what..

That's why "a true victim" won't seek help from anyone. Especially if they truly believe their partner can change.
A true victim would always try to seek help from other no matter what.

What about the people who has been bullied, sucidial, depressed or raped? They would sometimes try to find someone who they can counsel them through their difficulty and their situation.
 
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#58
She doesn't care if he's wealthy or not. Without him, she can't support her kids. Most women don't want to divorce, especially abused women. They're brainwashed into staying with their abuser, no matter what..

That's why "a true victim" won't seek help from anyone. Especially if they truly believe their partner can change.
The husband has a job. The sis has made so many excuses why she won't leave her husband. She say that the divorce will affect the children. Her own mom even said that she an adult. Kayla even said that her own sister doesn't even have a job not even a professional job.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#59
A true victim would always try to seek help from other no matter what.

What about the people who has been bullied, sucidial, depressed or raped? They would sometimes try to find someone who they can counsel them through their difficulty and their situation.
Amber, I have lifelong depression, I've been suicidal before AND I've been tied up and raped. Until recently my family had no clue about my suicidal thoughts or depression. I kept it all inside and didn't turn to anyone. Not until I couldn't handle it on my own anymore. Then I turned it all over to God and He pulled me out of the dark pit that I had been in for more than half my life..

The difference between me and Kayla's sister is, even though I've been physically abused, I wasn't brainwashed into staying like her sister is.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#60
The husband has a job. The sis has made so many excuses why she won't leave her husband. She say that the divorce will affect the children. Her own mom even said that she an adult. Kayla even said that her own sister doesn't even have a job not even a professional job.
Apparently you don't fathom how difficult it is to flee an abuser, especially when there are children involved. So what if she doesn't have a paying job? Her job is to be a mother to her kids, and keep them out of harm's way. It isn't as easy as packing a bag and taking the kids and leaving. Much of the time, they either end up coming back, or the partner finds them and kills them.

I know of a case where a woman fled her abusive husband and went to her sister in law's house. The husband went to his sister's house, killed his wife AND his sister's husband, right in front of his own daughter. He made her watch her mama and uncle get murdered.

Fear and brainwashing will make a victim stay with their abuser, even if it means losing their life. I'm one of the luckier ones, by God's grace my ex didn't kill me when he tried to strangle me when I ended things with him for good.