My "Perfect Wife" had an affair.

[shotgunner]

I get it now... I just never considered that angle.. Someone like myself just never needs to worry about a woman doing anything questionable around me, but Shotgunner is probably good looking and needs to beat the ladies off with a stick

Now that really is funny! No, I'm not so puffed up as that, and I never thought the lady was so desperate as to try a move on me. It was simply something I did to honor both her and her husband.

 

[Bushido8000]

That sounds extremely sad to me.. Your not trusted enough to help a church lady out without your mother chaperoning you? Unless there is a previous incident of infidelity, that seems extreme. But I guess its one way of keeping your spouse faithful.

This is actually pretty common protocol for many Christian couples. It's the protocol for my wife and I and it's self-instilled. She could care less if I was in the presence of another woman alone, but I would have a problem with it. Same deal with her, I could care less if she was in the presence of men, but she cares.

Look at it like this, rumors get started over NOTHING. If a colleague sees you hanging out with another woman and says to her girlfriend "I think that Dan guy might be having an affair with that woman", her girlfriend will tell her girlfriend, and so on. Under the famous game structure of "Telephone", eventually the rumor is going to turn into "Dan is having an affair with that woman". It's just about conducting yourself in a safe manner.

 

[Bound4Glory]

You all have been awesome to read through. I made this thread without my wife knowing but after seeing how many people responded I let her read it all, it opened up alot of doors that we had not crossed yet and it really helped us. We have decided to try and save our marriage. Understanding that it's going to be a long process. Personally my emotions go up and down like a roller coaster for a couple hours I will be okay, not normal, but okay. And then all it takes is one mental image and I go into a short rage and then feel like I'm back to zero. If anyone has any tips at all to help with the mental visuals I would love to hear them,
again thank you all your words have already helped us start to save our marriage.

I do understand what you are going through. I have had a similar hardship in my marriage; however, it's a bit different. The woman my husband was having an affair with was my neighbor for over 15 years. He says that they never kissed or nor had sex but to have an emotional affair is just as worst to me. I am suppose to be his friend, the one he comes to when he's feeling down or good. It's hard because though he acknowledged it and she denied it. I found out when I answer his cell phone in a man voice that she failed to catch. She began some perverted sexual talk; I was dumbfounded and just hung up the phone immediately. I then went to my husband and asked him what was going on. He began to instantly deny that they had anything going on and that he was going to tell her to never again call his phone. Later that week I told him that I had spoken to her and without me saying anything he began to confess the over two year phone affair. I called her and she didn't answer her phone I then called her husband and he too was hurt and finally she called me back then I put my husband on the phone and he told her that they had been talking while all alone she denied it and she even denied that I heard her perverted sex talk. I've spoken to her husband from across the street; however, she's always turns her head. The funny thing is I keep praying for God to give me heart for forgiveness because I have forgiven many things in my life; however, with this its so different because there are years of memories. We, I thought were friends for over fifteen years they have came over our house and we have gone over to there's. It's only takes a word or smell to think about this so called phone affair. I'm desperately trying to overcome my feelings of hurt I sometimes wonder if I'll ever get over it. I went back to school and finished a MS degree but I'm afraid to go to work. I'm often looking out the window to see if he's looking over at her house, checking his phone, you know this is consuming me it has taking away me. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm a Christian I go to church every week volunteer for hospice. I am stuck and just don't know. I haven't talked to anyone because I'm so embarrassed that this happened to me, the Christian, the grandmother, the good neighbor. My husband iis a deacon and he goes to church even when I can't make but I wonder if he's trying to date some of the single women there. I'm upset whenever I see him talking to a sister at church. We've been together for twenty-five years, what happened? I need prayer, intercessory PRAYER.

 

[iveseenworse]

here's what the bible says to do if your interested: jer 3:1, duet 24:2-4. the new test says return is optional but i interpret it as if no sex took place. personally i have 0 tolerance for adultery. i pray for peace for you two, conviction and repentance for the other man. conviction and commitment for this nation.

 

[purpose]

Bound4Glory,


I am praying for you!

 

[carolb]

Can you & your wife pray together? Many people will have different views & experiences therefore offering so many different opinions. Remember in order to not be conflicted, always go to God first & foremost. He will lead & guide you both. Trust in Him first and foremost. Counselling is good too (Pastor or Counsellor of your faith). You mentioned the feelings of up & down emotions & what you should do with that; talk with God. You can talk to Him, just like you would talk to your best friend. He already knows your heart. Try not to let us humans influence such an important decision in the unity of your marriage. I'm Praying for the both of you.

 

[GaryCQ]

My wife and I got married very young at the age of 19, we got married because we were both strong christians and it just felt right. But just two days ago my wife had an affair with another man, it was brief but had been building for months as they would text and flirt back and forth. On Tuesday my wife took the day off from work to work on school work for her masters program. Little did I know she also told this other man she was taking the day off, he decided to drive from Ohio to Iowa for the chance to be alone with my wife. Once here they talked for 25.minutes then it intensified as they started to kiss and then he took her pants off, this is all from what my wife has told me, she said he then trusted twice and then she pushed him off and immidiatly felt regret. She then told me what happened on wednesday, my first reaction was shock, and then it proceeded to forgiveness, but it didn't stop there, my emotions are literally everywhere. One minute it seems okay, other moments I want a divorce. I still haven't fully come to grips with this because if you knew my wif you would never think she would do this. It doesn't make sense for her, it's opposite of the woman I fell in love with. We are going to do counseling and talk to our families. But I'm still undecided on if I can go on with this, as any who has gone through this, the worst part is visualizing what happened. The images hurt the worst, but right now I'm seeking fellowship. Please pray for us, I don't know you and you don't know us but my faith is shaken and it fells like everything I've ever built is falling apart. If you have questions just ask I'll do my best to answer them.
Thanks for all the support!

My wife and I got married very young at the age of 19, we got married because we were both strong christians and it just felt right. But just two days ago my wife had an affair with another man, it was brief but had been building for months as they would text and flirt back and forth. On Tuesday my wife took the day off from work to work on school work for her masters program. Little did I know she also told this other man she was taking the day off, he decided to drive from Ohio to Iowa for the chance to be alone with my wife. Once here they talked for 25.minutes then it intensified as they started to kiss and then he took her pants off, this is all from what my wife has told me, she said he then trusted twice and then she pushed him off and immidiatly felt regret. She then told me what happened on wednesday, my first reaction was shock, and then it proceeded to forgiveness, but it didn't stop there, my emotions are literally everywhere. One minute it seems okay, other moments I want a divorce. I still haven't fully come to grips with this because if you knew my wif you would never think she would do this. It doesn't make sense for her, it's opposite of the woman I fell in love with. We are going to do counseling and talk to our families. But I'm still undecided on if I can go on with this, as any who has gone through this, the worst part is visualizing what happened. The images hurt the worst, but right now I'm seeking fellowship. Please pray for us, I don't know you and you don't know us but my faith is shaken and it fells like everything I've ever built is falling apart. If you have questions just ask I'll do my best to answer them.
Thanks for all the support!

I have found in my 80 years with 50 of it belonging to Jesus my Lord that if He isn't your constant companion and the guardian of your soul then it is very possible for sin to infect your marriage no matter how much you profess Jesus, sin is to strong and ALWAYS waiting for that one moment of weakness to pounce! Like a snake striking fast with little time to react sin sinks its fangs deep into you. Then the venom pours into you leaving you helpless. This is the way it is when when your self confidence in your own personal Salvation overtakes the reality of His Protection. What I'm saying is no matter how good of a Christian you are you only have the Holy Spirit who can protect you in any moment of weakness or lapse. From personal experience I can tell you He is there and will prevent any sin from defeating you at these times! But He can't be there to protect you from those hidden moments when our own feeling of your own strength of belief will keep sin away from you. No one is that strong no matter what they profess, no one, not even you! Don't seek vengeance let the Lord be your Vengeance for only His is Real and believe me it is complete and just. He knows the reality of the situation and will Judge Fairly but with strength, truth and love. Remember Truth and Love with absolutely NO WEAKNESS! Let those moments of feelings of betrayal be replaced by the Power of His Presence. Let the Strength of His Presence be the Guiding Force that leads you, never weakness but Strength. From experience I tell you only He can take away that searing pain of betrayal that any form of infidelity has in it! Turn it over to the Lord of Strength, Truth, Love and Justice for all else leads to destruction.
I Love You
Gary Q

 

[Blackpowderduelist]

This is one of the hardest things a man can have to deal with.
You can however recover.
Do not talk to your families about it, if you hope to recover.
Do however get pastoral care.
It's a long hard road back to trust, but it can be worth the trip. You can recover and your marriage can be better than ever.

 

[MoonCresta]

Woah - I will pray for you. I cannot imagine. You do what your faith compels you to do: stay/go.

 

[SophieT]

did anyone notice this thread is from 2015?

I suppose the content is still sadly relevant though

 

[Magenta]

did anyone notice this thread is from 2015?

Yes... and it was nice to be reminded of so many that are, for one reason or another, no longer with us

 

[Jocund]

did anyone notice this thread is from 2015?

I suppose the content is still sadly relevant though

It would have been interesting to hear about how this situation evolved over the last half decade.

 

[MatthewWestfieldUK]

There's no such thing as the "perfect wife" or "perfect husband." If this affair has been building up for several months, then why is she only NOW feeling guilty? It took alot of courage for her to tell you, because she could have easily left you oblivious about the whole thing. If I were you, I'd get tested for any STD's she may have contracted from this guy. I highly doubt they used protection. People usually don't, especially when they're all hot and bothered. It's good that you have forgiven her, but your marriage no longer has trust in it. Without trust, there is no marriage. It's up to you whether to divorce her or not, but do you want to take the risk of this happening again?

I think you are 100% right in saying that there is no such thing as perfect. I think were communication breaks down people become vulnerable. As a young man in church I was approached several times buy married women who who were talking as friends that were meeting in secret with me me. Recently I think things have got worse where couples are starting to use this phrase open relationship.

 

[SophieT]

It would have been interesting to hear about how this situation evolved over the last half decade.

there is plenty of other drama in the family forum without needing to examine the private lives of people who have been absent for years